TIERS!

i went all in, and all out, and over the top.
i mean it.
because when y'boi has a berfday too much IS the right amount.
real talk.
i made myself a four-layer, multi-tiered, supa-dupa-fly, exxxtra-af,
expert, elite sweet cakey exxxplosion for my face.
yep.
that's no joke.
forty two is for real, man.
look at this supersexxxy stack of fresh-to-death frosted flavor bombardment:

WOOOOOOO!!!
c'mon, man.
that's excessive, which is to say: just right.
right?
yep.
i know!
the cake itself is a triumph.
like, the crumb within, i mean.
and with stacks on stacks on stacks of it rising high,
it's literally elevated above ordinary cake from the get-go.
a slight creamchee' suggestion in that airy, fluffy, betterthanevercreme frosting
gives it an especially rich flavor-
and then there's that light and bright chocolate superwhip jauns,
AND the darrrrrrrk deep fudge swirls, too.
man,
when it's time to bake MY berfday cake,
it's gotta be some other other sh!t, for sure...
after all, why would i want some ordinary action,
when i could just as readily make some level-eleven activation?
that's the realest i know how to be, and reality is what i'm all about-
so naturally, i doo-doo that freaky sh!t....
we made a lot of frosting, so there's a little left over,
but,
we used a LOT of frosting, so the remainder is not a large quantity.
the recipe is simple:
-
*
FROSTING!
-
in your stand mixer, with the whisk attached, soften and smoosh:
1 stick(8T) vegan butter;
1 tsp vanilla;
2 T vegan (tofutti) creamchee'-
next, add in:
3 cups powdered sugar;
*1/4 cup cocoa for the chocolate version;
1/3 cup non-dairy milk.
-
adjust the powdered sugar by as miuch as 1/4 cup, relative to the liquid,
so that the frosting gets aerated, and lofty, bt retains peaks when tapped.
^^^^straightforward boomfire, for your bumbaclot bums,buddy.
*
the dark dark dark chocolate one, made from the chocolate leftovers,
is roughly 1/2 cup finished chocolate frosting,
plus 2 T cocoa, and 1 T shaved dark chocolate.
re-whip it, and get ready for the full-bodied flavor of deep darkness to overwhelm you.
you've been warned.
***********
two 9" pans, 1 7" springform, and one 4" mini springy form.
that's what i had, greased and floured, and ready to rock.
uh-huh.
i wanted allllll the cake, and tha's what i made.
there was very little math involved in this process,
but i biggerized my normal cake recipe a little baby bit,
and it worked out perfectly.
that's real.
here's what happened:
-
*
BIG BERFY CAKE!!
-
preheat the oven to 350℉
-
in your stand mixer, whisk-equipped, and ready to rock, combine:
1 stick vegan butter;
2 tsp vanilla bean paste;
1/4 cup raw demerara sugar;
1 cup sugar;
generous 1/2 tsp salt;
-
when that's all one messy mass, whisk in:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce;
1/2 cup vanilla non-dairy yogurt.
-
congrats, now you have aromatic mud.
sift in:
3 2/3+  cups flour;
2 tsp bakey powder;
1 tsp bakey soda;
1/4 cup tapioca flour.
barely whisk that up,
and pour in:
1 full cup non-dairy milk activated with 1 T lemon juice
3 T agave.
- whip it, whisk kit, fluff it, puff it, and generally add air everywhere.
then,
use your eyeballs, and divide the batter into those flour waiting pans.
they're gonna need to bake for at least 25, but likely more tha thirty minutes.
that's cool, though, because the whole house is gonna smell amazing the whole time.
that kind of bonus hottness is always invited, neighbors.
word up.
*
cool your cakes, of course, and trim the tops so that you've got level layers.
don't worry, friends-
we're gonna put chocolate frosting in between everything,
add the crumbled up cake bit,
AND toss in a few crushed coffee cookies from the other day, too.
at least,
we did that.
i dunno what y'all are trying to do...
frosted, stacked, frosted some more, and decorated all over the flippin' place-
plus, after all the blops got squooshed on the surface,
we added a bunch of those big, shiny, golden sugar glitter sprankles!!!
rules is rules, and the fancy stuff is verrrrry necessary.
***********
...and then you sing and make wishes and sh!t.
OBVI.
check the 'port:

YEAH!!!!!
the cake standard has been raised.
wedding-style cake for birthday parties?
it's happening.
the rest of y'all can go buy a store-brand frozen sheet-cake or whatever.
the worthy warrior poets of the north, however, are erecting towers of taste and texture
as testaments to the triumph of time's passage.
anything less is for A*-holes;
never quiet, never soft.....

BERFDAYS!

forty two.
yeah.
i'm forty two.
...years old ....in a row.
damn.
that's something, huh?
here's another thing-
a surprising one, actually:
it was good!
no, for real.
it was a good berfday.
kayla dominated the whole thing.
hard.
and, after a whole day of good times,
she'd secretly organised a dinnertime get-together.
my other-mother patti and the head homie dennis were there,
my BOI carlos, and his lovely lady, the hannababarian,
plus our friend miranda attended,
and of course,
the mangosteen himself, nate sat at my right hand like how be and that.
y'feel me?
a surprise party, like how you're s'posed to.
no joke.
like, with presents and everything.
...and it was for me.
i am truly grateful, and humbled, that anybody would go out
in frigid, icy, awful temperatures for a non-emergency like my berfday-
but, i'm really F*ing glad they did.
it meant SO much to me to have a good one,
surrounded by good ones,
eating pizza.
yup.
pizza parties are the best,.
and back-to-back pizza parties are the absolute ultimate in first-last-first,
verse-chorus-verse big-bangin' awesome-saucy celebrations.
i can't express enough times, in enough ways,
how good it felt, in the middle of this deep-freezin' dark,
to know that there are worth-a-damn people populating my life story.
*  
and it all got started in the morning, man.
mmmhmmm.
i came home from a brisk and toe-numbing jaunt with crabtree
to a pile of presents, and balloons,
and two cards like how it is when it's the nicey-nice....
but,
that was AFTER breakfast.
and what better way to begin being forty-two than with too much breakfast/
am i right?
you'd better believe it.
neighbors,
from the beginning, we brought the noise-
check the big-B-type teleport:

PANNIECAKES FOR THE BAKER'S MAN!!
yes.
a hundredfold yesses and a hundredfold messes,
and all of it as awesome as you could ask for.
crispy-edged exxxtra-fluffy vegan panwell griddlers for my face?
F*ing expert.
devoured in mere moments after careful preparations and planning,
and all that time-consuming procedure, too...
kayla helped. in fact, she did most of it.
why?
because she figured it out faster, and better, than anybody else:
just be dope, or F* right off.
and she chose the right option.
that's impressive, for sure.
*
those skin-on roasty potatoes, a.k.a homeboyfries,
with the pre-baked crispy crusties,
and GPOP, and smoked paprika, and texas-style cayenne pepper sauce,
plus burnt red onion niblets, and scallion sprankles?
that could've been the whole meal, and it would've been a banger!
*
and that mutha-b!tchin' scramborghini?
maaaaaaan,
tofu scrambo is dope,
but activated scrambo is expert.
peppers, spinach, onions, cilantro, cress, pea tendrils, and micros??!
dudes, get on it.
y'ever made scramble?
you should start today.
here's the thing.
i'm all fired-up on berfday goodness,
so i'm not writing recipes this morning.
even though those panwell cakingtons were the TRUTH!!!
with real new hampshire maple syrup,
because rules is rules, fools.
yup.
no recipes, just enthusiasm.
i'm too thankful,
so i've gotta keep gushing about how good my peoples are.
like, for example:
nate got me a cut-proof glove for cake slicing.
yeah. i know.
ha. ha. ha.
...because i guess otherwise, i just cut fingers right off these days.
still,
i'm gonna use it, AND the sexxxy tableaus he snagged
for my photo-documentation of culinary adventure times
the dude went out and bought BOWS for the presentation, man.
on the ones, that's some serious evolutionary leap-type sh!t.
tight.
-
kayla got y'mans a brand new toaster oven.,
and the toast it produces is magnificent!
mmhmm.
receiving household appliances for the good of the team?
oh, yes, buddy.
that means things must be gettin' serious.
it's a high-water benchmark jauns, for sure.
and there were balloons:

c'mon.
that's kyoooot.
what?
oh, well, yeah,
i have a marginally magical bedroom.
don't judge me, judy.
-
p & d came through, as always, with the generosity,
and carlos really turned up a few notches of thoughtfulness, too.
-
i'm gonna have to repeat myself:
i'm grateful.
i'm very very aware of how fortunate i am for the good things that unfolded across
yesterdays horizons..
sure, they all cost something-
i mean, after all, that was yesterday.
today,
the door to the laundry room burst off of it's hinges just a mere moment ago-
for realsies.
and i guess that's just how it goes when you're a mega-magnetic gravity-well
of see-sawin' balance-beam-me-up echoes of infinite nature.
goods and bads, ups and downs, cause and effect in full F*ing effect.
that's what worthy warrior poetry summons
straight from the center of nowhere at the edges of everything
in a interesting intersection of indirect roundabout roustabout action
and direct participatory activation.
and i'm not even a little bit kidding.
***********
that's that.
i'm 42 now.
hmm?
well, yeah-
there are way worse things to be.
like, i could be as old and busted as this door.
actually,
if i was a bit handier,
or had full use of both my hands, with or without a knife-resistant gauntlet,
maybe i'd repair this newly F*ing ruined bit of the Fortress;
OR,
maybe i should read it as a sign.
like, an incentive to get a damned handyman in here
to make this place the palace it's meant to be.....
time will tell, hopefully faster than it's running out.
i know i caught a flow of positivity,
even if was only for that 24 hour period,
the inverse of my age,
in an opposite-but-equal balance,
i'm still thankful for the day,
and the dudes,
and the good woman,
and the naughty dog that presently form the full-spectrum of this Folk Life;
never quiet, never soft.....

FIRST/LAST!

the first pizza party of the new year
also happened to be the last pizza party of my forty-first year on earth.
mmmhmmm.
i don't know if you've been made aware of it before,
so i'll take this moment to let you in on a fun fact about y'boi:
pizza is my bottom b!tch.
huh?
yeah, that's an unkind, but especially accurate assessment of the best food on earth.
pizza.
pee eye zee zee ayy.
the longest lasting most enduring love of my life.
awwwwwww.
that's adorable and horrible and also mostly true...
with my berfday impending, i knew i needed to end 41 the very best way i could imagine.
and that meant a big, fat, hot, thick sicilian square,
fully-loaded with all the fresh-to-deathly hottness,
and sprankles,
and a few good dudes to share those righteous right angles with.
check the adios-aloha-type teleport:

THAT'S HOW YOU TAKE DOWN ANOTHER 'NOTHER YEAR'S BEGINNING/END!!
that crust is one of the tightest, yet lightest, and brightest,
born of a batch of brutally beautiful and decidedly delectable doughs i've ever made.
butter-bottomed square-pan activation had me happy before it was even baked.
sometimes, you just get the feels, neighbors.
like, the force awakens, or whatever, and you know that what's coming
is for-sure gonna be that that barbarian boomfire from the jump.
this was one of those...
-
*
CRUCIAL SICILIANO CRUSTACCINO!
-
in your nigh-indispensable stand mixer,
combine:
2 1/4 +/- cups of flour;
1 cup semolina flour;
1 tsp wheat gluten;
1 tsp brown sugar;
2 tsp salt;
1 pkg fast-actin' yeast;
add 5 T olive oil (i'm serious)
and 1 cup warm water, with 1 tsp sugar, and 2 tsp bread machine jar-yeast, bloomed.
-
beat that all up on the second setting of speed,
with that dirty dough hook of yours kneading the heck out of your dough for ten minutes.
-
guys,
cover it and let it rise in warmish spot for thirty minutes.
(my house currently lacks a single one of those, but i made do)
 punch it down, re-wrap the top of your bowl, and let it proof all damned day,
or overnight,
or whatever you do to have fresh-baked pizza later,
with ultimate awesomeness exxxploding all over the place.
-
i'm an early riser, so dough starts straight off in the a.m. because there's no time for wastin'.
no matter what you toss on top,
bake that baddie at 485℉,
with convection circulation ensuring golden greatness at every corner of the pan.
yeah!
pizza is the best thing ever. no overstatement, no jokes...
* 
now, as a sidebar, let me be honest about my last day before my birhday:
i really wanted to murder crabtree.
first-
his frosted butthole was too damned cold
and his toilet-time sensibilities were too offended
by the blistering bluster of the northerly winds
to encourage him to poop like a normal F*ing animal.
that meant we BOTH froze ourselves silly waiting for him to drop one,
until finally, he had to be incarcerated for the day in his crate while i went to work.
second-
while sequestered in those close-quartrers,
he couldn't hold onto the aforementioned ghost-log until somebody got home;
so at some point during the day,
he blasted out the hottest batch of biomass mudbutt blops in his cage.
huh/
yeah, i was the first responder, and yeah, i had company coming over, too.
tight, right?
you know it.
lucky me, i got to scrub up a whole mess of aromatic awfulness,
with my semi severed finger filling a glove with blood,
because shoving away a sh!t-smeared terri-bullsh!terrier tore it open...
(mmhmm. somehow still bleeding and generally being terrible)
yeah.
sometimes, that's just how it goes, bros.
*
fortunately,
after a thorough scrub-up, and a slew of scented candles,
the night got back on track,
and the eventual pizza party more than made up for the wholly unholy lonely homecoming.
word up.
-
guys,
lemme just say, again:
pizza fixes most things.
and the first pizza of the new year was a BANGER.
braised broccoli AND broccolini?
a twofer of tasty dark greenery?
YEAH!
and shredded baby spinach, for especially iron-activated protein-rich leafy goodness?
HELL YEAH!!
and caramelized onions?
c'mon.
don't be dumb.
there's always caramelized onions.
that's a thing around here.
friends,
a good pizza doesn't have limits.
there's minced daiya on the bottom,
huge scooples of crushed tomatoes over that,
and then spinach, and onions, and broccoli...
but, too much is the right amount, don'tchaknow?
you do, i do, we all do.
that's why there's also sweet tomatoes on there.
AND asparagus, buddy!
yup.
spears of endearment, ready to get longinus on my mouth for realsies.
is that all?
no way.
you can see those cashew-tofu-garlic chee' blops on top.
that's always a good idea.
-
CUSTOM NOTZZARELLA IS TIGHT.
-
a cup of cashews, soaked and drained;
a ton of olive oil;
a handful of nootch;
a few cloves of roasted garlic;
half a bloc of firm af tofu;
light salt, heavy GPOP, a splash of soy....
and maybe even a little sploosh of soymilk,
just to thin it to the perfect dollop consistency.
das IT.
*
is that all?
nope.
rules is rules-
fried garlic sprankles complete the look, and finish the puzzle,
and make the sum up so much greater than the total number of ingredients.
WORD.
that's how it's done when it's being done correctly.
truth.
***********
fat pizza is awesome.
yes, thin crusts are amazing, too.
at home, though?
y'boi loves a heavy lasagna-type overloaded meal of a pie.
i love it.
the first was the last,
and it had to make up for the tension and stress of the day and night.
which it did.
we all loved it,
we all ate it,
it all really happened,
and nobody complained at all.
not one scrap remained, devoured,
just like the 365 days of my forty first revolution.
it all ends, but whenever it ends this well, it's all good;
never quiet, never soft.....

PUFFERS!!

puffed rice cereal.
it's basically light brown air ovals.
also,
it's delicious, especially considering how little there actually is to it.
now that we've established that,
let's get into some real talk-
no-bake cookies are generally a crowd-pleaser,
but when you add that crispy rice to 'em?
heck yeah, neighbors!
that's when you get yourself into some other other territory.
i love a good no-bake.
i mean, c'mon.
peanut butter and chocolate are the tag team champions.
and when you make it a royal rumble with oats and chocolate chips,
with coconut contending for the title,
and a superstar main-event headliner like those puffy ricey-niceys?
dudes,
that's that good good.
check the teleport, and you'll see for yourself:

WORD!!!
there's not a lot else to say,
besides HOW-TO.
so, here's how to doo-doo your lown batc of these tasty blops:
-
*
PUFFY RICEY NO-NO BAKEYS!
-
in a small saucepot, melt:
1 stick butter;
1 cup brown sugar;
1/2+ cup natural creamy peanut butter;
1/2 cup non-dairy milk.
1/2 tsp salt;
let it cool off just a bit,
and stir in 2 tsp vanilla.
-
in a large bowl, combine:
3 cups puffed rice;
1/2 cup fast oats;
1/4 cup coconut;
one large handful chocolate-chips;
1/3 cup cocoa;
a dash of powdered sugar;
add the wet to the dry, and stir the heck out of it.
then, let it rest a minute, and blarp out some goobieblops onto a non-stick surface
with a small scoop or other uniform measurement device,
and let 'em set up.
i dusted mine with powdered sugar and ganache drizzles,
because i can't leave well enough alone,
and i don't believe that there's any such a thing as too much of a good thing.
y'know?
yeah, you know- too much is the right amount.
that's what's poppin'.
*
no-bakes are great.
and fast
and delicious, which can be a little bit of a problem,
because that usually makes 'em disappear really quickly...
which is not that bad, because they're so rapidly reproducible.
so, i mean, it sorta balances out...
i just LOVE to be productive.
i mean it.
what might seem superfluous to some is absolutely essential to me.
i need to make stuff.
does't matter if it's art, or stories, or food, or love-
i hate wasting time doing nothin';
or, and this is just as frustrating, not enough of somethin';
or, less than MORE than everything all at once.
real talk, kids.
i want to do twenty-hundredteen times more than i do everyday,
and these dark afternoons and arctic windchills
are working against my natural inclinations,
and putting in overtime while they're at it....
nature wins, but man endures, and that's the secret to success, right?
that, and a fat heap of no-bakes with those melty-A* puffy rive fadeaways.
dudes,
they disintegrate on contact with mouths.
no, they don't crumble...they implode.
and that's expert af.
mmmmhmmmmm.
i'm trying to inflate my sense of motivation,
to accomplish MORE in 2018 than any year prior,
and these deflation drops are doing wonders to build up my energy levels to eleven.
i'm charged up and leading the charge into the future,
headlong and facefirst through the nose-runnily-reddening ragnarok of wintertime;
never quiet, never soft.....

