apples to apples.

yesterday was national coffee cake day.
that's a real thing.
and i'm a really real coffee cake aficionado,
fully-functional and professionally appreciative,
not to mention wholeheartedly active and participatory,
so,
surely i HAD to represent on some celebratory site-specific hottness.
i doo-doo that cakey sh!t, kids,
and when i'm into it,
there's no telling how dope it's bound to be.
wordimus prime.
i decided on apples,
and there are no fewer than twenty-one apples involved in this project.
what?
yeah.
that's no joke.
too much is the right amount,
and we've got three weeks' worth of doctor-proof fruit up in here.
check the teleport:

yeah!!
neighbors,
crushed dried apple chips- six apples worth- mixed in with some spelt,
and vanilla beans, and whole wheat flour,
light brown sugar, applesauce, vegan sour cream, and butters.......
guys,
it was like grandma learned how to do it better than when she was alive.
oooooohhhhh sh!t!
sorry, grannies, but this jammie-jam right here just rewrote your epitaph.
boom.
that's pretty good,
but i couldn't leave it alone.
after all, it was a holiday, not just some cakey crap-A* regular day-
so i added another 'nother nine apples,
chopped rough,
stewed with spices and brown sugar and vanilla,
and blopped 'em all on top of all of that.
damn.
half coffeecake, half apple crisp?!
yeah.
i'm allll about that kind of indulgence,duders.
so how do we take it to eleven?
pecans, oats, butters, powpowdered sugar,
and more dried crushed apple chips,
for an elite and molto expert streusel from the far flung fringes of the future.
recognize.
that seems like a solid way to get it poppin',
but it doesn't seem like enough, does it?
no way.
i told you already-
too much is the right amount.
a scoople of vanilla almond milk ice cream was what's up.
with homemade dark brown super sticky caramel sauce,
and fresh grated cinnamon sprankles.
mmmmmhmmmmm.
*
the basics were in place before i even began:
a cuppa sug, a stick of butts, lemon-curdled soymilk by the single cupful,
two cups of flour, a half a tsp. of salt;
vanilla, dashes on dashes;
a tsp. of each of that baypow, and that bayso, if you feel me.
no?
c'mon.
you're okay.
plus a big ol' bag of bashed apart apple chippers,
and a half a cup of spelt.
a cup of sour cream, and greased pan, and a 350 degree oven,
etc, so on and so forth.....
next thing you know, you're giving nana a run for her money.
true story.
*
i don't play around when it comes to treats.
i love them too much to give 'em anything but my total attention.
i think that's my problem with everything i like a lot.
i'm totally committed, and i don't ever take it easy,
so the standards are high to start with,
but the bar gets raised daily.
yikes.
y'can't sleep on that sh!t. suckas-
there's already too much to be done before breakfast.
we can't all just wait around for the new hottness to happen by itself.
the investment of time and energy is paramount,
and it one-ups the investment of money,
because time IS money,
and if you don't believe me,
just take a quick look at all the broke folks sitting around watching television.
that's some impoverished time spanning for sure.
i'm over here stirring the pot,
and wrapping the presents,
and baking a mutha-flippin' berfday cake.
it's all really happening,
and what's more-
there's family togetherness less than eleven hours away!
yup.
my kids, my lady, my dog, and i are all about to really put up a mountainous
mess of time and energy into being a team.
that's some wealthy weekend worthiness,
and some valuable valkyrie/.viking lightning-striking virtue,
if F*ing full effect.
today is the day,
so was yesterday,
and tomorrow even more so;
never quiet, never soft.....

thaidalwaves of taste.

