SEPTEMBER'S END!

NOODZ!!!
yup.
i had a minute, and i made a thing.
look:

YUMMMMMMM!
yes, that's romaine and cilantro and cukes and radishes and carrots on the side.
a.k.a. salad, bro.
it's good for you, and it goes great with spicy hot noods, dudes.
for real.
and there's a cooked veggie component to the dish that really turns up the taste-
that's peppers and celery and onion and spinach and carrot and cilantro and basil,
all seared and sizzled in a splash of sesame oil, until barely soft.
that's key here.
no mushy veggies.
we've got soft, supple rice noods to fill those blanks in, buddy.
word up.
i mean,
spicy stir fry is pretty effing simple.
it's ALL in the sauce, after all.
and as long as you can do a 1:1:1:1:1 ratio
of soy/rice wine vinegar/sweetness (in this case mae ploy)/and ho'sauce (sriracha, obvi),
and chili garlic paste for the win......
you're good.
i also added lime juice.
and coriander and dry basil and dry ginger and GPOP, of course.....
i'm all about the spices and the heat and the hottness and the mutha-lickin' noods....
it's the best way to activate a cold night,
and turn up the boomfire for your tum and your bum.
....and then, of course, there's tofu.
because too much is the right amount,
and those crispy coconut oil jauns are so awesome, they've GOT to be included.
rules is rules.
make some stir fry.
you'll be so happy you did.
just make it up with whatever yo have on hand.
and fry it,
and stir it,
and be psyched.
***********
if there is one great thing about today, neighbors, it's this:
the fryeburg fair is poppin' as of now!!
yup.
the blue-ribbon classic is back in action,
and that means that at some point this week,
i'm gonna have to get disgusting on a big ol' burly batch of new england's
most elite and delicious falafel wizardry,
courtesy of the falafel mafia.
when?
i dunno!
but i'll be there, for sure.
maybe on feel awful falafel friday?
that sounds like a plan to me, man.
i'm super ready for it.
***********
this is it, kids.
the last day.
september went by in a blur.
a whirlwind maelstrom of swirling sands spiraling down the hourglass....
it seems like it just started, but it's already all over.
the time was spanned with a whole lotta love and luck,
and a smattering of Folk Life & Liberty, too.
yup.
it went fast, it went hard, and it went in every direction....
that's normally considered chaos, right?
well,
this time it's not chaotic, it's exploratory.
we're all figuring out how we fit together as a team.
who?
breezy, embry, cohen, cali, crabtree, and i.
that's a slew of savage stormswept lightning-striking viking temperaments to manage,
and the biggest of us are every bit as much of a hard-headed ham-fisted handful
as the tremendous two-year old and that terrible terrier....
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress is full.
(although there will always be room for at least a couple-two/three more)
september saw us get into a routine.
october will see us get so much better and more efficient with it.
i'm excited for the unfolding future that's been racing up to meet us,
and i'm just as excited for the time we've been given to span together.
it's all really happening,
and it's only going to get more expert as we hold each other's hands
and walk forward into tomorrow like a big ol' batch of champions;
NQNS.....

CUPCAKED!!

PEANUT BUTTER!!!!
CHOCOLATE CHIPS!!!!
GLUTEN-FREE!!!!
CHAMPION!!!!
word up.
y'boi doesn't play when it comes to treats,
and after i got deep into a lil gluten indulgence in my treat game,
i was down to get back into some deep new wheatless hottness.
...that's exxxactly what these are.
check it:

YUMMMMMMMMM!!!!
chocolate and peanut butter go hand in hand forever.
i love 'em both, i want 'em both, and i have 'em both, right here.
unfortunately for any nut-allergy diaper babies,
you lose.
also, there's almond flour, almond milk, and coconut in there, too,
so they're basically delicious murder bombs for your face.
but, since i'm immune to food alergies, i'll be indulging, and that's a fact.
mmmmmmm.
the chocolate chip sprankles?
on top of that peanut buttery betterthanevercremeforsting??
c'mon.
if you can't hag out with that, you might be an A*-hole.
just sayin'.
-
the frosting was easy:-
3 cups of powdered sugar;
1/4 cup all natural smooth peanut butter;
1 stick of vegan butter;
1 tsp of vanilla;
1/4 cup vanilla unsweetened almond milk.
whisked intoa  frenzy and fluffed the F* up like a cloud!
tight.
-
 the cake batter was a little weirder, but not by much:
-
* 
GF PB CC CAKE!!
-
preheat your oven to 370℉
-
in a stand-up mixer, with the whisk attached, combine:
1/2 cup smooth all natural peanut butter;
1 stick ( 8T ) vegan butts;
1/4 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
1 cup sugar;
1 tsp xantham gum;
1/2 cup unsweetened coconut yogurt-
blended and mixed and made into a mush, you're halfway there-
next add;
1 cup bob's all-purpose gf baking blend;
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
1 cup mama's almond flour blend;
1 cup mini vegan dark chocolate chips;
1/2 cup unsweetened dessicated coconut;
2 1/2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk.
y'just whip whip whip it good, and aerate the heck out of it,
and then spoon it into muffins lining, in muffin tins, and make it nice.
gluten-free stuff doesn't smooth itself out, so flatten the tops as best you can.
i gave 'em thirtyish minutes. that was enough.
these jauns rose up and crowned and crested and were flipping sexxxy as hell.
which i liked a lot.
they're moist.
they're soft.
they're 0% gritty or grainy.
they're F*ing delicious.
so, like, when it comes to cupcakes?
we win, neighbors.
enjoy it.
*
i tattooed my mom!
my mom, who made it all this time with no tattoos,
and i tattooed her, finally.
yup.
i did.
that means i have the complete set.
y'know?
i've now tattooed every single member of my immediate family, including myself,
but with the highlight being my ma!!!.
that's pretty cool.
and it was her first one, (probably her only one)
and at my own studio, too!
that's a huge deal to me.
i'm grateful for the days that unfold like yesterday.
it wasn't all magic and majesty,
but there was more good than bad,
and more people who cared than didn't,
and all of it unfolded along a path i'm prepared to follow to the end,
so as it happens, and it all always really does,
i'm reminded of the people and the places,
the spirit and the memory,
the gratitude and generosity and the togetherness that i get to experience
with the ones who matter the most to me.
then i stuffed my face with more pizza than ever before,
and had a cupcake for good measure.
too much is the right amount,
and i'm more than okay with that;
NQNS.....

RAZZZZZZZZ!

sometimes, if i know i'm about to be all alone for a day,
i go back to where i came from.
that's real.
y'don't forget your roots, or you'll become an ungrounded bummer, bro.
i started baking seriously to cope with loss and frustration,
a meditative process that produced something fancy, but functional,
to sustain and nourish all the aspects of my creative and hungry infinite nature.
that's the truth.
and when i need to just dissolve all the stresses that i'm carrying?
i could never ever just do nothing.
i don't want to escape, i want to engage, and for me, that means DOING something.
more often than not,
that specifically means making something delicious and delightful,
beautiful and bountiful,
conscientious, conscious, and creative, all at once.
so, i did that.
and *gasp* i used ALLL the regular-A* wheat and gluten-based goodness i had on hand.
hahahah!
i'll make all the gluten-free everything if that makes it possible to include
my closest companion i the thing i love to do the most.....
but if i'm solo for even a second?
i'm going full super-success expert-style succulence,
and i promise you, it'll be F*ing rad every time.
that's real.
check the process/progress report:

RASPIES!!!
man, i got alllllll the razzlers on top of this.
and i'm gonna tell you how you can too.
ready?
here we go:
-
*
RAZBARS!!
-
preheat your oven to 370℉
-
in a small pot,
add 12oz of frozen raspberries
to 1/4 cup powdered sugar and  3 T non-GMO gluten-free organic cornstarch sfted together
with 1/2 tsp lemon extract and 1 tsp vanilla defrosted and thickened over medium-low heat,
until it's all a blarpity blob of redness.
remove them form the heat source and set 'em aside.
wooooooo!!!
-
get out a medium-sized mixing bowl,
and using a pastry-cutter, combine:
1 stick ( 8T ) vegan butter;
1 cup brown sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
add 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce;
2 1/4 cups a.p. flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/4 cup rolled oats;
3 T tapioca starch.
stir,
and mix in:
1 cup non-dairy milk.
fold all the ingredients into a very thick batter,
and spread evenly in a greased 9 x 12" pan.
yeah!!
add the slippery red raspberry sauce, spread evenly across the top,
and quickly, in your batter bowl,
make up some streuselly crumble topping!
-
*
CR0MBLEZ!
-
3 T vegan butter;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 cup quick oats;
1/4 cup dessicated unsweetened organic coconut;
1/4 cup powdered sugar.
chop chop chop that all up until it clumps together,
and take handfuls of it, and sprankle it all over the berry bits.
now you've got three layers, playboi-
all that's left to do is to bake it for thirty minutes.
i mean, really, these jauns are F*ing amazing.
fluffy bottom cake,
crunchy cookie-style crumbs,
very tart-and-sweet berry teamwork in-between.
c'mon!
that's dreamy, dudes.
i'm a dream-maker, in cake form.
i can live with that.
*
the process is productive,
and the results are undeniable.
i feel better, i did something creative,
i created something usable,
i got involved in my own life as a way to decompress from my own life.
i like that.
it's all really happening, kids.
that's the whole point.
it may never ever be enough,
but i'll never ever stop trying to get there;
NQNS.....

SCONE-STARS!

i even cut out little apple stars, just to be cute.
yeah!!
wait....
i'm skipping ahead.
let me clarify.
i made gluten-free apple cinnamon scones,
and i added cute lil sugar sprankles....
and i even cut out little apple stars, just to be cute.
NOW you get it, right?
gotcha!
so,
here's the finished product:

WOOOOOOOO!
and here's the true story behind their creation:
i've been baking and making all sorts of breakfasty stuff for weeks.
i don''t always take pictures anymore,
as the demand is greater than the presentation can withstand-
i.e. hungry everybodies want their tasty bits asap, and there's no photos allowed
when all the faces are full and all the crumbs are flying everywhere......
but sometimes i still find a small second here and there to document
what's going on at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
that's what i do, after all, even if it's no longer the only thing i do, y'know?
yeah.
so,
gluten-free scones aren't easier to make.
that's the first truth about 'em.
the second is that they cut cleaner, but bake denser, so in the future,
i believe i may have to amend the recipe to allow for more moisture to be included/.
we'll see.
i haven't decided when they'll appear next, anyway,
so there's plenty of brainstorming allowed until then
ANYway, here's what went into these autumnal awesomes.
you decide what you'd like to do about that on your own time:
-
*
GF APPLE SCONES!!
-
preheat your oven to 410℉
-
get a big ol' bowl out, and fill it with the following:
1 cup bob's all-purpose gluten-free baking blend;
1 cup mama's almond flour blend;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp cinnamon;
3 T raw sugar;
3 T tapioca flour;
1/4 cup gf oat flour;
6 T vegan butter;
1 tsp xantham gum;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
3 T vegan creamchee'...
-
with a pastry cutter, chop all that up thoroughly together, until it's all crumbly.
add in:
1/3 cup unsweetened non-dairy yogurt;
1 large apple, peeled, cored, and cubed into 1/4" chunks;
1/3 cup non-dairy milk + more if necessary, added 1 t at a time, to make a heavy dough.
knead, and fold, and turn the dough, making sure to incorporate all the apples,
and all the flour,
until it's all totally blended, and sticking together.
hand form it into a 1/2" thick rectangle about 6" wide by 12" long,
and cut that in half lengthwise,
and into triangles along each half, until you've got about a dozen-
a few more if you like skinny cuts, and a few less if yo make em fatties-
i don;t know your tastes, so do what you do, neighbors.
i support you in this.
-
arrange them on a baking tray and sprankle some raw sugar crystals on top.
maybe shake a little cinnamon dust up on there, too.
i mean,
it won't hurt anything if you go a little hard on the flavors, y'know?
it's true.
and if you like being kyoooooooot?
those small apple stars are pretty expert, bro.
just sayin'.
i keep a full complement of cutters on hand for occasion just like this one.
i'm never sad about it.
then get 'em all pretty, and ready, and bake 'em up for twenty or so minutes.
BOOM!
just like that,
you're a radical vegan exxxplosion of excellence,
and you've also got a whole batch of scones to eat.
who wins harder than us?
nobody, obvi.
duh.
you're a superstar,
i'm a superstar,
we're a regular (almond)milky way, aren't we?
i think so;
NQNS.....

CARAMEL GARGAMEL!

vegan caramel chips.
yup.
king david makes them.
i dunno who he is, or if he's really a king,
but his chips are F*ing rad, neighbors.
i used a whole cup of them in a cake,
and i didn't use any gluten while i was at it.
cool, huh?
i thought it was, anyway.
check the teleport:

CARAMEL GARGAMEL, MAN!
so, it's like this:
i had two green apples, and i peeled them, i cut 'em into 1/2" chunks,
and i heated 'em up in a small pot, with a splash of vanilla, a dash of salt,
a pat of vegan butter, and 1/4 cup of powdered sugar, until they were slightly softened,
but NOT mushy.
that's the move.
i set 'em aside, and got to work on the big action immediately.
you wanna know about it?
ok.
i'll tell you about it:
-
*
CAAAAAKE!
-
preheat your oven to 360℉
-
in a medium-sized mixin' bowl, using a pastry cutter, combine:
1 cup brown sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 T cinnamon;
1 tsp allspice;
1/2 tsp ginger;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/2 tsp nutmeg;
1 stick (8 T) vegan butter;
next,
add 1 cup vegan caramel chips;
and 1 cup mama's almond flour blend (get it, it's perfect for this);
1 cup bob's all-purpose baking mix;
1 tsp xantham gum;
3 T tapioca starch;
3 T garbanzo flour;
1/4 cup unsulphured unsweetened medium flake coconut;
1/3 cup gf oat flour.
-
add the warm apples, and 1/2 cup non-dairy milk, and stir until you've got a sticky batter.
the apples melt the caramel a bit,
the weird flours get all gloppity and bloppity,
and all of it goes into a 9" greased springform pan, man.
that's the way to doo-doo that freaky sh!t, son.
trust y'boi on this, i'd never lead you astray.
bake it for at least 35 minutes, maybe longer-
just don't let those steamy apple sog up your cake.
let it bake until a tester comes away clean from the center.
-
cool it completely- spring that form open, too, to speed it up,
or that ring will trap alllll the moisture and make it lame.
nobody wants lame cake, dudes.
ever.
-
the caramel drizzle?
4 oz. of chips, plus 3 T non-dairy milk, plus low heat, in a small pot.....
melt 'em up, and let the liquid emulsify that sugary swamp into a syrup,.
and squeeze it all out of a pastry bag, or plastic baggie with a corner cut off,
so that you get the loveliness, and the stripiness, all over the top.
you can do it, because i can do it, and i'm no superhero, buddy.
nope.
i'm just a guy trying to bake gluten-free stuff for the girl i like.
otherwise, i'd just have made wheat cake, and it would've already been read already.
ha!
i do exxxtra stuff for the most exxxtra ones.
that's my style, because i know the rules,
and the first on the list?
yup.
too much is the right amount.
anything less is so F*ing terrible, i won't even consider it.
that's a thing.
now, go enjoy your cake baking, my friends;
NQNS....