ONE-HANDED CLAPS!

dudes.
i didn't even do most of it.
and it turns out, i'm disinclined to a supervisory role, too.
hmm?
oh.
right.
coffee cookies, kids.
that's what i'm talking about.
we made 'em,
and ate 'em,
and thoroughly enjoyed 'em....
that's real.
also, i mostly actually didn't help much.
guys,
one finger- the middle one-
is giving me the middle finger SO hard.
and it's effing up EVERYthing.
which meant using teamwork to make the dream work.
yeah.
kayla took point on the cookies.
and she set up the shot.
and she took the photo.
basically, my understudy stole the show;
and very proud we all are of her...
check the teleport:

albie rock's school of cookie-genesis?
WORD!
we magna cum laude as F*, b!tches.
the recipe is straightforward.
semi-simple, and very tasty.
here it is, for all y'alls' enjoyment:
-
*
COFFOOKIES!!
-
preheat your oven to 375℉
-
in a medium metal mixing bowl, for aesthetic purposes, combine:
-
1 stick (8 T) vegan butter;
1 cup large-crystal raw sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 tsp coffee extract;
1/2 tsp salt;
3 heaped T instant coffee.
-
moosh it up all noicey-noice, and sift in:
-
2 1/2 cups flour;
1 tsp ea. bakey powpow and soda;
2 T agave;
-
you'll need to add non-dairy milk, 1 T @ a time,
until the dough sticks together when squeezed.
you don't want it wet,
but you definitely don't want it crumbly, either.
when you get that stick-togetherishness just right, you'll know it when you feel it.
i mean that.
-
now,
you've gotta roll it out to a 1/4" thickness on a well-floured surface,
and cut out your shapes.
we chose small circles, so that there'd be MORE of 'em.
that's no joke.
too much is the right amount, man.
mmmhmmmm.
2" rounds, times four dozen,
baked for ten minutes,
and reaching a gentle puff-up i did NOT see coming,
but welcomed with a broad grin anyway...
yes.
they're a little grainy from the sugar,
they're soft from all the s'milk, too.
the edges are crisp,
the flavor is deep,
and the quantity is large.
and yet, rules is rules,
so you know we had to activate some exxxtras, neighbors.
word.
mocha icing was the absolute right call.
cocoa powder, coffee and extract and vanilla and s'milk, too.
drizzled just enough to help a few tributary snow day sprankles do their thing.
*
guys!
i mentioned that i hate blood,
and that it's ranked in a two-way third-place-tie just the other day.
well, the universe was listening, apparently,
and bumped my lil third-place displeasure right out of the way,
and took the silver medal, with NO silver lining with a ferocious whirlwind.
mmmhmmm.
and as usual nature wins with a blowout victory.
yeah.
we've got wild stormswept woodsly post-bomb-cyclonic hurricane-force gales
that are so flippin' insane,
they're changing the pressure-balance INside the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
so much so that candles are flickering and prayer-flags are wavin' all around...
yup.
that's windier than the windiest,
and it's likely one of the reasons mount washington holds onto
that worst american weather title, too.
ugh.
yuck.
sh!tty.
it makes my semi-severed finger seems less horrible,
even though it's rendered my whole hand useless.
i mean,
at least the massive bandages wrapped around it keep it warm,
despite the blood that's STILL seeping out making it colder and wetter.
what. the. F*?!
everything is A*-hole,
but also,
it's all really happening, which is presumably the point, right?
i guess so.
*
also,
it's my last day-
uh-huh.
this is it.
the very last day i'll ever be 41 years old.
tomorrow, the numerical designation increases by one,
and it'll be a great big funtime exxxplosion...
suuuuuuuuure, it will....
let's all our collective breath, and hope harder for better times;
never quiet, never soft.....

SNOW DAY!

the bomb cyclone!!!
hahaha.
i really love how marketable snowstorms have become.
in the olden days,
when i was a kid,
we just called that sh!t winter, and left it at that.
now,
there's storms with names, and titles, like the entire season is part of
some sort of three month weather-pattern pro-wrestling circuit.
that is weird to me.
but, i also kinda like it.
y'gotta sell milk and bread and cereal to moms somehow, right?
c'mon.
y'all stoopid.
almost as dumb as all the pick'em-up trucktards rear-wheel driving
themselves around on a tour of nowhere,
at speed, from the instant there's the first falling frosty flake....
daaaaaamn, it feels good to not be like that.
no offense intended to the snack-panicked mamas at the grocery,
or the workbooted roadhogs menacing these slick streets of snow and ice.
ha!
y'know what i did instead of either of those things?
i stayed home in the hopes that my semi-severed finger would do some mending.
(it didn't)
y'know what else i did?
mmmmmmmmm.
i made some pretty flippin' ridiculously tasty soup, and one handed, at that.
yes, i did!
no, for real-
at first, it was just a pot of stuff taking a long hot bath,
but it became a powerful batch of from-scratch warmth, comfort, and sustenance.
i mean it.
check the teleport:

BOMB-CYCLONESTRONE!!   
my adoptive parents, patti and dennis got me some kickass new pots,
and while i can't say for certain that they made all the difference,
i'm pretty sure that the new pottness was a large part of the new hottness.
yup.
kids, it's got ALL the goodness in it.
seriously.
*
...and i've got to add another point here-
if y'all ain't F*ing with croutons in your soup,
then you're just F*ing up.
wu-tang, b!tches!
these croutons are the TRUTH!!!
crispity-crunchy homemade oatmeal sourdough, from the first bake of the new year,
slab-sliced, and diced, and activated with an herb-crusty coating prior to toasting.
on the ones, they took a big bathtub of barbarian boil-up,
and turned it waaaaay up past a perfect ten, to eleven.
mmmmmmmmm.
a big plastic bag, a few chopped slices, and a couple glugs of olive oil to coat 'em,
tossed with nootch, GPOP, thyme, sage, salt, pepper, dry parsley, and dill,
to boost up the exxxplosion quotient.
baked at 350℉ for ten, turned once, and toasted for another 'nother ten....
holy sh!tballs, these little niblets really brought it.
sponges of creamy. dreamy flavor activation, and broth absorption, all at once.
you need them.
now.
*
... and the soup itself?
it's no slouch, either.
minestrone is pretty much a n.t.s.w.t.s., y'know?
oh, yes, you do-
it's a never the same way twice soup.
which is s'dope.
now,
here's what i did this time,
but feel free to ignore any and/or all of it:
-
* 
MAXXXIMUM MINESTRONIUM!
-
in your trusty soup pot, heat up 2 T olive oil-
add one minced onion ( i had some leek, and i tossed that in, too);
half a poblano pepper, diced;
2 peeled sliced medium carrots;
2 diced celery stalks;
3 cloves crushed garlic.
wilt those veggies, add a dash of salt, 33 craxxx of black pepper,
a big splash of red wine vinegar, and a tablespoon of soy sauce....
that's what you do before you add a 15oz can of petite cut diced tomatoes including the juice.
keep the heat high,
and add a punch of nootch, a big ol' shake of GPOP,
fresh chopped rosemary, oregano, thyme, sage, and a bay leaf....
plus a diced skin-on potato, a cup of black beans,
and a big scoop of halved brussels sprouts....
give that all a little bubble-up for a few minutes.
then add:
a few teaspoons of better than bouillon soup base;
six cups of water;
and a cup of chick peas.
simmer that on medium heat for fifteen minutes, and toss in:
1 cup shredded cabbage;
1/2 cup kyoot lil pasta shells,
and eff off for twenty minutes while that gently simmers down.
now,
right at the end, i dropped in a handful of chopped parsley sprankles,
and a massive double-handed heap of baby spinach...
holy crap, friends, that was IT!
all the goodness, all the textures, that thiqqq broth,
those soft potatoes,
and those tight mutha-b!tchin' croutons!!!
***********
so i really did myself a mischief.
...and now my left hand is pretty much a bummer.
yeah.
hmmm?
well, it's just the one finger,
but it's bad, dudes.
and shoveling snow only served to reopen it and bring on the blood.
sorry, guys, i know that's gross.
like, firsthand, i know it's SO F*ING GROSS.
fun fact about y'boi, neighbors-
i hate blood, like, the most.
and that's just when it's IN your body.
now, when it's on the outside?
i'm basically the least psyched i can be.
real talk,
after cats and wind, but tied with sports- blood is Off The List.
i know it's a necessary sauce to power all the words, and thoughts and limbs on a guy,
but damn, why's it gotta be such a salty, syrupy, horrifying, scented mess?
and why's it so had to clean up???
not cool.
that's pretty much where i'm at.
luckily, there's epic heaps of snow everywhere,
so i'm shoveling, and reopening this awful missing piece over and over and over.
normally, i'd have to say that too much is the right amount-
however, too much blood squishing around in a mitten, through gauze and tape and all that
is not enough awesomeness for me to feel excited about.
maybe a little nauseous, but that's about it.
yuck.
i'm just sayin',
this F*ing soup better have wendigo powers like from the movie ravenous-
what?
no,
there's probably NOT any actual blood in it (it's very thoroughly bandaged),
so i'm going to have to resign myself to comfort and nutrients
and other less heroic healing factors.
...at least it's impossibly delicious.
that's good news, anyway;
never quiet, never soft.....

THE FINGER!!

y'know that feeling?

the one right before you look to see just how bad it is?

when you know it's bad, to the extent that you almost don't want to check on it?

yeah.

that's the one.

i had that.

and it dropped my guts about forty fathoms below my feet;

and that's before the running water hit the wound,

and all my vital hydraulics started pouring out like a fountain.

because then the edges of my vision swam for a split-second, 

right before the calm crept in,

and i handled the situation with my secret stash of stoicism.

that's real.

hmm?

oh, you wanna know what happened!  

dudes!!!

i tried to chop my finger off!

yup.

well,

mostly, i tried to keep a cake from sliding off of a plate, 

while i was also less successfully trying to cut it,

and all that extra movement had cake falling, and hands grabbing, 

and knives doing their only job, just at the wrong work site.

this'll serve as a reminder for the remainder of the healing process and beyond

to NOT try to catch things with my invaluably precious manual instruments!

jeez.

you'd think i'd know better.

in fact, 

i DO know better. 

the grossest part?

i think it was the sound that clued me in, before any pain fired up.

that's the benefit, and the b!tch of a super-factory-laser-sharpened new knife-

...it's too damned samurai for general use.

and now my poor poor middle finger is F*ing up the use of my whole off-hand.

damn.

hard styles are out here challenging my resolution of positivity already.

ha.

jokes on those had styles, because that werewolfen warrior poetry i rep

means that i still plated the cake and took a sexxxy picture, one-handed,

because rules is rules,

and even with a still-warm frosting-melting bloody scene just out frame,

and the off camera expletive stream flowing like niagra,

i got a good shot,

and i even ate the bloodied slice afterwards.

uh-huh.

i think that's called recycling.

besides, most of the blood was everywhere else, anyway.

check the teleport:

MOSAIC!!

it's got almonds,

dried cranberries,

and coconut.

plus a tiny bit of post-bake fingertip, too.

bummer about the frosting melting, but, really,

i was more concerned about my digits than the cake's proximity to the hot oven.

i really like that top, though.

it started at the bottom, of course, now we here...

upside down bitsies make for tip-top cake magic with just one lil flip.

expert!

i think the actual cake itself tastes positively amazing,

and the texture is pretty flippin' great, too.

a lot of brown sugar,

and coconut, help to sweeten and tighten up the crumb.

it's moist as heck, it's dense, but not heavy,

and it's got a golden crusty skin from all the long baked carmelization on the edges.

you may want to make one of these yourself, and maybe skip the amputation,

or not....

the thing is, i ate a LOT of this, mostly as revenge.

here's how you too can cake it up like a real hero:

-

*

MOSAIC CAKE!!

-

preheat your oven to 360℉

-

in your awesomely power-assisted super-helpful stand mixer, 

with the whisk attached, 

cream up:

1 stick (8 T) earth balance vegan butter;

1 cup light brown sugar;

4 T sugar;

1 tsp vanilla;

1 tsp almond essence ( i got the gel, not the liquid, and it's DOPE);

1 tsp coconut extract;

1/2 tsp salt.

-

get it creamy, the add in:

1 single-serve non-dairy yogurt, or, 2/3 cup vegan yo-yo 'gurts, or equivalent.

-

whip it good, then sift in:

2 1/2 cups flour;

2/3 cup ground unsweetened unsulphured dried coconut meal;

4 T tapioca starch;

1 T cornstarch;

1 tsp baking soda;

2 tsp baling powder;

1/2 cup chopped dried cranberries;

give it a once-around,

and while it's turning, pour in

1 cup almond milk, curdled slightly w/ 1 T vinegar.

