GRILL-UPS!!

yeah!!
i get so righteous with the grill.
like, i'm almost kind of manly when it comes to raw fire and food.
right?
i mean, there's real chopped up wood burning over lump wood charcoal-
my grill is pretty serious, btw.
it's got an adjustable steel tray that raises or lowers to vary the heat and the flame-
i mean, it's not motorized or anything, but it's pretty frickin' dope.
ANYway, grillin' isn't normally a vegan's most favorite-
but vegan grilled pizza is for real the TRUTH.
that's no joke.
y'need that thick dough with that heavy-duty gluten
or else you get a sloppy, floppy burnt bummer.
but when you get it right, and you toast it a little baby bit on BOTH sides
for structure, before you top it with all your stuff...
that's miraculous.
look:

C'MONNNNN!!!!
fresh basil is a must.
and homemade cashew chee' turns it up.
the caramelized onion game around here is so good it almost feels like
having pizza without 'em would just be stoopid.
and we're not stoopid, bro.
nope.
we're hungry.
we got rosemary from the garden on there, and sliced fried garlic sprankles.
look, if you aren't about a simple maxxx-margherite pizza, that's fine-
but you're a diaper baby, and i hope you can live with that.
ha!
maybe you need some grilled broccolini?
i got you, kiddo:

WORD!
s'basically the same pizza, but with those skinny pseudo-brox on top
instead of the herbs.
they're both really dang good.
the dough?
it's got this in it:
2 cups of king arthur flour;
1 cup king arthur bread flour;
2 tsp sea salt;
2 T olive oil;
1 pkg fast actin' yeast;
1 cup warm water;
1 tsp wheat gluten;
1 tsp sugar.
kneaded up and tight af.
i use my mixer with the hook, and i beat it up for 11 minutes.
-
the cashew chee' is expert.
that's the big action.
1 cup of raw cashews;
1 cup of boiling water;
2 T lemon juice;
1/4 tsp sea salt;
3 T tapioca flour;
1/4 tsp GPOP.
i have that superhighpower smoothie blender thingy,
and i give it a minute of magic, and then transfer the mix to a small pot-
stirred on high heat until it's all hella thick.
dudes, that's the stuff...
on grilled pizza???? man, believe it-
even minced daiya can't compete-
the heat doesn't work the same on a grill as in an oven so the melt factor isn't the same-
but soft sexy cashew magic is exxxactly what you need...
*
as far as summer goes, grilled pizza is the 2019 all-star MVP.
that's what's up.
two pizzas in one night-
smoky, crisssspy crust.
crushed tomatoes are really terrific.
y'don't gotta go wild as hell, bruh-
but you DO have to make at least one of these...
you will make more if you do it right;
never quiet, never soft.....

GIRLS WITH SKULLS!

if you're a girl, and you get a skull tattoo,
you're probably just a little bit cooler than you were a second ago,
or maybe you're a supervillain,
or maybe you wish you were a dude on a motorcycle.
i dunno.
however, when i'm at AMPERSAND TATTOO,
skulls are my favorite and most bestest thing to tattoo.
so i don't really care why you're gettin' those headbones on your skin-
just keep doing it.
this one has a snake on it:

semi-stenciled and totally just made-up scales on that markered-on cobra.
all i'm sayin' is:
get more skulls.
and maybe get me a better camera.
jesus, i haven't accurately documented a tattoo in years.
but you get the idea-
skulls- cool.
snakes- medium cool.
leaves- very cool.
MORE........please;
never quiet, never soft.....

SOFTER!

slightly smaller soft flour tacos?
that means MORE tacos, really,
with less concern about being a grotesque glutton.
not that i'm really concerned about shark gluttony,
but i do like to delude myself into feeling like maybe i'm a responsible adult,
instead of an overreacting, overeating, overreaching greedy-boi,
overdoing all the things all the time.
then again, too much is the right amount,
and i might wanna just embrace the face-stuffing feeding frenzy that comes
from munchin' up another 'nother taco or two.
yeah.
i think that's a good idea.
check the teleport:

SOFTIES FOR LIIIIFFFEEEE!!!
damn, i appreciate these flour flaps so much more after those crap shrapnel crunchy ones.
f'real.
and that carrot escabeche?