guys,
wednesdays are usually my big day.
i mean,
all i get is that day to doo-doo all the big doings,
before it's back at the grind of tattblasting zips and zaps again
for another 'nother straight six in a row.
yesterday was no exception.
i started out with a vigorous dog walk,
not the least bit soft, despite coming along with a big stick.
it was the bigger teeth and more exuberant infinite nature of crabtree
that took over, as we raced uphill across the woodsly goodness,
doing a real number on my fragile and elderly knees...
luckily,
that was followed up by a plumber coming to fix my F*ing pipes again.
huh?
oh.
yeah, again.
hey,
it's pretty cool to have an old house, y'know?
especially when it only looks cool on the INside,
and even that doesn't work right!
awwwwwww.
once that was taken care of,
and the errands, and grocery shopping,
and MORE dog playtime all were finished,
it was finally time to make dinner for us.
i like to have that big action jussssst about ready,
for a big reveal when ampy-d gets home from work.
that's the best.
you know i had to bring the heat,
and also drop the hammer,
and roll the rice.
wait....
trust me.
that's a thing.
check the world-cuisine-wednesday-type teleport:

KABOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!
duders,
this meal had a whole lot to brag about.
for starters.,
that sweet'n'sour seitan?
so dope.
sriracha, rice wine vinegar, chili paste, cayenne, paprika, coriander,
brown sugar, g.p.o.p., basil, ginger, soy sauce, and bouillon,
mixed up in a hurried slurry with a few tablespoons of chia seeds?
wordimus prime, that's a tasty sauce.
over the seitan strips, sauteed on high heat with onions and big garlic slivers,
and then tossed with baby tomatoes and pineapple,
and finished with fresh, torn basil leaves???
that's expert.
and that was served over wilted soy-glazed baby bok choi...
why?
because too much is the right amount, neighbors.
clearly.
and those fresh-jive rice-wrapped springtime salad hottness rolls?
yeah.
shredded carrot, two kinds of cabbage, pea tendrils, mung sprouts,
scallion greens, basil, cilantro, AND mint?!
yuuuuuuup.
the triple treat of medicinal herbs works together to taste like pure refreshment.
that's for serious, too.
that crawnchy business is an element we needed.
i mean,
see-through salad tubes are pretty damned fun to eat.
and i placed the on more salad to sexxx it up for the shot,
but i also fired up that dippin' dopeness,
and it really took 'em to eleven.
peanut butter and macerated garlic,
g.p.o.p., rice vinegar, red pepper flakes, and soy sauce,
with just the pinchiest pinch of powpowdered sugs to mellow it all out.
damn.
that's tasty.
are those grilled green vidalia babies?
heck yes they are!
sometimes there's a little ingredient that i jus want in my mouth,
and i'm not about to exclude it based on ethnic bias.
word.
they tasted great in between bites of spring roll,
and they kind of tied the room together if you know what i mean.
mmmmmm.
the big dirty, though, y'all,
is that coconut vegetable curry.
with asparagus, and broccoli,
halved baby-sized carrots, slivered celery, chick peas,
and cubed up yellow flesh potatoes,
as well as three kinds of peppers, and onions, and garlic,
and of course, tons of spices......
i stewed that all together, added thai broth, a splash of rice vinegar,
sriracha, chili-garlic jauns, and that coconut millllllkiness.
yum.
hey,
here's a thought-
never ever buy curry paste.
i mean,
friends, but all the spices.
make curry paste, have the hottness on hand,
adjust the levels of flavor to your own highly sophisticated palate.
or not.
i do what i do, though,
and i added in molto seasonings.
and when it was close to done,
i also added summer squash, cilantro, basil and a little arrowroot to thicken it up.
guys,
i want it wet, but not watery,
if you catch my toss on that one.
IT'S JUST THAT IT TASTES SO GOOD.
over lime juicy, lime zested fragrant jasmine rice?!
c'mon.
if you weren't feelin' it, and you still aren't?
you're probably a total buttface, and everything you say sounds super sh!tty to me.
ha!
oh,
and check the teleport really quickly for me:

yikes.
so,
on the first take,
i forgot the F*ing toasted cashew sprankles!
jeez.
what an amateur.
heck,
i still left out the lime wedges from both photos.
damn.
it's never perfect, but i'm getting much closer.
good food is all i need to make every day a worthy accomplishment.
that's the truth,
and true stories, told truly,
about great meals,
is what i specialize in;
never quiet, never soft.....

that simmer.

