PASQUALE

well,
i wore allllll the green,
and i did a whole lot of tattooing.
then,
after a smilin'-eyed day of kiss-me-less-ness,
i came home with swollen hands and bent fingers,
and peeled the heck out of some potatoes.
yeah.
when it's time to celebrate st. paddy,
it's time to eff around with that boiled D.
and man o'man, did i ever eff around with it this year.
here's the thing:
it is not something i'd consider sexxxy-lookin'.
nope.
not one bit.
i did what i could to add some elemental expertism to the thing,
and i think it worked out alright.
check the funky-ceili's-shillelagh-type teleport:

poe tay toes, neighbors!
that's right.
we've got a whole slew of soft starch ready to rock,
or sink like a rock, on that plate.
damn,
but don't that boiled D hate lookin' pretty.
i'll attribute it to hunger harrying my hurt, hurried hands,
and the demand to finish up everything all at once adding to the rush.
but,
we had some FLAVORS up in the house, kids.
yeah.
we certainly had that.
the lineup?
seitan-broth boiled whole-bulb onions, tri-color baby potatoes, and tricolor baby carrots.
(i'm sayin', i did what i could to enhance the beiges)
that's grilled, double braised cabbage quarters in the corner.
a potato-parsnip-carrot-red-onion hash waffle,
topped with freshly homemade corned seitan, with a toasted caraway and tomato relish,
and pea shoot sprankles.
plus,
that's some black irish breakfast tea black currant soda bread on the side.
yup.
too much is the right amount, man.
that's our thing over here.
here's that seitan recipe again.
the broth was repurposed for the 'tatoes and the carrots, and eventually also the onions-
first y'gotta peel the onions:
3 minutes in a pot of boiling water,
followed by draining, and soaking in very cold water for another 3 minutes,
the cutting off the butts, and poppin' them out of their skins!
barbaric!!
that's the easy move, though. boiled D, made with boiling.
simple.
tight.
soft.
delicious.
dope.
*
the cabbage was seared on both sides to blackness in a drizzle of olive oil on high heat-
then,
a quick braise with a spoonful of seitan broth in the pan, lidded and evaporated,
had 'em lookin' halfway there-
but the big action was the burly non-alcoholic beer broth, bro.
uh-huh.
2 n.a. brewskis, 1 tsp bouillon; 2 T chopped onion; 3 cloves sliced garlic; GPOP;
a dust up of thyme; 1 bay leaf; 3 T horseradish mustard;
black pepper, celery seed, mustard seed, and a splash of malt vinegar.
is it a sourbutt blast?
yes, it is.
does it still caramelize nicely in a hot pan?
yes, it does.
was that cabbage expert as hell?
you bet your A* it was, bruh.
*
look a little closer, please:

crispy in spots, soft everywhere else.
that's irish food for you.
the seitan was simple, too-
dredged in cornstarch, flour, GPOP, and smoked paprika, spritzed with salt,
and sizzled up until crispy,
then irish'ized with a ladle full of that beerish broth, and allowed to soak, steam, and re-sizz',
until the skin on 'em is supple, but solid with stewed soupy sauce.
-
and that's not nearly enough to be on my level-
so the waffle iron was up and running, simultaneously cooking both sides of my hash.
that's 2 large red peeled potatoes, grated into a strainer,
with
1/4 red onion, shaved paper thin;
2 medium peeled parsnips, also grated;
and one fat carrot, peeled and grated-
a heavy salting, and patience, is required.
the starchy roots will all seep liquid in incredible quantities,
and will need to be pressed and squeezed and blotted several times
to remove as much moisture as possible.
if you don't doo-do that, you'll get sad, sucky, steamed softies, with zero crisp to speak of,
and that sh!t is seven days, dude. y'know? week.
weak?
c'mon.
you like it.
anyway,
when they're crispy, they're done-
but you might wanna keep 'em in the warm oven, because it takes a while per waffle,
and nobody likes cold hashers.
-
then,
y'just toast a teaspoon of caraway seeds,
and toss 'em on top of some minced sweet baby grape tomatoes.
-
guys,
it tastes amazing, and it takes some time, but it doesn't require many skills.
ok.
sure, you have to eff with making your own seitan,
but it tastes twenty thousand times more elite than the store bought stuff.
it's worth every exxxtra second, i promise-
besides, the broth served double duty all damned day, too.
smart.
***********
and the there's that soda bread!!!
damn, dudes.
i  tried a new way, with a smaller bread, and it was pretty flippin' great.
i mean it.
it was a hit with my peoples,
and that means a whole lot to me.
you want the recipe, as i recall it?
sure!
here goes:
-
*
BLACK ON BLACK SODA BREAD!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
in a medium mixing bowl, combine:
3 trader joes decaffeinated irish breafast tea bags, emptied into the bowl;
(throw away the bags, dummy)
1 stick vegan butter;
1/2 cup brown sugar;
3/4 tsp salt.
stir in, and stir well:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce.
next, sift in:
2 cups flour;
1/3 cup sprouted whole wheat flour;
1 T baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cream of tartar
(i'm pretty sure those things are just dissembled b. pow, but whatever)
add 1/3-1/2 cup dried black currants,
and lastly, pour in
3/4 cup strong brewed irish breakfast black tea, with 1/4 cup non-dairy milk,
fold, stir, and otherwise mix that into a dough/batter,
and pour it into an 8" parchment-lined springform.
bake it for 35-55 minutes, or until the center is thoroughly done-
let it cool, and cut yourself a thic slice or five,
so you can completely freak out over the masterpiece you just concocted.
i know that's what we did.
if you're thinking any black tea will work, you're right.
if you're suspicious of someone who names a specific brand, that's cool.
try it your way first-
but then try it my way.
only the will you realize that i only have all of our best interests at heart
WORD.
***********
today, it's impressively cold.
i s'pose that's what we get?
i don't know why nature tries so earnestly to beat us up in these northern mountains,
but i'll bet we've done something to deserve it.
i accept that.
and i'll try to stay open-minded while i'm cruising around the hills in the wind with my dog.
-
there's so much that needs doing,
and so many tattoos that need zapping,
and so many backgrounds that need painting,
and all of it is on the schedule for today.
except, it so cold, i can't think of anything but bundling up.
nature wins, man.
now, if only she was a better sport about it;
never quiet, never soft.....