Wednesday, November 8


who knows?
maybe you're the type who doesn't hang out with cake?
that's not my problem, but it IS a problem.
i mean, have you ever even had cake?!
c'mon, neighbors.
cake is good.
and soft, moist, rich cake is expert AF.
whenever i want some cake, i just up and make one.
that's real.
but first i give a little moment over to silent gratitude.
yes, i do.
because i always have the ingredients to make cake right at my fingertips,
and that's an awfully fortunate position to be in...
i'm an obsessive hobby baker, so the odds are better than average that
sugar, butterish, flour, salt, and so on are at the ready.....
but still,
cake is a luxury, and i am luxurious as well.
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress is the best place for indulgences
like constant cake-ing to take place, and since that's where i reside,
it stands to reason that cake time is just about all the time.
this time,
it's a vanilla-bean and brown sugar crumb,
with coconut and chocolate coconut frosting to complete the look.
ok, sure, AND shredded coconut sprankles, too.
rules is rules after all...
MORE cake is all there needs to be.
here's a picture of the one i just made,
so you can get as excited as i do about how much deliciousness
is practically exxxploding out of every inch of it:

cake is always invited, and always attends.
the crumb is so simple, but so good-
here's the way to have some for yourself, with fairly minimal effort:
preheat your oven to 360℉
in your faithfully diligent stand mixer, cream:
1 cup light brown sugar;
2 tsp vanilla bean paste;
1/2 tsp salt;
8 T vegan butter substitute (earth balance);
add 2/3 cup vanilla non-dairy yogurt;
which together, then add:
2 1/2 cups flour;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 tsp baking powder;
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
>1 cup non-dairy milk + 1 T lemon juice, stirred and rested five minutes.
whip whisk whiz whir and whorl all of that into an airy batter,
and dump it into your chosen receptacles.
i used smaller springforms, for taller sexier cake,
but most other pans'd work, to.
grease e'm, though, because sticky cake is for amateurs, bro.
don't make that mistake, especially now that you've been warned.
bake your tins for 30ish minutes, or until a tester comes out clean.
cool e'm before you frost 'em, or you're gonna have a runny loser-fest
instead of a tremendous victual victory.
and about that frosting:
it's expert.
coconut frosting is always bangin',
and this creamy batch of cool hottness kept the streak going-
make it yourself, son:
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar;
3 T finely ground coconut;
coconut extract;
4-5 T vegan butts-
and then,
when the center of the cakes were frosted, and the topmost surface, too,
that's when i got motivated to get it going even harder.
i added a few tablespoons of cocoa to the remainder,.
and turned it up to eleven.
y'gotta make an effort, man.
ANYbody can have a bullsh!t cake,
but that makes you a bullsh!t person.
don't be like that.
because i am well aware of how to correctly present a cake to the universe,
i hit it with those flaky unsweetened coconut sprankles....
word up.
it's never ideal.
what i mean, is:
i'm a natural-born fault-finding complainer.
it's got to be genetic, as i come from a long line people of predisposed to dissatisfaction.
do you understand?
ok, i'll set up the scene for you:
i've got tattoos to do.
big ones.
great big black and grey half sleeves.
that's good, right?
what are they tattoos of?
they're too complicated (50% their choices 50% my accommodation of said choices);
they all contain waaaaay too many lines (100% my fault);
there's heaps of personal meaning (100% their fault)....
all of that stuff.
...and you guys probably think that's awesome, right?
i know you do.
here's the thing-
what i reallllllly like are tattoos that don't mean sh!t.
i'm serious.
not one lick of deep momentous justification for getting fresh with the skin pics, man.
no jokes.
just looking cool and appreciating unique art is NOT a crime.
it doesn't ever have to be a spiritual vision quest of meaning and destiny an' that.
in fact,
the coolest tattoos, on the coolest people NEVER are.
that's some behind the scenes tattoo-world insight for you, buddy.
yes, i'm very grateful for all the work flooding the scene,
and yes, i feel compelled to bring the thunder on all these uniquely personal mementos
of interconnected familial piety and so on,
i know where i want to steer the remainder of the year,
and i'm at the helm trying to decide if i'm a russian icebreaker
intentionally hitting all these icebergs of intermediate enjoyment
on my voyage to somewhere better,
or if i'm the titanic, getting sideswiped and sunk by the same subsurface perils
that portentous half-sleevery presents.
maybe a few of y'all ca just come get some mostly-meaningless extra-cool tattoos?
wouldn't that be neat?
i think so.
your call, i s'pose.
that's the hardest part about being the boss.
i feel obligated to do it all.
it's all really happening after all,
good, bad, better, or worse, and that's sort of the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....

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