nutrient-rich self-destruction.

neighbors,
i know you like chipotle.
i mean,
chances are,
you're a regular person, who enjoys food, and knows what's up.
otherwise,
you wouldn't be here,
you'd be reading sports stats or watching morning talk television.
....and that's just not cool.
however,
chipotle is cool.
because chipotle has just. too. much. vegan. sh!t. for me to hate on it.
y'know?
where else can i eat a couple of pounds of tortilla-wrapped wreckage
for under ten bucks?
word up.
duders
check the XI-mas-shoppin'-refuel-type teleport:

mmmhmmmm.
that's it!
a single serving foodstuff the size of a swaddlin' babe?
expert.
it has everything i can have in it.
that's no joke.
brown rice, with a strip of white rice, too, for variety.
both beans, b!tches, because i'm not about to discriminate.
fajita veggies?
of course. don't be dumb.
plus that smoky no-joke sofritas jauns all over all of that, too.
salsa?
yeah.
which one?
what do you mean, which one?
ALL the mother'ucking salsas, stoopidhead. obviously.
jeez.
what are you?
an A*-hole?
c'mon.
romaine lettuce, for that crawnch;
and that gooshy green guac', too,
because an extra two bucks and change isn't gonna beat my dinner up.
did i squeeze lemons in it?
did i drizzle that greenish ho' sauce on it?
.......are you even paying attention?
i want it ALL, kids.
i'm sayin',
-and this is real talk right here-
if they don't have to at least wrap it up in more tortilla,
to hold in all the hottness??
well,
then you are clearly F*ing up.
i need to know i'm doing what i'm supposed to,
and usually,
the look of disgust on the burrito-makers' faces,
coupled with the skeptical glances in my direction from those
basic b!tches and weak sauce wimps in line,
with their chicken bowl or whatever,
lets me know i'm gettin' there.
it's the burly burrito blowout that confirms it though.
double wrap at a minimum,
or your sh!t is NOT poppin', y'all.
decreed.
and also,
it shouldn't take more than six minutes to destroy.
teleport:

if it doesn't hurt a little, you're doing it wrong.
***********
portland, maine,
in the rain,
at the mall,
in crazy holiday roadway and walkway and register-line congestion.
all of that,
coupled with indigestion from stressful holiday shopping lists,
aaaaaand too much chipotle,
made sure that by the time i got home,
i had nothing left over for anything else.
today, however, is a new day,
and i've got plans for TREATS .
treats on treats on treats on treats, even,
because it's not just burritos that the rules apply to-
too much is the right amount forever and ever.
do the things you like until you hate yourself, guys.
i think that's a thing;
never quiet, never soft.....