i did a dragon last month on my friend todd,
and i think it looks cool.
teleport:

yup.
a big leg wyrm, in green and gold,
hamden warrior style.
but that's not really where i'm dwelling today, though-
i just figure that the following picture isn't an attention-grabber...
awwwwwww.
-
today,
i'm thinking about handsome foodstuffs.
i am.
now,
i'm not saying i have the prettiest seitan,
i'm just hinting that comparatively,
mine does seem to be unusually attractive.
i mean,
when you see 'store' seitan,
it looks like shrapnel from a bog-log.
but,
i'm over here customizing those jauns,
and trying for something a little less detritusy,
and a whole lot more enticing.
it's still beige boiled bread, neighbors-
i'm not delusional.
however,
when it's simmering along in the pot?
it doesn't look like 'if sh!t threw up'.
which i can honestly say isn't something i want to eat.
anyway,
check the teleport:

see?
these don't even look like flayed or flensed baby legs, either.
i was a bit disappointed by that,
but i rallied,
and i got to reap the rewards of my bubbling cauldron,
like some sort of shark-gluttonous sorcerer of germinated grain proteins.
ha.
once a week, i'm brewing up a batch.
amber asked me too,
and i'm a good listener.
it goes great with most of the stuff we eat,
and we eat most of the stuff that's expert.
stands to reason that we'll need MORE of the hottness,
so we can have enough energy to make MORE hottness.
ha.
but seriously,
look at the uniformity of those slabs!
perfect for frying up for sandwiches,
or shredding for stir-fry,
or slicing for tacos,
or chopping into mincey cubes for stuffin' up in something.
duders,
y'can't make small stuff bigger, y'know?
so i choose to start large and in charge, and whittle away as necessary.
that's smart.
i have been making smaller batches,
for the freshie-freshest of weekly intake.
yup.
what've i been activating lately?
it's like this:
*a cup and change of wheat gluten,
*a healthy quarter-cuppish shake of garbanzo flour;
*so much g.p.o.p.;
*a tiny scoople of nootch;
*a few tablespoons of tapioca- to cut out the dense squeaks;
*then, we wet it up, and knead it out!
*three quarters of a cup of hot broth, with a tablespoon or so of soy sauce,
and a few drips of liquid smoke-
knotted up and allowed to rest for a while so the whole thing can tighten up,
while i bring a big BIG ol' pot of brothy hottness to a low low boil.
you can see my sexy slices sitting on top of the sauce up there-
i doo-doo that carving cutlet-style freaky sh!t,
and i let 'em cook for a good long while,
and even keep 'em in the juice as it cools a bit.
i do.
sorry, safe-serve diaper babies, i'm not afraid of what's in my kitchen.
uh-oh.
-
at any rate,
seitan is expert.
all my really rreal food-heads are already hip to it,
and we know how to drive these tasty vegan b!tches wild in the streets,
with our wild vegan meats an' that.
...yikes.
i know everybody has their own version, and for what it's worth,
i LOVE that.
we aren't the kinds of unimaginative weak-sauciers who can't freak off a good guideline
and totally jam out on a new and probably more personally appropriate recipe.
am i right?
of course i am.
i hope you're putting new and different spices up in there,
and i want to know about the different grains and sh!t, too.
i'm not scared to adopt a good idea when it comes along, kids
get busy making some new new hottness,
and get back to me when you've reached maxximum dopeness;
never quiet, never soft.....

getting into the 'zone.

