BLUEBERRY'D

there was no sunshine yesterday-

not one little teeny tiny bit.

but i wanted some because i was feeling blue-

so i sort of compromised and made some sunny blueberry magic.

yep.

i baked 'em up, and i put extra bloobz on top, 

and i added flaky coconut sprankles to turn 'em up a bit.

MORE flavors and textures?

always.

shiny, buttery, brown sugary, fruity, nutty, and soft!

i mean, check 'em out:

YES!

i made 'em quickly, it wasn't a lot of effort, and they were totally worth it.

mmhmm.

-

*

BLUEBZ!

-

preheat your oven to 350℉

-

in a medium-sized mixing bowl, cream together-

1 stick (8 T) vegan butter;

1/2 cup sugar;

1 /2 cup brown sugar;

1/2 tsp salt;

2 tsp vanilla;

1/2 lemon zest;

1/2 cup flaked unsweetened coconut.

-

add:

1/2 cup vanilla non-dairy yogurt;

1 cup wild maine bloobz;

2 cups king arthur flour;

3 T tapioca flour;

1 tsp ea. baking soda and powder;

1 cup non-dairy milk;

spoon it into as many greased muffin cups as you can manage-

i had twenty, and i ate at least seven.

i added a spoonful of frozen bloobs and MORE coconut, 

just because i wanted MORE.

baked for 30 minutes for total awesomeness.

that's it.

that's the whole thing.

now you've got some sweet bloobers.

they're practically sunshine in your mouth.

*

sunny days and cold nights and the mid-september chills.

the leaves are changing up here.

the temperatures are in the forties when i wake up.

it feels like fall, but we've still got one brisk week of DÜDI BOI SUMMER,

even if that's just a technicality at this point...

i'm excited.

like, for real.

i am almost ready for sweaters,

i'm already wearing dad shoes,

there are pumpkins everywhere,

and i want to eat allllll the apples.

this is it.

a few fast-actin' months of coolness, then we're deep into the coldness.

enjoy it while it lasts, because it doesn't last long;

never quiet, never soft.....

PIZZA!

dudes,
it'd been a damned minute since i made food ON bread,
instead of between bread.
yup.
after sandwich week, and a bunch of pasta beforehand,
i needed some of my special friend,
my go-to circle of sweet victory,
my comforting weighted blanket of crust and sauce and chee'....
mmhmm.
pee eye zee zee ayy.

that homemade pizza magic is what i always really want in my mouth, man..
it was too long overdue.
and here's the thing-
the top was incredible, but the skeleton was not poppin' like it should've.
y'feel me?
it was whack crust, dudes.
ugh.
what a bummer.
homemade vegan sausage pepperoni mayhem is great.
the minced daiya chee' is the only way to do it right.
caramelized red onions for richer color makes my eyes sparkle.
fried garlic sprankles? rules is rules, fools.
and the last of the fresh garden basil takes the top to eleven.
all of that, plus crushed tomatoes and shredded spinach for added nutrients.
the pepperoni was spicy, salty, smoky, a little sweet,
and fully activated with exxxtra black pepper.
that's homemade red lentil seitan sausage (recipe)
sliced, and heated with 1 T olive oil,
1/2 tsp smoked paprika;
1/4 tsp black pepper;
1/2 tsp hot paprika;
1 dash liquid smoke;
1 T tamari....
bubbled and sizzled and soaked through with all that exxxtra hottness.
that was great.
-
but the crust just didn't do it.
it didn't rise enough, it wasn't full-bodied or flavorful enough,
it just didn't rock my socks off.
it acted as a plate, it held all the toppings in place,
but it lacked all the satisfaction i craved.
first homemade pizza in a minute,
and it didn't get the job done.
that's life.
half awesome, half disappointing.
i was full, but unfulfilled.
there you have it;
never quiet, never soft.....

