DUMPS EVERYWHERE!

when it's dump day, it's a great day.
the weak-sauce waterbaby weather wanted to ruin my night,
but a massive dose of dumps did their job,
and put me asleep with a satisfied belly inside the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
even if the outside environment of the woodsly goodness turned wet and ugly.
do you even know how good radical plant-based vegan dumplings are??
i mean,
they have all the megahottness that a one-plate meal could realistically contain,
plus dippin' sauce.
that's pretty expert.
and i made 27 of 'em,
and i ATE 27 of 'em.
uh-huh.
too much is the right amount, man,.
check it:

DUMPS ON YOUR FACE!!!
sesame-bottomed, so s'chuan, sichuan-oil glazed fried veggie dumps,
with scallion, cilantro, and pea shoot sprankles!
i had to toast some sossamon sesame seeds, but that only takes a second.
y'ever wet your dumpy butts, and dip 'em in seeds?
it make's 'em extra delicious.
that's no joke.
and they were already destined to be very tasty.
that's right.
the filling was damned good from the jump:
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*
DUMPY FILLIN'!
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in your food processor, combine:
1/4 onion, chopped;
1 medium carrot, cut into smaller chunks;
1/4 small head of cabbage;
3 cloves of peeled garlic;
1" chunk of skin-on organic ginger;
a handful of pea shoots.
add all that into a medium-sized pan, on high heat, with a dollop of sesame oil,
and saute the veg until it begins to soften.
add to that:
1/2 cup veggie crOmbles;
1/2 tsp ea GPOP;
black pepper;
2 T tamari;
2 T rice vinegar;
1/2 tsp ground coriander seed;
1/4 tsp ground mustard;
brown that slightly, and you should have a very ground meaty-lookin' mash.
cool it off, and set it aside, and get yourself some dumpling wrappers-
i make mine, because they're more delicious, and better in every way-
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WRAPS!
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in your upright stand mixer with a dough hook affixed, combine:
1 cup + 2 T king arthur flour;
1/4 tsp sea salt;
1/4 tsp black pepper;
sriracha flakes;
1/2 cup warm water.
knead it up, adding more water if necessary.
you should end up in a small tight ball of shiny dough.
rest it, covered, and then roll it out on a floured surface,
cutting out 3" circles.
and like i said, i made 27,
and i filled all of them with a fat spoonful, pinched, crimped, folded, and dipped 'em.
then i fried 'em up like i new exactly what i was doing.
...and i did.
they need to be arranged in a big skillet
with a blend of sesame and olive oil, on high heat,
and allowed to sizzle for two minutes.
the trick to exxxtra-sexxxy dumplings?
i crushed a clove of garlic over them while they sizzled,
then i added 1/3 cup of water to the hot pan, covered it, and let those thirsty pouches
soak up the steam.
when that was all gone,
i turned 'em onto their sides, and drizzled them with sichuan red oil, bro.
yup.
that's that cranked-up-to-level-eleven-upgrade.
f'real.
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HOMEMADE RED OIL!
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*this has no black vinegar, kids. i hate it
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combine;
1/2 tsp sesame oil;
4 tsp vegetable oil;
1 clove crushed garlic;
1/4 tsp sichuan peppercorns;
4-6 chopped dried red chilis;
a dash cayenne;
lots of black pepper;
a little crushed red pepper flake;
a dash or two of hot paprika;
stir it and let it marinate for fifteen minutes or more.
i made it before i started the dumps.
*
that sauce spread across my whole scene really tied the whole thing up in a fancy bow
and allowed an even bigger better flavor to emerge for a maxxximized experience.
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all that was left was to plate 'em up,
and prepare a SAUCE to dip all my corners in.
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DIPPIN' SAUCE!
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1 T tamari;
2 tsp rice vinegar;
1 clove crushed raw garlic;
1/2 tsp sesame oil;
1/2 tsp monkfruit sweetener (no sugar remember?)
GPOP;
black pepper;
1 tsp scallion greens;
1/4 tsp toasted sesame seeds.
...

dudes- c'mon.
you've got savory filling.
i mean, it's FULL of flavor.
you've got fancy flour flaps with a hint spice and a bunch of seedy crunch.
you've got red oil heat.
you've got SAUCE!
and then the sprankles chime in with a hint of bright fresh happiness.
maybe twenty seven was overkill.
maybe it was perfect.
they went down smooth, so i'm not sweating it, buddy.
dumpling day is always a good day.
rules is rules,
and they clearly state that it's impossible to be in a bad mood
when you're eating dumplings.
that's a fact;
never quiet, never soft.....