NEVER FORGET!!!

wait,
what?
yesterday?!
sh!t, i guess i forgot.
ah well,
so much for attempts at hardline nationalism.....

it may smell like rain,
but trust me on this one, kids,
that's LOVE in the air.
no foolin',
we're going to a wedding today.
a real maritime new england magical late summer seacoast affair.
for the future mr. & mrs. settle.
you read it right.
yeah, i know, that's some sh!t...
jess's college roommate and her manly man are finally tying the matrimonial knot up
with some gnarly nuptials and all that goes with doo-dooin' that sort of thing.
a wedlock head lock is headed down the altar,
and we're gonna be there to bear witness.
abby and wade are darn good folks, and they deserve all the happiness in the world.
everyone should be so lucky.
and because of their good fortune, i get a free day off from work,
but probably not any cake.
buttercream is oh-so sweet and delightful, i'm just not that into gettin' 'rrhea.
(...unless it's gonnorrhea, and then the gettin' is the only fun part.)
surely,
a better way for a non-drinking vegan to spend a saturday there is NOT.
to prepare myself for the ever-anticipated never-original conversations
with the 40+year-olds in the boku big drinkies crowd well in advance,
here's some engaging dialogue i can only hope to include in the day's festivities:
-"heck yes, it hurts. right now, in fact. do you have any vicodin?"
-"why did i do this to myself? to cover the track marks, obviously."
-"you could never? i don't blame you, the inks contain siphyllis,
although, judging by your leopard-print dress, so do you."
-"what do they mean? really? they're symbolic of my transformation from victim to survivor, marking important events in my cathartic awakening......PSYCH! they're just great for starting conversations with drunken old ladies at weddings"
-"what DO i do for work? i'm a full-time lover, part-time janitor. although meghan's law means no schools for me. for either thing. bummer"
it should go over well, i'm sure.
i'll just blame it on the sauce.
of course, only you guys will know i'm referring to weak sauce, not booze.
nice.
oh, come on.
warrior poetry in motion is never easy, my ninjas.
it should be great, in any case;
the sun is peekin' out in spite of predicted predicaments of partial pouring,
the sky is blue,
people are in love and participating pretty actively....
it's going to eleven, on the twelfth.
today is the day.
moreso than every day.

i know, ya'll.
i'm kind of an A-hole.
that's why none of you invited me to your weddings, yeah?
truthfully, i'm looking forward to seeing jess all dressed up,
especially since she looks so damn good all the time anyway,
and this time we've got perfectly paired outfits and haircuts as well.
being included in the big action is a good feeling,
even if it's only as an extension of my own better half.
i'll take it.
i put the moans in matrimony;
never quiet, never soft....