RUSTIC!

i made a really real gluten-free galette, guys.
i did.
the kind that looks all old-timey, with the rough edges and everything.
...
so, here's the thing-
i have NO idea what i'm doing.
that's no joke.
i making these little vegan treats and sh!t whenever i have time;
which happens only half as often as i have the desire;
which occurs only half as often as it used to be.
that's a LOT less treats.
however, there are a lot more interesting conversations,
and a lot more showing and telling,
and a little bit of refereeing,
as well as a whole heck of a lot of early mornings interacting with small people.
honestly,
whipping up fewer brownies or whatever doesn't seem so bad comparatively.
doing floor puzzles and packing lunches and picking out stories is pretty tight.
but i'm still gonna bring the fury to the oven if there's a spare minute to make it work,
y'feel me?
real talk.
i don't ever take it easy, and i don't ever stop caring, or trying,
and i will forever and ever do everything expert in it's entirety,
and that includes the baking game, with or without wheat.
word up.
check the teleport:

GALETTE IT TOGETHER!!
oh MAN,
i was surprised i pulled off wheatless pastry crust but it was seriously on point.
neighbors,
here's how it went down:
-
*
PASTRY!!
-
in a medium-sized mixing bowl, combine:
2/3 cup bob's all-purpose baking flour blend (bean based);
2/3 cup bob's 1:1 baking flour (rice based);
3 T tapioca starch;
3 T raw sugar;
6 T vegan butter;
2 T vegan creamchee';
1 tsp xantham gum;
1/4 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla;
4-6 T non-dairy milk.
knead, fold, and turn, over and over, until the entire mixture is one cohesive dough.
add more s'milk as necessary to bind it up.
the dough should be firm, and almost crumbly....you cansee the finished edges up there, right?
that's what you want.
refrigerate 1 hour, covered, and roll it out on a non-stick surface to 1/4" thickness, in a circle.
nice.
-
to make it magical?
preheat your oven to 450℉.
lay your rough-hewn dough circle on parchment on a baking pan,
and get ready to fill it up.
i used gluten-free oats on the bottom in a thin layer.
then, i thinly sliced a couple of local red apples into wedges, sins on and everything,
and tossed them in a bow with vanilla, powdered sugar, and cinnamon.
simple simple simple.
arranged all nicey-nice in a radial fan, i folded the dough over the edges to hold it all in,
and baked the whole dang thing for twenty minutes.
it got crispy, it gold golden,
it got gooooood af.
that's expert, bro, and that's what i do.
***********
september was too short.
but it sure held a whole world within it's borders.
this calendar page contained the entire depth and breadth of love and hate,
triumph and tragedy,
spirit and memory,
and all of it all really happened in a neatly arranged series of weeks.
i'm glad for all of it, because real life is always invited to my makeout parties;
NQNS.....

PIZZA PARTY!

there's only one treatment for a case of overwhelmed overtiredness-
y'wanna know what it is?
pizza.
yup.
therapy, for me, involved tossing dough and tuning up all the toppings,
and baking the big picture on an oven stone in a 480℉ convection oven.
that's real.
wednesday night was a pizza party.
and one of the three pizzas i made was F*ing expert.
would you like to see it?
ok.
check the teleport:

that's AMORÉ!!
y'know? word up.
a square pizza is invited to my partied most of the time.
i also made a traditional circle, cut into traditional wedges, for the kids,
and a gluten-free ultra-bummer for breezy...those weren't breakout stars.
but that rectangular rock-and-roller up there^^?
super-duper-fly, duders.
it had crushed san marzano tomatoes on the bottom,
then torn baby spinach leaves,
followed by exxxtra-minced daiya mozzarella, exxxtra melty for the exxxtra effort
(rules is rules)
...and caramelized sweet onions.
then there's oven-roasted olive oil and pink salted red potato slices,
red onion,
fat brown (on purpose) tomatoes,
steamed broccoli,
and fried garlic sprankles.
THAT'S a monster pizza, and only a square crust could've adequately accommodated all that.
but that's not all-
nope.
too much is the right amount-
there's ALSO homemade tempeh bacon bits on top-
this batch was simple:
-
* 
TEMPEH BACONZ
-
in a high-walled pan, on high heat, with 1 tsp olive oil, lay out
1/2 block tempeh, cut into long strips 1/4" thick,
add:
1/2 cup water;
1 tsp ea. Garlic Powder Onion Powder;
2 T gluten-free soy sauce;
3 shakes liquid smoke;
2 T agave;
1 tsp smoked paprika;
1 tsp black pepper.
simmer until all that liquid is absorbed, and flip 'em once to get all
the caramelized agave goodness to glaze both sides-
then remove 'em from the heat, and chop 'em up to toss onto your pizza.
tight.
-
ok, ok, OKAY- and i also also added shredded radicchio ribbons.
yeah.
i want the overkill to kill me over and over with every slice.
it did.
i died.
it was worth it.
and the dough was dope, as always:
-
* 
DOUGHPE!
-
in your uprighteous stand mixer, with the essential dough hook in place,
knead together:
2 cups a.p. flour;
1 1/2 tsp salt;
1 pkg fast-actin' yeast;
1 tsp sugar;
3/4 cup warm water w/ 1 tsp bread-machine yeast stirred in and bloomed five minutes-
beat it up for ten minutes straight on low-low/medium speed,
and let it proof all day in the fridge, or even just while the oven warms up to temp...
that's the stuff, neighbors.
the longer you can let it rise, slowly, the more flavor will develop along with the texture.
that's real.
*
pizza is what i love best of all.
i'm grateful that every day is too damned busy.
that means my life is FULL, which means i'm not wasting time.
i literally fall asleep standing up most of these evenings,
and i kind of like it.
i dunno where yesterday ended, i just know that crabtree
gets suckier at sleeping every single night....
so we're up earlier and earlier every damned day.
and that's saying a LOT, as he was never known for being a slumberer.
-
i also went to the school's open house, too.
uh-huh.
that's real.
i owe my daughters' mom a hard high five,
because that is a monster-sized sardine-packed powermove for party-poopin'
poopie pants parents, and easily ten times as many little kids.....
yikes!
it's cool, we all did the thing, and we all met the staff and saw the sights,
and it was cute and they were cute, and it was alllllll cute.
i did a thing.
we did a thing.
it was a big deal, and no big deal,
and it signified all the ways in which the last few years have changed me.
it's all really happening,
all the tears, a little bit of sweat,
and thankfully the only blood shed so far mostly belongs to me
and just a drop or two a day comes that tiny type-one diabetic baby;
NQNS.....

FRITTERS!!!!!

holy sh!t!
y'all aren't ready for how much hottness i just invented.
seriously, the new new is in effect,
and i'm exxxtra-proud of it.
that's real.
gluten-free, but you'd never know it.
baked, not fried, but you'd never feel like you're missing out.
lower in fat than most of what i make, not that it matters.
and full of cinnamony granny smithy apple magic for your face.
check it out:

WEEEOW, FRITTERS!!
they're F*ing excellent, man.
and more than that, they're a totally invented off-the-cuff creation, too.
uh-huh.
i had an idea, and it worked.
and i'm pretty psyched about that for sure!
they're moist and soft and chunky and spiced so nice.
there's maple syrup and a hint of coconut so subtle f you're not looking for it,
you'd likely assume it was some sort of heavenly kiss from the aether, bro.
real talk.
these are the TRUTH!
you want them.
trust y'boi when he tells you: you want them.
and here's how you can have them...
consider it a gift from me to you:
-
* 
GF FRYE-TOWN FRIIIITTERS!!
-
preheat your oven to 360℉.
-
in a small pot, you're gonna need to get the apples ready first-
so, peel, core, and cube up 3 granny smiths (or whatever you'd prefer)
into 1/2'' chunks, and add 1 T cinnamon, 2 T maple syrup,
1 tsp coconut oil, and 1 tsp vanilla, all together, and simmer that stuff on mediumish heat,
until they apples start to soften and juice up,
and the cinnamon starts wafting through the whole house.
-while those are slowly bubbling, get out a medium sized mixin' bowl,
and combine:
1/2 stick (4 T) vegan butter;
1/2 tsp salt;
2/3 cup sugar;
3 T vegan sour cream;
2 tsp coconut milk powder;
3 T unsweetened unsulphured medium flake coconut-
next add:
3/4 cup bob's rice-based 1:1 gf flour;
3/4 cup bob's gf bean-based baking flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/2 cup gf oat flour;
1/2 cup non-dairy yogurt.
-
now, add the apples to the flours,
and toss 'em until they form the stickest mixture.
i formed up a dozen baseball sized blops, and pressed 'em flattish on a pair of baking trays,
before i baked 'em up for thirty minutes.
...that's the move.
then, while they were still hot , i placed 'em on a wire rack, over a bowl,
and dumped a dollop of icing over each one, which melted into all the cracks and crevices
like sugary lava....
that's expert, and that's overkill, and that's the wa to go, bro.
yup.
too much is the right amount.
that's no joke.
the icing is literally just powdered sugar and water.
mostly powdered sugar, with jussssst enough warm water to get it gluey.
the hot fritters did the rest of the work.
-
they're so soft, but they're not wet. the apples are firm, but not raw.
the spice is tight af, and the crumb is the prefect texture.
they must've slightly steamed with all that apple juiciness, i guess,
because they were out of this world with smooooooth flavors and textures,
and that's what we all need more of today and every day, right?
word up.
*
i had no idea when i woke up that i was gonna get so fresh-to-death on a batch of fritters.
i mean, i had the overwhelming urge to get into some serious sh!t,
but i also had no baseline plan for what was gonna pop off.
i'm pretty glad for the events that unfolded in front of my eyes, guys.
when a plan comes together, i get excited.
when a tasty morning treats crosses my plate, i get amped up like nobody's business.
that's where the magic happens,
somewhere between inspiration and activation.
i'm happy about it.
if you make these, you will be too.
i ate a LOT of''em,
and i feel fantastic about that.
i can't wait to hear about what YOU think when they first cross your lips,
fresh and warm and sweet and spetembered the F* up.
heck yes.
get into it, and you'll be in great shape for the res of the day;
NQNS.....

