PIZZA ROMEO!

dudes,
did i just have ANOTHER pizza party?
yup.
and i don't even care, like, not at all, that i'm a pizza partying piece of sh!t...
y'know why?
because pizza is the TRUTH,
and if y'all aren't ready to get into a passionate, but committed and serious relationship with pizza all the mother-effing time?
then i'm not really interested in spanning any time with you....
not while there's pizza out there waiting for me to come through and snack up on.
that's real.
pizza now, pizza later, pizza forever, man-
i'll never take it easy, and i'll never let a productive pizza opportunity get past me.
that said- last night was a change up-
i went rogue from my usual pizza party time activation,
and instead tried TWO other other 'nother jauns, just because i like to keep it interesting
here at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress test kitchen laboratory.
first up,
i went full blown ROMAN and hooked up the thinny-thin-thinnest-thin-crust flatbread.
and when i say thin, i'm talking about flattened out using a flippin' rolling pin, buddy.
uh-huh.
thin.
on an olive-oiled seasoned steel baking tray,
it was crispy, crusty, and crunchy in all the right ways.check the teleport:

ROMAN PESTO POTATO WOLF-MOTHER HOTTNESS!!!
yeah!!!!!
dudes, you aren't ready for this much good stuff-
y'got the semolina crust, with two-tone sesame sossamon sprankles on the edges.
y'got pesto, then daiya chee', then oven-roasted salt-n-pepper red potatoes.
caramelized onions, homemade slab-style tempeh bacon,
and radicchio ribbons for the post-bake pretty-pretty glow up.
F* yes.
look at how absolutely stunningly sexxxy this lil bihhhhh is:

c'mon, guys- if you ain't with that? you're fired.
i made two pizzas out of one batch of 50/50 semolina dough-
the recipe is just about the same as always, only, i went heavy on the olive oil,
to get MORE crust-crunch than the usual scene.
....and that did exxxactly what i wanted it to-great news, right?
it sure is, and this crackin'-crisp sheet of pizza time magic is a testament to it.
i had the leftover pesto ready to rock.
i minced up the daiya chee' so it'd melt properly, like a pro.
i caramelized a sweet onion with olive oil and a little salt;
i had those slices of lightly-oiled and salted and peppered potato
gettin' good and golden in the preheatin' oven, on parchment paper on a baking tray...
and on the stovetop, i had half a block of tempeh becoming bacon-styled
crazy-glazed goodness for my face!
-
*
SMOKY-SWEET TEMPEH!
-
in a hot pan, with highish walls, combine:
1/2 block of slab-cut tempeh, with-
a cup of water;
2 T soy sauce;
4 shakes of liquid smoke;
1/2 tsp ea GPOP and mustard powder;
2 T ho'sauce;
1 1/2 tsp smoked hot paprika; black pepper,
2 T agave nectar;
and let all the ;liquid absord and evaporate for as long as that takes on highish heat.
and when it gets all thick, add a glug of olive oil, and flip 'em all over one time.
you see how it looks up there^^?
that's when it's done, and not a second sooner. ok? ok!
*
and that wasn't all there was, either.
nope.
i'm sayin'- it was a pizza party, b.
soooo,
the other half of my dough went into a fundamental roundie pizza pie, neighbors.
what?
that's riiiight. a roundie, throwback style, for heritage and sh!t like that-
what's better than a straight-up classic napoletana margherite on the menu?
nothin'.
and i had no idea i was even gonna get that busy with it- but i did.
y'wanna know why?
because i'm a F*ing expert, man, and too much is the right amount.
check the teleport:

WOOOOOOOOOOORD.
double basil?? you know it. that's pre and post bake leaves, for twice the hottness, obvi.
i even made a whole new batch of custom tomato sauce, which was TILTY af, bro.
and that's no joke.
-
*
MARGHERITE SAUCE!
-
in a small, hot pot activated with a spoonful of olive oil,
saute:
1/4 onion, shaved;
3 cloves crushed garlic;
1 cup chopped fresh baby tomatoes;
add in a crunch of salt and pepper,
a few shakes of GPOP,
and a 14 oz. can of 'italian-style' stewed tomatoes,
pre-pulverized in your food processor for a pulse or three,
just enough to pulp 'em up so they look like sauce and not wet blarps.
how much difference did the custom sauce make?
ALL the difference, dudes.
-
and the chee'??
shoutouts to miyoko vegan mozz, kids.
no foolin', it did all the right things.
is it super good for you?
i will literally never check on that bit of info.
not if it means feeling the least bit guilty about indulging in something this F*ing awesome.
-
i baked the roman one at 450℉,
but i cranked the heat to 480℉ for the classic.
my man dylan was here, again, for pizza night, and that was cool-
he even saved the dough from a over-worked unfortunate fate, which was very helpful.
and, he ate half of each pizza, too,
so that i didn't feel like a corpulent boorish boar at the trough.
that's good news, right?
less pizza, more pizza, pizza party, pizza forever- everything pizza.
that's all you need.
***********
in real life, away from the kitchen,
i'm busy, busy, busy....but i keep falling asleep in the weirdest places.
hmm? what's that?
NO, not like in a tree....don't make fun.
like, on the stairs.
yeah. the stairs.
which isn't scary until you wake up on the stairs,
and slide down them.
it's not narcolepsy, i don't think-
maybe just exhaustion?
here's how it happens-
i'll be playing with crabby, my terrible tempestuous terrier,
and invariably, he ruins the fun with his miscreant infinite nature-
so, i wait, and wait, for him to return-
(chasing him only elevates his desire to be a little jerk)
and that's when i fall asleep-
it's shark science, man.
don't stop, or you'll die,
and like nas said: sleep is the cousin of death.
it's a not-so-fun two-parter.
where will i pass out?
and what happens when i wake up?
i will admit, the dumb dog slept on the stair above me, as close as he could get,
which is verrrry cute-
but, my whole body hurts from the step-shapes,
and the surprise slide at 3 a.m.
shoutouts to collapsing-
if you aren't actually literally falling asleep, are you really even doing it right?
maybe;
never quiet, never soft.....