when mama says she'd like an apple pie?
mama gon' get an apple pie.
i mean,
honestly, the small number of requests i get for treats is so manageable
that i'd be a real jerk if i declined.
and i mean, c'mon.
what do you think i am?
an A*-hole
don't be dumb.
easter east star apple pie is where my head is at,
and even if cinnamon doesn't scream spring,
it screams delicious, and that's no joke.
check the teleport:
WORD.
no resurrection necessary, neighbors.
you can just have pie without the prayers.
no prob.
gluten-free crust ain't easy, but i'm not some simple chump using bummery box mix.
nope.
i'm an innovator, or at least a creator, of delicious unscripted wheatless hottness.
that's what i DO, dudes.
y'wanna know how to make one?
ok.
-
*
EASTER APPLE PIE!
-
*
first, you gotta make that dough:
in your food processor, combine;
10 T vegan butter;
2 T vegan creamchee';
1/4 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
3 T powdered sugar;
1 T sugar;
1 cup bob's all-purpose gf flour;
1/2 cup bob's 1:1 gf flour;
1 cup mama's gf almond flour blend;
3 T/ 4 T non-dairy-milk- depending on how crOmbly it is...
pulse it all up.
you're gonna want it sticky, but not wet.
wrap it up, refrigerate it, and give it at least an hour to set up.
i gave mine half a day.
it doesn't hurt, especially with glutenlessness.
that absorbs a lotta moisture and gets better with time.
-
*
and you'll need to get the apples all nicey-nice, too-
four macintosh, and three granny smiths, peeled, cored,
and simmered with 3 T powdered sugar;
1/4 cup brown sugar;
1/4 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup real maple syrup;
1 T organic gf non-GMO cornstarch;
3 T quick gf oats.
cook 'em low and slow until they're soft, and let that syrupy mixture cool.
*
while it cools, preheat your oven to 420℉.
-
roll out your cool dough with some of that gf flour,
and press it up all the sides.
reserve 1/3 for makin' shapes and stuff.
then overlap and stack them, to hold in all the moisture while it bakes.
is that it?
nope.
raw sugar sprankles, bro.
duh.
too much is the right amount.
without a lil baby bit of that crystal mystery, you're not having easter miracles, man.
you're just having pie.
and we can do better than that.
***********
i like making eastery baskets.
i like making celebration treats.
i like making time for all the people who also like experiencing those things.
i sent out six baskets.
one for harvest,
one for maple,
one for embry,
one for cohen,
one for cali,
and one combo for breezy and baby.
mmhmmm.
rules is rules, and if the bunny doesn't bring you a basket?
i think it means nobody likes you.
i didn't get myself one, although i had to help myself to some candy beans.
i did get crabtree some special cookies, and an exxxtra carrot.
i think that counts.
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BTW, that pie was expert af.
i'm a pie guy.
not as much as i'm all about cookies, but easily as much as cake.
ok.
that's not entirely true.
i loooove apple pie, and i'll tolerate some fruit pies,
if there's chocolate or maybe some fancy nuts in there,
and i think of linzertorte as pie, so i guess i don't actually know
what the eff i'm even talking about at all.
but i DO know that that glutenless crust was off the charts.
crisp and tasty and F*ing awesome.
that's what's up.
holidays with the family.
with a family,
with MY family.
a part of the whole,
and part of a great big complicated intricate portrait of real life.
i'm grateful for the time and the pie that we enjoyed;
never quiet, never soft.....
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