neighbors,
a chunky marinara is good for you.
especially when its for dipping!
not everything calls for dip-sauce,
but the things that do are always elevated by it's addition.
that's for sure.
last night,
i took some silken tofu, pressed,
and a cup of raw cashews,
and four cloves of sauteed garlic,
and g.p.o.p., and nootch, and salt,
with a shake or two of ground mustard,
and tiny splash of soy sauce,
and i pureed it into the wettest chee' ever.
yep.
i poured most of that into a bowl to which i added
exxxtra-firm drained tofu, hand-crumbled,
and more nootch, and g.p.o.p.,
and oregano, and crushed red pepper flakes,
and black pepper, and fresh parsley,
and two heavy handfuls of daiya vegan mozzerella.
guys,
what do you know about the 'ZONE?
because,
when you've got a fresh-to-death sloppy white blarpfest of blops like that,
there's only one place to go,
and that's the 'ZONE.
y'feel me?
the mutha-F*ing CALZONE!!!!
that's right.
check the two-styles-and-a-deep-dish-type teleport:

c'mon, c'mon, C'MON, COME ON!!!
ricotta be kidding me, kids.
i'll tell you all about that 'za in the next post,
but let me elaborate of those crucial foldovers of inverted pizza time-
i made two different kinds,
but they're very similar in composition,
with the subtleties becoming more pronounced under the influence of tomatoes.
that's a thing.
first off, check the 'zone-'port:
mmmmm.

broccoli, blanched in seitan-broth-
(i made seitan for tonight in advance, because it tastes better that way,
but i wasn't about to waste that luscious broth)
and house-made vegan sausages, in smoky paprika-laced olive oil,
tossed down with a little onion,
over that gooey tofu cheesy thickness!
so expert.
and the other-'nother-one:

brussels sprouts, quartered and pan-fried,
with a splish of that seitan-soup to soften 'em up.
and tempeh bacon bits tossed with green onions,
for a real cheesy brassica section up top and out back.
i rubbed the crusts with butterish,
and it really helped 'em get crisp in the best possible way.
mmm.
and they look good next to some of that sauce, friends.
look:

see?
the tofu cheese scene was one hundred percent on point,
and the results were outstanding.
the combination of chunky, daiya melty, and sloppy wet silky,
plus the thickening nottchy goodness,
all at once,
took the entire project out of the projects and into the gentrified parts
of pizzaville.
ha.
all pizza-related points of interest are always invited to my house.
that's the truth.
the inside outs made a welcome addition to the dinner table,
even though they were really just appetizers for the main event-
which was, of course, the deepness.
the thing is,
when everything is in the oven,
and the cracked pizza-stone is working harder than the dark crystal?

it's so nice.
and it's so warm.
and everything is where it's supposed to be.
sharing food makes it taste better,
and sharing stories about food makes me feel better.
it's all really happening,
and i'm glad for it.
we were in the 'ZONE all night long,
and it was a damned good place to be;
never quiet, never soft.....

nationality.

i do so love a chance to gorge myself at the trough.
ha.
i can't help it duders,
i want to eat alllll the food.
and i want to eat it allllll the time.
these days,
i've been pretty flippin' into pizza and tacos.
which happen to be my first and third favorite foods, in fact-
they're standing strong with falafels on the gold-silver-and-bronze podium.
here's an interesting little tidbit for your faces:
yesterday was national deep dish pizza day.
uh-huh.
it really was.
and you know what?
i had NO idea.
at all.
not even an inkling....
i mean,
c'mon.
but,
intuitively,
expert recognize expert,
thus,
i still had the deep dirty double dough dopeness, tho.
i sure did.
the deep resonance of a pizza-time secret universal wavelength
was obviously traveling straight into my extra-attuned bellyhole.
uh-huh.
neighbors,
cultivated coincidences are good for you,
and deep dish pizza parties are great for you,
and when it all seems to come together in a harmonic line-up?
well,
that's when you've gotta check that teleport:

BOOOOOM!!
silken underchee,
and daiya mozz,
and arugala and spinach,
and caramelized red and vidalia onions,
with more daiya,
and crushed tomatoes,
and silken overchee', fresh mozz tapioca-style,
and fresh tomatoes,
activated with finishing-move-type parsley sprankles!
all of that on a signature buttery, cakey, thick, tall circle of semolina sexxxiness.
y'know what we call that around here?
yes.
that's correct-
we call that expert.
obviously.
wait, what?
that crucial 'za seems like it has a lotta layers to you?
ew.
what are you?
a diaper baby?
too much is the right amount,
and it was national deep dish pizza day.
that means turning it up to eleven,
even when you aren't doing it for celebratory awareness.
word up.
the temperature of the woodsly goodness has been record-settingly sh!tty,
on the low-low end of the springtime spectrum,
but the 'free' heat blasting out of the oven here in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress
was a welcome wave of crust-crisping warmth throughout the house.
i start my dough in the morning,
because you really can't be overprepared for pizza.
i'm sure while my children are visiting this weekend,
there will be even MORE pizza,
because rules is rules,
and family time is pizza time.
until then,
i'm gonna reheat what's left of that massive manhole cover of sauce and bread.
*
good food doesn't have to be ridiculous.
...but it helps.
pizza nights here are a guaranteed pleaser for me and mine,
even though it's essentially a self-contained meal,
and there's not a lot of sides, so much as there are toppings.
maybe that's why i'm kind of feeling the deepness of this new new jauns?
because there's fewer toppings, and more (in)sides?
cold be.all i know for sure is,
it's delicious,
and that's really the only thing i'm counting on;
never quiet, never soft.....

it's ready.

neighbors,
when it happens,
i get pretty flippin' excited.
i do.
what?
oh.
y'know-
when the dinnertime happens.
every time. every night, as soon as it all really happens,
there's excitement-
but,
especially when it's ready already,
and waiting for me on the table an' that.
yup.
coming home to hot suppa is the big action,
and i appreciate it every time.
this time was no exception.
mucho tacos is what i like, and mucho tacos is what i got.
check the dinnertime-type teleport:

mmmmmmm.
guacamole is expert;
refried beans are expert;
quinoa and rice with lime is expert,
...even if it vaguely resembles mealworms.
and crumbly mexico protein stuffing is great,
with the spicy red in it, and tomatoes on it,
and spinach for eye-poppin' popeye-ay-ay excellence, too.
it just feels good to have food waiting for you.
like,
by showing up with a hungry face,
you're fulfilling it's destiny, duders.
ampy made it happen,
and i am grateful for it.
the sprankles were spranky,
the pea shoots were tendrily to eleven,
the lime wedges were tart,
and the whole enchilada (yeah, yeah, i know- the tacos)
had phenomenal written all over the place.
every meal is a victory in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
that's no joke.
*
i've got temperamental plumbing,
and an even more delicately calibrated dog.
between the impossibly irritating idiosyncrasies of both,
i've been on edge like a stepping razor for days.
there's less and less time between events,
and fewer and fewer opportunities in between,
and that's a damned hard style, friends.
plumbers and puppies make for shorter and shorter hours,
and all of it,
while most assuredly really happening,
is hurtling me towards an expiration date that seems absurdly close at hand.
however,
there's cold-weather windy winter walking being demanded
by the high-pitched whiny mewls of my little guy,
and although he doesn't know that his pissy frequency is precisely fine-tuned
to the exact tone that makes a really-real stormswept savage fully freak the F* out,
he's about to learn.
it's all part of a bigger picture,
but i feel like there's about to be an interruption in the artistry,
and an introduction to berserker brutality.
tooth and claw and hands and paws,
we work through our differences in the old ways.
that's the woodsly goodsly path;
never quiet, never soft.....

brrrr.

one warm day does not a springtime make.
awwww.
damn, duders,
but suckas always gonna suck,
and the temperatures are reliably gonna drop,
and all the bloom-and-bud hottness of a tasty april will have to wait.
i got got by new hampshire, again.
i thought all the melted snow,
and all the sunny sides to every day were some sort of optimistic jauns.
nope-
winter's popping back in to remind us that new england is a real sunovab!tch.
despite the agreed-upon vanishing point being well on two weeks ago,
we're expecting flurries of furious frozen water drops, again,
and more-than-a-sweater-weather for the next week or so.
april snow showers bring a future full of hard feelings, not flowers.
yuck.
how do i cope with psych-out seasonal disappointment?
i bake.
duh.
i mean, isn't that what i always do, anyway?
c'mon.
you knew that.
this time around,
i warded off the windy wintry chill of the weekend's weak sauce
with a tropically-tinted loco coconut symphony in my mouth.
neighbors,
if too much is the right amount,
then i'm smack dab in the center of correct measurements.
check the teleport:

snowy-capped coconut cookies?!
yeah!!
there're big chocolate chips in there,
and coconut-filled dark chocolate bar shrapnel,
frozen, and chopped, for exxxtra-magical, doubly decadent drops
of chawnky chocolate chewiness.
mmmhmmmm.
double chips!
and fully one third of the floury flesh of these fellas is shredded coconut.
huh?
no,
not dry coconut flour, kids.
flakes,
pulverized in a spice grinder, with all the moist, chewy, fatty-boombattie goodness
still chock full up within it.
are they moist?
yep.
are they rich?
they're richie rich, b!tches.
real talk.
did i use brown sugar?
yeah.
dark brown actually.
i had half a bag hanging out, and i dread the thought of hardening molasses for my A*,
so i hucked it in, and creamed it with salt, and vegan butt(ers), and applesauce,
before i bumped up the flour and coconut scene like a pro.
friends-
the coconut pasty cement on one side of each, though.
that's some truly great stuff.
ground coconut, and confectioners sugar, and crema de coco, with a dash of vanilla,
and a splishity drop of soymilk-
...it's got SO MUCH FLAVOR!
and that's not all it's got.
ha.
it's got coconut flake sprankles stuck all up on it,
for even bigger taste, and even sexier texture,
all slapped on top of the crazy soft, crisp edged excellence
that i spent a few minutes hand pressing and flattening first thing in the morning.
i'm a morning person,
and i think that lends itself to baking.
*
i've got coconut coffee.
i've got french vanilla coffee.
i've got coconut caramel coffee.
i've got a lot of the first, and a dash of the others,
in one fantastic french press.
i do.
what?
ew. no-
i had a cuppa hot irish breakfast with my toast hours ago....
rules is rules,
but now it's coconut coffee time, duders.
that's right...
how else am i gonna fill up on even more of what i like?
seriously.
overdoing it is the only path i choose;
never quiet, never soft.....

a bowlful of macaroni.

i hate phoning it in, neighbors.
i do.
but,
on those really really long days,
like yesterday,
when i get home from steady reppin' a down and dirty grind all dang day,
keeping it aflame and afire while the zips are afoot at the tattbombin' studio...
those days,
where i keep a it, loud, fresh, hard,
and well behind schedule,
for the whole entire day,
i don't always have a lot of gusto for cooking up a massive feast.
what's the right answer?
probably to suck it up, shrug it off,and start chopping broccoli, am i right?
a quick fix to repair the remains of the day,
with the remnants of whatever's in the fridge,
and a bowlful of pasta,
and everything is right with the world again, until the last scoop of baby-sized penne
disappears down my gullet.
yeah.
check the stay-ugly-stay-dope-type teleport:

ooooooof.
and while i'd like to say it's a pretty plate,
i only tell true stories;
what i will say, with the confidence of firsthand experience,
is that it was F*ing delicious.
brocs, asparagus, spinach, parsley,
garlic, onions, tomatoes, tomato sauce,
and pan-fried tofu cubes, with fresh basil!
you could call it a garbage can of hottness,
and i wouldn't be offended at all, y'all.
only because it's a big ol' sh!tcan of flavor!!
...that's for sure.
*
i've got a dog that won't sleep,
a lady who LOVES to sleep,
and a whole mess of stuff i'd like to do that relies on both of them
reversing their positions on the wake-up cycle..
so,
i s'pose i'll have to improvise.
first up,
sunday morning cookies.
i mean, c'mon.
if i'm not sleeping in,
i may as well be cooking up,
or heck,
maybe even cooking out,
that is,
if it doesn't flippin' snow today.
ha.
yeah.
even if my peoples are predictable,
the weather sure as heckfire is NOT.
nature wins,
but my oven is inside,
and that means i've got the final say.
today, i say it's time for cooookies.
word up;
never quiet, never soft.....

rolling up.

