THE RULES!!!

time and date, buddy.
yeah.
over here, in the rough-hewn rural woodsly goodness,
we're not far away and out of touch with the wider woken world
that we don't know about what's up with tuesdays.
you know what's up with tuesdays.
it's not a law.
heck,
it's not even technically a rule,
but it IS a strong suggestion;
one which, when taken, has expectations to live up to.
word up, neighbors-
taco tuesday is not for box mix babies.
nope.
they're not invited to the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress for supper.
we only permit the real real ones to come up and get some-
and those crunchy twelve-pack spice-packet punks have gotta stay home
and munch up on their sad, slimy, hot-lettuce fall-aparts.
that's right.
however,
if you're genuinely about getting expert,
staying dope,
actively participating,
professionally appreciating,
overindulging in super-hottness,
and generally representing the pursuit of deconstructive-self-improvement
and/or constructive self-destruction,
you can come right on over and do hard-styled things the hard way with me...
...but only with SOFT mutha'ucking tortillas.
yup.
rules is rules.
don't come through if you can't hang out with the soft flour flaps.
guys!
taco tuesday is for shark-gluttonous feeding-frenzied fresh-to-deathness.
that's real.
i'm just sayin', dudes- i don't play when it's time to do the thing.
mmmmmmmmhmmmmm.
-
i got home fro work,
and got right back to work.
luckily,
crabtree got to play with his best friend patti all afternoon,
so he was chilled the eff out, and just about as happy as he gets.
that made my dinnertime prep situation so much smoother.
and a smooth prep only makes me want to do my thing even harder.
ha.
yeah.
i got the mandoline out,
and had the veggies paper thin and ready in a minute or two.
i had the rice simmering, the spices arranged,
the beans separated from the aquafaba,
and a set of pans all sauteing onions-
yeah, man,
that's tight.
what'd i come up with?
i came up with a WIN, bro.
obvi.
victorious vegan victuals!
taco tuesday had me like:

kaBOOOOOOOOOOMfire!!!!
triple doubles, dudes.
three each of two types of tacos all for just one man.
uh-huh.
too much is the right amount.
both varieties were stacked and fully loaded with allll the hottness.
for really real.
check it out, but, like, a little bit closer:

YEAH!!!!
*
homemade seitan is always good.
but,
a cup and a half of sliced slabs,
sizzled up in olive oil,
with a couple of sweet mini red peppers, stripped up-
and 1/4 cup of sweet onion strips,
plus a few shakes of oregano, cumin, GPOP, paprika, chipotle pepper,
cayenne pepper, black pepper, and coriander,
deglazed with a tablespoon of lime juice?
THAT's that too-TILTED level-eleven jaun, for real.
hahaha.
but, it IS, though.
with purple cabbage, red leaf lettuce, red onion, tomatoes, purple carrots,
cucumber, jalapeno, and scallion sprankles?
plus,
homemade cashew lime crema??!?!
c'mon, kids.
that's what's UP.
cashew cream is pretty straightforward.
the recipe is covered here.
anyway,
three of those is a heck of a good start,
but it couldn't stop there.
i mean, really, guys.
you need MORE.
that's the right call.
*
chili chick peas?!
F*ing right.
a pinch of smoked paprika, a dash of cayenne,
a hint of cumin and coriander,
poblano pepper, red hot chilis,
and a touch of agave to glaze it all onto those gonzo garbanzos.
expert.
with pea tendrils and cilantro and rice as the foundation;
and cukes and radishes and ho' sauce for the accents;
tomatoes and jalapenos for the hotter and wetter aspects;
and agave-glazed black peppery pepita sprankles for that little somethin' exxxtra.
-
the taco scene in this household is no joke,
i bring it big time, and i eat it big time.
also, i eat it all up all alone. with a semi-stressed conscience but a squeaky clean plate.
that's how you do it, when you're bound and determined to do it.
-
there's no excuse for eating ugly tacos.
not when a whole rainbow of textures and flavors and vitamins are right there
waiting for you to get involved, and make the magic in your kitchen,
so that it'll spread to your mouth, and eventually seep into every cell in your body,
infusing your blood and imbuing your bones
with a wolverine-like ULTIMATE VEGAN HEALING FACTOR.
ummmmm.
yeah.
about that.
i can't promise that's the result, but it works for me.
and maybe, you'll feel way better anyway if you're eating beautiful food.
i know i did.
don't settle for less than the most luscious on your plate,
or anywhere else for that matter.
you get to choose what you do, and how you do it-
so,
choose to make your own super-elite mystical tacos, broski.
that's IT;
never quiet, never soft.....