WORDIMUS PRIME!
that's a purple carrot, cider vinegar, raw sugar and pink salt,
bubbled up on the stove to saturate and soften those slices 
so that they slide into a taco and turn it up to eleven.
i mean, a pinch here and there, and you're in business.
i love that stuff a whole lot.
-
and there's avocado, because avocado is expert.
and pickled jalapenos for sharp tangy heat.
and cilantro to freshen it up.
AND red onion sprankles because they're kyoot.
and lettuce? heck yes, lettuce.
dudes, i got that rice on there.
i know, right?
i'm a starchy fella.
cilantro and lime and lime zest and jasmine rice.
i like a tasty rice scenario. i'm good like that.
-
and the main event on these bad babies is veggie crumbles and black beans-
it's like taco "meat" except not dead bodies.
and that's better by a mile.

YUMMMMM!
a cuppa chopped tomatoes,
a quarter cup of chiopped red onions,
3 T cilantro stems and leaves;
1/2 jalapeno;
1/4 cup minced sweet peppers;
1/2 cup black beans;
1/2 cup veggie crumbles;
plus, GPOP, cumin, coriander, smoked paprika, oregano, cayenne,
black pepper and pink salt.....
y'just simmer the heck outta it, and that's so simple
i really don't even think it counts as cooking although it definitely counts as delicious.
i mean,
six tacos, even smallies, isn't nuthin'.
especially when they're full of stuff, which is smart-
if only because they're SO much better when they're FAT.
mmmm.
just eat a lot of vegan tacos and you will absolutely be a better person.
that's a fact although i've got zero documentation of the stats that may prove it.
i've got NO ideas for dinner tonight, though.
i'm all taco'd out.
there's always pizza, but i mean, c'mon.
we get it- pizza is the best.
honestly, by the time i get home i wanna eat right away
and then be done with everything and take it easy.
i'm tired.
i must be getting old.
or possibly too full.
i'm not sure.
i just know that i have no enthusiasm to go shopping or do dishes,
and there's only so much i can make with what i have on hand.
it might be get-creative day at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
ok, ok, EVERY day is already-
but this might apply to dinner specifically;
never quiet, never soft.....

STRAWBERRY TART!

gluten-free vegan strawberry birthday tart!
yeah.
y'gotta have a treat on your birthday.
rules is rules.
you're fully activated with birthday magic when there's a sweet treat,
and candles,
and frosting.
the kids liked it.
i liked it.
we sang the song and breezy made a wish,
and everybody was happy.
we ate it up. we licked our lips. we had a second slice.
that's it.
check the teleport:

STRAWBERRY!!
...and chocolate!
that's a delicious, and some might even say romantic combination.
how do you make something like this?
well, you'll need a tall-sided fluted tart pan, man.
at least, you will if you want the scalloped edges.
and then you just do this:
-
* 
TART'N BERFDAYBERRY TREAT!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
in your food processor, combine:
1 cup bob's all-purpose gf flour;
1/2 tsp salt;
1/4 cup sugar;
2 tsp vanilla;
1 stick vegan butter;
1/3 cup gf oats;
1/4 cup unsweetened coconut flakes;
1/4 cup bob's 1:1 gf flour;
1/2 cup mama's almond blend gf flour.
pulse it up,
and add in 1/4 cup non-dairy milk,
then give it a little choppy-chop until it forms a stickyish crumbly dough-
press it into that tart pan, and bake it for twenty minutes or so.
you get that crisp, thick, handsome crust when you do it right.
-
now,
in a 1 quart saucepot, on low heat, mix together:
16 oz. vegan creamchee';
1 tsp vanilla;
1 1/2 cups chopped frozen strawberries;
3 T tapioca;
1 T cornstarch;
1/4 cup non-dairy milk.
whisk all that up until it's uniform,
and turn the heat UP to set those starches.
neighbors, it gets thick as heck, and that's when you pour it into your crust.
mmmhmmmm.
i added cacao nibs.
i did.
i like 'em.
and when it cooled off? (that takes a bit, i refrigerated it to speed things up a bunch)
chocolate frosting, bruh!
AND powdered sugary sprankles.
that's what's up.
MORE flavors means MORE enjoyment.
tight.
*
i do love a berfday.
i do love a lady.
i do love when we all span a special moment together.
and i love a treat, for sure;
never quiet, never soft.....