GINGER SPICE!

i'm all about a good cake, guys.
that's no joke.
i want all the cake. i want all the frosting.
i want all the gingery spice.
and that's exxxactly what i've got going on over here.
check it out, via teleport:

YEAH!!
it's a dense, soft, spongy, thiccc piece of work,
and it's reallllllly effing good, too.
you wanna know what's in it?
molasses.
ginger.
cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, cloves.
brown sugar.
love.
awwwwww.
yes, neighbors, i put my heart into my treats.
and i put the recipes here for you.
ready?
ok!
-
*
GINGER SPICE SEPTEMBER CAKE!
-
preheat your oven to 360℉.
-
in a medium-sized mixin' bowl, mash up:
1 cup light brown sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 stick vegan butter;
1 tsp vanilla;
2 T skin-on organic finely-minced ginger;
1 1/2 tsp ginger extract;
3 T molasses;
1 T cinnamon;
1/2 tsp nutmeg, allspice;
dash of cloves-
smash all that into mush, and stir in:
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
1/2 cup non-dairy yogurt-
whip that around using a spatula, and scrape it all off the sides, too.
-
next, add 2 1/2 cups flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking sida;
and 1 cup non-dairy milk.
whip it well, thoroughly but gently folding it all together,
and pour it into a greased 9" springform pan.
bake it up for thirty-five to forty minutes, or until a tester comes away clean from the center.
it should form a few cracks in the surface, and get sorta shiny on top when it's ready.
pop the spring off the sides of that pan, and let it cool completely before you decorate it.
me?
i'm a fan of no-occasion single-layer cakes.
i really am.
i want a casual slice of non-celebratory indulgence whenever i feel like it,
and single layer jauns are just the thing to make that happen.
so that's what i do.
-
i used the cinnamaplecreamchee' frosting from the last cake for this one too.
that's always a good idea.
MORE cinnamaplecreamchee' boomfire is what we all need,
and everybody is better off after a slice of septembery cake.
that's for sure.
nobody knows how much i think about these things all day-
or how much i look forward to a morning where i can get elbows-deep in batter,
and do the thing i love best.
mmmhmmmm.
a great tattoo is fulfilling,
but a great cake is thrilling and filling as well.
i do what i do because i am compelled to.
it's my purpose.
i guess being the baker-man isn't worst of things, is it?
meanwhile, i'm racing around like a wild man trying to accomplish everything else, too.
there's a LOT to do these days,
and it's all really happening, even if it feels like the world is moving faster than i am by half;
NQNS.....

OATMEAL!

iced cinnamon oatmeal cookies?
AND they're gluten-free?!?!
c'mon. that's expert.
and autumnal, if a bit early.
yup.
the temperature is in the 80's every dang day,
but the real hottness comes from these oatmeal jauns.
check the teleport:

WORD!
y'know y'wanna make some.
and i know i want you to, too.
so here's the recipe, neighbors, because i like y'all a whole bunch:
-
*
GF IOC!
-
preheat your oven to 375℉.
in a medium mixing bowl, combine:
1 stick (8 T) vegan butter;
1 cup raw sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/2 cup unsweetened medium flake unsulphured coconut;
1/2 tsp xantham gum.
-
add 1 1/2 cups gf oatflour;
1 cup thick rolled gf oats;
1 cup bob's gf baking flour;
2 tsp cinnamon;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 1/2 tsp baking powder;
1/4 cup non-dairy milk.
-
knead thoroughly to form a chunky dough,
and pull off golf-ball sized blops, roll 'em, slightly squish 'em,
and evenly space 'em on a couple of baking trays-
put those bad babies in the oven for 13 minutes,
and let them cool completely before you ice the tops up properly-
-
the icing?
powdered sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, and non-dairy milk.
y'ever made it?
it's like a cup of sugar, a splash of vanilla, a dash of cinnamon,
and a spoonful of s'milk, and the another spoonful, an maybe another 'nother one,
until you've got a goopy glue-like consistency.....
i always put mine in a sandwich bag, seal it and clip a corner off to drizzle it everywhere.
that's my move, you're welcome to just use a spoon or whatever
*
i learned something:
if you sleep not at all, there's more time to do more things,
albeit in a fugue, and also, poorly.
i guess that's where i'm at for now.
we'll see how long it lasts;
NQNS.....

BLOXXX!

three layer apple squares?
yes.
gluten-free, too?
yup.
pretty as a picture on top of all that??
you know it.
check the teleport:

SQUARES, with STREUSEL!
i only wanna make dopeness that looks good and smells good and tastes good.
okay?
okay!
here's how i did it:
-
*
APPLE BROWN SUGAR CINNAMON OATMEAL THREE-LAYER SQUARES!
-
preheat your oven to 365℉.
-
in a medium-sized mixin' bowl, cream together:
1 cup brown sugar;
2 tsp cinnamon;
1 stick vegan butter;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 cup vegan sour cream.
-
add:
1 cup mama's almond flour blend;
1 cup bob's gf baking flour;
1/4 cup tapioca starch;
1 cup crushed rolled oats;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda.
-
spoon that into a greased and floured rectangular pan.
next, you're gonna need layer two.
-
here's how you do that-
in your food processor, chop up:
three apples, cinnamon, vanilla, and 1/4 cup powdered sugar-
pulsed and pulverized into pulp, and spread over the top of the batter, bro.
yeah!
next up, in the same bowl as the batter,
you gotta make layer three.
-
that's 1 cuppa quick-rolled oats;
3 T vegan butter;
cinnamon;
1/4 powdered sugar;
1 tsp vanilla.
1/2 cup gf oat flour.
it makes that crumbly cookie-ish dough-
-
y'just crOmble those jauns on top of the apple blops,
and bake the whole thing for 30ish minutes.
....dudes, these are soft and sweet and fruity and fresh and cookied out and caked up,
and totally flippin' expert.
and now you know how to make 'em,
so i'd recommend you do that.
just sayin';
NQNS.....

CAKE!

apple upside-down harvest spice cake?
yeah.
look here:

WORD.
ready?
here it comes:
-
*
A.U.D.H.S.C!
-
preheat your oven to 360℉-
-
in an upright mixer, with the wire whisk attached,
cream together:
1 stick vegan butter;
1 cup raw sugar;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp salt;
1/2 cup unsweetened non-dairy yogurt;
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon;
1/2 tsp nutmeg;
1/2 tsp allspice;
dash of cloves;
1 sachet 'harvest spice' trader joe's tea...
-
when combined, add:
2 1/4 cups flour;
1/4 cup tapioca starch;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/2 cup non-dairy milk;
1/2 cup apple cider.
-
whip that into a fluffy batter,
and set aside.
grease a 9" springform pan,
and arrange 1/4" thick sliced apples around the entire bottom.
spoon the cake batter over the top of them (it's upside down remember?)
and put it in the oven for 35-40 minutes, or until a tester comes away clean from the center.
-
allow it to cool, and flip it over to reveal those pretty apple slices on 'top'.
tight.
i added some cinnamon and sugar sprankles to the top, to make it extra fancy-
too much is the right amount after all.
...
next, you'll need some frosting.
i recommend my personal contribution to deliciousness,
cinnamplecreamchee' frosting.
here's how that happens:
-
*
MAPLEBLOPS!
-

in a mixer, with the whisk read to whip around, add:
2 cups powdered sugar;
5 T vegan butter;
3 T vegan creamhee';
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp maple exxxtract;
cinnamon (duh);
1/4 cup non-dairy milk;
2 T real new hampshire maple syrup.
whip whip whisk whisk whirl and whip again,
until it's fluffed the F* out.
just like that, you'e got the new hottness for all your autumnal niceties.
there you have it.
recipes.
for your face.
enjoy;
NQNS.....

