filled to the limits.

soooo,
it's no big secret that i always have a tough time going back
to the place where i'm originally from.
y'know?
it's just no longer where i'm at,
and that simple fact makes it tough to reimagine
the wheres, whats, and hows i used to enact and overact and act up and act out
with here in the pits of patheticut!
...yeah...
the thing of it is-
i'm well and truly a woodsly goodsly hermit,
wholeheartedly ensconced and entrenched in my
mountainous methodology,
and a really big fan of a plan.
down here,
in the congested and distracted jam-packed A*-crack attack
of uniformly unpleasant hordes of the hapless and the hopeless,
there's no such thing as a plan.
if i see you i see you,
and whatever happens happens.
that means it's ALL really happening,
but there's no way to know what comes next, and when.
it defies logic, eschews reason, and relies wholly on whim.
neighbors,
i can't hang out with that kind of chaos.
everything down here is a rush.
running late, missing out, hurrying up.....
there's a lot of doing stuff, but not a lot of living life.
like,
it's mostly transitions to or from somewhere we aren't really enjoying,
surrounded by people we aren't really interacting with.
.......
there's a reason i stayed in the northern mountains,
even after all the initial encouragements had turned to sh!t.
y'know?
when the dust settles after all the talking and doing and going
is over and done with,
there's one inescapable truth that recurs over and over,
and demands to be concurred with:
i don't belong here.
something went wrong, (or right),
and i'm just destined and/or doomed to warrior poetry,
Folk Life, and true storytelling all by my lonely, in the cold,
eating vegetables and baking treats far and away from here.
i'll wager that's it's tough for everyone involved,
but i get five hours in the car each way, as well.
*
y'know what fixes those sour sentiments?
filling in the blanks.
uh-huh.
with food.
check the shark-gluttonous-gift-of-giving-type teleport:

super-expert chipotle lunchtime?
yeah!
a barbaric bundle of every single vegan item in one flour diaper.
and that was just breakfast.
there was emergency tofutti when i scooped up the berfday girl, too.
obviously, rules is rules.
check the holiday-sprankles-type teleport:

oreo-style cookie hottness for my big fat face!!
and y'know something else, kids?
mmhmmm.
mamoun's falafel hole was where we hit up our celebration.
yup.
me, my girls, their ma, her man, his sons, my ma, my sister and some dude,
all of us, in the dimly lit, fairly filthy, somewhat sketchy spot,
getting expert on all that family togetherness.
sorta.
we definitely got full on food, at least.  
me?
i had a falafel, AND a hummus sandwich:

AND moujedhra:

and a few extra falafel balls found their way onto my plate, too....
.......then we had cake.
because if you have nothing to say, it always helps if your mouth is full!
too much is the right amount.
and sometimes,
that's what we need,
other times,
that's what we get.
at all times, it's always really happening;
never quiet, never soft.....