toffee-coffee

duders,
what even is toffee?
turns out, it feels like it should be buttery.
actually,
it feels like caramel glass,
but it's just sugar and butter, and high heat.
...and that's it.
y'know what, though?
it's pretty effin' delicious, too.
i have the ingredients,
and although vegan butter butts have way more water than
even the cheapest really good real-life butter,
i just drained the excess liquid,
simple enough, right?
yes.
because being vegan is only a problem if you're lazy, or stupid, or both.
and without the wet, the left-behind caramelized crystals
activated all the expected toffee-type dissolving and reconstitution.
yup.
that's real.
i poured a puddle of it, and it hardened up into that brown glassy goodness.
that's when it really got expert, guys.
uh-huh.
because i smashed the sh!t out of it, and made candy shrapnel
for baking up some more cookie hottness.
yeah!!!
neighbors,
i have coffee beans, and i ground 'em up;
i have instant-style coffee, and i creamed it into the butters and the sugars
that i mashed up and mixed together;
i even have coffee extract-
and i exacted a small spoon's worth, tempered with vanilla;
and what about when you get all of that in a big bowl?
well, yes.
it IS very coffee-ish.
but,
what i meant was-
what about taking it to eleven?
guys, c'mon!
it needs those toffee chips,
to activate the ultimate candy cookie crisp crunch.
jeez, obviously,
i went through all that toffee talk for a reason, man.
check the extra-buttery-sugar-bomb-type teleport:

mmmmmmmmmmmm.
of course, i leaned a lesson.
the oven gets hot,
and that turns that solid toffee into liquid toffee,
and that melts into small spots.
ugh.
so much spatula work went into freeing up those little flatties.
i mean it, between the extra butter in the dough,
and the butter in the toffee, they melted outwards, and adhered downwards.
but once they cooled off enough, they stayed chewy, but also so crawnchy.
that's complexity,
and that's rad.
*
cookies every day.
at least until,
until sunday, anyway.
then it's time for a whole 'nother 'nother thing,
thematically consistent, but varying in style,
for eight more deliciously dope days,
in a row.
that's no joke.
in the meantime,
the oven is preheated,
there's gluten-free 'tardation underway,
...and it's snowing.
anything can happen, again.
that's the rules.
nothing is scheduled, so, that's truer than ever.
whatever goes on today is gonna be better than the nothing that's planned.
sure.
secret universal stratagems are in place, i'm confident,
and all of this is just another crease in time and space.
it's all really happening,
whatever it is;
never quiet, never soft.....