MORE CAKE

i made another cake.
why?
because more cake is better than some cake, of course.
and because i couldn't work up the excitement for costume making,
but i also needed to make something.
and when cake works like it is supposed to,
you'e not just making deliciousness unfold,
you're operating in a successful sequence of steps to achieve a goal,
and that's a small part of making sense of the wild world we live in.
i mean,
nothing else makes sense...
but then a cake comes along and comes together and for a few bites
i have something resembling clarity.
huh?
yeah.
it tastes good, and i made it, and it worked.
it's a small victory, to be certain,
but it's still a victory, and i need more of those in some part of my days and nights.
-

pumpkin chai cake.
that's what it is.
with cinnamaplecreamchee' frosting.
and sprankles.
yeah.
i like a fancy seasonal sweetness in my morning routine.
and this is that and then some.
-
here's the recipe:
-
*
PUMPKINCHAI!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
grease a 9"springform single layer pan,  man.
-
combine:
1 stick vegan butter;
2/3 cup brown sugar;
1/3 cup sugar;
1/3 cup unsweetened coconut;
1/2 tsp salt;
1/2 tsp maple extract;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 T maple syrup.
cream together, then stir in:
1/2 cup pumpkin puree;
1/2 cup coconut yogurt.
next, add:
2 cups king arthur flour;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 tsp baking powder;
the contents of 2 chai spice teabags;
cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice;
3/4 cup non-dairy milk.
stir well, spoon evenly into the pan,
and bake for 35 minutes, turning the heat up to 375 after 15.
mine came out great, which was great, but make sure yours is done in the center.
-
i let it cool while i walked crabtree in the rain and we dragged each other
across the hilltops, getting our grudging togetherness in while he defiled the lawns
of my absentee neighbors.
and then i came home and activated the frosting:
-
3 cups powdered sugar,
plus one stick of vegan butter,\plus 3 T vegan creamchee',
plus 1/4 cup real maple syrup,
and cinnamon for good measure in a whisk-affixed high-speed stand mixer..
what?
there's cool colored grey frosting?
yep.
too much is the right amount.
i added black gel to the o.g. whip, and gave it a twirl in the mixer.
that's all.
swirls from out of the pastry bag piper make it pretty,
and the sprankles make it even nicer.
it's just cake, and i don't need it, but i sure like it.
*
wanna know a subplot?
i'm working on working and working on myself but i don't think it's working.
however,
if i work myself to death, then i might get a few days off, right?
i'm working the most i can,
and eating every moment i'm not tattooing.
that makes me sluggish and sloppy looking,
and that makes me irritated and aggravated and aggrieved
by every single conversation i don't initiate,
and i don't initiate many because i don't know what to say,
other than to leak out the litany of loss and lack i know by heart by now.
i don't want to be left alone,
and yet i don't think i should be around anybody, either.
...which is dumb when there's so much cake around.
i don't know how to be different.
i don't know how to do much.
i don't know how to get better.
i only know about cake and, like, three pointless chores;
never quiet, never soft.....