MAMA SAID

my ma wanted cake.
specifically, she asked for a chocolate cake.
and since i missed her berfday,
i made it my mission to deliver some dopeness when i could.
and that meant sealing it up extra-tight for the drive to connecticut.
it was't freshness that concerned me.
it was crabtree.
yup.
he's the hugriest, even if he just ate, and he's the dumbest,
with no new tricks no matter how young he still is...
he'll absolutely eat a whole cake,
and he'll completely kill himself on a chocolate overdose without a care in the world.
that's no joke.
ANYway, i had it packed up safe and sound,
and it was F*ing expert.
check the teleport:

YEAH!
microplaned chocolate sprankles on top for exxxtra chocolaty hottness don't hurt.
but the frosting is two kinds of chocolate, and a few vanilla stars, too....
the crumb?
soft, fudgy, fluffy, and awesome in every bite-
you need a cake like this, nerds.
here's how you do that:
-
*
CONNECTICAKE!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
grease a 9" springform pan.
-
in your whisk-affixed upright mixer, cream together:
1 cup raw sugar;
1 stick (8 T) vegan butter, softened;
1/4 cup dark brown sugar;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp salt;
1/3 +2 T cacao powder;
1/2 cup vanilla non-dairy yogurt;
2 T vegan sour creme.....
yup.
that's dope.
now, add:
2 1/2 cups king arthur flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
1 1/4 cup non-dairy milk.
whip all that into a very fluffy batter, spoon it evenly into your pan,
and bake it for 35-45 minutes, or until the top has cracks,
and a tester comes out of the center cleanly.
i start my cakes on the bottom rack on a baking stone,
and about halfway through the bake time i'll move it up to the middle one.
does it matter?
i dunno.
i do it anyway, because i'm like that.
-
i let it cool completely, for hours, after poppin' the spring on the form, y'feel me?
yeah.
it needed frosting, obvi, so i got right to it-
-
1 stick of vegan butter;
3 cups powdered sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
a tiny dash of salt;
1/3 cup s'milk-
whipped up, and 3/4 cup of THAT reserved for the vanilla stars.
i have that awesome press from patti and dennis,
and i use it whenever i can.
once that was filled with frosting, i added 1/4 cup of cacao powder,
and whisked that up again-
i frosted a heavy thickness of it over the flipped flat surface of my cake,
and then added a tablespoon of chocolate sauce to the remainder,
and whisked it all the way back to a fluffy even chocolaty-er mixxx.
that's the swirlies on top.
and then, like i said, i grated darrrrrk chocolate on top.
too much is the right amount, man.
i could've maybe even used MORE and been ok with it...
but there you go-
one expert vegan sexxxy chocolate cake for your face.
my ma liked it.or, she said she did anyway.
she had a few slices, so i suppose that wasn't just to save my feelings,
and she brought some to work for those dudes-
y'don't show off your worst stuff, do you?
i guess not.
so, my skills are being displayed to some connecticut kids.
that's cool.
i made it for my ma, because she's a good one.
yo.

f'real though-
that's her laughing, with an empty plate of cake,
a pair of happy pear cookbooks,
and that seltzy, boi.
seltzer consumption is hereditary,
she got it, i got it, my kids got it, we all got it.
and when it comes to gettin' after a good time?
we do that, for sure.
i'm psyched to make cake for my people,
and i'm psyched to see 'em,
and i'm making the best of the time that i get to get together and get happy.
that's all i've got, so i'm making it count;
never quiet, never soft.....