Monday, May 14

BUNZ, HUN!

i made some breakfast rolls.
like,
cinnamon ones,
but with barely any cinnamon,
and a bunch of creamchee' and strawberries instead.
uh-huh.
cinna-MOM buns, with berry bits.
look:

CRUSTY AND SOFT AND SWEET AND STICKY!!!
mmmmmm.
guys,
my momma was down in connecticut,
but that wasn't gonna keep me away from some special treats in absentia.
and they're good.
like, really good.
soft in the middle, thick and firm and buttery,
and the filling was a bubbly, oozy, fruity exxxplosion of excellence.
the cast iron is key, because it gives 'em even expert heat.
the parchment paper keeps it clean.
the icing takes 'em to eleven.
here's how it's done:
-
*
STRAWBUNZIES!!
-
line a 10" cast iron pan with parchment paper.
-
preheat your oven to 375℉
-
in a small saucepot, gently warm up:
1 cup soymilk;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 stick (4 T) vegan butter.
when that's all melty, add 1 tsp bread machine yeast,
stir and allow to bloom for ten minutes.
-
in your trusty stand mixer, with the dough hook in place, combine:
3 cups flour;
1/2 tsp salt;
4 T brown sugar;
4 T unrefined sugar;
1 pkg fast-actin' yeast;
a lil dashy-dash of cinnamon and ginger.
-
add the wet to the dry, and knead it up until it's a smooth, round ball of dough.
cover it, and let it rise for ten,
while you make the filling-
-
1/2 cup brown sugar;
2 T vegan butts;
2 T vegan creamchee';
1/2 tsp vanilla;
2 T seedless strawberry jam;
smooshed into a pasty, tasty, spreadable batch of blops!
-
on a floured surface, roll out the dough into a big fat rectangle,
longer than it's wide, and spread the filling evenly from edge to edge to edge,
but leave the last short edge unspread with sauce for about an inch,
so you can seal the deal with a little liquid once you roll it up.
next,
hit it with a handful of freeze-dried strawberries,
manually mashed and liberally dosed across the gooey interior goodness.
roll it, cut the roll in half, cut those in half, and cut those into thirds,
and arrange them like you see 'em in the picture-
give the whole thing a ha;f an hour to swell up,
and then bake 'em all for thirty minutes.
what you get is a gooey, chewy, batch of big action battle-mamas from the future.
huh?
man, i dunno-
they defy conventional labeling.
and the drizzles on top?
yeah.
that's what makes it so dope:
half a cup of powdered sugar, a spoonful of vegan creamchee',
a couple teaspoons' worth of pulverized powdery dried strawberry dust,
a dash of vanilla, and a splash of s'milk, stirred, scoopled into a bag,
and spread in big pink spouts of sugary sexxxiness.
THAT'S WHAT'S UP!!
***********
we got ourselves a very cloudy morning here in the woodsly goodness.
and yet,
i'm seeing things molto clearly.
i've got bread in the oven.
i've got groceries to go and get when it's done baking.
i've got this damned dirty dog to drag through the trails and trees right afterwards.
and then, i've got work to do at AMPERSAND TATTOO.
it's not a glamorous life, neighbors.
it might actually even be the exact opposite.
for all the unconventional events i engage in,
they're repeated over and over and over and over.
it's not exactly a time-loop,
but it's a timespan that wavers only slightly, like an arrow or a bullet-
i'm moving forward, but without a lot of roving, ranging, or wriggling away from
the path i've plotted.
no evasive maneuvers, nor any conflict avoidance.
i do what i do, and i  do the best i can, with improvements noticeable
only really noticeable over long stretches time-
i think that's how real life works?
building momentum, accumulating small victories,
and cashing in when you reach the target....
um.
nope.
...wait.
that's skee-ball.
my mistake.
my life is a skee-ball machine.
well,
that's discouraging;
never quiet, never soft.....

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