-

whisk that long and hard, until it's fluffed the F* out.

now, in a greased 9" springform pan,

drop a handful of sliced toasted almonds, 

and another 'nother handful of dried cranberries intermittently around the bottom,

and pour the cake batter over the top, spreading it evenly.

bake that sweet babboo for at least 45 minutes.

yes, the outer edges will gte brown.

that's okay.

yes, it'll be a real thickie.

that's cool too.

yes, the top will look cool as hell-

that's sort of the whole point, neighbors.

c'mon.

get with it.

***********

y'all may not know this,

but for over a year now, i've been steadily creating, baking, cooking, 

and posting treats and radical vegan eats, every single day on instagram.

i set a subtle secret goal to maintain a daily presence for a whole year,

and i did just that, and then some.....

every. damned. day. something new.

sometimes twice a day.

that's no joke,

and that's a LOT of F*ing cake-

i also said that after the year, 

if no great increase in interest was generated in what i've been up to,

that i'd back off, and focus on something else with equal intensity.

well,

guess what, guys?

the secret universal plan sent a slicing reminder to me that maybe, 

just maybe,

after all this culinary peacockin' it's time to give it a rest.

now, i'm conflicted.

not just because too much is the right amount,

which sort of demands MORE of everything all the time,

but also because i really LIKE firing up this oven to make tasty yumyums, bro.

however,

since either my product, process, or plating are lacking that special something,

maybe an insistent social presence isn't required...

i'm not going to stop cooking, kids.

man's GOT to eat.

however,

showing off isn't garnering any flour-powered movie checks,

so devoting chunks of every day to big-timing isn't an effective use of time these days.

also,

my finger is half-removed.

that isn't helping.

so,

is today the day i miss a day?

...maybe.

it's too soon to tell,

and i'm doubtful that anybody has much interest either way.

that's not a cry for attention, either, dudes.

i'm just telling the truth as it appears to me.

if something bigger and better pops up in the midst 

of the impending abominable blizzard wizardry,

then treats'll have to sit this one out.

it's giving me anxiety,

but maybe getting nervous first is part of a big change towards new hottness.....

events unfold, and real-life documentarians report what's happening.

i do that,

and i'll continue to, too;

never quiet, never soft.....

TACO PRIMERO!

the first taco tuesday of 2018 came at us hard and fast.
uh-huh.
hmm?
oh, don't worry, neighbors-
we were SO ready for it!
that's the truth.
soft flour tortillas, gently toasted, pliable, reliable, and F*ing expert.
hell no,-
we weren't about to start off the new year with some weak-A* bullsh!t
like a hard-shelled hobby-kit of crawnchy crap shrapnel like those hard corn jauns.
no way.
what do you think we are?
stupid?
no.
we did it right.
rules is rules,
and soft tacos are the only ones allowed to attend our parties.
y'wanna see what we had poppin'?
ok.
check the teleport:

TACOOOO TUESDAAAAAAAY!
daaaamn duders,we really done did it!!
yes, indeed.
all the fixin's to fix us up a whole helluva lotta love within those foldable flaps!
can you guess what everything is?
oh, stop.
i'll just tell you-
ready?
ok, here goes:
* cilantro-lime rice!! like, the only ingredients are in the name of the thing.
* chili-spice black beans!!!
that's oregano, GPOP, thyme, cumin, cayenne, and coriander;
with hot olive oil softened seared poblano pepper, and sauteed red onion bits, too.
delish.
* cukes, sweet baby rainbow bell peppers, radicchio, cilantro, and tomatoes
all did their job and brought that expert fresca vibe to the plate.
* roasted cauliflower and leeks tossed in salt, black pepper, GPOP, and oil,
roasted until soft at 350℉ (30 mins? 45? i dunno),
and tossed in a smoky buff'sauce that turned 100% of the flavor up to eleven.
-
1 tsp smoked paprika;
1 T sriracha;
1/4 cup louisiana cayenne pepper sauce;
3 T vegenaise;
1/2 tsp ea. Garlic Powder Onion Powder;
black pepper;
1 T nootch.
- so TILTY, so tight, so turnt, so dope.
* cilantro, watercress, pea tendrils, scallions, red onion, and microgreen sprankles
for turbo-exxxplosive super-illuminating luscious hyperactivation....
too much is the right amount,
and MORE spranks is clearly the way to go.
* and of course, AVO-F*ING-CADO.
yeah!
we ain't reppin' no chumplebumpkin bullsh!t up here.
we doo-doo that fancy taco triumph stuff,
because if we're gonna eat 'em,
we gotta make 'em,
and if that's what has to be done,
then it actually has to be OVERdone.
mmmmhmmmmm.
that's the only philosophy we ascribe to.
*
....and on THAT note,
a cup of cider vinegar, with a spoonful of salt, and a spoonful of sugar,
boiled with sliced radish, onion, carrot, garlic and jalapeno had us droolin'...no foolin'.
quick micxed pickles are the TRUTH.
every taco night should feature them prominently.
y'just boil that bad boy until the peppers turn olive,
and then let it cool.
how flippin' easy is that?
it's proportionately easy to the level of delightful, actually.
it's superlatively BOTH of those things, and that's no joke.
* habanero ho'sauce?
don't mind if i do.
exxxtra-hot fire is what we want.
it's good, and it helps turn the volume up on our metabolism,
and our meteoric metaphoric metaphysical mealtime meditative
massive-attack pure-being shark-glutton ingestion, without question.
wordimus prime, kids.
we get busy when dinner is due.
and that business is booming, along with our burgeoning bellyholes
and our bursting belt loops.
the biggest.
the most beautifullest.
and MORE of all of it.
2 + 0 + 1 + 8 = 11.
remember that;
never quiet, never soft.....

