PIZZA PARTY

diastatic malt powder.
the secret is OUT.
i got some;
nate has some;
we GOT some.
and it gets it IN, son.
for real.
you want excellent oven spring and a strong rise in your dough?
you want a sexxxy brown crust on your baked breads and such?
you do?!
...yo.
then y'gotta get that powder.
it makes alllllll that happen.
check it:

PEE EYE ZEE ZEE AYY!!!
it's my favorite blend-
brussels, 'bacon', and onion-
that's the expert Folk Life & Liberty Fortress signature pizza pie.
f'real.
and look at that crust, bro: tight AF, am i right?
i know!
a spoonful of diastatic malt powder is what makes the magic so much more magical.
it's barley, bro. barley flour is the big action,
and it activates the best yeasts to do their best work.
everything else is the same.
sauteed brussels sprout quarters, with a splash of water to soften them up.
one sliced vidalia onion slowly sauteed to caramel perfection.
tempeh baconis always invited to my pizza parties, too.
11 strips of tempeh, slow bubbled in a half a cup of water,
with tamari and liquid smoke and agave and Garlic Powder and Onion Powder
and black pepper and smoked paprika and olive oil....
and when it all gets absorbed it all gets ready to rock your F*ing face off.
that's a thing.
there's minced daiya mozzarella chee',
and minced store-made cashew mozzarella chee',
and crushed tomatoes, and kale,
and fried garlic sprankles, too.
i mean, rules is rules, dudes.
you need all those things to do the thing correctly.
i did it.
in a 480℉ oven on a set of stones.
and the dough was what made it all so much better.
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*
PIZZA D'OH!
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in a stand-upright mixer, combine:
1 spoonful diastatic malt powder;
2 cups king arthur bread flour;
2 T olive oil;
1 pkg active yeast;
1 tsp fast-actin' bread machine yeast;
1 cup water.
give that a quick whirl with the dough hook, like fifteen seconds-
then let it stew for an hour.
add 2 tsp sea salt, and 2 T warm water,
and knead that bad baby up for 11 minutes-
cover it, and let it proof in the fridge for 12-16 hours-
take it out when your oven is preheating and stretch it on an oiled steel tray.
i use steel because it makes the crust bubble up nicey-nice.
but that's just me.
how long do i bake it for?
until it's finished.
and i take it off the steel and give it the last little minute ON the stones, too.
yup.
does this make sense?
so you get it?
are you feeling it?
good.
do the right thing, kids.
what can i say?
i have a lot of true stories, but they're all sad.
i have a whole long list of low points and losses,
but really, according to the logistics on this little diary,
nobody is looking,
and that's probably for the best.
i may be all alone.
i may have nobody to actually talk to most days.
i may spend every night huddled in a puddle of quaking shakes and comfortless comforters.
i may not have any avenues that look promising.
all that may be the honest-to-goodness way it is.
heck,
my hallowe'en costumes may be lame.
and my food is annoying to look at over and over.
and the giant armoire of fancy napkins and cutting board tableaus is excessive.
and my art may be too weird for northern new hampshire.
and i may have so many heavy weights from all the aspirations that asphyxiate me.
and my dog may be impossible to adequately care for.
and my kids may all be better off with less of me in their lives.
and i may say all the wrong things without exception.
but maybe that's the beauty of it-
who ever read it?
who still reads it?
who kept on after the picture of the pizza?
y'wanna know what's actually all really happening?
it's ending.
this thing.
those things.
everything.
and i'm telling this little captain's log all about it.
maybe i'll feel better,
maybe i'll feel nothing.
either would be preferable to feeling like it doesn't matter if i stay or go.
and that's how it ends each and every night;
never quiet, never soft.....