TORTELLONI ITALIA

check it out:

TORTELLONI!
those are the big ones.
and these are big.
y'like that italian flag color scheme?
me too.
here's how i made it all work:
-
*
TORTZ!
-
in my trusty stand mixer, i kneaded:
3/4 cup a.p. flour;
3/4 cup semolina flour;
1 tsp sea salt;
2 T olive oil;
1/2 cup warm water-
together for ten inutes until a smooth ball formed on the dough hook.
i let that rest, covered, while i started a pot of salted water to boilin',
and got the filling ready as well-
-
the filling was great, too.
check it:
-
*
TEMPEH SAUSAGE AND SPINACH!
-
1/4 cup minced onion;
2 large cloves crushed garlic;
1/2 block prepared tempeh, crumbled;
1 tsp oregano, crushed fennel seed;
1/2 tsp sage, thyme, GPOP;
1/4 tsp rosemary, black pepper;
2 dashes liquid smoke;
1 T nootch;
in a hot pan with olive oil ready to rock, fry all tha up until the onions soften,
then add 1/2 cup veggie broth,
and 3 large handfuls of chopped spinach,
and let all that water absorb.
-
boom.
just like that, it's ready.
not bad, huh?
*
back to the dough:
roll it out on a well floured surface, extra-thin, and uniformly level-
cut yourself some squares or circles ( i go for circles, exclusively, but do what you want)
about 3" each, and set 'em aside for filling-
i got thirty something of 'em, give or take.
-
now, you'll need vegan chee', and any vegan chee' will work,
but if you've got the means and the accessibility, miyoko mozzerella is expert as heck.
a pinch of that in the center of each circle (or square),
and a spoonful of the sausagey sexxxiness with the spinach as well,
and you're in business.
fold 'em in half, then pinch the sides shut.
next, fold both sides in like it is hugging itself, and pinch them together, too.
that's all.
let 'em rest on the contertop for a few minutes,
and then toss 'em in that hot boiling water until the float,
removing the with a strainer, spider-spoon, or whatever-
*
i had those exxxtras ready already, also, y'all.
uh-huh.
olive-oil-fried garlic slice sprankles.
and then, in that same oil?
halved and blackened baby grape tomatoes.
and then in the same oil again?
now doubly-infused with flavor, i added cracked black pepper and a little pink salt,
and poured it over the pasta like a pro.
that's stacks on stacks of compound flavor concentration, kids.
believe it.
-
and then all the deepest still-dark leaves of fresh-from-outside basil,
to turn it up to eleven.
-
it's perfect.
it's pasta.
it's all right heredetailed for you to make.
you're welcome;
NQNS.....

BYE BYE

real life documentarianism.

that's how this blog started.

true stories, told truly, because truth tellers can never stop.

there's been stories of true love, romantic love, and site-specific love, both big and small;

losses of all sizes and scale, personally, professionally, perpetually;

there's been a whole heck of a lot of litanies about personal opinion;

and a little of the art, ideas, and tattoos that made the rest possible from time to time, too....

there's been a lot of transformation that's spanned across time and space as well:

from the fat, long-haired, bushy-bearded bummer who started this thing

to the skinny spindly old bald busted grey-touched grump typing right now-

that's a LOT of stuff to tell stories about, and i have done so,

always, all the time,  and up until recently, almost every damned day for a decade.

and now, i've got more on my daily schedule than i have hours to do it all-

owning and operating AMPERSAND TATTOO,

working literally seven days a week;

three full-time resident children in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress;

crabtree the high-tension terrier craving every ounce of my already attenuated attention;

there's a fantastic woman who lives here, too, and she needs my time and my love,

as she gives me hers, and together we're making an all-new life from scratch.

...and don't let anybody ever forget that harvest and maple, 

my talented teen adultlettes are at the forefront of my spirit and memory always-

i do what i do to impress all of those people, 

and to keep up a bold sense of purpose and positive mental attitude 

for all the worthy warrior poets and the expert active participants that i encounter.

-

too much is the right amount, guys.

the thing of it is, there's more really happening that requires me to be present for,

and less of it is getting recorded for posterity.

9pm one-bowl suppers aren't as sexy as they could be,

and 4am dog wrestling wake-up calls aren't as alluring as you might imagine.

it isn't all family togetherness and family dinner and family fun-

it's racing against the clock and running late forever and running around missing something

and not remembering what it is until it's happening and you're unprepared...

i need more time, or, more accurately, 

i need more practice at proficiently preparing and prioritizing.

...

...

...

so,.

i'm saying so long to the few dedicated catcher-uppers who've been keeping tabs on my woodsly goodly life through this marginal and outmoded means of communique-

i may have more to say later, as i get better at being the busiest i've ever been-

but, until then,

it's bye bye time.

so i'll wave a little wave to the screen,

and i'll feel a little pang in my heart for the slacking and the lacking 

that have allowed the latest lapses in these true stories and recipe tests....

but, i've got work to do, dudes,

and it's time to get back to it.

i'm grateful for those who take an interest,

and i know i've been lucky to have a platform to talk about the triumphs, the trials, and the treats

for ten F*ing years.

until i have a minute to breathe, and better stories to tell;

never quiet, never soft.....

NEVER FORGET!

black-bottoms, bro.
yup.
that's what i'm about.
hmm?
man, y'better get your mind out of the toiletbowl-
black-bottoms are secret chocolate-laced treats.
c'mon.
don't be weird.
black-bottomed blueberry is one of my top three, for sure;
and it's also the thing i made most recently, too.
mmhmm.
maine bloobs, dark chocolate, vanilla bean biys,
and some extremely decorative pastry crustiness-
that's right.
if ever you were wondering what expert looks like,
this is it:

RIGHT?!?!
i mean, really, i'd eat all of that.
actually, i pretty much did.
dudes, it was flaky and buttery and sweet-
when it was warm, it was juicy, as well.
of course, i'm a little bit experienced at making the nicey-nice,
so i preemptively tossed all the fruit with some thickener,
so it wouldn't moosh and smoosh through the dough.
yeah!
i don't want a bummer, i want a triumph.
that's my preferential treatment for tarts and treats.
word up.
-
y'want the particulars?
ok-
it's like this:
-
*
PASTRY!
-
in your excellently equipped food processor, combine:
2 1/4 cups a.p.flour;
3 T sugar;
10 T vegan butter'
4 T vegan creamchee';
2 tsp vanilla;
3-4 T non-dairy milk, added 1 at a time-
pulse the mixture together, with the s'milk
a little at a time, until it sticks in little bits when pressed-
wrap the resultant slightly crumbly dough in plastic wrap,
and refrigerate it for a least an hour.
roll it out on a well-floured surface, and cut it into all the shapes you'd like-
-
i had mine in a preheated 460℉ bread-bake temperature oven.
that's tight, because on a parchment paper-lined tray,
it won't stick but it will get golden as heck.
and that's tight, kids.
it's good for you.
-
*
i had bloobs, a cup and a half's worth of frozen maine mini wild jauns...
with 2 T non-GMO cornstarch,
and 3 T powdered sugar,
all rolled around in a bowl to coat 'em up,
with just a pinch of vanilla bean paste-
and then, a handful and a half of mini dark chocolate chips, too.
mmhmm.
that's the move.
i dropped those onto a circle of pastry dough about 12" in diameter,
but not before i spread a quarter cup of melted, slightly stiffened dark chocolate chip paste
all over the bottom, to about 2 " from every edge.
YEAH!!
honest to goodness, y'just take chocolate chips, and put 'em in a pot,
and then let 'em melt over low heat until they're a smooth buttery when stirred.
it's easier than most things, and it tastes great,
and it kept the bottom of the tart from turning to sh!t
when the excess juice from those bloobs was more powerful
than the starch and sugar could absorb.
so there's that.
-
and you know something else?
i have a personal rule:
stay ugly (eat beautiful), stay dope.
that's the sequence.
and i did it, with those braids and leaves and pretty pretties
all poppin' off across the surface of the thing.
y'know?
that's real.
and with a face like mine, you need all the being dope and eating beautiful you can get,
since staying ugly is happening regardless.
ha.
i'm a pretty prince of pastry though, and i'll cyrano my supper to show the inner beauty
that creates these outer rings of braided golden greatness.
awww.
-
it baked for  about twenty minutes at that 460℉ mark,
and it was just right fresh from the oven.
naturally i let it cool, man.
c'mon.
i'm not trying to scour my palate with liquid berry lava.
but, once it was set up and firm, warm, but not wet?
i ate a third of it like it was nothin'....
too much is the right amount,
and that goes double for super-tasty fruit and chocolate team-ups.
believe it;
never quiet, never soft.....

