summer flavors, winter weather.

more snow?
oh, ok.
but,
we're not gonna let sunless days and cloudy skies
and wintry mixtures of flakes and frost and fury
ruin our appetite for elite treats even one teentsy teeny tiny bit.
no way.
in fact,
we're fighting back with some summery pinkish magenta tones
swirled up and around in a circle.
huh?
oh, yeah, neighbors.
we're making vegan chee'cake up in here.
word.
raspberry jam blops and crushed-up freeze dried raspberries,
and a little lemon juice and all kinds of whitish beige wetness,
all in my expert food processor?
uhhhhhhh, yes.
and that poured into, onto, and over a brown-sugary oatmeal cookie crust,
crumbled up and buttered around and baked firm first?
c'mon...
what am i?
an A*-hole?
no way.
when it comes to crusty juggling,
i gets it in, kids.
no jokes.
so,
we combined both of those kinds of hottness,
and when it was done cookin' and gellin' and settin'?
mmmhmmmmm.
we slid a custom cocoa-strengthened sauce,
with all kinds of razzledazzleberry bits in it all up on top.
a lattice of chocolate raspberry drizzle is good for you.
check the teleport:

yuuuuup.
it's so dang good,
it's almost stoopid.
and with that dollop of whippy-whipped wet white on it?
it goes to eleven.
yeah.
***********
winter is doing it's best to be the worst,
but real does as real is,
and we keep it molto real over here.
when it comes to being the best at being the worst,
i've got action on top of big action
on top of business on top of big business
on top of activation all over the flippin' place.
uh-huh.
so weather can wreak it's weak sauce,
and nature can claim whatever victories she wants,
but we'll be shivering by the woodstove shoveling treats
instead of shoveling snow....
me and mine do what we do, duders,
and nothing can stop that from unfolding;
never quiet, never soft.....

chocolate in my peanut butter.

y'know what happens when it's a snow day?
anything!
now,
do y'know what actually happened yesterday?
shoveling.
i happened to notice three and a half icy feet of snow on my deck.
uh-huh.
i'm for serious.
i guess making art distracted me from responsible adulthood
for just a little minute, and a few snowstorms, too.
we were outside, digging hidey-pits in the snowbanks,
and i looked up at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
and to my dismay,
i'd been slacking.
that never feels very good, now does it?
nope.
so i got to get seriously activated for a few hours
of hard-packed ice-dammed miserable roof-rocking
homeownery maintenance.
ugh.
so,
that took up some time, and sapped some strength,
and all while the snow was falling as fast as i could remove it.
it's not exactly big fun,
but there's a certain manly satisfaction from sweaty laboring.
once we shed our snowpants,
lined our boots up by the fire,
and defrosted our toes and noses,
we got back to it,
and got bust getting even more intense-
you know what we did?
yessir,
we fired up some treats!!
yeah.
because we know how to get expert,
especially when the weather sucks.
chocolate is delicious,
and peanut butter is pure benevolent sorcery in my mouth.
but both together?
holy sh!tballs, neighbors.
check the teleport:

mmmmmmmmhmmmmmmm.
chocolate-cocoa-oatmeal-coconut-graham cracker cookie?
yes.
that's on the bottom.
and a semi-melted chocolate-chunk marble-swirled situation
inside a peanut butter blondie makes up most
of the moist mass in the middle;
and there are sneaky chocolate chips on top,
underneath a chocolate ganache frosting,
which is turn covered in sprankles
that look a whole lot like candy mouse poops.
we deserve the best,
and who else is gonna make it for us?
that's right.
nobody.
there's just us.
*
and instead of recycling,
we burnt every last scrap in the house.
no jokes.
teleport:

pollution?
possibly.
expert?
definitely.
we reap the rewards of our hard work.
maybe my garage won't be so leaky with less icy sh!t on top.
maybe my bellyhole will be fuller with sweet nutty treats inside it.
maybe our days digging snow forts will be better
because we have each other.
we're on that family togetherness business, kids,
and it's the best we're likely to get these days.
food in out faces,
fun at our frozen fingers,
it's ALL really happening....
that's the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....

