TREATS!

man,
rules is rules,
and on the first of the month,
we make a treat.
also,
on easter, we make another treat.
also also, if somebody is a little picky diaperbaby,
but you're going to be a guest at their ancestral home,
you reluctantly make a whole other other 'nother treat.
that's all true.
and if it's somehow ALSO sandwich week?!
well,
that's when you ca be pretty sure that whoooooopie pies are on the menu.
dude, it was a rabbit, rabbit, easter bunny kind of a day,
and it looked a little something like this:

TRIPLE TREAT TRIPLE THREAT!!!
have you ever even been so excited?
i mean, c'mon.
there's chocolate chip mini scones, with drizzly icing and sprankles!
there's mni-muffy carrot cakey bites, with cinnamon-spice creamchee frostin',
and MORE sprankles,
and a batch of from-scratch fluffy, deep, rich, dark chocolate
nature-boy whoo-pie pies, with peanut butter filling!!!!
too much is the right amount, man.
that's no joke.
you want carrot cake?
so did kayla and her ma.
i'd never made it before, but i gave it my best shot-
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*
CARROT BUNNY BOO-BOO BLOPS!
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preheat your oven to 375℉, and leave it there for all these treats
-
in a medium metal mixing bowl, or equivalent, stir together:
6 T melted vegan butter;
1/2 cup brown sugar;
1/4 tsp salt;
1/2 cup grated peeled carrot;
ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice-
in quantities according to which ones you like the best;
1 1/2 cups flour;
3 T molassses;
1 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
3 T non-dairy yogurt.
-
stir it up, man. if it's too dry, add a few tablespoons of non-dairy milk.
you'll get it.
i put mine in a midi-mini-muffin pan. y'know the ones?
they're a lil bit bigger than the smallest smalls, but they sure ain't big.
anyway, i baked 'em for twenty minutes, cooled 'em on a wire rack,
and frosted the F* out of the tops-
you wanna know what's in the frosting?
ok-
-
whisk up, in your stand-up mixer:
1 2/3 cups powdered sugar;
3 T vegan butter (erf balance, son);
1/2 tsp vanilla;
cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg;
1 tsp maple syrup;
2 T vegan creamchee';
1-3 T non-dairy milk, depending on how soft you want your stuff to get.
WORD.
***********
those lil scone zones?
man, they were s'posed to be chocolate chip cookies,
but we were eyeballing a single dozen recipe, with low sugar-
no fun.
they turned out great, but with all the freestyle ingredient additions,
the best i can give y'all is an approximate estimate of what the heck happened-
-
1/3 cup sugar;
1/2 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup (4 T vegan butter);
1 1/2 cups flour;
1 tsp baking powder;
1/2 tsp bakey soda;
1/4 tsp salt;
1/3 cup chocolate chips;
2 T maple syrup;
3-4 T non-dairy milk...
kneaded all together, into what was way more like a bread dough than a cookie jaun.
that's cool, though.
we made small balls and semi-flattened 'em, with great gusto,
and limited efficiency....
no worries, we were also making all the sauces and sh!t while we were at it,
so nobody was stressed,pressed, harried, or  ghurried-
and we baked the whole dang dozen for just eleven minutes,
and they were still lookin' hella browned!
we made do, and did what we do, too...
these crOnchers were pretty damned good.
we made 'em for one specific pain-in-the-A*, but e'rrybody tuned 'em up.
i think that's fair.
y'all might think you're special,
but your own family probably knows what's real way better than i could.
i'm jus the guy with the cookies.
and really, it was kayla who did almost all of the making of portion,
and ALL of the icing and spranklin' stuff.
she loves her sister, man.
there's nothin' wrong with that.
***********
WHOOOOOOOOOOPIE PIES!!!!!
dudes,
these lil tasties are what's UP.
sandwich week treats are the best, and that's doubly true when there's also 
chocolate and peanut butts tag-teaming the first day of the month.
mmmmmmmm.
you want the recipe?
i have it.
here you go, bro:
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WHOOOOOOOpie pies!
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stand mix the following, with that whisk workin' it for all it's worth:
cream up 6 T butts;
1 cup of coconut sugar;
a dash of salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/3 cup cocoa-
when that's all sloppy,
add in 3 T vegan yogurt-
whisk ALL that until blended,
and then toss in 2 cups of a.p. flour;
plus 2 tsp baking kapowder-
pour in 1 cup of non-dairy milk,
and whisk it all up until it's a big ol' fluffy mess.
-
mmmmmmmmm.
i s'pose you could just drop spoonfuls on parchment,
but i got the pan, man, so i do that.
it made 16 individual cakes,
so,
start out with small scooples,
and add more batter to 'em until they're all even.
they get baked for 11 minutes at 375F,
C'MON!!
that's easy easy, really.
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and the filling?
check it:
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WHOOP-A* FILLING
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in your stand mixer, with the whisk attached, make this:
2 cups powdered sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
4 T butterish;
3 T vegan creamchee';
3 T creamy natural peanut butter;
2-3 T vegan yogurt.
whisked up on high speed, to combine the whole thing into a new and better thing.
BOOM!
just like that-
you are the F*-ing champion.
*
if one treat is good, two treats is great,
and three treats is too many,
then the answer was right there the whole time,
waiting for us to realize and recognize-
too much, bruh.
that's what we do.
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i apologize for being many days behind,
but between the big action at AMPERSAND TATTOO,
the loud fresh hardness of our concert night in the city,
and the everyday running battle with crabtree the bullheaded bullsh!t terrier,
i've been a busy boy.
***********
there's more comin'.
a lot more.
i mean,
it's only day four of sandwich week,
and i'm determined to do it right all day and all night.
i hope y'all are ready;
never quiet, never soft.....