NOODIES!!

what to do, what to do....
that's how dinner usually begins.
i'm pacing, and wondering if i should even go to the trouble
of concocting a big batch of super-hottness,
or just dominate a whole bag of crisps or something instead.
and most of the time,
super-hottness has a way of winning that decision with alacrity.
dudes!
i wasn't even feelin' it, until i was feedin' it into my fat head,
but holy sh!t did i do a good thing-
that's real.
i made some makeshift thai-style noods,
and they were spicy like a mofo.
mmmmmmmmmmmm.
flat rice noodles were the base of my meal,
but all the exxxtras are what made it feel like i was some sort of champion.
seared and charred and totally awesome,
i had veggies and i had tofu and i had motha-effin' SAUCE.
those are the things that make me psyched.
take a look at what i had poppin',
and then try to tell me i don't have a knack for this stuff:

NOODZ!
neighbors,
a good noodle dish can make or break a good day.
i mean it.
if this hadn't been pure fire,
i mightve gone to bed in despair instead of in a glorious haze of full-bellied fatness.
yumyumYUM.
first, i sizzled all sides of those terrific tofu triangles in coconut oil,
and when they were golden and crisp,
i set them to the side, while i used the rest of that oil
to get the veggies crackin'-
i had half a sweet onion, chopped;
with two cups of cabbage, roughly hacked into chunks.
that got slightly soft, and black on one side,
before i added
2 stalks of bias-cut celery,
1 small orange bell pepper, slivered,
and both red and green chilis sliced the same way,
once that was all sizzling?
that's when i added half a cup of cubed zucchini,
and half a small shredded carrot.
word up, friends-
that little one sided very hot stir fry jammie jamboree was making my mouth water
-now,
prepared rice noodles get a rinse after boiling, to prevent starchy gumminess,
but that takes like, six minutes...
so while they were bubbling in their pot,
i had a sweet basil SAUCE ready to drop in on those veggies to finish the job.
mmhmm.
-
*
HOT AND SOUR SAUCE!!!
-\
2 T sriracha;
1 T soy;
2 T agave;
1 tsp red pepper flakes;
mustard powder, coriander, and cayenne;
1/2 tsp ea GPOP;
black pepper;
2 T chili-garlic paste;
3 T rice vinegar;
3 T finely ripped basil (don't cut it, that's disrespectful)
^it's so good, you'll want to drink it^
-
add that to the pan,
cover it, and in one minute, everything is ready.
rinsed noodles, stirred right in, with that tofu added at the end?
c'mon.
that's something special.
but, rules is rules.
so i didn't stop there, my friends.
nope.
there's cilantro, and paper-thin purple cabbage,
AND jalapeno sprankles.
yuuuuuuuuup.
too much is the right amount,
and this was almost too much awesome for one man to consume.
....almost.
***********
the party wasn't over yet, either.
guys,
that's deep fried cauliflower on the left.
i said,
that's DEEP FRIED CAULIFLOWER on the left.
woooooooo!!!
half a head of cauliflower cut into bite-sized bits.
dredged in a batter of barbarian burliness:
a spoonful of flour;
a spoonful of cornstarch;
a spoonful of chia/flaxmeal;
salt;
paprika;
cayenne;
red pepper flakes;
soymilk.......
heck yes.
then, they got dropped into a vat of furiously fiery oil,
and sizzled until they got good and golden.
which is when they got transferred into a bowl of expert vegan glaze!!!
YES.
that's equal parts sriracha and agave,
plus a dash of sesame oil,
which gets all sticky when activated by piping hot oil-activated florets.
fresh to death almost doesn't even come close to describing the flavor.
real talk,
with cilantro, and shaved celery shards,
AND toasted two-tone sossamon sesame seed sprankles?!?!?!
THE TRUTH IS IN MY KITCHEN, kids.
***********
look, folks-
i'm just some dude trying to get rad with my food.
i'm nothing special,
and i don't kid myself into thinking otherwise.
however,
if i can do it, you can do it,
and if we;re all doing it,
then it's bound to get easier, and better, and more awesome.
i'm just sayin'.
let's get more awesome....together;
never quiet, never soft.....