TACOCERATOPS

crunchy tacos are a F*ing bummer, bro.
fallaparty shards of cornchipped shrapnel crap.
if you like 'em? shame on you.
they're NOT expert.
not at all.
and i'm not sorry for sayin' it, because that's a fact.
i tried again, and i was disappointed, again.
check it out:

everything was SO super-tasty .....except those busted-A* bummery shells.
and who is surprised by that?
look, if you can't eat wheat, eat SOFT corn jauns, man.
please.
these cracked-up crappers just don't rock my world.
i had radishes on there, for crunch.
and crisp pointy-leaf letuuce, because i feel like that's important.
and cilantro because i LOVE it.
and jalapeno rings, to heat things up just a little baby bit.
and red onion sprankles, because that's how you make 'em good, kids.
duh.
don't be dumb.
-
i had my nootch-boosted ho'saucy refried beans up in there.
that's 15 oz of refritas, plus 1 tsp coconut oil,
and 3 T chopped onion,
and 2 T nutritional yeast,
and 1 tsp ea Garlic Powder and Onion Powder,
and 2 T of my homeboy texas pete's ho'sauce.
they're fuego as F*, amigos. that's no joke.
a fattie-boombattie layer of those goes in first.
then the lettuce, then the black bean hash.
wait.
what?
oh, yeah.
i made that.
and it's elite.
-
*
BLACK BEAN HASH!
-
1 cup of black beans,
2 T chopped red onion;
1/2 cup rainbow bell peppers, minced;
1/2 jalapeno, diced;
1/2 cup quartered baby sweet grape tomatoes;
1/3 cup cilantro stems and leaves;
1 tsp coconut oil-
plus, 1/4 tsp black pepper;
1/2 tsp hot smoked paprika and oregano;
1/4 tsp cumin and corianderl
1/2 tsp chipotle pepper powder;
dash of cayenne.
-
^^^^ fry that up over high heat until the onions soften, and you're done.
*
you do the things.
you chop the vegetables.
you stir the pans.
and then just like *that* you've got what you wanted all along:

flavors all a-poppin',
textures mostly all good, too-
i'm sayin'- if these had been in gently toasted soft flour flaps?
they'd have been epic.
instead, inside these frag-grenade oven-crisp corn hazard folders,
they were deliciously less-than-eleven.
i still ate 'em up fast and furiously.
i even tuned-up the leftover bits that didn't fit inside the shells.
of course, three shells broke before i even put anything inside 'em,
so those became chips to scoople up all the exxxtras.
i'm not trying to waste anything over here except time.
and that's slipping past far too quickly.
a dog walk after dinner,
a little italian ice to soothe my sweet tooth,
and i was out cold in a blink.
this sunroom bedroom that breezy decided on is kind of doing the trick.
i'm up earlier, which isn't my favorite,
but four-thirty is a fine time for my first wake-up.
i go back to sleep these days, though.
i must be getting old.
ANYway, use soft tortillas.
that's the takeaway from this experience;
never quiet, never soft.....

BERFDAY!!!

COVERED UP!

i did a cover-up,
and i only did two things wrong, guys.
yup.
i forgot to take a picture of the before image.
and i forgot to take a picture of the drawn-on boomfire rough draft
that i whipped up over it.
all i've got to show is the finished product,
and that's okay...because it's expert, and we all like that sort of thing.
don't we?
we DO.
word.
check it out:

that's that DEMONICA LEWINSKY jauns, boi!
hahaha.
there was a reaper wizard conjuring flames under there.
my dude jess was like: do what you do, anything is better than what i have.
...which is true, but also,
if i can doo-doo something dope over some doo-doo buttery old tatty'boi poop?
i'm for sure gonna get expert with the sharpie marky-markers every time.
a six horned, four winged, tentacle chinny-chin-chinned tusked devil goat?
don't mind me, neighbors-
i'm just covering a wizard up with a summoned anti-angel from the pit and that.
yeah.
AMPERSAND TATTOO is where the good stuff happens.
making tattooing fun in twenty nineteen is what's up.
if you want it, we've got it.
so come and get it, or don't...i'm not the boss of you;
never quiet, never soft.....

