sugar.

neighbors,
it all progresses apace.
i mean,
somehow,
i've been dropping the number of tattoos i do every day by one.
and i've been increasing the movie checks proportionately.
that means tattoos that don't suck are fewer,
but they fill up my days a good deal more.
anyway-
i had brunch with my friend.
and i'll tell y'all somethin'.
i hate tourists.
i do.
really.
i love traveling, don't misunderstand me.
it's just that tourists don't do anything good.
they have to bring their whole family out,
lust to look at the rocks and the trees and the grass,
and to wonder what menus are,
and to marvel at the fresh air their slack-jaws are mouth-breathing in.
ugh.
that's not okay,
families.
children and old people complicate everything,
with extra ins and outs and twice the time needed to do anything at all.
and when everybody is herded out of their vehicle,
they just stand around looking at stuff.
and that's terrible, too.
why they don't plan anything beforehand.....ever?
i watch 'em all huddle up.
on the fly, in the middle of the street, in the entryway to any establishment-
just calling an audible assembly of the peoples democratic electorate of the
whole dumb family- with those same dumb kids getting equal votes.
children aren't real delegates, they're lobbyists.
self-serving reprehensible manipulators.
when they take YOU on vacation, then they get to decide what you do.
and only then, and not one time before that.
up here,
there's really just one road.
in theory, that means you've gotta be able to decipher where you're going
with relative ease, since it has to be along that straight strip of asphalt.
no.
c'mon.
don't you dare assume that simplifying the map makes navigating any easier.
there is just so damned much traffic clogging up the whole flippin' place,
while they meander aimlessly at a crawl along the thoroughfares,
thoroughly ruining my odds of getting where i need to be,
because they don't need to be anywhere.
fat kids and old people and fat people and old kids and whoever else-
they are all up here trying to find a piece of riverside sand to park their paunch on,
and rip a few beers while they turn red and yell at each other.
sure, sure, SURE....
it only lasts a few months,
and i did choose to live in an idyllic vacation paradise,
inundated with the allure of duty-free shopping facilities,
and festooned with remarkable natural splendor.
i would've liked to get into the cafe without three trips around the town first, tho.
uh-huh.
the place wasn't even half-full of diners, either,
so i don't know what all those road-hoggin' artery-cloggin' logs were jammin' to,
but all of 'em were in my way, coming and going and coming again.
yuck.
*
personally,
i don't like ineffective, indigent indignant ignorant lingering.
so i don't do that.
maybe i should be more tolerant of stoopidheads?
no.
F* that, kids.
maybe ten seconds worth of research would save everyone
ten hours of hating themselves and their lives, instead,
have your kid look for where you're headed on his phone for you.
yeah.
that's right.
the phone he's been 'tarding off on the whole ride up here.
put that plump little sportsfan to work, y'all.
i promise it won't kill him,
and it just might keep us from killing you.
the life you save could be your own.
***********
anyway,
i did this to todd.
it took a while, because of all the effing lines.
teleport:

yep.
flat styles,
tiny front teeth,
colors and colors and colors.
bent over a burly shinbone.
so, as usual, i took a picture but it is a little bit bent up an' that.
that's my thing these days, i think.
and all of it,
the lines,
the expert conversation,
the ridicule of individuals wearing acid-washed high-waisted weak-sauce shorts
(because that's what poor people do)
was how we spanned the first half of our day.
together, activating, inflicting, and enduring-
being both obdurate and obtuse in alternating acts-
which, honestly was a welcome warm-up before all the armchair philosophy
with which i filled the rest of my day.
thinking is doing something,
just not really something very good.
awwwwwww.
it was nice to have a chance to cramp my crimped up crabbed ham-hands,
after crunching my fists in frustrated fury for the hour before work,
riling myself up and down the road, circling like a shark for a spot in town....
*
the full moon might be summoning the sorcerous slander and scandal from my skin.
it is crawling with moonbeam mayhem and thunder is rolling off of my tongue like spit.
hot fire and lightning are what i'm dreaming about,
and the afterimage is superimposed well past the time i've awakened.
i guess today is the day.
just like every day.
get ready;
never quiet, never soft.....