STYLE!

and on the second day of january,
aka veganuary,
aka clean out the friggin' fridge,
i made a treat out of all the little sweety bits still hangin' around in there.
yup.
use it up, wear it out, make do, or do without.
that's what's up.
three kinds of pastry dough!
five different elements of filling!
one expert wizardly galette-it-together frankensteinian monstrosity,
baked to perfection, and devoured in moments.
uh-huh.
i take treat activation pretty seriously,
and even a makeshift non-recipe gets the deluxxxe treatment.
check the teleport:

isn't she pretty???
that's almondmeal linzerpastry for those stars.
and regular-A* custom pastry for the braids.
AND double-buttery, salty dough for the main body-
with all the flaky crispity crunchiness anybody could ask for....
and that's just the outside!!
inside the center,
there's chocolate frosting, spread out with creamy natural peanut butter,
topped with chocolate chips and cocoa graham piecrust crumbles,
and then, because too much is the right amount,
and overdoing it is how we do it-
there's also powdered sugary almonds and toasted coconut, too!!!
yup.
sprankles on top of sprankles,
crusts on top of crusts,
and all of it already ready already, prior to a quick bake in an already hot oven
(i baked bread early, and used that preheat to fire up a fast-and-ferocious tart exxxplosion.)
...tight.
and all of the ingredients are listed on this blog, previously posted in last year's log....
that's right.
nothing new, except the voltron combination on integrated and elevated excellence.
how about that?!
word up.
neighbors,
do you ever even activate your days like this?
no?
well, you should start.
i'm serious.
it's good for you.
a tasty fresh-baked treat will fill your house with aromatic awesomeness,
and fill your face with delectable decadence,
and begin your morning with accomplishment.
like i said:
it's. good. for. you.
***********
werewolfen superwolf moon magnetism is in F*ing full effect.
my eyes are wide, my nostrils are flared, and my teeth are bared,
off-centered and with my orcish underbite glaring and glowing and glowering
in the refracted blue ambient ricochet of lunar luminous energy.
huh?
you don't think that's real?
really?
what are you?
an A*-hole?
c'mon.
this is no joke, man.
this is berserker battle-beastly bard business.
savage stormswept scalding skald saga sh!t.
choose-your-own-adventure realtime true-story LARPing,
unscripted freestyle circadian cycle ciphers........
the sky is bright,
and unless you're dim,
you know tha it's all really happening,
and the iron-filled blood-pumping forge and furnace in your chest
have GOT to be going hard under the auspiciously supersized circle in the sky.
get on it, guys.
there's no good reason not to;
never quiet, never soft.....

TREATS!!!

do you remember what happens on the first?
we say the magic words....of course.
but do you remember what else happens?
we make an exxxtra-special numero uno treat!!
yup.
rules is rules,
and we doo-doo that freaky sh!t every single time.
that's right.
a luscious, tasty, sweet sumthin'-sumthin' is the BEST way to begin a whole new month.
real talk.
but it's especially essential to activating the brand new hottness of a brand new year.
word up.
this time,
we fired up some cuppies.
cuppy-F*ing cakes are perfect for celebrating with, neighbors.
everybody gets their own, and nobody needs a plate.
that's dope.
the kids requested they be filled with some kind of wonderful,
so i obliged like the doting duder that i'm semi-secretly know to be.
guys!
these jauns are expert.
see for yourself:

ICY SPARKLE CHOCONILLA NICEY-NICENESS FOR YOUR FACE!!!
c'mon!
custom blended fudgy skulls and triceratops??
WU-TANG, we're ringin' in that wooooo-year fire this time around, kids.
seriously, i don't even know where i collected these candy molds from,
but they sure as heckfire came in handy just now.
chocolate chips, vanilla, white chocolate chips,
and a dash of non-dairy milk to emulsify, over low heat......
a handful, a splash, a scoop, etc, you don;t need to measure, but you will need to refrigerate them.
i mean it.
otherwise things tend to moosh together at room temps, and that's not cool.
not even one little teentsy tiny lil bit.....
despite the obvious truth that those little choxxx are SO kyooooot!!
mmmhmmmmm.
you wanna make some cupcakes?
you do?
ok!
and btw, i'm sure they're no less lovely on the second, or third, or whenever....
here's how:
-
*
CUPPPPCAAAAAAAKESSSSSSS!!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
in the bowl of your elite stand-up robotronic mixer, mash together:
1 cup brown sugar;
1/4 cup sugar;
2 tsp vanilla bean paste;
1 stuck (8T) earth balance buttery spread;
3 T vegan creamchee'.
moosh it all up, then add:
2/3 cup non-dairy yogurt;
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
1 tsp cornstarch;
-
a quick whisk to slightly combine all that,
and the the big dump-up gets poppin'-
3 cups flour;
2 tsp bakey powder;
1 tsp bakey soda;
1 cup non-dairy milk + 2 tsp lemon juice (set for five minutes)
whisk it on high-high,
and evenly scoople the resultant fluffed-out batter into 24 muffin-tins,
in two muffin pans,
and bake 'em for 30 minutes.
-
just like that, you're a cake wizard.
when they've cooled, you're likely gonna wanna stuff 'em.
i have one of those plungery hole-punch jammers, which i employed to great effect.
that was cool.
the filling was some expert custom pastry creme.
y'ever had that?
it's tight.
here's how i did it, but, you might wanna do it your own way.
the thickener is the key, so keep that in mind:
-
* 
PASTRY CREME!
-
in a small sauce pot, melt 2 T chocolate chips-
in your blender, whisk 1 cup non-dairy milk with
2 T powdered sugar;
1 T flour;
2 tsp cornstarch;
1 tsp vanilla.
-
a spoonful in each cupcake. that's all you need.
somehow, though, the improvement is exponential.
and that's good news for those of you who love great cupcakes, am i right?
nice.
...
the frostings were really one one base, plus cocoa.
so,
i'll hit you up with the details, anyway:
3+ cups powdered sugar;
1 stick vegan butter;
1 tsp vanilla;
2 T vegan creamchee';
scant 1/3 cup non-dairy milk.
whisk at increasing speed in your indispensably delightful standing-upright mixer
until maxxximum fluff is achieved.
reserve 50% for the swirls on top. that way, you're ready to rock all the socks off right away.
now,
add 3 T cocoa powder to the remainder,
and re-whisk it into a frenzied lofty luscious airy chocolate dream.
yuuuuuuuuuuup.
you see how i did what i did in the photo.
i'm not sayin' that it's a great job.
i'm not.
i am acknowledging that the combo is tight, tho.
mmmhmmmm.
chocolate frosted chocolate filled squishcakes,
with silver glitter spranle-magical sprankles??!!
AND vanilla swirlies?!?!!
AAND fudge dinosaurs and skulls???!!1
what are you even waiting for, bro?
get your oven heated,
and get busy getting busy.
too much is the right amount, and that's the truth.
i'm over here expressing it in single-serving cakes.
i'm like that.
***********
dudes,
the focus is on gratitude and generosity.
it could be worse, by leaps and bounds.
however,
it could also be better.
therefore,
settling in to contentment is not allowed,
because that breeds complacency.
i'm lucky to have the opportunity to create all damned day,
despite the increasing odiousness of most ideas.
on the ones,
it takes those fat staxx of movie checks to get cake ingredients,
so one effort supports the other,
and that's a good thing.
i AM grateful for the tattoos i get to do.
i AM grateful for the food i'm firing up on the daily.
i AM grateful for the folks who span time and break bread with me.
but that doesn't mean i don't want MORE.
i don't expect anybody to do as much,
as hard, as fast, or as hyperattentively intensely, on as little sleep,
for as many days in a row,
as i do.
yet,
i don't think i'm wrong to expect SOMEthing.
besides disappointment, i mean.
and that's the hardest thing.
you get what you get, but where does that fit in with what you GIVE and what you DO?
see what i mean?
i'm working on gratitude, at face value, despite disparity.
i'm concentrating on generosity as it's own thing, and not compared against reciprocity.
'...each according to his or her ability'
that's the phrase i keep repeating.
we can't ALL be eleventh-level warrior poets.
and those of us who are have a responsibility to live by example.
gratitude and generosity, kids.
for what you do have,
and towards those we span time alongside.
it's happening.
all of it.
for realsies.
my mind is set, and i'm ready to plunge into the future-
it helps that i'm presently powered by elite cupcakes of course;
never quiet, never soft.....