JELLY?

jellyfish!

yup.

i live tattooing a jellyfish.

and each time i do one, they get a baby bit better than the last time.

jell'ous?

ha!

jordyn has a full back of tattoo magic now-

this was the last puzzle piece to fit in, on her shoulder-

and that's a big deal-

we did seven sittings total, 

and she had maybe four tattoos already on there,

so all told, she sat like a rock, took her lumps, and now she's all done!

we did it, and that's pretty freakin' cool.

AMPERSAND TATTOO is where the drawn-on hottness happens,

and where the conversation is as eclectic as the myriad artistic styles we create.

if you're dumb, or boring, go somewhere else-

but if you're a competent and capable appreciator of expertism,

we'll find you some time on the schedule to make a few dreams come true;

never quiet, never soft.....

MANLY MAN-DALA!

too many lines,
soooo many dots,
blacks, greys, hexagons, triangles, diamonds, and starbursts.
that's how i'd describe my day with bill.
he got a lot of first tattoo,
and my hands kinda hurt about it:

WORD.
it isn't just triceratops and skulls around here, bro.
AMPERSAND TATTOO is where alllll the hot fire gets cooked up.
the most kinds of art.
the most kinds of tattoos.
the most kinds of conversation,.
the most kinds of seltzer, boi.
too much is the right amount,
and that's what we're about;
never quiet, never soft.....

BERFDAYS

i like these girls, y'know?
so i did a thing, and it was just part of a berfday night out.
we had thai food at a spot that was positively smoked out with kitchen fire grease.
and we got coffees to wake the eff up for all the food and funtimes, too.
so, there was tattooing and thai, coffee and cake and love and laughs
and dark nighttime sunroom camp-outs.
yeah.
rearranging the cushions and pillows and tables in the long, strong sunshine room
for a summertime skyline sleepover was F*ing expert.
and that cake was really good, neighbors.
gluten-free, and vegan, and chocolate.
all good things.
check it:

YES!
now, it isn't her real birthday until tomorrow, so this is just the first cake,.
there'll be another one, too.
but it's soft and sweet and deep and dark and dope,
and i like all of that.
i kept it single layer, and frosted it like the moon.
cake is cool and all, but we don't need to run around getting all full
before bedtime with sugar and chocolate and whatever-
so keeping it simple is the key.
the recipe?
easyish.
here you go:
-
* 
GFVCHOCOCAKE!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
grease a 9" springform pan;
-
in your upright mixer with the whisk affixed, cream up:
1 cup sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1/3 cup brown sugar;
2 ts vanilla;
1 stick ( 8 T) softened vegan butter.
whisk in:
1/2 cup non-dairy yogurt;
2 T vegan sour creme;
1/3 cup cacao-
combine that all into a soft frothy mush,
then add:
1 cup bob's all purple gf flour;
1/2 cup bob's 1:1 gf flour;
1 cup mama's gf almond flour blend;
2 T tapioca flour;
1 tsp ea. baking soda and powder;
1 cup non-dairy milk.
-
whip it up, spread it evenly into that springy pan, and bake it for 40 minutes or so,
until a tester comes out clean from the center.
let it cool completely,
which does take longer with dense moist glutenless baked goods...
and then frost it up.
-
frosting is basically 3 cups of flour, 1 stick of vegan butter, 1/3 cup s'milk,
and whatever else you plan on adding-
i had 3 T of ground coconut in this one-
and i added cacao of course, to make it extra good.
plus, raw cacao sprankles on top to turn it up to eleven.
-
i am grateful to know this woman.
i'm grateful for the time and the talks and the touches,
and the laughs and the debates and the intricacies of our interpersonal connection
and the mundane and magical moments we share.
she's the most like me i've ever encountered in another person.
i like it.
it's enlightening and frightening and exciting,
and i'm lucky and i'm better for the experience.
it's almost birthday time, and i'm excited to be part of it.
it's all really happening, and my heart is happy about it;
never quiet, never soft.....

