simpleton is next door to fancyville

keeping it simple is SO stupid.
i mean,
i've got all the fancypants ingredients right here,
in the kitchen,
less than an arm's reach from the big ol' bowl i'm
mixing everything up in.
why let regular jauns be the only ones we've got?
i can't hang out with that, neighbors-
and what's more, i won't be suckered into being less expert,
when obviously,
the whole flippin' point is to be MORE.
yeah!!
like,
for really realsies.
this morning,
it's all about scones.
yup.
burly british biscuits for breakfast.
hearty hunks of homey, homely harmony that happen to enhance the happiness
of our faceholes.
mmmmmmmm.
and before i expound on the various virtues of my add-ons and mix-ins,
let me just say it, from the jump off, before we get into any of the rest of it....
my scones are moist.
uh-huh.
y'all can keep that crumbly crap to yourselves-
i fold 'em molto molto (and molto, still),
until all the flaky freaky-diki striations cause molto sensations
all up on your mutha-F*ing tongue-piece.
i got cream chee' coupled with the butters,
i got extra big butterish blops in-between them, for added blending,
and then i hit 'em up with that soy yogurt, instead of generic egg-replacement,
for added heavy, healthy wet wallops once the flours start absorbing everything.
c'mon.
i got my systems,
and i know what works.
the folds are key.
i added a couple extra ones this time, for good measure.
they're layered upon the layers that i laid out from the beginning,
and they're folded into furious fragments of ferocious freshness...
and you should also know, kids,
that in those folds, in this batch, at this time,
as in- right now,
in the early hours of a woodsly goodsly easy sunday morning,
there's some fancy sh!t filling in the blanks.
believe it.
the whole house smells like a country garden, guys.
that's no joke.
why?
because it isn't just that i'm reppin' that oh-my-darlin'-style
clemen-teeny-tiny satsuma zest,
although it does impart subtle super-sweet citrus spike
that's miles and miles above, beyond, and better than all the rest...
and it's not because i'm using the most delicately caramel-touched
sun-dried succulent plump and pleasing golden-hues raisins,
with their rich but gentle toothsome tease,
instead of those garishly overdone purplish-brown doo-doo blops.
i mean,
yeah, for sure,
that's enough to make 'em pretty dang good already,
as those are both very important flavor components
for actively casting the magic spells needed for activating the scone zone.
but,
pretty dang good is not enough is it?
don't be dumb, duders-
too much is the right amount.
and as such,
the perfume that's activating my airflow is from a whole other 'nother bit
of superfresh, extra-fancy new hottness for our family togetherness mealtime
on this grey and rainy ante-meridiem.
yeah.
check the teleport:

duders,
it's lavender.
yeah.
and it's taking this morning to eleven.
that's word.
best scones yet?
well, i'm just sayin'.....LOOK at 'em.
the stacks on stacks on stacks are on the attack,
and that's just the beauty that's skin deep.
the flavor of the lavender is STRONG.
i like that.
my daughters, however, aren't as psyched on old-lady-soap-smelling food,
but,
they're also still very young,
and that makes them a little bit dumb.
anyway,
the foundation has been laid for a new era of breakfast.
and that's good news.
it's all a part of the bigger picture.
next time,
less flowers and fruit,
and more chocolate, for the children.
in the meantime,
i'm toasting and buttery-patting another one for myself;\
never quiet, never soft.....