ugh.
it's arguably the dumbest month.
with gray skies,
cold creepin',
raking,
and time travel back to the darkest darkness.....
yup,
it's sort of a real F*ing A*-hole...
...except for the celebratory shark-glutton gorge-out festival
of gratitude and generosity at the end there...
that's cool,
but really,
one feisty fat-as-hell feast can't carry the rest of the month.
nope. not one bit.
yet, here we are, again.
don't worry, i'm still saying the spoken words of the spell that sounds out
the symbolic summoning of those intense, intentional, invocational positive attractions
for all the good vibes, feels, and stuff;
that surely includes, but is not limited to:
cultivated coincidence,
arduous yet ardorous active participation,
and fostered favorable fortunes.
naturally.
because rules is rules,
and when it's the first day of the new page on the calendar,
we say the thing that sets the tone.
yup.
i spit it out loud, past my lips, pursed and pointed and powerful:
rabbit! rabbit!
and that's how i know that i'm going to dominate this day, week, and month,
from the first to the last of it.
and speaking of last days-
mischief night was the last meal i made for the month.
mmhmm.
i was otherwise occupied with the costume crunch,
and the culmination of a slew of sleepless and mentally detrimental all-night
fume-huffing hot-glue-burn-salving problem-solving velcro vexations,
and cooking was quite simply NOT on the schedule.
when your headspace is already crowded to the point of leakage,
there's just no room for eating in there, y'know?
*gasp*
yeah, that's right.
i eff with hallowe'en even harder than i eff with baking.
try that on for size, neighbors.
ANYway,
instead of egging people (ew.) and/or toilet papering anything besides my b-hole on hell night,
i had my ace duders, nate and kayla hanging out at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress
and together we made, and ate,
a whole entire tray of double-thick fluffed-out focaccia-style square pizza!
yuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
check the right-angled-upright-action-type teleport:
BAM!!!
it went down SO smoothly, it almost kind of seemed to evaporate
into nutrients and vitamins and sh!t as soon as it hit your mouth.
that's expert sustenance, and providence, and happiness, all at once.
WORD.
the dough was a surprise, mainly because, as usual,
the proportions were very loosely, very roughly estimated.
i doo-doo that doughski-mo'mo magic, man.
uh-huh.
a few cups of flour, a blast of added extra floury power, via semolina and added gluten,
some earth balance butterish, a lotta olive oil, salt, sugar, water, and yeast(s)-
-
honestly, i started with two and a half cups of flours, plus a tsp of wheat gluten,
but,
i'll bet i had at least three once i was done adjusting for wetness and stickiness on the go.
y'know what i mean?
from time to time, you just know t needs that sumthin'-sumthin',
so you give it what it wants.
if you see a need, you fill a need, it's as simple as that.
it's called making yourself useful,
and it's an activity i strive to maintainat the ready, for moments like these.
and then i tossed in 2 tsp salt, and two tsp sugar,
and two and a half tsp fast-actin' yeast,
plus 3 T butterish and 3 T oil,
and then poured in a cup of warm water with one and a half tsp of bread-machine jar yeast
bloomed, blossomed, and active as all-get-out stirred up in it-
all of that got all kneaded up, and helped along with MORE flour.
it was a wet dough, and that made a fluffffffy pan of pizza.
i've been oiling my stretched surface lately.
the way it makes the crust all golden is truly a lovely effect.
i have to tell you a true thing:
i LOVE PIZZA THE MOST!
i really do.
every time i make it differently, i'm still surprised at how elite it always is.
and i make and eat a LOT of pizza.
that's real.
friends,
those artificial manufactured baconical bits?
the smoky brick-hued meatless flaps?
they are weird, yet i indulge.
uh-huh.
they just go so dang good with braised and glazed brussels, bro.
mmmm.
and when you've got caramelized sweet onions,
and daiya mozz', minced for maxxximum melt,
and crushed tomatoes doing what they do,
AND sweet multicolored peppers to make it taste more adult?
you are the winner.
or, really, we are the winners.
one whole pan, with fried garlic sprankles, devoured in record time.
too much IS the right amount,
but too fast is the most furiously ferocious way to get it IN.
yeah!!!
***********
i got married for the second time eight years ago today.....
not that it did me any good.
awwwww.
...womp womp.
of all the people who attended on the bride's side of the aisle,
i have spoken to a grand total of NONE of them, at all, for nearly six years.
that's a side effect of reality intruding on cacophonous calamities
of caustic contempt and corruption disguised as romantic love.
the brightest blossoms bloom the shortest,
but so do the ones that smell like rotting flesh.
...i don't know if you know what i'm sayin',
so i'll just add that it wasn't very bright,
and it lasted less than one whole day.
no, not legally,
but if we're all being honest
(and that IS the hallmark of true storytelling, after all)
then we must acknowledge that by nightfall the interest and affection
absent from the other half of the i-do's was absolutely apparent
to anybody who cared to look our way.
except me, clearly. my heart-eye coordination was muddled-befuddled,
an clouded beyond all true-sight comprehension...
so, despite being annulled at the moment of inception,
the glamer i cast on myself had me on some willful blindness,
so that the foolish fib grew like a cancer from my cancer-sign warning-signs,
and persisted in it's death throes for just about two years from that day.
bummer.
and then still rotted on the hoof even harder for another 'nother incredible year
of close-proximity deception and decomposition.
dudes!
the past is long gone,
but the sour taste of poor quality lingers loooong after the sweetness of accessibility
is revealed as something else entirely.
no big deal,
just looking forward by taking stock of where i was,
as a reminder of where i want to be.
a failing-low-earth orbit of out-of-control descent and disintegration
is what everyone wishes for on their wedding day, isn't it?
yuuuuuuuuuuck.
so that's NOT it, and that's also NOT where i'm at,
not by a long shot.
here's the thing-
NOBODY STAYS HERE BY FAKING REALITY IN ANY WAY WHATEVER.
that means truth-telling is on the list,
reminding us that where we were isn't where we are,
and certainly not where we're going.
my eyes have never been more open,
and i wouldn't say that i'm happier for it.
the opposite, i think, really.
still,
i'm reaching for beauty in an ugly world.
and these days,
i do believe i'll know it when i see it.
i said rabbit rabbit,
and i dripped a drop of tea, and a crumb of crust out,
in remembrance of loss and love.
one enormous life-lesson turns eight years old today,
and it keeps on teaching me every damned day.
it seems weird to say i am grateful for the time i have been given,
what with it being mostly bitter and only slightly sweet,
but i am.
that's just it-
it's ALL really happening,
and that's the whole haggard, horrible, war-wrought point;
never quiet, never soft.....
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