JULY PARTY!

grilled pizza and pasta salad.
no.
really.
not at the same time, but in a row.
uh-huh.
that's good for you.
pasta salad is the most summery of summertime things to me,
and you know i made two kinds, too.

yup.
gluten-full rainbow squiggler jauns,
AND gluten-free brown-rice yummers for my breezy lady.
we got red, orange, yellow, and green peppers,
red onion, cucumber, baby grape tomatoes, and chick peas all up in it to win it.
and this version has some fancy expensive organic italian dressing
all over it to slip and slide it full of molto delicious flavor, bro.
that's real.
if you don't eff with pasta salad, you're effed up, and that's a fact.
mmmmm.
i love it, and i look forward to summertime specifically because of it.
ha.
i'm serious.
*
and what's better than pizza?
nothing.
not once. not ever.
grilled pizza, with open flames and high heat and woodsmoke
and outdoor summertime sunshine power?
c'mon, neighbors-
if you need some happiness in your life.....
...maybe what you really need is pizza on the grill.
hey. just consider it; it might actually be true.
wood and charcoal and iron grates and great times.
that's phase two of the fourth of july.
phase one was sweating and playing with all those kids outside.
then the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress woodshed got raided
for some fresh-split kindling to burn hot and bright on the raised coal bed
of my elite luxury handfire grill.
that's expert.
and the pizzas were too.
check the fireworkin' teleport:

WOOOOOOOOO!!!
and another:

YEAHHHHH!!!!!
too much is the right amount, right?
right!
the cashew chee' was perfect:
-
*
CASHEWMOZZ'!
-
in a high-speed blender, combine:
1 cup + 2 T boiling water;
1/4 tsp sea salt;
1/4 tsp GPOP;
3 T tapioca;
2 T lemon juice;
1 cup raw cashews;
2 T nootch.
pulse it until totally uniformly blended,
then transfer it to a small non-stick pot to thicken over medium high heat.,
stirring a LOT.
that's essential.
how easy is that?
when it pulls away clean from the sides, it's done.
and a few scooples of it on a pizza is tiiiiiiight.
-
so, you HAVE to grill the dough  first, before you dress your pizzas.
rules is rules,
otherwise it doesn't work at all.
so,
make a stiff dough, bro.
so you can scorch and sear and firm it up without it oozing between the grates.
-
*
TWOZZA DOUGH!
-
this'll make a couple pies, guys.
in your stand-mixer, as always, with the hook on it, combine:
2 3/4 cups king arthur flour;
1 T sea salt;
3 T olive oil;
1 pkg fast-actin' yeast;
1 tsp bread machine yeast;
1 tsp sugar;
1 tsp wheat gluten;
1 1/4 cup warm water, + more as needed.
beat it up for 11 minutes, then let it rise for twenty or so.
punch it down, divide it, and dunk each in flour as you stretch 'em on the peel.
45 seconds per side is all you'll need over short flames
to season and prepare 'em for topping.
EASY!
-
and i grilled some tomatoes in one of those stainless baskets,
and i firesteamed a bunch of broccoli in foil, with oil salt and pepper,
and i caramelized some onions,
and i plucked garden fresh basil,
and there was fried garlic slices,
and rosemary sprigs,
and crushed tomatoes,
and olive oil,
and joy.
the joy of pizza outdoors and excellent.
that's my idea of a perfect display of freedom.
no animals got chopped up and burnt.
nobody had to have a bad time.
there was only competence and capability and pizza.
oh.
and pasta salad, too.
so simple, but so good.-
i didn't watch the fireworks.
i just don't wanna anymore.
i did do a bunch of exercise, and watch the flash on netflix, though.
that was better.
dang, dudes-
i used to be an adventurer.
and now i'm pretty much just a heavy-handed hard-style hermit,
but that's just fine with me;
never quiet, never soft.....