GLUTEN-FREEBIES

chocolate chocolate chip gluten free vegan treats.
i didn't forget how, man.
i was just focused on sandwiches for a minute there.
anyway,
i made this hot fire for my lady:

sweet.
because breezy deserves all the treats for all that she does.
which happens to be everything important.
and meanwhile i'm baking cookies to show some appreciation.
you wanna make some?
aight.
it's pretty straight forward-
-
*
GF CCCC'S!
-
preheat your oven to 375℉
-
in a mixin' bowl, combine:
1 cup sugar;
3 T powdered sugar;
1 stick (8 T) butter;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup unsweetened flake coconut;
3 T cacao powder-
thoroughly blend all of that good stuff, then add in:
3 T coconut yogurt;
2 T agave;
1 cup bob's 1:1 baking blend flour, rice based;
1 cup mama's gf almond blend;
1/2 cup gf oats;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 tsp baking powder;
1/2 bag mini  dark chocolate chips.
form 2" flattened balls,
1" apart on a baking tray,
and bake'em for 13 minutes.
kaBOOM.
just as easily as can be,
you're a cookie monster, neighbors.
quick, easy, wheatless greatness.
championship sh!t.
you're welcome for all these recipes.
SOMEbody should make some use of 'em;
never quiet, never soft.....

I DUNNO

it has been all food all the time,
and i have been writing things down that resemble recipes for a while now.
still blogging.
still cooking.
still working.
still doing the same sh!t day in and out,
over and over and over.
and that's just what's going on.
i made some tortellini a ways back.....
look:

yeah.
there's tempeh sausage crOmbles in there.
here's that recipe.
and there's fried garlic slices,
just oil and garlic and heat and time.
and blackened tomatoes, which are my FAVORITE little tomato magics-
that's just halved tomatoes, seared and oiled and salted and delicious.
and arugula, which is tiiiiiight af always.
plus, veggie broth, with carrot and fire roasted tomato sprankles and shallot.
all sauteed together, and the broth was bubbled up all around them.
with cracked black pepper and pink salt, and LOVE.
how dope is that?
look:

C'MON.
whole wheat pasta wrappers?
...they're great.
here's the original recipe,
just substitute king arthur white whole wheat flour for the all purpose.
see?
it's just easy easy cookin'-A* havin' stuff for your face.
can you believe it?
it's all the same same same, just different.
i need food. i need an outlet for creativity,
and i need to DO something that makes me feel better,
so i cook my my nights away.
where's it lead?
to my waistline, mostly.
how do i make it work for me?
i dunno.
...and that's the problem.
i just don't know what to do with my whole F*ing life.
i'm damned near useless in the viable skills department,
and i've been spoiled and soiled by twenty years of F*ing around.
so, i cook, and i write about it,
and it all leads to more of all of it.
there's a precipice i'm standing on, and it's scary as heck to look out
into the unknown future that's right out in front of me,
waiting for me to step away from the stove;
never quiet, never soft...

BACK IN AUGUST

in the days leading up to sandwich week,
i was eating a lot of homemade pasta.
i forgot to write about some of that.
maybe i'll start now-

