CARCIOFO!

artichoke hearts!
they have somethin' special going on.
if you like 'em, you already know-
if you don't, you maybe just need some help to appreciate their merits.
i took a can of 'em, drained 'em,
dredged 'em,
breaded 'em,
fried 'em,
and put 'em on a pizza.
mmmhmmm.
check the teleport:

HEARTS!!!
and spinach,
and caramelized onions,
and cooked manly marinara,
and homemade cashew mozz',
an fresh basil,
and fried garlic sprankles,
and arugula on top.
too much is the right amount!
-
so, how'd i make the artichokes?
like an expert.
duh.
c'mon.
don't be dumb....but here's a recipe-
-
in one bowl combine:
3/4 cup unsweetened almond milk;
2 T nootch;
2 T ground chia/flaxmeal.
stir it up and let it thicken.
-
in another bowl, mix together:
1/2 cup flour;
2 T fine cornmeal;
1/4 tsp ea GPOP;
dried oregano, basil, thyme, sage, black pepper, pink salt, smoked paprika;
2 tsp nootch;
-
drain 1 can of whole artichoke hearts (that's like 6 ish)
halve them, pat 'em dry, dunk those hunks in the wet,
roll 'em in the flour,
and let 'em hang out for a second or two while you fire up 1/4 cup of oil
in a pan over high heat-
fry 'em until they're crispy, flippin' 'em to make sure there's no raw flour,
and drain any excess oil off whlst they cool on paper towels.
that's the move.
*
the dough was standard, but with one upgrade- exxxtra wheat gluten.
uh-huh.
a teaspoon of that binding protein made a world of difference.
the crust was crisp and bubbly and dope as heck.
it proofed all day, and it baked at 485℉.
that's two cups of king arthur flour, 2 tsp sea salt, 2 T olive oil,
1 pkg active yeast, 1 1/2 tsp bread machine yeast, and 1 tsp gluten,
with a cup of warm water,
in your stand-upright mixer on lowish speed,
with the dough hook corkscrewin' around,
for 11 minutes, before a covered all-day bulk rise in the fridge.
it's how home dough gets done, duders.
*
the chee'?
easy easy.
1 1/2 cups raw cashews;
1/2 tsp  sea salt;
3 T nootch;
1/2 tsp ea. Garlic Powder and Onion Powder;
1 tsp lemon juice;
3 T tapioca flour;
1 cup boiling water,
all in your food processor, pureed until creamy,
without any gritty nut chunks-scrape it down if you've gotta, but get it consisitent.
add that to a small pot, and stir it over high heat to thicken it....
it happens quickly, so be alert.
this is it.
hearty vegan homemade chee' in a hurry.
for being so simple, it sure does taste great.
*
if i'm using breaded fried anything on a pizza,
i want cooked sauce.
mmhmmm.
that's a thing.
cooked sauce makes it feel like it has more body,
and has more balance,
and i think i'm decreeing that that's the right move-
and you know i LOVE i good decree.
rules is rules, and marinara with fried food is one of 'em.
i think that's a good usage of mandatory standards, neighbors.
i could do it with just crushed tomatoes, but then i'd be F*ing up,
and i'm not that kind of A*-hole.
...

WOW!
and there's lots of spinach on the bottom,
arugula on top,
dark green basil in between...
yup.
i like vegetation, bruh.
caramelized onions? don't mind if i do.
they're the best ones for pizza, at home,.
restaurants make 'em too marmaladey, and i don't endorse that.
save the slime for snails or some sh!t, b.
f'real.
-
my dude weird dylan enjoyed this with me.
i was glad for the company.
it'd been a minute.
and new pizzas taste better when shared.
i think that's also a thing.
***********
after a brutal weekend of bummery bumhole booty bammer tattz,
and also the alarming absence of attendance at AMPERSAND TATTOO,
i had no cancellations the last few days.
in fact,
i took a few walk-ins while i was at it.
mmhmm.
i'll always make time for new clients,
and for a little extra movie check magic time.
a grand don't come for free, but one grand also isn't enough-
and acting too busy to work harder is NOT dope.
in fact, it's kind of a bullsh!t move.
when is enough enough?
never ever ever EVER.
the object is forever gonna be MORE.
that's just how it is around here.
however,
saturday is WIDE open.
and that's not especially cool at all.
maybe something elite will arrive between now and then,
but more likely, it'll be something else.
hey, man...they pay the same, so i'll be glad for whatever it is.
i like my job. i like making art. i know those aren't the same thing.
i'm still grateful for the time i'm given to do both;
never quiet, never soft.....