OVERLOADED!!

i had a night to myself to do whatever i wanted,

and all i wanted were expert vegan overstuffed soft flour tacos.

jeez, neighbors, my big chance to get wild, 

and i spent most of it feeling like a thousand pound beached whale.

ha!

too much is the right amount,

and that's no joke.

soft flour fancy vegan eats?

yes please.

i love tacos.

you do too, and you know it.

so,

i made four tacos that felt like forty tacos,

and i'm gonna keep it real with you, dog-

they were F*ing awesome-

yup.

check 'em out:

BEANS ON BEANS, with alllllll the fixin's.

i got some new authentic soft four flaps from the grocer,

and they're thicker, but softer, and way better than the old style i was reppin'.

i'm serious-

the right tortilla can transform a whole day, not just a meal, man.

that's real.

here's the line-up inside each one:

nootch-boosted ho'sauce-activated refried pinto beans;

smoky, spicy black beans with red bell pepper;

AVO-F*ING-CADO;

purple carrot and radish;

lettuce and cilantro;

pickled jalapenos;

sweet onion and scallion;

brown-on-purpose grape tomatoes;

sweet black-peppery fried pepitas;

lime.

kaBOOOOOM!!!!!

that's a lotta hottness-

and with a scoople of fire-roasted tomato salsa on each?!

they went to eleven, and then they kept right on going, bro.

*

the refritas?

so tight and TILTY.

that's 15oz of mashed beans,

with 1 T olive oil,

1/4 minced sweet onion,

1/4 cup minced sweet bell and jalapeno pepper;

generous shakes of GPOP and black pepper, 

2 T nutritional yeast;

2-3 T ho'sauce (i do texas pete, he's my homeboy)-

and that's IT.

but, like, DAS IT, though, too,.

*

those black beans?

simple simple simple.

it's just a cup of beans and a couple of slivered red peppers 

(i use the minis, because they're kyooot, but like a quarter cup, tops)

a little bitty baby bit of cilantro stems, finely chopped,

and a spoonful of olive oil, in a very hot pan-

all fired up with a shake of GPOP, 

and a little fresh oregano and thyme, 

and a heavy spoonful of smoked paprika and a baby shake of cayenne-

plus a lime's worth of juice,

sizzled up and set aside for you to enjoy,

with a crack or ten of black pepper, just to make sure it''s expert.

*

do you toast your tortillas?

no?

well, you do now-

they're better that way, so don't keep missing out because you're a lazy bumhole, buddy.

seriously.

all the crawncy veggies were on point.

lechuga y cilantro y zanahoria púrpura y rábano?

i had that freshie-fresh poppin' SO much.

and the double onions?

man, listen, i was home alone, but my breath was so bad, 

it was bothering people in the afterlife-

damn. worth it, for sure, but daaaaaaamn, y'boi had the dragon, son.

oooof.

-

what about those glazed pepitas?

sprankles are essential, so i had that essence in full effect-

oil, black pepper, a handful of pumpkin seeds, 

and a spoonful of raw sugar, caramelized on top.

easy, if you're paying attention to the very hot pan 

you're melting and frying and sizzlin' it all in.

uh-huh.

i was, and they were great, and with the pickled jalapenos on top?

you can't even feel the ferocity of a superstuffed diaperload of dopeness like this

unless you're squeezing lime on top and feeling how flippin' heavy it is.

that's no joke.

they had weight on 'em, b.

*

fire roasted tomato salsa.

*ahem*

FIRE-ROASTED TOMATO SALSA.

y'heard?

that's that good-good that gets it going harder and harder, holmes.

i make it basically the same always, 

with minor adjustments for ingredients as they're available.

one large-and-in-charge can of crushed muir glen fire roasty jauns-

half a red onion;

one whole stripey variegated bell pepper;

one jalapeno;

one habanero;

three loves of fresh garlic;

1/2 bunch of fresh cilantro;

a spoonful of cumin; 

a smaller spoonful of crushed coriander seed;

freshly cracked pink salt AND black pepper;

a manly shake of GPOP;

lots of lime;

and a pulsing powerspin in your trusty and necessary food processor-

WORD UP.

...all the best things on a taco are represented here.

that's how you do it when there's no time limits 

and the only pressure you feel is to capture the fading evening light.

uh-huh.

i doo-doo that, and i did it SO hard i was beached and bloated,

but also so filled and fulfilled and full of food and happiness.

yum.

i'll take a shark-glutton gorgefest where i can find one, friends.

and i located the fountainhead of flour tortillas and tapped in to the spring.

yeah!

***********

FOOD IS MY FRIEND.

if it is not your friend, then truly it is an enemy to be feared.

y'feel me?

anybody can have a cursory craptacular relationship with things to eat,

and no knowledge of ingredients or technique-

only,

of all the things that you HAVE to do, this is the one that has 

the most opportunities for excellence.

sure, 

we all dwell on the minutiae of the mundane-

car parts and clothes labels and sports stats or whatever-

but those are choices that don't actually matter at all to our survival-

we HAVE to eat.

or we die.

and i choose to LIVE like a king, and EAT like a king,

and sure, maybe my sovereignty isn't going to reach into empire status,

but within the hallowed halls and walls of my small woodsly goodsly mountainous world,

i have a hell of a lovely life.

i'm grateful for the time i've been given,

and i'm sorta psyched that a taco or two or three (or more) \

can upgrade my whole weekend into something awesome.

like, i'm STILL thinking about friday tacos, guys.

they were that good.

the things i need to stay alive are also the things i love about life.

how lucky is that?

it's all really happening,

and i'm feeling like maybe i'm onto something here;

never quiet, never soft.....

ONE YEAR!!!!!

AMPERSAND TATTOO is one year old!
that's right.
and we built it from the ground up-
from signing the lease on a bare blue bummer of an empty box,
to ordering and equipping all the broad strokes and tiny details to build
an extravagant and luxurious avocado dreamscape,
to a year's worth of work has already getting done within those walls.
i'm grateful for all of it.
the people i've met,
the tattoos i've zapped,
the opportunities to create beauty, and hone my craft, and pursue my purpose,
and most of all to scoople up all those stacks on stacks of movie-checkin' money.
hahaha.
yeah!
this is IT.
from then until now,
and from now on, AMPERSAND TATTOO is where i'm at,
doing the right thing, doing my own thing, and doing the best i can.
it's a great feeling, a full year later,
to be able to say we've made the place into something to be proud of.
heck, we were even voted, by the people, as the 'best new business' in the valley.
that's somethin'.
it's not just MY thing.
there's a whole crew of folks involved in making it, and maintaining it,
and injecting positive energy and intentional inventiveness,
as well as well-placed invective,
awesome adjectives, good food, better conversation,
and of course, top-notch art....

right?!
that's what's good, guys.
expert olivey avocado guacamole greens, and golds,
like robert frost and ponyboy curtis and hamden, connecticut, and it's warrior poets;
with 2chainz and neil young all rolled into one....
and then about a billion skulls and roses and pumpkins tossed in to make it rad.
ha!
dudes,
AMPERSAND TATTOO is one year old!!!
we built it up,
and you kept it going,
and now it's all really happening.
i don't have the words to express how fortunate i feel
to have the opportunity to make the magic happen every single day
in a space of my own design ad creation, creating and designing pictures,
for paper and people,
as my main source of social and fiscal interactive participation.
thank you, and you, and you and you and you in the back-
you know who you are-
xoxoxoxoxoxx;
never quiet, never soft.....

