supersandwiches

well,
that sucks.
the locals will be howling with happiness over the regional team
winning the big game.
that means new england patriots tattoos are on the menu,
as soon as tax return checks start rolling in.
EW.
'hood riches and ball-out sports tattzzz are really cool, probably;
but, i can't get into it, at ALL,
because that's what poor people do.
gross.
anyway,
while everyone else was celebrating sports and sports and commercials and sports,
little old me, (and i don't mean the little as much as the old)
was bustin' moves in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
yeah!
in my first pot,
i prepared several pats on pats of earth balanced butters,
and a whole bottle of cholula,
a splash of white wine vinegar,
g.p.o.p. paprika, and cayenne,
a tablespoon of pickled whole mustard seeds,
and a pinch of flour.
y'feelin' that neighbors?
sounds good?
well, obvi.
don't be dumb.
it is good.
and, just so we're clearly communicating-
you are aware of what that IS, though, yes?
yes!
YESSSSS!
it's the recipe for vegan buffalo sauce.
wordimus prime, son.
the new hottness in this household is now super-offically
pan-fried homemade seitan steaks,
lathered up with that red letter ho' saucy marinade,
and baked at 425 fahrenheit degrees.
.....and after eleven minutes-
getting 'em smacked up, flipped, rubbed down, and re-smothered
in even MORE sauce, like a big bad boss b!tch.
buff on both sides, bro.
believe it.
but, i mean, on that really real jauns, tho-
how good are baked buffalo-style seitan sandwiches??
they're not just good, guys, they're expert.
the truth is in the pictures.
check the one-thousand-words-worth-type teleport:

mmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmm.
now are you on board?
y'better get on my level, y'all.
-----------
dear sandwich week,
              oh, MAN, how i sure do love you.
              what's even greater than sliced bread?
              tons of big sexy 'schuan jauns all up in between 'em.
                                           das IT!!!
                                                  xoxo,
                                                        your pal,
                                                                 albie
-----------
pan-toasted buttered on the top and bottom pretzel bread.
yep.
that's sportsy, kinda, right?
pretzels are usually good for that sort of thing.
and a crisp inside, soft outside, top and bottom tasty brown ball of thick,
hearty, hale crust and crumb.
and that slaw?
what goes hand-in-hand with buffs?
celery.
yup.
slanty slices of crispy crawnchy celery,
skinny shredded carrot slivers,
red purple, really) radicchio, in the raw,. like fancy cabbage,
and flat leaf italian parsley, for added fiber and freshness,
tossed with salt, pepper, and a scoop or two of vegenaise!!!
mmmm.
it was so elite, we put a scoop on the side, too.
with sandwich-style stackable pickles,
and red leaf lettuce for the ultimate in crunchy, spicy, salty, sweet,
buttery shark-gluttonous turbo-delicious facestuffin' fury.
we doo-doo that freaky sh!t, friends.
and what's up with those potatoes?
i'm just sayin', seasoned spicy waffle-cut fries,
with vegan chee' sauce, and sweet onion sprankles?
all expert, all the time.
soymilk and nootch and g.p.o.p. and turmeric,
a spoonful of that mustard seed, a tablespoon of flour,
and so much black pepper-
yeah.
that's how it goes,
because too much is the right amount.
mmm. mmm. mmm.
i LOVE sandwiches.
and i'm happy as heckfire that i hit up day one with this sportsfan parody;
taken far and away, over and above,
and well past the limits of an average sandwich.
if it doesn't go to eleven,
it doesn't go in my mouth.
it's sandwich week,
and rules is rules.
-
i've got some stuff marinating in my refrigerator,
and i'm already ready for tonight, and thinking about tomorrow.
i save up all my otherwise-irrelevant optimism for mealtimes.
i'm looking forward to the rest of this week's foodfights;
never quiet, never soft.....