going bananas over chocolate.

holy sh!t!!!
post #2222 right here.
that's bananas, huh?
it sure is.
but anyway, guys,
i'm pretty sure chocolate is good for you.
i think that is still a real thing, right?
no?
c'mon.
well, it should be.
anyway, i know some stuff.
for example-
banana bread is good;
chocolate is good;
chocolate chips are good;
and baby things are so cute!
what's a worthy kitchen commander to do with that info?
get some baby-sized chocolate chips,
add 'em to some banana-based batter,
stir in some cocoa powder,
add it all into mini loaf pans because lots of baby breads is good,
and sprankle some big crystals of really raw sugar,
and a generous gratin' of german chocolate shavin's on top.
obviously.
what else would i do?
don't be so stoopid.
how's that for expert?
uh-huh.
check the proof-in-pictures-type teleport:

pow!
nothing activates the bananarama jammie-jam jauns
like adding a bunch of brown stuff to it.
yeah.
i can't stop eating them.
they're just too damned good.
for serious.
i'm maybe getting the hang of this baking thing.
hahaha.
false modesty is for suckers.
expert recognize expert.
if you don't know, then you aren't.
***********
sleep is for A*-holes.
at least,
that's what i told myself at two in the morning,
staring out into a bright and snowy blue glow,
miles away from slumber,
scratching and shaking and quaking with moonlit berserker energy.
yep.
full moons have an effect on me.
savage red-alert hypersensitivity,
blue moonbeams,
and quicksilver threads of spirit and memory and snow and everything.
all at once,
a smorgasbord of barbarian bluntness,
irascible irritability,
shredding and spitting and freezing and burning,
frostbitten werewolf wintertime warrior poetry,
unfolding in my racing thoughts,
and keeping my eyes from finding rest.
styles are hard these days and the nights are long.
the wind is howling, and so am i.
this is how it all unfolds,
baking, and making, and doing and undoing,
shedding layers and shedding selves,
and shoveling and shoveling and shoveling.
piles of snow, piles of food, piles of sh!t.
real life doesn't care about sleeping;
never quiet, never soft.....

now, here we are.

neighbors,
it took me a few forays into the oven,
but i've found my masterstroke,
and i'm ready to really get busy with some big business
in the flat breads with stuff on them department.
really.
pizza week.
it's still going strong.
in fact,
it is moving along stronger than ever,
since i'm back on my custom dough game so hard.
duders,
guess who found a weird old regifted pizza stone?
yuuuuuuup.
now,
we're cooking on a crust-busting clean slate,
so that my dough gets crispier and even more expert.
word up.
i blend my flours into a garden of greatness,
and i roll out my irregular circle like i'm summoning ghosts.
that's a seance ring-style round spot for sauce an' sh!t.
friends,
i made the magic happen,
and it happened in triplicate.
(that's the magic number jauns, yeah?)
check the freaked-off-type teleport:

kabooom!!!
thick, gooey, great globbity blops of notzerella, y'all!
hmmm?
how's that, now?
what in the name of going apesh!t is notzerella?!
friends,
i made some custom chee',
and it's not mozzerella.
c'mon.
freestyled off-the-cuff, in the buff, butt-naked hottness,
with nuts and tofu and olive oil and g.p.o.p. and nootch....
and it's mysterious, and serious, and it's got molto nutrients,
and twice as much activation.
it actually tastes a little like eating an eggplant parm.
at least, if memory serves. (and it almost always does)
confusing?
a little.
elite?
a lot.
pizza week magic is really truly happening.
i already told you that.
uh-huh.
and there's more where that came from-
check the greenery-type teleport:

basil-cashew-parsley pesto sauce.
fresh roma plum-shaped tomato slices.
shiitake mushrooms.
a blast of nootch.
expert as F*.
but, hold on, one more second, folks...
there's still another 'nother other one.
check the checker-squares-type teleport:

vegan bacon, and onions,
over that chee'?
c'mon, kids.
the best.
browned brick-colored little rectangles;
and wet sweet vidalia bigger little rectangles;
and sauce, an' that.
all combined to make something more awesome than
the slices that came before them.
escalation of the exaltation of the expert ingredients is what's up.
pizza week knows how to get it in.
Folk Life dinnertime celebration time is going on all week.
there's bound to be more and more and more.
you all know the story by heart, by now.
the object is always more,
and too much is the right amount.
jeez.
i say it every day.
*
the best part?
it's only wednesday.
there's more of all of this,
and it's all really happening-
that's the whole flippin' point;
never quiet, never soft.....

getting a little fancier.

duders,
pizza week.
it continues on,
and it increases in volume and volume every night.
that's a thing.
day two,
we turn it up just a little teeny tiny itty bitty baby bit.
check the no-cheese-type teleport:

white balsamic and brown sugar glazed,
soy splashed,
and black peppered quartered brussels sprouts,
on a bed of arugla,
with shallot sprankles,
and a powdery punch of nootch?
yuuuuup.
so expert.
*
tonight,
there will be newer and more elite custom crusts,
and fresher and more labor intensive ingredients.
neighbors,
it may take a moment for me to hit my stride on this,
but i'm telling you now-
too much is the right amount,
and too often is the frequency for it.
pizza attack?
pizza attack!
it's pizza week,
so that's what worthy warrior poets are eating.
the bread is flat,
the sauce is spread,
and the toppings are tipping over.
this is what i'm all about.
concocting occasions to get activated,
making moments matter more,
and requiring presence of mind,
and presentation of ideas,
and active participation,
and shark gluttony.
all of it is what needs to align to make sure
that it all always goes to eleven.
anything less,
and you're just reppin' weak sauce boxmix babysh!t,
and that can't come over to play.
y'know?
yeah,
you sure do know.
and that's what i like about y'all.
***********
it's still below no degrees.
minus minus minus.
subtracting is not the right equation, kids.
and that's way too cold.
i can even feel the waves rolling in past the woodstove,
drafty drifting over my feet and freezing off my toes.
styles get harder in the winter,
and we're seting new records for unseasonably brutal times,
especially in the windchill department.
i hate wind when it's warm out,
but i totally F*ing hate the holy hell out of it when my
spindly spaghetti body gets shredded through my layers.
all the heats are on high,
and all the spirits and memories are on low.
XI-mas is encroaching on my pizza,
and pizza is encircling my waist,
and my waist is shriveling by the second,
a spiraling decline is in effect,
and the effect is spinning like a drain.
awwwwwww, man.
maybe it'll warm up?
sure.
it may, in may;
never quiet, never soft.....

starting now.

could it be?
really?
y'think?
yeah.
i guess it's gonna have to be....
you know what comes after eleven days of sandwiches?
(besides a longing and sadness that it ended too soon?)
triangles of terrific ensue, most probably.
yuuuuuuuup.
it's time, my friends,
for the ovens to get super-hot all over again.
december the 15th through the 21st,
in the last moments of the year twenty thirteen,
it has been officially decreed.
it's pizza week!
yeah.
that's happening.
decrees are no joke.
-
day one?
simple.
an easy introductory slice or two.
no big fanfare,
just a soft opening into the world
of flat breads with stuff on them.
check the teleport:

