or maybe the wheat bran that makes these so freakin' expert.
wait, what?
ahhhh.
yeah, neighbors- i'm on that SOFT pretzel binge,
and i just cannot get enough of 'em.
three times in two weeks?
that's a LOT, but that's the correct course of action.
too much is the right amount.
and when it comes to coarsely sea salted soft sexxxies?
y'gotta overdo it, or just don't even bother.
i'm getting better and planning and preparing.
these jauns are way less like german bratzen knots,
and way more like philly boys.
mmmmmm.
check the teleport:
WOW!!
the oven was already blazing all morning, so that wasn't no thang.
450℉? heck yeah.
i got the dough primed up,
and it doubled exxxtra-quick this time.
i like that.
it meant i got to eat pretzels much sooner.
what'd i do differently?
well,
i did it like this:
-
*
SOFT BOYZ, v. 2!
-
in a small bowl, stir up:
2 T real new hampshire maple syrup;
1 pkg regular-actin' active yeast;
1/4 cup warm water.
let that bubble and bloom for ten or so minutes.
-
in my trusty upright stand mixer, with the dough hook in place,
i combined, and kneaded:
2 cups king arthur a.p. flour;
1 tsp salt;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/2 cup rye flour;
3 T vegan butter;
3 T wheat bran;
1 tsp bread machine yeast.
when that was well-sorted,
i added the maple/water/yeast,
AND
3/4 cup warm water,
and beat it up for 11 minutes.
-
i used wet hands, and made a tight, most ball of that dough,
covered the whole bowl in plastic,
started a pot of water boiling,
with 1 T baking soda per 2 cups water,
to assure perfect pretzel-skin-activating alkalinity.
and let the dough double in size before punching it down
and working it out on a floured board.
i cut it into eight equal pieces, rolled each out hella long and thing,
gave it the classic U-shape with one full twist of the tips, and the obligatory foldover,
for these beautiful prezz contours.
thirty seconds each in the water bath, plus a flip once for good measure,
and they pulled from the soak with a wire spider,
and then got laid out on parchment on a baking tray,
sprankled with lots of sea salt,
and baked for like 14 minutes or so...
they get all golden brown,
and the classic skin-split opens up to that soft succulent buttery lightness within!
mmmmmmmmm.
.....that's how you make your misery disappear for a few facefuls of grace.
*
if you're a mustard person,
this stuff is great.
i'm not, really, but i can still appreciate it.
there's toasted caraway seeds, and yellow mustard seeds, saturated with malt vinegar,
stirred in with coarse horseradish dijon AND standard smooth dijon.
yup.
that's a lot going on for one spread, but rules is rules,
and that's how i do it.
i'm told that pretzels ain't sh!t without a mustard option.
i'm inclined to believe that, whether or not i indulge.
-
the loaded vegan creamchee' is dope, too.
with scallions and dill seeds to keep it frisky,
there's breff-stank written all over it.
and y'know what?
it's worth it.
mmmmmmm.
***********
it's grey AND windy outside.
that's my favorite.
...in reverse.
my homeboy crabtree did NOT get a walk yesterday,
so he needs an active one this morning.
i'm not exactly excited, but it needs to be done.
he can't help that he's a little shark-bullet that needs to be shot out into the wider world
to pee on stuff and eat sticks and take poops.
he cannot be trusted to just walk around on his own-
he's half deaf and all dumb, and routinely walks into the street,
eerily sensing the suicide solution of oncoming traffic form behind him.
so, to keep him safe, i keep him harnessed,
and we endure the elements together.
it's not always the best time,
but he's my dude, and he isn't capable of taking care of himself,
so we do what we must.
which is mostly wrestle for supremacy in the snowbanks as he drags along,
or darts ahead at the precise wrong times, every time.
it's battle beast woodsly walk time,
and i'm gearing up for combat and calisthenics in these cold, grey hills.
i don't even have any pretzels left to soothe my sourpuss a bit;
never quiet, never soft.....
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