i'd presume that i wasn't up to getting expert in the kitchen
if i took my world cuisine wednesday options,
weighed them,
and chose italian.
i mean,
c'mon.
too easy.
so,
instead,
i got busy, got angry,
chose the wrench,
and got to cooking.
uh huh.
world cuisine wednesday: italy.
fat fatter and fattest.
that's for real.
check the teleport:
duders,
in the way back,
smothered in a tomato magic disguise,
that's herb-batter-dredged and breadcrumbed eggplant,
with a stripe of thinned out and spread on chee',
baked up for our enjoyment!
......not quite.
i don't even normally really like eggplant all that much anyway,
but this was especially uninteresting.
and i left the skins on because somebody said it'd be fine.
(it wasn't)
so,
that sucked a little.
i still ate it-
i'm not gonna let myself off the hook that easily.
yeah.
from scratch pasta sauce, too kids,
slow simmered all damned day long,
with all the herbs and spices and salt and pepper and pulverized bits
of onion and carrot and garlic, etc. etc. etc.
a good sauce is key,
and a manly marinara was my mission.
we all enjoyed that thoroughly.
in the front,
there's browned baby portobello muchrooms,
absolutely bedazzled with acres of fresh garlic,
refried with wilted arugala,
and drenched in garlic infused olive oil.
the activated oil comes courtesy of the righteous rosemary-laced
gastronomically astronomical garlic bread in the back corner.
mmmhmmmm.
fried-up whole garlic cloves,
low heat ennervated, and seeping their tasty bits into the oil for a long while.
i brushed all i could onto that country italian loaf (c'mon)
and then drizzled the rest on the mushrooms.
expert mutha-'uckers put the right pieces in place where applicable.
that's real.
what's italy without pasta?
b!tch-ass weak watery babyism, that's what.
and we can't hang out with that, can we?
nope.
so,
in the interest of keeping it really real,
i fired up a big ol' vegan lasagna.
four cups of basil-heavy sauce,
two pounds of specially-designed italian tofu chee',
with daiya-rrhea accents throughout.
yeah.
but that's not all, y'all.
i took it up a level,
and added in sauteed asparagus,
and thinly sliced zucchini discs,
and heaps of baby spinach,
and an extra large onion's worth of caramelized strips.
too much is the right amount,
and i made sure we mixed all the right stuff together.
i'm just sayin'-
there are a whole mess of different treats on that plate,
and i saved the very best one for last.
kids,
i invented a whole new vegan meatball.
uh huh.
ground tempeh, purees with shallots and garlic,
cooked for a little minute,
then soaked and simmered in a tasty bath of tamari, tomato juice,
nootch, spices, white wine vinegar, brothy boillon bits,
and a splash of smokiness.
i cooked all that until it was saturated and situated
as one homogenized pot of hottness,
and then i added it to vital wheat gluten seasoned into the heavens
with all sorts of accurate and appropriate herbs and spices and sh!t-
the ensuing mass was a mess of wet crumbly and incredibly accurate textures.
(the guy who said about the eggplant skins suggested the tempeh, too.+/-50%.)
i baled it all up after kneading in some minced up parsley,
and put nine fatty rounds in a small square baking pan,
with a thin steamable splash of broth in the bottom,
and baked 'em for an hour alongside the 'sagna.
friends,
there was so much heavy-dutygoodness in every flippin' thing.
the meaty meatlike bits,
the garlic in every single thing,
the boss sauce bathing all the bits in excellence.
seriously,
five kinds of stuffs,
four of which were elite,
and all of which were edible if not rave-reviewable.....
world cuisine wednesday is a lot of work.
and i had too much happening,
including remaking cakes for dessert,
and that was just another 'nother added degree of difficulty.
it's hard but it's worth it.
if it's easy, nobody cares,
but if i can make it all look easy,
despite it being a major mess?
well,
showmanship counts for a lot.
it's all really happening.
that's the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....
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