COOKIEMONSTROUS!

chocolate cookies, dude.
crispy chocolate chocolate-glazed chocolate chip cookies.
yup.
a busy busy friday calls for busy busy blocks of sock-rockin' cacao cookie hottness.
yeah, man, that's real.
i've been making my cookies a little smaller- just a baby bit,
and just so i can make even MORE cookies,
because i want to eat alll the cookies.....
mmmmm.
check the teleport:

BLACKER AND CRUNCHIER AND MORE AWESOME THAN EVER!
y'want some of this sweet stuff?
you do?
come thru, b.
oh, you're not trying to see me?
ok.
but, then, would you like to make your own, instead?
yeah?
here's how:
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*
CHOCOCHOCOCACAOCHOXXX
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preheat your oven to 375℉
-
in an aesthetically-pleasing medium-sized metal mixing bowl,
cream together:
1 stick vegan butter;
>1 cup raw sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla.
thoroughly mash that up, and stir in:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce;
1/2 cup raw sexxxy cacao;
3 T agave or maple syrup.
next, fire up the mini chocolate chips (i used 2/3 bag, however much that is....
i like chocolate chips, i like not measuring, i like cookies, i like you);
and mix in:
2 cups flour;
1/3 cup oat flour;
1.4 cup crushed unsulphured unsweetened coconut flakes.
knead it up, blend it all nicey-nice, so it's uniformly mixed,
and make little baby balls out of every last drop of that dough, yo.
i hand-flattened 'em,
since all that cacao makes them sorta stiff.
they hold their shape like champions because of it, so unless you want little nuggies
with raw centers and no sex appeal, y'gotta squish 'em a bit.
-
i got 3 dozen out of that bowl, and i baked 'em for like 15 minutes?
they are crisp, they are crunchy, they are rich af,
and they are 100% expert, neighbors.
i also activated some new-style ganache drizzlers, too.
yeah. that's a new thing.
2 T cocoa butter;
2 T cacao;
1 tsp vanilla;
2 T s'milk;
2 T powdered sugar;
1/4 cup dark chocolate chips-
that's tempered and untempered chocolate, working in unison
to make something better than either.
...tight.
oh, and nonpareil rainbow mini-dot sprankles.
YEAH!
y'can't just be a lil bihhh, and skip those cute sprankles, bro...
rules is rules, right?
that's the truth.
***********
so i made cookies.
and i ate a lot of cookies.
and i did a whole bunch of tattoos.
and i talked a whole lot of sh!t allllllll day long.
mmhmmm.
that's how i operate.
big broad strokes of big, fat, loud, fresh, hardness for your face.
y'know?
i say the things i think, i think about the things i feel, i feel like i'm onto something,
and all of it is really happening.
i'm over here sharing righteous vegan baked greats (baked goods aren't enough),
and i'm sharing my perspective with the captive but not-so captivated audience
of AMPERSAND TATTOO clients.
and i don't even feel the least bit sorry.
i mean, c'mon-
i'm ranting and raving and rambling in every direction,
but you get to munch up on some of those cookies while it all goes down.
the cookies are better than alternative viewpoints on all the things you like,
which i almost certainly dislike,
just like they're fantastic examples of how to make a cookie
that isn't an inhumanly inconsiderate piece of sh!t.
you get it.
you've got it.
you like it;
never quiet, never soft.....