at least in real life, anyway.
yeah.
i'm wild up in these woodsly mountaintops for
those twisted boiled baked brown bread loops.
mmhmm.
check 'em out:
nice, right?
thanks.
i mean, i know it, i'm just glad you do, too.
i got vegan butter for dippin'.
i also have scallion and toasted dill seed activated vegan creamchee' as well.
AND, just because too much is the right amount,
i also fired up some grainy mustard, cut with horseradish dijon,
and taken to eleven with malt vinegar and caraway seeds.
yup.
it's not doing it i believe in....it's OVERdoing it, or not doing it at all.
coarse sea salt is awesome.
f'real.
big ol' crystals of flavor heightening hottness are what you want,
when what you want is a DÜDI BOI SUMMER breakfast twist.
i use 'em liberally on top of my boiled baddies, bro.
that's what's good.
and if you really want full-sized super-expert awesomeness,
here's the recipe for the whole thing:
-
*
PRETZE'DENTIAL PRIVILEGES!
-
preheat your oven to 450℉
-
in a small pot, warm up 3/4 cup non-dairy milk, + 3 T vegan butter.
heat it up to let the butter, then remove it and let it cool a bit-
-
in a cup, combine 2 T real new hampshire maple syrup,
1 tsp bread machine yeast,
and 1/4 cup + 2 T warm water, and let it bloom.
-
in your stand-upright power-mixer,
with a dough hook attachment affixed firmly in place,
knead up the following:
1 tsp sea salt;
1 T olive oil;
2 cups king arthur bread flour;
1 cup dark rye flour;
1 pkg fast-actin' yeast;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/4 cup rolled oats;
2 T wheat bran.
add the milky butter,
and the maple water,
and give it a powerful beatin' for 11 minutes.
cover it and let it rest and rise.
-
in a BIG pot, bring 8 cups of water,
and four heaped tablespoons of baking soda and a lotta salt to a boil while the dough rises.
-
cover a baking tray or two with parchment
-
when your dough ball has doubled in size,
divide it into 8-16 balls, y'all...depending on whether you want knots of braids or whatever.
i got sixteen full-sized sexxxy boys out of this batch,
rolled out, twisted up, and set aside for five more minutes-
-
i boiled them in that big pot in batches 4 for thirty seconds each side,
then arranged them evenly on the trays, salted them up,
and baked two trays full for 14-17 minutes until they looked TIIIIIGHT.
a deep golden brown, with luxurious texture is what you want here.
you can see it up there.
i LOVE pretzels.
in fact, i prefer them to the crunchy potato alternatives almost always.
however, i'm verrry whatever about that mustard.
the rest is excellent of course, but i don't dip more than once in that musty sh!t.
i dunno if i'd be more interesting if i liked it, but i'm trying not to rule it out.
it's just that it doesn't make me enjoy anything extra,
so it's just not really worth it.
i'd probably skip it entirely if it wasn't such a staple of soft pretzel reality.
rules is rules after all.
*
ANYway,
august is in full swing over here,
and allllll the tattoos are all booked up slid for the rest of the month.
i s'pose that's good?
it makes me feel tired just thinking about it.
then again,
i think i'm just tired no matter what.
yep.
that's just how it is.
i just woke up feeling decongested and uncompressed for the first time in a week.
i like that.
i guess that means i'm ready for another 'nother august monday to try to bring me down;
never quiet, never soft.....
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