RABBIT! RABBIT!

this is IT!
the first one.
the big debut!
2018 is now officially on the menu!!!
the first day, of the first month of the new year,
with a new page on a new calendar,
and all new opportunities creepin' it the cut, just waiting to be discovered.
huh?
no,
we're not all-new all-different suddenly-amazing evolutionary prodigies.
nope.
we're all still the exact same worthy warrior poets;
but that's sort of the point, right?
today's the day, but only because we want it to be...
so, here we are, and you'd better be damned sure we all simultaneously spat out
those syllables that summon spectral echoes of infinity,
attracting abundance and excellence in an ultramagnetic full super-wolf-moon gravity well.
pulling in and holding close all the good sh!t that we can imagine.
y'know what i mean?
we said the magic words, like we always do, because rules is rules.
yup.
out loud, we spit that hot fire into the aether:
rabbit! rabbit!
werewolfen cultivated coincidences under the blue light of the perfect circle in the sky.
that's what we do.
wanna know what else we do?
we FEAST, like burly berserkers, famished, ferocious,
and fully committed to superior shark-gluttony-
that's no joke.
big bites, very little chewing, and then on to the next morsel.
F* yeah.
our new year's eve traditions are cherished.
we hang out extra hard, laughing and eating and generally savoring the time and space
we occupy as a family.
and it's pretty flippin' great.
recently, as in, these last few years,
we've taken to dominating heroic heaping helpings of radical, plant-based,
shamelessly shamanic and sorcerous expert vegan sushi!!!
YEAH!!!!
and when we have a sushi party,
we reallly have the big action activation turnt all the way up to eleven.
that's our thing, as you're all already well aware.
too much is the right amount,
and the teleport needs you to check it right quick:

WU-TANG!!!!!!!
10 massive futomaki monstrosities, packed and rolled to maxxximum capacity!
i mean it,
there's every kind of awesome all wrapped up in one spot!
seriously,
just LOOK at these sweet mamma-jammas:
black rice makes for a purple reign, like it's 1999, and we're about to party!
dudes!
homemade vegan sriracha mayo is dope.
homemade smoked-paprika/turmeric mayo is TILTY af.
american horseradish wasabi is rad.
and matcha mayo runs the jewels fast, kids.
real talk, these might've been the most stellar rolls to date.
what a way to end the year.
take another 'nother peek at these jauns:

c'mon!
C'MON!!
C'MON!!!
C'MON!!!!
that's that good-timey expert new hottness for your face, bro!
and the very best part?
there's just so effin' much of it!
biggest, most beautifullest, and also, MORE of it.
that's how you send 2017 to the graveyard, man.
you like that?
me too.
here's a whole exxxtra plate of this majestic royal boomfire:

YES.
we had the best time.
smooth sailing in the creation, due to an early a.m. mise en place.
on the ones, i get a little fancy from time to time.
the broth-boiled tapioca roe?
yessir. that's my gift to you.
because NOT MUNCHING SALTY FISH EGGS,
whilst still getting that perky bubble texture is the right call to make for your soosh, y'all.
in addition,
there's sesame-seared asparagus;
roasted sweet potato;
baked homestyle teriyaki tofu;
radish;
cucumber;
orange AND purple AND yellow carrot;
pea tendrils;
watercress;
cilantro;
microgreens;
and AVO-F*ING-CADO;
like i said: expert.
bamboo rice is the TRUTH.
it's green, it's fragrant, it's sticky, it's almost fruity, with a delicate and delectable flavor.
made with bamboo juice, it's also the prime element of my signature green roll.
and that's the stuff that dreams are made of:

s'kyoot!
s'DREEEEEEEEEAAMY!
s'good!
that matcha green tea powder in the sauce is the right decision.
and all the green everything means we're enriching our whole world
with chlorophyl and nutrients and sh!t with every bite!
i love that.
-
wait,
are y'all my nigiris, or what?
y'feel me?
i'm sayin',
where's my little artworks at?
oh. right here:

it's like a set of tiny pretty presents just waiting for you!
i bring it, with thunder and lightning,
with a dedicated devotion to detail that's frighteningly enlightening.
guys,
don't eat ugly food.
that's what i'm suggesting to you at this time, as a possible resolution for this new year.
mmhmmm.
***********
we stayed up,
we said rabbit rabbit,
we sipped sparkling cider.
that's our thing.
it's so much nicer NOT being around alcohol-
on the real, for the umpteen-somethingieth repetition:
it's ok not to drink.
and every year, at home, with my people,
which included harvest, and maple, and nate, and kayla this year-
as well as crabtree the terribly dumb and demanding dog,
i rang in the new hottness,
and said sayonara to the ol' busted jauns,
with a clear head, a clearer conscience, and open mind,
an open hand, an open heart,
and a family of fine folks who've decided to just be dope alongside me.
today is the day.
just like every day,
only newer and nicer (and colder) than most.
it's all really happening,
and it's just the beginning of MORE of all of this.
i am grateful for the time i have been given,
and for the close-knit crew of wolf-moon lunatics who're standing next to me
as all the poetry of really real Folk Life & Liberty unfolds into the future.
happy new year;
never ever quiet, never ever soft.....