yeah!
i've got that spinach semolina sexxxiness for your face!
thick ribbons of fat tagliatelle,
homemade manly macho marinara,
and all the exxtra veg.
pan-seared and slimeless is the only was i wanna have portobello mushrooms on my plate.
for real, i hate a slimy mushroom,
so i lightly salt 'em, get 'em all browned in a hot pan, and then,
when the moisture is mostly gone, i'l hit 'em with a little drizzle of olive oil.
otherwise, you're just getting those butt-nasty slippery bummers,
and i do not hang out like that.
blistered baby grape tomatoes, in red, orange, and brown?
F* yes.
i want all the lycopeine, neighbors,
more tomatoes means more power.
i think there's a special-meter, like from video games, somewhere in my body....
and instead of hit combos filling it up,
it's always just the sauce count.
whole tomatoes count, and fully-formed tomato sauce counts double-
clearly i was building towards some kind of megadose with this dish,
if memory serves, i was glowing afterwards, for sure.
and let's not ever forget just how much fresh garden-plucked basil turns up
the flavors in a bowl of pasta.
for real.
what's in the sauce?
well, it goes like  this:
-
*
SAUCE!!!
-
saute one shallot and 2 cloves of garlic in 1 T of olive oil,
add:
1/2 cup quartered sweet baby tomatoes,
and-
2 tsp fresh oregano leaves;
1/2 tsp fresh chopped rosemary;
1 punch of fresh torn basil;
2 T flat leaf parsley;
1/2 tsp ea GPOP;
1 T nutritional yeast.
add in:
1 T red wine vinegar;
1 T tamari;
1 1/2 cups crushed tomatoes;
1/2 cup water;
1 tsp sugar;
a shake of sage, thyme, black pepper, and crushed red pepper.....
cover it, bring it to a boil,
then reduce it to a simmer for at least twenty minutes.
MORE of course will greatly improve the overall hottness of any sauce.
in fact,
i've been known to make sauce a day in advance,
just to really get the maxxximum tastiness out of a pot of the stuff.
yep.
that's smart.
also,
those pasta ribbons?
with the spinach?
mmhmm.
expert.
-
1 cup of king arthur flour;
3 T semolina flour;
2 T olive oil;
1 tsp sea salt;
2 tsp spinach powder;
1/3 cup warm water.
kneaded up in a stand-up mixer to really beat the sh!t out of it,
and make sure its fully formed into a shiny ball of tight gluten strands.
-
i gave it the customary 11 minute marathon whack-up.
rested it for twenty minutes, lightly oiled and covered,
then rolled it out on a well-floured surface,
rolled the thin rectangle up with flour to keep it from sticking itself,
then sliced FAT spirals off of the whole log.
i've done it before, and written about it a lot,
but every time, it's just too damned good.
i mean, literally two minutes in a vat of salty boilin' water has you eating
the best homemade pasta you could imagine,
and that's what we all want, isn't it?
no?
well, it should be.
that's my take on the thing, anyway.
*
i like pasta.
i love pizza,
i need sauce and bread.
that's the truth.
i'd never had as deep a desire for italian food as i do these days.
that's where my tastebuds are at, i guess.
it's all right there-
flour and tomatoes and salt and olive oil.
what else do we even need?
love, i guess, and not much else;
never quiet, never soft.....

FEELIN' FROGGY!

on the second anniversary of the big action and active participation
that is AMPERSAND TATTOO,
i did another 'nother jobstoppin' hand tattoo on dylan.
yup.
you may know him as weird dylan.
...and why is he called weird dylan?
because he's out here doin' wild sh!t like this:

GENTLEMAN FROG AND SKULL!
i don't know why most of you aren't getting way F*ing cooler tattoos.
i mean, really, those basic bummers aren't doing much for anybody.
well, i mean, they DO pay the bills, and that's cool,
but c'mon, kids.
get better tattoos.
get funner tattoos.
get cooler tattoos.
there's so much hottness out there waiting for us to enjoy.
let's focus on that.
the real stuff.
the good stuff.
the leaping bullfrogs with mustaches and cravats,
the pink underlights,
and the form-fitting fresh-to-deathness.

i doo-doo that freaky sh!t.
there's a whole lotta cool tattooing that exists in the world,
and we have heaps of it at AMPERSAND TATTOO.
let's be exceptional together;
never quiet, never soft.....

GRAND FINALE!!!

national ampersand day!
sandwich week!
put 'em together and what do you get?
F* yes-

the ampersandwich!!!
what better way to close out eight days of glory and power
than stacks on stack on stacks on stacks?
it's a DÜDI BOI dagwood of epic vegan proportions.
i mean,
look closer:

C'MON, MAN!!
really real mutha-uckers make 'em bigger, better, larger, and in-charger
and that's no joke.
what's IN it?
everything.
y'all might've thought i was playin' when i told you:
too much is the right amount.
but as you can see,
i really brought the noise this time.
it's a GRAND finale, not some sad weak-sauced-up watery diaperbaby bullsh!t.
wanna read more about it, neighbors?
ok.
-
*
AMPERSANDWICH!
-
alternating layers of thin-sliced organic 21 grain bread
& organic white whole wheat
&
lettuce, tomato, red onion, tempeh bacon, & chicken-fried seitan
&
oven-baked fresh-cut fries, spicy pan fried seitan, & pickles
&
hummus, cukes, pea shoots, & sprouts
&
AVO-F*ING-CADO, red onion, & purple carrot
&
fried tofu, cucumbers & tempeh bacon
&
vegan mayo, tempeh bacon, lettuce, & tomato
&
a cherry tomato & a pickle on top!

-
that's it.
sandwich week is over.
what's for dinner tonight?
lettuce, probably.
i'm turning into a loaf of bread after eight days of all those carbs.
but i DO still have ideas for a few more tasty sandwiches...maybe tomorrow;
never quiet, never soft.....

ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!!!

two F*ing years!!!
yup.
today is the day.

it's national ampersand day.
for real.
and that's the day that AMPERSAND TATTOO opened its doors,
two years ago already.
word up.
it's been a wild ride so far-
i mean,
there's been a LOT of life lived in those two years,
and thousands of people have come through the doors.
there's a new baby, and big love, and alll the feelings.
there's so many new cars, because we're stylish af.
there's awards,
rewards,
wards (like in D&D),
and swords all over the place.
and let's not one of us forget that nate has grown in leaps and bounds,
from the broke and broken new guy,
to the fast, furious, and fresh tattzappin' tron we know and love and appreciate.
yeah.
we've made new friends,
we've done some sick wolf tattz,
some sexxxy pieces,
some monumental bambam bummers,
and in between,
we've been enjoying the atmosphere of worthy warrior poetry
and expert excellence that the studio exudes in every corner.
that's real talk.
the ups and the downs and the roundabouts are all really happening,
but they're happening in a place that feels like an avocado-colored castle-
the west coast avocado kind, too.
the good ones.
i'm grateful for the time i've been given.
i couldn't do what i do without the close ones in my life,
and i couldn't do anything without all the interesting, invested, and intense clients
that we've cultivated in these last three hundred and thirty days.
from here, ANYthing could happen,
and i'm looking forward to the future as it unfolds.
also,
there's STILL no pizza here;
never quiet, never soft.....

BRRRRRRUNCH!!!!

on saturday mornings we have the big B.
of course, when it's also sandwich week,
there are rules we must observe.
so,
i'm over here at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress stackin' stacks on stacks,
to accurately and reverently enact a morning ritual that celebrates
the sentiment of the weeklong festivities.
look:

YES!!!
that's 3 waffles, and three different facets of breakfast, all on top of each other.
i mean, c'mon:

WOW!!!!!
there's maple tempeh bacon,
and AVO-F*ING-CADO,
and a sultry chick pea silken tofu omelette scramble,
and a crispy, buttery hash brown,
and real new hampshire maple syrup,
and microgreenery and lettuce and those FIRE oatmeal waffles.
dudes,
too much is the right amount.
and this is that, to eleven.
-
it isn't always that i'm blown away by a sandwich.
unless it's this week,
then it's sensory overload all the effing time.
and this time?
this morning glory?
this megatower of terrific?
well,
this is the TRUTH in excellence of execution all the way to the top.
word.
-
the tempeh bacon is glorious.

make some:
1/2 cup of water;
2 T tamari;
1/2 tsp maple extract;
2 T maple syrup;
1/4 tsp ea GPOP;
1/2 tsp smoked paprika;
2 shakes of liquid smoke;
black pepper and LOVE, son.
-
the hashbrowns?
holy sh!t they're expert.

two shredded potatoes;
2 T red onion;
salt, and pepper.
drained of all water with a hard squeeze or three, and pressed into a circle form
(or freeform if you're not awesome)
and sizzled up in a hot pan with a pat of vegan butter on the bottoms,
AND a pat on TOP, too, bro.
yeah.
it melts into the 'tato, and by the time you flip it to crisp 'em up?
you're a freaking miracle worker of flavor.
they just brown up.
like the name says.
hot pan, fat, starch, time, done.
-
the omelette is something else tho.
like, it's that new-new, and it's definitely a thing.
-
*
OMELETTE SCRAMBO!
-
1/2 block silken tofu;
1/4 tsp ea GPOP;
black salt;
black pepper;
1 T nootch;
1/4 tsp turmeric;
1/4 tsp smoked paprika;
3 T chick pea flour.
pureed together, with 2 tsp olive oil stirred in,
and pan fried like an egg, dudes,
with the scramble too eerily accurate.
i added fire-roasted tomato sprankles and dried shallots to make it sexxxy.
and you'll know when it's done, because it's OBVIOUSLY done.
that's really all there is to it.
how freakin' dope is all this?
i mean. c'mon.
and nothing is that hard to make either, which is nice.
-
do you have a little circle waffle maker?
no?
well, do you have a 4-square one?
i'm sayin'- you can probably figure it out.
anyway,
the waffles were also super simple.
WAFFZ!
in a small mixin' bowl, combine:
1/2 cup all-purpz king arthur flour;
1 T brown sugar;
1/2 tsp sea salt;
1/3 cup oat flour;
1 T unsweetned cocnut yogurt;
3/4 cup non-dairy milk;
3 T melted vegan butter;
1 tsp bakey soda;
1 1/2 tsp bakey kapowder;
1 tsp vanilla-
stirred, rested, and poured into exxxactly 6 perfect waffles.
you can't beat that!
-
and real new hampshite maple syrup and avocado and lettuces and all of that
make it SOOOOOOO dope.