nothing all that special, kids-
plain crust, sauce, daiya(rhhea), caramelized red onions.
it's like i just said,
a simple start.
from here on out, though?
i'm thinking english-style muffin pizza,
french bread pizza,
grilled pizza,
and i'm wondering just what else we should do.
neighbors,
i'm open to suggestions.
it's a week of pizza,
it's a pizza week,
and it's subject to audience participation.
help the woodsly goodfellows get activated.
c'mon.
you're part of it.
***********
am i making pizza luce rinotta?
i am.
well,
i'm gonna make it with a little extra woodsly goodness
thrown into it.
i mean,
minnesota isn't gonna one up me, y'all.
especially not when my main man is leaving there forever, anyway.
that's real.
but,
those faux cheesy blops of nuts and beans,
and oil, and oil, and nootch, and oil are gonna get blarpity
all over my pizza, regardless.
i'm just sayin'-
rules is rules,
and too much is the right amount.
shark gluttony and holiday fatness and
you're invited to come by the Folk life & Liberty Fortress
and join me for a slice or three.
it's pizza week,
and pizza is made for sharing;
never quiet, never soft.....

more and more and more...

neighbors,
i keep doing it.
why?
because staying ugly IS staying dope.
real talk.
check the time's-a'wastin'-type teleport:

c'mon.
this is just what happens when i've got a little minute to myself.
productivity is a tricky thing.
the object, of course,
is always more.
which means that this keeps happening.
snow day activation is underway-
and that means ANYthing can happen;
never quiet, never soft.....

frosting.

frosting is the key to success.
that's real.
got some treats?
they're good, too?
terrific.
but good isn't good enough is it?
no way, neighbors.
if we wanna make 'em expert,
and take 'em to eleven,
what do we do about doo-dooing that?
word up.
we just add a sh!tpile of frosting.
duh.
and it really works!
check the teleport:

c'mon.
am i right or am i right?
i mean, right?
frosting in a triple-stacked circle.
goobieblops in a smaller buttholier circle,
and another 'nothe rim around the bottom.
totally flippin' expert.
oh,
and cinnamony sweet apples under all that frosting,
on top of a genuine old lady-type coffee crumb cake underneath.
yuuuuuup.
baked greats are what i'm about,
and finishing moves involving frosting are how i go about it.
really real life sometimes uses vegan cream chee' to activate
all the superfancies and the unnecessaries.
uh-huh.
i'm as surprised as y'all are,
but it seems that it's definitely a genuine thing.
***********
hey, duders-
y'know what happened when sandwich week ended?
yep.
i ordered a mutha-F*ing sandwich.
of course.
teleport:

hummus and avocado, and focaccia, all the stuffs.
mmmhmmmm.
a store-bought encore,
for my fat flippin' face.
awwwww, man.
i can't help it, kids.
i just hate goodbyes.
*
it's negative degrees still,
and i'm feeling fairly negatively about that.
mountain air hurts when it's sharpened by wind,
and tempered by temperature,
and slicing through my skin.
ouch.
i'm so cold, i don't even know what to do...
i'm probably gonna need more frosting;
never quiet, never soft.....

jinx.

friday the thirteenth!
today is the day.
odd prime numbers,
and negative numbers registering
on the calendar and the thermometer
make me remember,
whilst shivering inside my house,
in all the layers of clothing i can comfortably pile on,
as the heat blasts full-force, to no measurable avail,
and my hot hot tea cools off on the counter
within moments of pouring it,
that today is un-F*ing-lucky.
jeeeeez.
it feels lame, this being up early, and all of this freezing.
i know the great white northern mountainous reaches
of new hampshire's woodsly goodness give no F*s at all.
like, AT ALL, at all......
but today still started off on a hard-styled, too-early,
wrong-bedside, limping left-footed deficit of hottness and heat.
awwwwww, man!
but,
y'know what IS making me feel fortunate though, neighbors?
seasonally appropriate XI-mas treats.
yuuuup.
check the good-luck-charming teleport:

peppermint chocolate creme pie?
duders,
there're crumbled up chocolate snap cookies,
AND ground graham crackers in that crust-
it was a must-do mash-up of mixed grains an' that.
it's also the best one yet.
by the way, friends,
all the mint oil and extracts i didn't have?
mmmhmmm.
it made my activation shift up a notch,
into expert adaptation mode.
that's a thing.
so many candy-type canes laid down their hooked forms
to allow this peppermint nightmare to live!
chocolate candy cane creme,
crushed candycane dusties on top,
and holiday-themed sprankles, too.
and just when we thought that was enough?
uh-huh.
peppermints mashed into the mutha-'ucking frosting too.
word.
too much is the right amount.
you can trust me on that.
***********
today is also the day i'm required to register my new car.
that should be fun.
the least-pleasant lady i've ever met is in charge of being pissed-off
directly at my face at the department of motor vehicles.
well,
actually,
c'mon now.
this is the rural woods an' that.
i register my car at the town hall,
at the tax collector's office,
next to the selectmen's office, by the police window.
uh-huh.
seriously,
it's all in one teeny-tiny spot.
city friends, you would loooove this quaint sh!t,
but the lady behind the counter makes it a real city dmv experience.
real talk.
vanity plates are in order.
why?
because i'm like that.
obvi.
what are my new custom narcissism jauns gonna say?
good question.
i guess we'll know by tonight.
it's all really happening,
mysteries and maladies and misappropriations and all;
never quiet, never soft.....

sandwiches.

all week.
sandwiches.
i mean,
c'mon,
it's F*ing sandwich week.
that's so good for me.
neighbors,
do you know the BEST part about sandwich week?
yup.
it's eleven days long.
and that's expert, isn't it?
yeah,
it sure as sh!t is.
we like mushrooms over here.
they're secret button fruits from beneath the flippin' earth.
that being the case,
check the mycelium-activation-type teleport:

portobello, b!tches!!
marinated in g.p.o.p., salt, pepper,
bragg's improved soyish sauce,
and white balsamic vinegar, because i'm fancy...
it got broiled up,
and stayed sittin' pretty on toasted ciabatta bread,
with two kinds of greens above and below.
uh-huh.
braised arugala,
and crisp watercress,
with grilled red onions to finish it off.
hmmm?
of course it was dope.
don't be stoopid.
*
that was days ago, tho, yo.
so what about last night?
yeah.
what about last night?
oh, y'know,
last night got it IN.
homemade cashew, basil, parsley, nootch pesto?
yeah!!
so expert.
check the italiano-type teleport:

c'mon, kids;
now do we activate or do we F*ing activate?
with sweet-onion-simmered crimini mushrooms;
and curly parsley, for all the nutrients,
and grilled sourdough slices,
all so that i could hit up a souper-saturated (get it?)
nootch-blasted herb-crusted tempeh steak in between all of it.
friends,
i'm just trying to tell y'all-
it's sandwich week for crying out loud.
and that means eleven days of expertism is full effect.
this is what happens when i'm allowed to explore happiness.
Folk Life & Liberty for everybody,
and sandwiches for me and my peoples.
i'm grateful for the events that transpire and unfold,
and for the secret universal viscera that plans for the future.
yes, indeed,
it's all going on and on and on;
never quiet, never soft.....

delayed broadcast.

i'm a bit behind.
no,
i'm not A behind.
(like, a butt, or whatever)
i'm just getting ahead of myself more often than not.
i noticed that i put up a picture of my assorted T'n'T breads,
and therein was an unidentified brick of sexy bakery hottness.
a tasty sexy rectangular mini loaf, even,
and one that i hadn't even told y'all about yet.
jeez.
recap?
alright......
sunday night,
me and my buddy beau got activated.
uh-huh.
because that's what warrior poets do, duders.
c'mon.
but,
what went on in between pizza and pretzel bread?
just a little baked greatness from the future.
no big deal.
seriously,
we turned up the heat in the kitchen,
and turned on the oven, too,
and made expert use of the items i had on hand.
huh?
i'll tell you what, neighbors-
brown bananas are what was sitting on the countertop,
and precisely what we used to create some treats for ourselves.
i mean,
we weren't gonna just make regular bread,
at least,
not if bananas were tempting us within easy arms' reach.
y'heard?
check the tiny-loaves-of-enormous-excellence-type teleport:

uh-oh!
that's awfully bluish for a banana, huh?
yes,
indeed, they sure are.
freeze-dried blueberries crushed into powder,
added into the flour turned the brown banana bits blue.
that's rich and thick an' sh!t, for really real.
and then,
just to take it further,
and put it farther up the grainary evolutionary ladder,
we added even more tiny whole wild blueberries to the mix, too.
what?
yuuuuuuuup.
overloading our senses with a doomsday dosage of dopeness.
luckily,
we're fully-formed berserker battle-beasts,
and are able to withstand a tremendous amount of mind-blowing
gut-busting overwhelming onslaught of culinary competence.
...and we eat a lot, too.
***********
the cold outside has kept the snow looking perfect.
i love that.
i hate the chill that fills the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
but i love what i see when i'm looking out the windows.
however,
i can't tell if my vision is blurred because there's frost on the windows,
or if i'm just shivering so much my eyes are vibrating.
hard to say,
but i'm warming up and simultaneously dehydrating
every long lanky dangling bit of my whole dang self,
pressed and distressed up as close to the woodstove as i can get,
at least, without immolating, anyway.
it's a hard trade.
marginal body temperature comfort by becoming a withered husk,
a raisin at the hearth,
a real jerk as human jerky.
awwwwwwww, man.
i'm kinda skinny, guys.
and i just get so cold.
maybe if i had more sweaters?
i dunno.
but,
i've got so many treats to make,
i'm sure the oven will help superheat my immediate atmosphere.
thank heavens for baked greats.
without 'em,
i'd probably be one of those tundra mummies.
would that actually be worse?
well, no, that'd be kind of rad, actually..
but,
it's all of the freezing to death first part that i'm trying to avoid;
never quiet, never soft.....

dead birds with big heads.

duders,
i do this:

an extinct stinking doo-doo dodo?
i dunno.
sometimes.
i think i should apply myself.
other times,
i think garbage art is pretty expert.
either way, neighbors,
that makey-sh!t is becoming a habit.
and,
of course,
so is this:

hahahaha.
i'm dumb.
but,
you like it;
never quiet, never soft.....

so much food.

neighbors,
i make a lot of food.
check the sandwich week-type teleport:

yellow curry powerhouse jauns?!
yup.
spicy curried coconut-crusted tofu,
and spicier yellow coconut curry sauce,
and crushed pineapple,
and cukes,
and tomatoes,
and mung sprouts,
and red pepper/red onion tapenade,
and more drizzled sauce yellow curry magic......
holy sh!t, friends-
i think i found the limits.
ciabatta bread, revived with fully-activated pentosans,
is too damned crusty to crush easily.
and with all those wet layers in between,
it got pretty sloppy pretty flippin' quickly.
we make messes this week.
that's just the way we have to do it.
i'd leave a few things off next time,
just to make sure it gets eaten even harder,
not so it gets even harder to eat.
y'heard?
anyway,
it was totally F*ing expert.
you may rely on that as a constant.
wordimus prime.
***********
hummus bagel sandwich?
oh.
okay.
simple lunchtime action for your A*.
check the easy-does-it-type teleport:

and it just HAD to be multigrain, goddammit!
shredded carrots and two kinds of sprouts,
and lettuce and cukes and sriracha for my mouthpiece!!
sandwiches are all i'm about today.
that's real.
***********
another 'nother other snow day, though, yo.
that's pretty righteous.
ma nature smothered us in cold white powder,
and i used the opportunity to sleep in.
it's so silent when the icy crystal blanket is applied.
what goes great with snow day laziness?
teleport:

a spread of assorted toasts,
to go with my tea.
you know it.
duders,
anything could happen,
and all of it really is-
that's the whole point.
food food food food food.
food.
get after it;
never quiet, never soft.....