BAMMERZ

how many vacationers have come into the studio while we're tattooing,

because they think we're the pizza place?

.......a F*ing LOT.

and how many of them leave realllllly quickly, after making the 'OH!' noise?

100%

and what number of those folks close the door behind them

after they realize their mistake

and do the head-down shuffle-step skedaddle twelve feet further down the porch?

ummmm, 

that'd be almost none of them.

but, 

it isn't it winter, and obviously cold, 

and also pretty stoopid to not know to close a door?

uh huh.

i'm not saying these are bad people, 

but i am suggesting they're bad at being people.

maybe they're just so psyched about pizza 

that they don't know what to do with themselves.

i've been there, bro. i see you.

but i also know how doors work.

just sayin'.

AMPERSAND TATTOO has a sign that says 'no pizza here',

because some folks don't even recognize their mistake 

until they're all the way inside the studio and see us very clearly NOT making pizza.

that's no joke-

we have no pizza there.

and we actually love pizza but, i mean, c'mon.

there've been at least twenty people who effed that up this weekend.

if you've been by the shop, you already know that there are GIANT signs 

on the windows that say AMPERSAND TATTOO,

and there's a sign on the door, too.

yep.

so shoutouts to illiterates and pizza-obsessed no-attention-payers, i guess.

meanwhile i'm out here doing those phone-bill tattz.

y'know?

like when you gotta pay that phone bill, these are the ones that make that possible.

dead guy tributes.

we do that.

how about matchy tattz for home-tatt getters out in a real studio for the first time?

we do that, too.

will i fill up a day with baby tattoos and do each one like i'm excited?

well a grand don't ever come for free, 

and those pizza pursuers don't ever accidentally order

a large tattoo with a side of garlic knots from us and forget all about the spot next door.

so until money starts falling into my wallet for talking sh!t and baking cake,

it's tatty-boi bambam time every time.

oh, and now that i consider it:

based on the amount of impact we can hear from bodies and tables colliding 

with the shared interior wall between us and the pizza joint,

those muther'uckers ARE that psyched about pizza.

they're suplexing their pepperonis together about it.

i want our clients to start bodyslamming each other into the walls about it.

after they're cleaned off and wrapped up, of course.

no need to spread that home-tat 'itis onto the framed art, man.

for realsies.

i might F* around and make a pizza and tattoo myself

then sail my whole body straight through the window of the pizza spot, 

butt-A* and face first, 

and leave their damned door open behind me on the way to the hospital.

you don't know me;

NQNS.....