seriously,
they're in the top tier of muffins, and generally, they're the gold or silver choice,
in a hotly contested race alongside chocolate chip,
and corn, and occasionally raisin bran.
hold on- i'm not sure about the actual ranked standings,
so don't get at me with your personal preferences...i don't care at all.
i'm saying: blueberry jauns are tight af.
and almost everybody likes 'em, and only terrible turdbiters hate 'em.
okay?
okay.
y'know what makes bloobs even beter, tho?
right angles!
ha.
it's true.
blueberry muffin blocks are the best.
i think there's more of everything in there,
and that always improves things, in my opinion.
uh-huh.
too much is the right amount,
so a bigger, burlier block of bloobs is obviously superior, man.
check the teleport:
BLOCKS!!!
see what i mean?
these fluffers have enough lemon to make it's presence felt,
and that streusel topping definitely turns up the texture AND the flavor
to eleven.
i don't always lose my mind over a muffin,
but when i do, it's usually a bloober, buddy.
yup.
and these guys are the TRUTH in breakfast form.
of course, they still taste equally expert in the afternoon and at night.
ha.
you're probably gonna need to fire up a batch of these soon, friends.
i'm not kidding.
and if you don't have a squares pan, i'd get one,
but if i wasn't gonna get one, i'd still use this recipe for regular muffins,
but i'd know i wasn't reaching my full potential...
just sayin'.
ANYway,
here's how to make it happen:
-
*
BLOOBLOXXX!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
grease your squares-tin, or muffin pan
-
in a medium mixing bowl, using a pastry cutter, cream together:
3/4 cup demerara sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
8 T (1 sick) vegan butter-
stir in:
2/3 cup non-dairy yogurt;
zest of one lemon-
next, add:
2 1/4 cups flour;
1 tsp ea baking powder and soda;
1 cup non-dairy milk, plus the juice of that lemon, man.
after a cursory stir, fold in:
1 cup+ bloobs!!! duh.
add that evenly to every square/round hole,
until it's all gone.
this makes 12 fat bloxxx, or 18-24 muffzies, depending on your tins.
-
next, you'll need some heavy duty streusel.
muffins need streusel.
that's no joke.
here's a rough guideline to great crOmbles, kiddo:
1/4 cup powdered sugar;
1 cup rolled oats;
1 tsp vanilla;
3 T vegan butts;
4 T flour.
y'just chop-chop-chop-chop-chop it up,
and it gets all stuck together and good.
( i always usethe muffin batter bowl, for extra moisty sticky batter add-ons)
again, evenly administer that stuff all over all the tops,
and kaBOOM.
you're a muffin wizard of the first order.
nice.
bake 'em for 30 minutes or so, or until a taster comes away clean
from the center of the center-most one.
legit, that's all there is to it.
how dope?
SO dope.
they're spongy, and springy, and fruity, and juicy, and streuselly, and fan-F*ing-tastic.
on the ones,
these guys made our day.
***********
burlington vermont is full of diapery do-gooders and waterbaby hippies,
and very few vegan nerdarios, since supporting farmers is sort of the vermont way,
and most of the farmers make milk and cheese.....
LAME.
but,
it's also home to great coffee, and THE BEST chinese food *ahem* cuisine,
in new england,
so sometimes, you have to go there, to get what you need,
even if you've gotta brave all the social justice surtaxpayers,
and the way more awful dirty beggar homeless skuzzbums on the streets.
yikes.
so much privilege. and so much dirt-bum hobo stink, side by side.
luckily,
a single pebble doesn't let the dirties in, and generally, at restaurants,
nobody from other tables talks to you,
so we were IN it to WIN it,
and we did just that-
guys,
too much IS the right amount,
and we had it ALL.
from the wasabi peanut medley to the last painful mouthfuls
of shark-gluttonous glutinous wheat meat, we did it like warriors!
mmmhmmm.
i'm talking about sichuan cukes, steamed buns, scallion pancakes, red oil dumplin's,
dry-fried string beans, mock eel shiitake bbq, double-garlic broccoli,
salt and pepper tofu, and buddhist beef seitan exxxplosions,
all for our F*ing fat faces, friends!!!
kaS'PLOSIONS of turbo-hottness happened at 5pm sharp,
in a limited seating, special event, sharpshootin' side-table experience.
uh-huh.
they only had four tables available, and we got in and got busy,
and got FAT AF with the quickness.
....all before going to see the mountain goats play a billion songs,
and a double encore.
yuuuuuuuuuup.
too much is the right amount, and john darnielle knows it, too.
holy smokes, that was awesome.
i may not have done a damned cool thing for seven months,
but i s'pose i was saving up for this much hot fire in one spot over 24 hours-
great coffee at muddy waters,
even better dinner at a single pebble,
incredible bread at the red hen bakery coming and going,
remarkably satisfying brekkie at penny cluse,
and vegan scoops at the ben & jerry's factory, bro.
with a mountain goats concert in between?
how do you eff with that?
....with an elvio's sicilian square for supper, OBVI!
too much is the right amount!!!
if you're gonna go for it, go for broke, bruh.
eleven is the level, and one-to-ten is for losers.
shoutouts to dylan for showing up, and hanging out through most of that with us.
when you have new hampshire buddies bringing the heat in burlington,
it's better than if you're all alone, probably.
so we all spanned time together, and it was good.
big BIG shoutouts to our favorite fella, nate for hangin' tough with crabtree, too.
lucky for all of us that those two get along great.
uncle tron, and lil crimbo crinkler, and that's IT.
i may not have a fun and exciting life,
but for forty eight hours, i really really did.
i'm grateful for the gap in between grind and grindier times.
i may be back to business as usual today,
but i'm lucky to have spanned space with all good things.
i'll gladly pay what it costs to have enjoyed those moments;
never quiet, never soft.....
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