FANCY PIZZA!!!

regular pizza is tight af.
but,
fancy pizza?
that sh!t is the big action burly barbarian business, b!tches!
wordimus prime.
anybody can have regular pizza,
but only worthy warrior poets and for-really-real food aficionados
seek out the substantially sexxxier sorts of crusty lust
that come from exxxceptionaly expert homemade vegan pizza times.
...that's no joke.
i made kid-friendly pizza,
which looked just like regular pizza, with perfect well-proofed crust,
and three kinds of chee', and sauce, and help from three hungry little ones-
that was all good, and it went over like a little family dinner togetherness,
which in turn made me happy and sad.
huh?
oh,
well, the big kids and i did that every night we were together for a decade,
and now, we're moving forward into a new era,
and it's sweet, and it's new,
and it brings up the old alongside the present-
memory and spirit and a real couple of hard-style F*ers, man.
i have strong feelings, as befits a strong man, and when i get that stirred up,
i sometimes just need a little minute to collect myself.
awwwwwwwww.
bigs and littles and new olds and old news and new news......
the common thread is that i'm firing up the oven in all scenarios.
that's my unifying force.
so, after we made regular youngin' pizza,
i made super-deluxxxe manliness for my own mouth...
yup.
check it:

PEE EYE ZEE ZEE AYY!!
that's olive-oiled and pink salted and black peppered potatoes;
oven-roasted garden fresh tomatoes;
daiya mozzarella, minced as is mandatory for maxxximized meltability.
rules is rules, fools.
don't leave it as fat shreds, it sucks a little when you do it that way.
raw red onion is dope.
that's a fact.
also, scallion sprankles, alongside fried garlic sprankles??
man, c'mon.
good pizza makes you a better person.
and without those exxxtras, you're not as good.
real talk.
-
the chick peas, though-
oil, GPOP, smoked paprika, cayenne, black pepper, and thyme.
that's how you do-doo the freakiest sh!t, kids.
and it's SO good.
a savory saucer of semolina sourdough-activated fast-risin' crust-
added last minute to the menu?
mmmm.
here's what i did:
-
*
SECRET CRUST!
-
in your must-have stand mixer, with the must-need must-knead hook attached, combine:
1 1/2 cups flour;
1/2 cup semolina flour;
2 tsp salt;
2/3 cup warm water;
1 tsp sugar;
3 T active sourdough starter;
1 pkg fast-actin' yeast;
-
beat all that up for 11 minutes, let it rise while your oven preheats to 480℉,
and build yourself a better pizza with this better bread.
you got this.
***********
i've got today to doo-doo all the treats.
this morning is my only solo a.m. all week,
and while i'm feeling a little lonely,
i'm also feeling molto motivated to make the magic happen.
so ive got treats on treats on the docket for the day's start.
i don't even care-
cake, muffins, tarts, all the things.
that's what's poppin', and that's what's up.
if you ain't about that treats life, keep moving-
we're so bitter all the time, we need a little sucrose to balance the scales.
this is it.
it's all really happening, and that's the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....

CAKE!

holy smokes!
every day is a blur.
it's quicksilver lightning, it's mercurial fury,
it's a tempestuous maelstrom of ticking tocks and spinning clocks!
for those of y'all who're unaware of just where i've been off to-
allow me to illuminate the current state of events:
three happy young people, bright, beautiful, hearty, hale, and handsome,
have taken residency in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
yup.
three MORE kids.
and with harvest and maple around, that's sometimes gonna be five kids.
that's a LOT of kids.
they go to school in my woodsly town, in a surreal happy-happy classroom scenario.
they sleep in little beds here.
they take little baths, and put on little jammies, and eat little breakfasts,
and do all the things you'd think a whole mess of little messmakers would do.....
it's wild, man.
like, for really real neighbors-
crabtree and i went from perpetual pantlessness to instructive intervention on behalf
of better behavior among the two girls and boy who want to wreak wreckage on
all the empty spaces and the few clean clutterless corners of this hallowed hall
of warrior poetry and active participation.....
hmmmm?
well,
yes, of course their mom is here too!
don't be dumb.
there's no words good enough to encompass the big action i've got bumping
around in my ironclad hot-fire furnace for that sweet thang.
hahaha.
no, i mean it.
she's the right person to push and pull me up and over the present day obstacles of
responsible adulthood, and give me all the reasons to evolve even more than the last six years
have already witnessed.
damn, dudes.
her name is breezy, but she's more like a hurricane, just like neil young sang about...
it's all good,
and together we're going full-steam ahead into a fresh new bold future.
*
ANYWAY,
i know y'all only really care about cakes and sh!t.
so here's a picture of a cake:

wooooooo!!!!
it's the same recipe as this one.
so, there you go.
i hope you're making treats, making love, making messes, making decisions,
making dinner, making plans.....
i hope you're making something.
that's important, and you are too.
i'm doing all that and then some, and in between,
i may have a spare moment to tell you about it, too.
word;
never quiet, never soft.....

RABBIT! RABBBBBBBBBBIT!!!

i said the thing.
i had to.
rules is rules.
first words to pass my pursed parsed lips,
spit and spat and spewed like a curse into the universe-
rabbit! rabbit!
a double-doggystyle lagomorphic dare to the spirits and memory of
cultivated coincidental fortunate favoritism,
to do it's best to do better, and attach the excellence of existence to me and mine-
that's a lotta pressure to put on one word, uttered as an echo of itself, isn't it?
we'll see what happens.
-
meanwhile, i still observed the other other rule-
on the first of the month, you make a treat.
that's a thing.
here, have a little look-see:

GLUTEN-FREE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHIP
CHOCOLATE-COVERED CHOCOLATE-sprankled CAKE!!
woooooooooooo!!!!!!
cake is a little baby bit hard to bake without real flour.
that's no joke.
but, i'm getting the hang of it, and it seems to be working out well.
i dunno if i'm doing it right, exactly-
i DO know that i'm excited to do it, regardless.
if i can make it without real wheat flour, and still make it expert,
then really,
i'm just getting even more proficient at what i do in my spare time, aren't i?
and in no way is that a bad idea, especially considering that being better is sort of my thing.
for realsies.
alright.
you want a recipe?
i got you, neighbors-
-
*
GF CHOCO-LOTS!
-
preheat your oven to 360℉
-
in you upstanding uprighteous mixer, with the cake paddle in place,
cream together:
1 stick (8 T) vegan butts;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
1 cup brown sugar;
3 T vegan creamchee';
1/3 cup cocoa;
add:
1 tsp xantham gum;
1 cup mama's almond meal flour blend;
1 cup bob's 1:1 dry-A* rice blend gf flour;
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
3 T chick pea flour;
2 T egg replacer;
1 T baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
3/4 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk.
-
whisk that into a frenzy, friends,
and spread it evenly into a parchment-lined 9" cast iron pan.
yeah.
that's right, we're doing a thing over here.
on top of the batter, distirbute 1/4 cup chocolate chips to pretty it up.
that's so it's exxxtra nice. and also, so it tastes better, and also so it looks cute!
bake it for 40 minutes,
and let it cool completely before removing it from the iron...
-
for the drizzles on top, i went fat AF.
i did.
1/4 cup chocolate chips;
1 T cocoa;
2 tsp raw white cacao butter;
2 T non-dairy milk-
melted in a single pot, on low heat, and stirred into a solution-
it should look slippery from all that exxxtra cacao butteriness.
that's good.
i poked a hole in a plastic sandwich storage bag, and dripped it all over the top.
should i have waited a bit?
yeah,.
i burnt the sh!t out of my hands with that lave-like chocolate emulsion, man.
awwwww.
but, then i shaved up some baker's chocolate all over the top with my trsuty microplane,
and the sprankles turned it up to eleven, for sure.
the first of the month gets treats, kids.
that's how we do it.
funny how a little dusty chocolate on top can transform something good into something great.
i like that.
i have the technology to greaten a lotta things with grated chocolate,
and i think i'm gonna.
*
SEPTEMBER!!
school's in session.
harvest is moved-in at UMass!
maple is a F*ing senior in high school.
they're SO big.
they're SO grown.
i'm SO old.
and yet i don't feel aged yet by a damned sight, man.
nope.
all of my pride and joy at those two talented terrifics has me keeping it spritely and spry, guys.
mmhmm.
plus,
the addition of actually young children into my life doesn't allow me time to be tired and terrible.
dudes,
i'm too dang busy to crumble into elderly dust.
i've got things to do.
i've got people to interact with,
i've got children to tend to,
i've got more to do than the hours in the day allow,
and i'm over here blogging?!
c'mon.
that's enough of that for now, friends.
i'll catch you when i catch you-
never quiet, never soft.....