so,
crabtree ate the breakfast bread,
or, at least, he ripped it up-
the thing is,
that meant no bread for toasting,
and that meant that april was already off to a foolish beginning.
guys,
i can't not have something extra-special on the first of the month....
i mean,
c'mon,
what am i?
a lazy, low-key understater??
no way.
so,
while ampy-d and crabby got a couple extra z's worth of beauty rest,
i had my buttery bun dough rising high.
yup.
i doo-doo that adaptable improvised situational activation jauns.
man,
waking up to hot, moist, crispy, flaky, buttery, gooey, chewy, sweet sticky bunzos
must've been amazing.
i wouldn't know about that, but i can well imagine it's pretty nice.
no big deal, but i'm just the one who gets up early,
so i'm the obvious choice to get started on making the magic happen,
...and not for nothin', neighbors,
but they were really F*ing magical.
check the cinnamon sorcery styles of the monkey-type teleport:

ZING!
initially,
i thought the monkey-bread packed-in togetherness would be enough,
and i snapped this shot of the product, feeling pretty confident about it:

definitely good lookin',
but,
that's when i realized that i was selling myself short.
i mean,
too much is the right amount, so what the heck was i even thinking?
jeez.
it became immediately apparent that the cinnamon vanilla icing
would be instrumental in taking the hottness up to eleven.
i'm glad i went a little further in my efforts.
the total package was fully more delicious by an order of  magnitude.
and for teh record,
i don't ever just use cinnamon in my sugary roll-up middles, kids-
uh-uh.
i got a little ginger, a little vanilla bean, a dash of nutmeg, and a pinch of allspice,
all working in tandem with the butterish pats and light and dark brown sugar.
mmmmmmmmm.
i like when there's complexity to the flavor profile.
i really do.
and all those little subtleties really bring the best qualities to the forefront.
the dough rolled out extra thick, and super light-
it baked up crispity crisp on the outside edges,
but the inside was so soft, and totally sweet....
-
i used three cups of flour,
a quarter cup of sugar,
one starchy egg-replacement,
a half a teaspoon of salt,
and fast-acting yeast...
to which i added a cup of soymilk, warmed up,
with vanilla, and five tablespoons of butter melted in,
plus regular-action yeast added to it and allowed to activate,
it's a good dough, duders.
i baked it all at 375 F.
for like, thirty minutes,
-
it turns out,
there was genuinely no foolin' around allowed,
but rather, all kinds of get-busy big action were the order of the morning.
we have ourselves a good time whenever there's good food.
and there's always good food.
for serious,
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress is the best place for us.
if home is where the house, the heart and the hearth are,
then i'm truly where i'm s'posed to be.
as long as the oven works,
i think i'll stay for a while longer;
never quiet, never soft.....

no foolin'.

APRIL FOOL'S DAY.
ugh.
i can't really ever get into it.
like,
i don't really enjoy being tricked.
at all.
but, guys,
you know what i do really enjoy, though, right?
blueberries.
yeah.
why?
because i'm extremely anti-oxidant.
that's real.
also,
i like how melty they get when you bake 'em.
and in a muffin-style anything, they kind of steal the show,
and also dye the flour,
and also activate all the good tastes.
yeah.
i made some blueberry muffin-style breakfast squares,
and i ate the holy sh!t outta all of 'em.
check the precursor-to-filthy-gluttony-type teleport:

BOOM!!!
spelt is dope.
it's like wheat's super awesome world war veteran grandpa,
and it has a little something exxxtra going on
that makes it taste especially expert.
could just be nostalgia, or maybe it's some old timey boomfire
from the superior and more hearty, hardy yesteryears.
i dunno.
i do know that when you use it, and oatmeal, together,
you get some kind of big burly barbarian batter, for sure.
(i added regular flour, as well, just to  keep it together)
so, when you take some raw sugar,
and some vegan butter, and vanilla bean paste,
and a little salt,
a whole lot of blueberries,
a little tapioca to sponge it up,
three-quarters of a cup of soy yogurt
(you could use blueberry, but i think that tastes weird),
a little baby bit of lemon zest,
and a cup of intentionaly-lemon-curdled soymilk....
plus a whole mess of stirring,
you get the big action that'll dye your butthole green.
what?!
no, for real.
i ate eight of them,
and too much is the right amount,
but it also gets a little weird towards the tail end.
hahahahaha.
yeah.
i like breakfast.
i do.
and i really have been loading up on hot fresh treats every day.
there's fatness in my future,
but it's not fate,
and not determinism,
it's just my hungry infinite nature choosing to ingest more and more and more.
nature wins, kids.
no contest.
*
speaking of winning-
i think i hit the jackpot last night.
yup.
leftover siciliano pizza pie?
yes, please:

c'mon!!
it somehow got eve flakier on the edges,
and even more magically alchemically transmogrified into a lasagnaesque
molten layer cake of elite pizza fury.
damn.
it was so good,
again,
that i ate every last little bit,
and actually said, aloud, 'awwwww',
when it was all gone.
ha.
***********
so this is it.
today is the day.
the first,
the worst,
the big burst of already trying to rain shower on my march.
never my parade, because those are also terrible.
real talk.
neighbors, i don't pity the fool.
no way.
i rarely experience that sentiment.
i'm not one to suffer fools gladly,
although,
i'd gladly let fools suffer.
there is only room for harder work,
and i don't have time for foolin' around.
hope you all get all your pranks out of your system before tomorrow,
because it's only going to get busier from here on out;
never quiet, never soft.....

RABBIT, RABBIT!!!!!

yeah,

i said it.

that's how i conduct the foremost and first of the month's 

full-flavored focus for fortune,

and the call to cultivated and concentrated concentric circular coincidences.

i summon the spirit and memory of success,

and it all really happens, in F*ing full effect,

just by saying the magic word, twice.

yup.

rabbit rabbit.

that's how it's done,

and that's what we do.

y'know what else we do,

when we do our thing up here in the woodsly goodness?

we start each and every month off with some treats.

that's right.

because it's the numero uno big jump-start to the whole entire new new hottness,

hoppin' on off the calendar into a whole new phase of active participation

professional appreciation,

and intentional creation of all things expert.

word up.

this time,

it's cake.

check the teleport:

peanut buttery chocolate fuego for your face!

it's always hard to estimate the correct dollop of peanutty butts in proportion

to the flour and sugar and regular butts.....

i eyeballed it, with a couple generous blarps of the spatula,

and it turned out as fluffy and light as i've ever had it.

mmmmmm.

i like those happy moments when things intertwine, combine,

and then unfurl the new hottness for all of us to enjoy.

what'd i do?

i ate it.

c'mon,

what am i?

an A*-hole?

no way.

dark chocolate ganache, from the inner tunnely b-hole up and out across the top,

really added a deep and appreciable level of richness,

while the frosting scene brought the flippin' noise to the thing.

damn.

peanut butter frosting is SO good.

y'don't need a lotta peanut butts to make it fresh,

because it's got molto fatty boombattiness in there,

but it has such a dominant presence, 

you don't really have to.

of course,

i couldn't leave it alone, because that's not my style-

so i mixed in a whole bunch of cocoa, 

and took it all up into the chocolate peanut butter stratosphere.

ha.

and then,

just because i know that rules is rules,

and too much is the right amount,

i grated some dark chocolate sprankles onto the tippity top,

and brought the beast out, as it reached an eleven on the 1-10 scale.

wu-TANG!

guys,

nevermind about MY recipe-

what do you use to make cake?

*

i got that rabbit rabbit,

hopping out of my mouth.

i've got a whole big bundty ring of cake going in it.

i've got plans,

i've got predictions,

i've got more than i can fit stuffed into every aspect of my really real Folk Life.

it's all really happening,

i just have to get bigger, so i can be better.

i'm overloaded, and i don't want less of anything,

so i s'pose i'll just have to enlarge myself, in order to increase my maximum capacity.

hard styles,

and multiplication,

that's what's up;

never quiet, never soft.....