PICCALILLI

PICCALILLI.
because i really do.
...
oh.
british condiments are pretty wild.
a more-curry lovin' grey wet island i've yet to meet.
and chief amongst them?
piccalilli.
yeah.

y'see that?!?!
it's fantastic.
and just what is piccalilli?
it's dope as F* is what it is:
curry-pickled minced cauliflower florets, diced carrot, halved boiling onions,
and diced cubes of cut skin-on apple.
with malt and cider vinegars,
black peppercorns, dill seed, celery seed, mustard seed, coriander seed,
caraway seed, red pepper flakes, cumin seed, turmeric, curry powder, and salt.
i did a quick pickle, heated until the veg was softened (although i added the onions,
which'd been blanched and peeled first, for just five minutes of the hard bubble-up)
and then all of it was steeped while it cooled,
and then refrigerated in an airtight glass container for two more days.
simple?
sorta.
superb?
certainly.
expert?
definitively.

the flavor is GIGANTIC.
the crunch is pronounced.
the color is intense.
and all of it is right there.
on top of a batch of bhaji pakoras, bro.
let me illuminate the big picture-
there's spinach,
then, there's pickled red onions.
y'know?
-
*
RED ONIONS
-
in a quart pot, add enough apple cider vinegar to barely cover 1 red onion,
peeled and halved and sliced in thin strips, plus 1/2 tsp sea salt, and 1/2 tsp sugar.
plus a strainer immersed into the brine and add black peppercorn, mustard seed,
dill seed, red pepper flakes, and coriander seed,
boil until the onions turn soft and pink all the way through-
then allow them to cool completely before using.
-
yeah,
then the PAKORAS do their thing.
again,
they're gluten-free, in case i ever get to make them for my one and only.
y'wanna know what i did/
you got it:
-
*
PAKORAS!
-
1 cup finely chopped cauliflower, florets and stems;
2 T frozen peas;
1/4 cup sliced sweet onion;
1/3 cup chick pea flour;
1/4 tsp cumin seeds;
1/2 tsp smoked paprika;
1/2 tsp curry powder;
black pepper;
dash of ground dry mustard;
pinch of nootch;
shake of GPOP;
1 T tamari;
1/3 cup warm water-
adjust for flour and liquid as necessary, you'll want a thicker battery matrix holding
the veggie chunks in place.
toss it all together and that'll make some veggie delights
that you won't actually believe are glutenless and vegan
and so F*ing tasty in your face.
get a pan piping hot with a fat pat of coconut oil,
3 T, or enough to make a wading pool in the cooking area,
and fry them up.
they'll get brown, and the veg will get soft,
and you'll only have to flip them once if you do it right.
neighbors-
these are so good, you're gonna want the just all on their own.
maybe with spicy sauce and creamy sauce at the same time.
yeah.
that's real.
-
and i HAD sriracha,
AAAAAAAND jalapeno/cilantro laced coconut non-dairy yogurt, too.
that's riiiIIIIiiiiight.
i know how to make a helluva F*ing andwich, buddy.

...but wait-
i almost didn't even mention that i roasted fingerling potato strips,
and got 'em crisssssssssspy as hell.
i'm kind of smart at food a little bit.
what?
the bun?
oh, i already told you the other day how to do that.
i also toasted it because that's the right answer.
and i want to do the right thing.
the only time i ever even know for sure what that is is in the kitchen.
lemme tell you guys something.
piccalilli.
get some.
make some.
eat some.
then do it again.
i know i piccalilli,
and i'm not gonna stop;
never quiet, never soft.....