feasts of fury.

being vegan doesn't mean being a weak little
sodapantsed diaperbaby.
for real.
i love eating food.
i love eating food that is vegan.
i love eating vegan food that is totally flippin' expert.
yeah.
all true.
but,
in order to make the menu in my mind a reality,
usually,
i've gotta make it all up,
and then make it all myself.
lucky for us,
i love cooking.
a LOT.
and love cooking special stuff even more than that.
neighbors,
that's an awful lot of love for a hard-hearter hater to handle.
i mean it.
so for balance in both the known and secret universe,
and for synergistic symmetry between light and dark,
i make careful culinary creations in my super-sexy kitchen,
and then i dominate them with harmful berserker breakneck
overindulgence right into my open-mouthed and uber-busted face.
yikes!
it's all true, though, friends.
i doo-doo that freaky-diki sh!t whenever the opportunity arises.
and i make sure the opportunity presents itself frequently.
*
yesterday was one of those days.
y'know?
those all-day-cooking jauns?
indeed.
i spent too much time in front of the stove,
making too much food.
uh-huh.
however,
it WAS the right amount of everything.
hmmm?
oh.
it was totally worth it.
i mean, once the prep was done,
the ingredients were assembled,
and the timeline was confirmed-
i want it all ready at once,
so the schedule was all synchronized,
and the stuff was all served at the perfectly time.
all at once, it all was ready,
and that is what made it all so dang expert.
i write meal plans down sometimes on napkins,
and then i work my plan.
and when that plan comes together?
mmhmm.
teleport:

fancy berfday dinner, at home.
the request was made for thanksgiving-type treats.
the response was excessive to say the least.
too much is the only way i know how to react.
real talk.
but, i mean, C'MON!
roasted butternut squash with cinnamon-sage olive oil drizzle,
and dried cranberries and pecan sprankles?
that's expert.
blue and red potatoes, baby carrots, quartered brussels sprouts,
celery, pearl red onions, and squash, all of it tossed in
g.p.o.p.'d melted butter and applewood-smoked sea salt.
once that multi-colored medley gets the long slow roasting?
mmmmmmm.
always expert, for sure.
garlic mashed potatoes, skins on, homeboy-style,
with parsley and scallions and lots of black pepper?
yes.
smooshed with extra soymilk and double butter
you know how good those are.
(you'd call 'em expert, i'll bet)
big button mushrooms, hollowed out,
with shallots and scallions and spices and fancy rice filling 'em.
fancy rice takes forever,
and has all the black spikes and brown nubs
and long and short grains inside it.
that's why it's fancy, and not just rice.
duh.
but those mushrooms got stuffed with a mountain of it all, kids.
that's the best way to activate their latent magic nutrient powers.

that's a thing.
and that thing is expert.
what are those brownish-brick-colored circles?
i'll tell you-
those concentrated overlapping echoes of excellence are the beginning
of a new era in the new hottness.
i'll not be buying tofurky any longer, folks.
not when i can create my own roast here in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
i'm serious.
vegan roast, from scratch, woodsly goodness-style.
yuuuuuuuuup.
seitanic, tofu-laced, bean-smooshed,
and heavily spiced, not to mention nootch-blasted.
it's really happening, and i'm hyped on it.
yes. yes. YES.
expertism just took itself up to eleven.
ka-BOOOM.
what?
well, obviously there's gravy everywhere.
the roux, the broth, the whisking.....
i get busy with my custom gravy, baby.
i'm like that.
did i miss anything?
oh.
yes. i did.
you see it?
yeah.
but,
is that a big-muffin-tin-baked itty-bitty personal pot pie?
what do you think i am?
an A*-hole??
of COURSE it is.
don't be dumb.
check the making-of-type teleport:

wordimus prime!
toasted sesame seeds, red onions,
mushrooms, peas, cabbage, carrots, celery, seasonings,
pinto beans, a little bit of that fancy rice,
and small perfect chewy firm chunks of baked tofu.
yeah.
i baked it before i added it in.
i know how to make it righteous and how to make it right.
cheatery flaky pastry crust.
huh?
no way.
it's still 100% homemade,
i just cut in all the butterish and some cream chee' to make
small puffy pastry crust,
and them pot pie packed it,
and lidded it,
and cut hearts out of the tops as escaping steam chimneys.
yeah,
they're little hearts.....so what?
who says i can't be kinda cutesy with my tiny pie cups?
jeez.
this whole meal involved a massive amount of steps on steps on steps.
lots of methods, all fueling a mad rush of berfday action.
i wish it took longer to eat, though.
dang.
shoveled down in a flickering fraction of the labor involved.
that's the real domino-effect, duders.
set up forever and ever, knock 'em back in a mere moment.
it's okay.
the taste and flavor and savory sweet salty succulent sensations
were all there, exploding through my synapses.
it doesn't take time to terrorize through the heaps of elite eats,
but the good memory of it lasts and lasts and lasts.
i take time to make memories that matter,
in meals and moments and mirth-
day after day,
it's all really happening.
*
and this happened, too:

awwwwwww.
yeah.
not as many candles as there could've been-
but,
given the haphazard fire-hazardous manner
by which their flames were extinguished?
it might've been better that way.
berfdays were the worst days,
but not for y'all.
all of that hard work, all day long,
just to make one evening totally expert.
that's it;
never quiet, never soft.....