BUFFZIES!!!

sandwich week is comin' correct, kids.
there's just been SO many sandwiches,
so much food,
so much bread,
and so many masterful flavors and textures,
each one better than the last.
it's just been a steadily building exxxplosion of improved expertism,
and that, in turn, has been steadily building my waistline
into a wider and wobblier version of the original.
i may actually look worse than i did on the last day of august,
and i don't even necessarily feel better for all i've nourished my soul with soul food,
but my tastes have been indulged to the fullest levels allowed
by the limitations of my senses and the decadence has been a worthwhile experience.
i mean.
c'mon man, fourteen months since the last sandwich week?
that's lame.
and i think my fondness and the long absence have created a bombogenesis of
bread and stuff that goes to eleven.
and that's the truth.
last night, for the friday night delight,
it was time to really get things crankin',
and make some deluxxxe buffalo cauliflower.
check it:

WOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!!
with jalapeno potato crissssps on the side,
and a well-buttered hella-toasted bad-A* bun.
these jauns are actually almost too damned delicious.
i don't need this many sandwiches.......
but i want this many sandwiches.

how do i make buffalo cauliflower this F*ing awesome?
it's not as hard as you might thing.
you just do this:
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BATTERZ!
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turn your oven up to 375℉
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in a medium-sized mixin' bowl,
mix up:
1/4 + 2 tsp + cup chickpea flour;
2 T non-GMO organic cornstarch;
1/2 tsp ea GPOP;
1/4 tsp black pepper & cayenne pepper;
1/4 tsp smoked paprika;
1 T nutritional yeast;
2 T texas pete ho'sauce;
1/3 cup non-dairy milk;
2 T pickle brine...
that's the batter-
roll your bite sized florets chunks around in there until they're totally covered,
and lay 'em out on parchment on a baking tray, and place them in the oven
for ten-fifteen minutes.
when the batter looks solid,
take your caulinuggies out, and put them in large bowl,
and add in 2/3rds of the buff' sauce and toss 'em until they're coated...
rearrange 'em back on the parchment,
and turn the heat up to 400℉
that's the stuff.
another ten minutes in there, and you'll have somethin' expert.
then,
you hit 'em with another other 'nother blast of cooked buttery buff activation.
too much is the right amount.
that's all y'all need to know.
but that's not even it, which is wild as hell.

and for the record dudes:
THIS buff sauce is the big activated busy businesstime action, bro.
you want a recipe?
i got you:
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BUFFFF!
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1/4 cup vegan mayo;
2 tsp nutritional yeast;
1/4 cup frank's red hot sauce;
1 T sriracha;
1/4 tsp cayenne;
black pepper, Garlic Powder, Onion Powder, hot paprika,
and dash of smoked paprika;
1/2 tsp vegan worcestershire;
2 tsp pickle brine.
is it great?
it IS great.
spicy, creamy, smooth, tangy, vinegar-sharpened boomfire for your face.
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the last 1/3rd of the sauce?
well,
i want you to add 2 T of vegan butter to it in a small pot,
and maybe another dash of frank's,
and heat it up until it gets dark and lovely and viscous.
the cooked finishing sauce turns the whole deal up to 11.
truth.
it's a simple exxxtra, but it makes SUCH a difference.

right?
that's lookin' tiiiiiiight.
and that grange?
y'know?
that's vegan ranch, from scratch.
and it's F*ing expert.
you want the new-new?
i got it, and i'm gonna share it:
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GRANGE!!
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you just need a little bowl and a spatula, and then you mix together:
1/4 cup vegan sour creme;
2 T vegan mayo;
2 T non-dairy milk;
1 T pickle brine;
2 tsp lemon juice;
1/2 tsp lemon zest;
3 cloves fresh raw spicy crushed garlic;
1/2 tsp ea GPOP;
a heavy dash of  paprika;
1/4 tsp coarse cracked black pepper;
1ish tsp dried dill;
4 tsp minced fresh flat parsley.
mixed and mixed and mixed until it's a chunky, zesty, creamy magic SAUCE.
and that's what y'all're gonna want.
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the bottom salad is just right-
radicchio, slivered celery, and cilantro, together, lookin' goooooooood.
and red onion, extra sharp, for a crisp slap across the top.
and the sauces, and the baked cauliflower,
and that bun.
bro.
the bun is what absolutely makes this the best ever.
it's a very soft, very light, very well-toasted buttery brown-edged victory.
neighbors-
the buns are heroic.

yeah.
olive-oiled tops, proofed to a big ol' risen roundness,
baked up and browned,
then split, and toasted in a lightly oiled pan......
i know it's a LOT of fat,
but it's the MOST flavor i can even imagine.
damn.
i'm happy about how good these were.
i'm sad (and relieved) they're gone, though.
i'd still be eating if there was still something to eat.
and i don't need to do that.
so many sandwiches, so much joy, and so many residual repercussions.
i'm making magic happen, and i'm staling for time.
monday, the world returns to normal, and all this big fun is over;
never quiet, never soft.....