i am not ashamed.

i have a thirteen year old kid.
yeah.
i do.
and i gotta teach her, AND her sister about important stuff...
and when i say important?
i mean super nerd activation.
(trust me, that is important)
it's not all that big a deal, though, really,
except that when i was thirteen,
waaaay back in the olden days,
when imagination was your favorite toy
and playing knights with wooden swords outside
was the objective of my entire neighborhood.....
that was it.
it?
yeah.
i'm sayin',
the advanced dungeons and dragons second edition
was published for the first time.
that other other sh!t for smart dorks and weirdies-
that big business, with barbarians and bards,
ate up every single flippin' saturday for the next five years,
in some form or another,
with graph paper and randomized dice rolls...
and what's more,
after about another six years later,
it was reprinted and i bought all of them all over again.
aaaand here we are, again,
nineteen years since those halcyon days,
and i'm reliving my teenage nerdiness as hard as ever.
neighbors,
check the third-time-is-the-charm-type teleport:

yeah!!
+5 vs. popularity and social poise!
that's riiiiight.
re-reprints?
yuuuuuuuup.
i'm tellin' y'all-
i couldn't pass up an opportunity to possess them again.
i mean it.
and now,
full circle overlaps of cultivated imagination will bear fruit.
y'know?
me and my kids will be trying to roll natural twenties,
critical hits,
and all sorts of other semi-unpredictable chance encounters
with our brains and our (imaginary) brawn.
lightning-striking savagery and hot fires of chaos are on the menu
for today's doings and goings-on.
uh-huh.
it's a snow day, too,
so almost anything can happen...
and with all the equipment,
the optional encumberance rule discarded,
and a few pencils,
we're gonna get fresh with some heroism of the lamest kind;
never quiet, never soft.....

one more!!!

neighbors,
i had another one in there.
i did.
another 'nother barbarian battle-bot,
complete with tiny hat and bushy braided beard.
the thing is-
a piece of this one fell into the snow,
along with a whole bunch of art supplies,
and got a little bit wrecked....
but,
a hasty application of hot metal and heavy pressure
ironed out all the wrinkles.
he's not as in love as some of the others,
but he's way more lightning-striking for sure.
check the hands-have-teeth-type teleport:

uh-huh.
and he comes complete with newsboy cap!
i guess i'll keep doing this?
i mean,
i probably have a few other skull-headed sword-and-sorcery style
sh!t-stabbin' soldiers of fortune still rolling around in my brains.
it can't hurt too much to let 'em out, right?
word up.
***********
better late than never.
what?
oh.
i'm finally getting hold of harvest and maple
for february family vacation-time  togetherness.
i know it's late in the week, already,
but some people make things harder than they have to be,
more often than they ever should have the opportunity to.
hmmm/
yeah.
that's weak sauce, for sure.
but,
today is the day,
and it's about to happen harder than ever.
making up for lost time is on the menu for this afternoon,
and making magic with my two magnificents is on tap all week.
yuuuuuup.
we doo-doo that time-well-spanned-type sh!t.
warrior poetry and chronic nerd activation is hereditary, after all.
this is it,
and sometimes, this is just what we need;
never quiet, never soft.....

i might have a problem....

swords?
yeah.
swords.

don't judge me, neighbors;
never quiet, never soft.....

VALENTINE TREATS.

duders,
if you aren't all about getting expert
on a whole day dedicated to love?
yeah,
you're a weak-sauce nancypantsed diaperbaby.
that's no joke.
i got up early, as i often do,
and i got busy with the seasonally-specific color-coordinated
flavor/color/style-matched new hottness.
for realsies.
if it's a special day,
then that calls for special treats.
check the pink-and-hearts-type teleport:

wu-TANG!
you know the story, neighbors-
when it's time to take it to eleven,
it's probably time to activate a whole new level of
bakery-fresh sweety-heart sweetcakes an' that.
uh-huh.
i doo-doo that freaky pink magic sh!t.
on the ones,
those are strawberry-white chocolate cupcakes,
and they're filled with crushed strawberries,
soaked in sugar and lemon juice,
and used to infuse a luscious vanilla pastry creme.
yeah.
that's what's up.
and with a vanilla-lemon frosting,
AND powdered freeze-dried strawberry frosting,
swirled together into a spiral of holiday cheer?
F*ing right.
i mean,
what am i?
an A*-hole?
nope, i'm still not about to take half-measures.
it's whole-heartedly heart day,
and i brought baked greats for everybody.
i'm good like that.
huh?
well,
obviously,
you can't ever have too many sprankles.
don't be dumb.
more and more and more.
why?
because,
valentines day is dope.
word up;
never quiet, never soft.....

hearts and hearts and hearts.

happy valentines day, neighbors.

yeah.
i love you;
never quiet, never soft.....

be mine...

valentine times are no joke over here.

if you can't hang out with robobotronic barbarians,
well,
you aren't invited to the makeout party.
normally,
all you need is kisses,
but today,
you ALSO need robo-skull viking sword wizards.
that's a thing;
never quiet, never soft.....

valentine!

valentines are cool.

yeah.
that's right.
never quiet, never soft.....

breaking it faster than ever.

duders,
how much treats can just one lonesome warrior poet
actually eat first thing in the morning?
a lot.
like, a LOT, a lot.
i mean it.
at least,
it's pretty F*ing easy when the treats are as expert 
as the ones i'm munchin' up on these days.
now,
the big question this a.m. is-
how many layers is the right number of layers?
depends,
if we're talking about clothes,
then there's no such thing.
because,
really, it's flippin' fuh-reeeeezing out over here.
and too much is the right amount, for realsies.
but,
if we happen to be talking about coffee cake?
(and we actually ARE talking about that, btw)
wellllll,
if three is the magic number,
then four is clearly better, right?
right.
and so with that now being established....
check the four-layer-activation-type teleport:

c'mon, neighbors!
a graham-crackery, oatmeal-infused,
hint-of-coconutty brown sugar cookie crust for the base.
yeah.
that's a solid foundation for building a better coffee cake.
and a pound of thick rich succulent antioxidants,
a la blueberry filling,
simmered in maple syrup and vanilla and a pat of butterishness.
because the bloobs are a molto important step towards
making this thing a healthy thing.
fruit, y'heard?
it's good for you an' that.
add a healthy vegan sour-creamy old-world jewish grandma-style
soft crumb coffe cake batter to that b!tch,
and all of a sudden we're really getting somewhere.
destination- activationville!
oh,
and then a cinnamony-sweet streusel topping,
with whole-ground oats and coconut and vanilla and nutmeg
and all kinds of butters to bring the whole thing up a notch,
you know, to eleven.
word!
i have to make sure i'm spoiling myself,
or else, what's the point of refining and honing and boosting
all these treats-making skills?
for other people?
don't be dumb.
expert recognize expert, for sure,
but if you're just doing for others,
and not enjoying the product of your own toil,
you're probably an A*-hole.
real talk.
get after it, guys,
and get what needs gettin' got.
starting now;
never quiet, never soft.....

even more.

swoooooooords!
hahahaha.
yeah.
i'm keeping busy.
wood needs stacking nearly nonstop,
and the cold weather has me shaking in my shoes,
not from fear, but from shivers of bone-weary life-sapping
fuel-exhausting angry and infuriating,
perpetually low temperatures.
and also,
i'm investing my time into stimulating both my obsessive nature,
and my need for micro-activated nerdy dragon-world customization.
y'know?
uh-huh.

swords, neighbors,
just because they're IN there,
and i've gotta expurgate that section of my crazy brain,
one blade at a time.
oh, don't worry your little heads, kids-
i've been giving them names and powers and sh!t.
i doo-doo that ultimate werewolf moon-laced business,
and i let it take me down some weird nerd-A* roads.
that's where i'm headed,
that's what's up,
that's the way it is right now;
never quiet, never soft.....