LILLI

i dunno, man.
i make a lot of pretty great food.
...and that's cool as hell, if you're the sort who really, truly likes great food.
however,
i made a baby with a willing collaborator who happens to always make great babies,
and she cooked up something so much better.
someone so much better.
yeah.
look at this baby:

i have heart-eyes for miles about her.
her ma knows all the secrets to good-babying.
and as a result little lilli is pretty dang good.
who knows how much of me is lurking in that baby girl?
i'm not worried, realy.
whatever latent albieism is creepin' in that DNA, breezy will fix it.
she has those right instincts and real education about babies.
*
i've got SO many feelings.
i want my big kids to see their sister.
i want my correct-steppin' stepkids to meet them, too.
i want everybody to feel something good together.
i knew this was gonna happen.
uh-huh.
deep down in the war-forged cast-iron cage of my heart?
i'm sensitive.
ha.
that's a thing.
the mash-up remix mix-up of overlapping blood, love, and rhetoric is a LOT.
and i feel like a jerk about it:
i didn't just powerfully push out a baby.
i didn't instantly become the sole food source of a soul-sister.
i'm not the warden of a warren of wild single-digit daughters and son.
so who the eff am i to have any feels about ANYthing?
i can't sleep? shuuut up.
i coughed all night for two days straight, choking half to death? shuuut uuuuuuup.
and for all the great big giant happy i have,
i'm also kind of sad??? ha. F* offffffffff.
so, what do i do about it?
i'm just gonna work harder and harder and harder,
and bury those feels deep into my interior vaults.
this was it. a hint in print.
*
i have love exploding out of my eyes.
it's really watery.
and dripping.
and salty.
i guess that's just what that looks like;
never quiet, never soft.....