KRAMPUSANDWICH

what do you get if you're a spoiled brat?
you get the krampus to snatch you up,
and beat you and drag you to hell for a whole year.
and if you're a spoiled brät?
y'know, like you're really the wurst?
well,
then *i'm* krampus,
 and i'll eat you the eff up, bro.
HAHAHHHAAAHHHAHAHA.
oh, c'mon.
you like it.
december fifth is the krampusnacht,
and i wasn't about to be weak sauce about it.
in fact,
i went hard as heckfire on a sandwich week spectacular.
yup.
look:

THAT'S THE BESTWURST, KID!
one red lentil seitan exxxtra-large jaun,
blanched in a blend of vegetable broth, tamari, and malt vinegar,
which, when combined with hot oil, became a shiny glaze that made me go crazy
with taste sensations.
that's no joke.

and then there's that grilled red and green cabbage.
yuuuuuup.
it was positively packed with elite levels of crispy, crunchy charred hottness.
dry-fried to blacked the edges,
then buttered and salted to really cook it up and give it some crunch.
too good.
those pickled onions wren't too shabby either.
a little radish to sharpen the texture and the bright bite.
and then the two condiments turned it up to eleven.
for really-real.
that's a custom blend of whole-grain mustard, malt vinegar,
cracked black pepper, and horseradish all over the top of that fat sausage.
and that's toasted dill and caraway seeded mayo, with dill leaf to really make a point,
all over the bread.
......and that bread??
mein gott, freunds.
this is that power rye for your eye.
-
*
RYE BUNS!
-
1 cup king arthur bread flour;
1/2 cup king arthur white whole wheat flour;
1/2 cup bob's dark rye flour;
1 tsp diastatic malt powder;
1 tsp brown sugar;
1 T wheat bran;
2 T olive oil;
1 cup warm water + 1 tsp agave + 1 pkg fast actin' yeast;
1 tsp bread machine yeast.
all kneaded together to form a tight shiny ball,
covered and allowed to rise until doubled,
divided into great big thirds, and formed into hoagie loaves-
olive oiled and coarse sea salted, covered again, allowed to double again,
then baked for 25 minutes.
you won't regret eating one of these burly, hearty thiccc bangers, baby.
i promise.
-

and the you get a few baby dill pickles, and cut them into sixths,
and hook these F*ers up with just one more additional bit
of germanic awesomeness just to make sure that the naughtiness
you taste in every bite is worth it.
too much is the right amount.
that's the only way.
i made more sandwiches already than ever before.
why?
because i have a whole lotta feelings to process,
and i know you know there's only one road that leads to problem-solving,
and it 100% goes through the kitchen;
never quiet, never soft.....