BYEBYE!

pee eye zee zee ayy!!!!!
pizza.
 PIZZA!!
  PIZZA!!!
yeah.
pizza is tight.
homemade pizza is tighter.
homemade pizza with very little fancy pansty prep is the tightest.
that's what's up around here these days, duders.
check it:

SICILIAN GRANDMA SLICES ARE THE TRUTH!!
here's all you need to know-
i had a night to myself, so i made myself something expert.
and yes, the dough proofed outside and inside the refrigerator alllllll damned day-
because good dough is essential to good pizza,
and better processes create better experiences.
besides, homemade tastes better anyway.
my dough game is getting to heroic-level hottness these days.
and it's S-I-M-P-L-E as you can get it-
-
*
STRAIGHT-UP DOUGH! 
-
im your stand upright mixer, with the dough hook in place,
knead together:
2 cups a.p. flour;
1/2 tsp vital wheat gluten;
2 tsp salt;
2 tsp sugar;
3/4 cup warm water, w/ 1 pkg regular-A* yeast bloomed in it.
beat it up for ten minutes, and let it bulk up, for another ten, covered in plastic-
once it begins to rise, refriggerate it al day, and get home to a puffy pile of pure sexxxiness.
yeah!!!
preheat your oven to 480℉ on convection, for that good circulatory fire for your face, ace.
wordimus prime.
*
my pizza?
it's got shredded spinach on the bottom of that square-stretched olive-oiled dough-
and caramelized onions, too one whole slow-sugar-activated large vidalia onion's worth.
and then daiya mozzarella, minced for maxxximum meltability-
i'll say it for the umpteenth time- spend an exxxtra second chopping you chee' kids.
you will thank me later.
then, a whole LOT of sauce.
yup.
crushed tomatoes are soooooo delicious. and MORE of 'em isn't ever the wrong call.
-
i browned up some commercially-created faux bacon brick-hued non-meat flaps,
chopped into mincey squares,
and added those- they were salty, and weird, but they did their jobn,
and added a smoky sweet element to the overall outcome.
i give 'em a B, b.
-
i had that semi-softened steamed broccoli poppin' off, too.
i mean, i really like broccoli, bruh, and a fresh bouquet of florets
is welcome at my pizza party anytime.
there's half a bunch of asparagus, seared up and quartered, as well.
green stuff is good for you.
don't be a little baby-b!tchbag and wimp out on all those nutrients, y'nerds.
seriously, though. eat your green things, they're important.
-
and then, naturally, there are fried garlic sprankles.
obvi.
rules is rules.
-
finished with radicchio ribbons after baking?
you're a champion.
if i had my way, i'd have pizza every day.
but, only if i wouldn't turn into a fatty-boombattie.
i can't have that on my waistline, man.
nope.
i'm already weird enough lookin', i don't need to blarp out, as well.
jeez.
i pick my spots, kids.
pizza once or twice a week is all i can handle.
i mean, i'm NOT getting younger, and i'm not getting prettier, so i can at least
not get worse FASTER, right?
right!
alright.
that'll do;
never quiet, never soft.....

CHARITY!

cookies!!
gluten free and gluten-full!!
y'all like cookies?
yeah.
me too.
i made some for a charity event last week.
(yeah, i know, where've i been?)
i mean, some people like chocolate chips.
other people are bad people.
some other other folks get down with white chocolate chips....
i'm not here to judge anybody, neighbors-
i'm here to talk about feelings and hook you up the recipes-
check the teleport:

mmmmmmmmmmm.
you know those look good, right?
yep.
i'm psyched on 'em, for sure-
the gluten-free jauns are the chocolate chippers.
the regular flour magic ones are chocolate white chocolate chip-
it's a yin-yang twinship of terrific treats,
and i SO doo-do that freaky sh!t, like the whisper song...
word.
here'show to have some for yourself:
-
preheat your oven to 375℉.
-
in a pair of medium-sized metal mixin' bowls, you gotta get your sh!t together, buddy.
-
*
GFCCS!
-
1 stick (8T) vegan butter;
1 cup raw organic sugar;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp xantham gum;
cream that up,
and add:
3 T tapioca starch;
1/2 cup bob's baking flour blend;
2/3 cup bob's 1:1 gf rice-based flour;
1/4 cup chick pea flour;
1 1/2 cups mama's almond flour blend;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/4 cup non-dairy milk;
2/3 pkg vegan mini chocolate chips-
^^^
that's a lotta flours, but it's worth it-
you'd never know they weren't traditional cookies,
and that's the whole point, anyway, right?
-
2" semi-flattened balls of dough, yo. that's what you wanna set up on some baking trays.
bake 'em for 13 minutes,
and be excited. or get excited. i'm sayin'-
if you know what's good, and you know what's good for you, you'll be thrilled with these.
real talk.
***********
and then there's MORE.
yup.
too much is the right amount.
and MORE cookies is never a bad thing, buddy.
-
*
CWCCS!
-
1 stick (8T) vegan butts;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 cup light brown sugar;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/3 cup cocoa;
creamed and crushed and mooshed together,
stirred up with 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce-
and activated with:
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
2 cups a.p. flour;
3/4 cup oat flour;
1 cup king david vegan white chocolate chips.....
kaBOOM!
white chocolate reversies, duders.
how do they taste?
rich and chocolaty.
but then those smooth cocoa buttery chips do their thing,
and you realize you're living in the modern world, and it is a good world to be in.
thanks cookies, for optimizing my outlook all week.
***********
i did 15 charity tattoos,
to raise funds for an former friend.
he's not dead or nothin'-
well, he's almost dead to me, but that's another story.
hahahha.
c'mon.
a friend in need means you gotta do the right thing.
rules is rules.
even if it's an outstanding balance that needs collecting,
you strap in, and you get to work.
that's the thing, man......i pay my debts.
i do.
and that's the measure of my mettle, man.
i owed him one. that's true.
for all the years before he stone-cold dissed y'boi like a ice-hearted bummer,
he was my close friend, and we confided in each other-
that counts for something, and i counted it up, and stepped up to the studio
with the express intent of doing something good.
i'm no hero, by any means-
but i crushed fifteen tattzapps in a row, 
black and grey,
with nothing but outline machines set up all damned day-
ha.
i'm made to tattoo in a street shop.
i hate that about myself, but i'm built to mine tatts like a machine, for hours on end.
sure, i've got skills on top of skills to do all the styles,
and a heck of a personal style, to boot-
that's twenty years' worth of experience talking, not arrogance, i assure you-
but, on even footing, in a straight street shop, i can still sit down and WORK.
...and i was still home for dinner, duders.
the interesting thing about the day?
all three studios in the valley all combined forces and generated revenue
for the family of the injured fella TOGETHER.
yup.
all the olden days lameness of rivalry, hard feelings, and competition are OVER.
everybody works together, everybody stays cool, and everybody gets a slice of the pie.
that's the real story behind the scenes.
it's all really happening,
and it's unfolding in new directions none of us probably would've predicted;
never quiet, never soft.....