right??
i could've made it less overboard,
but i respect and honor the make-believe traditions i created.
i'm really messed up in the head, i'm realizing.
there's probably a whole lot more to say about that,
but even the fun principles i set for myself demand total adherence,
and that causes a whole lotta problems for everyone all the time.
i rep a hard style,
and it's slowly shrinking my life into a small ball of weird idiosyncrasies.
just what we all wanted, huh?
ummm, sure;
never quiet, never soft.....

NEW BANH!

sandwich week saturday spice edition!
yup.
i made fancy special bread, again.
i sliced up some thin cucumbers,
and i halved and slabbed a perfectly ripe avocado,
i laid out some pea shoots,
sliced a fresh, hot, jalapeno,
clipped some mint,
pulled some cilantro,
and plucked some thai basil, too.
mmhmm.
i was organizing my plan of attack,
and i'm glad i did,
because too much is the right amount,
and that's the only amount this week can tolerate.
so, instead of making two of the same sandwich,
i made two versions of the same sandwich.
just, bigger and better, so i could have a big bite of each.
yup.
check the teleport:

BANH BANH BANH MI-OH-MY!!
wordimus prime.
all the good things, and all the flavors, all together
in addition to what i mentioned up above,
i pickled some carrots and radishes, because rules is rules,
and that's a key element to this jaun.
-
*
PEEKOOS!
-
cover up your sticked carrot (mine's a sexxxy purple one)
and your sliced radish (these are called the easter egg variety)
with a 50/50 blend of rice vinegar and white vinegar,
add a pinch of sugar and salt,
and let 'em soak it up.
it doesn't take long at all, but if you do it in the morning,
they'll be way better by nightfall.
-
vegan mayo, and sriracha on the bread are mandatory,
toasting the bread in a hot pan with some coconut oil is strongly suggested,
but optional.
the bread recipe is one post down from this one.
check it out, along with the other other banh mi.
yeah.
-
and that leaves the tofu.
-
*
TOOOFUUUUUUUU!!
-
simply exxxtra-firm fried tofu, in coconut oil is great.
but i wanted something MORE.
so once it was all golden,
i drizzled it with:
1 tsp sesame oil;
2 tsp rice vinegar;
1 T tamri;
1 t agave;
1/2 tsp lime juice.
and THAT turned it up to 11 in a flash.
a soaking simmery sizzle staurated those slabs with sensational sweet sour savoriness.
and that's expert as a muthafuhhhhh, bro.
real talk.
i realize that i assume a lot of culinary skill in these descriptions,
but really, if you wanna be cookin',
chances are you know a little already.
if not, eat a sadder sandwich man,
this isn't sandwich weak, y'feel me?
word up.

LOOK AT THAT DRAMA!!
that's not for bush-league laughable amateurs.
nope.
that's warrior poetry in motion, boi.
and you need that A-game for a worthy barbarian battle-banh mi.
-
and that's saturday.
day seven.
sandwich week.
you'd almost think that was it.
...if you didn't understand how it works around here.
it's EIGHT days of sandwiches.
a beatles week.
that's how i loooooooove sandwiches.
and that's the only way to do it right;
never quiet, never soft.....

SISTER NANCY!!

y'all ever listen to reggae?
man, i do, and often.
why?
probably because i'm old now, i think.
it's super easy to ignore, and most of it seems so much less hippy
than the rest.
plus, y'girl sister nancy wrote a hook that inspired generations of hip-hop heads.
yup.
if you know, you know, and if you don't?
well why don't you use the device you're looking at this on to find out, dudes.
c'mon.
we're living in the future over here.
and sister nancy definitely influenced the F* out of this sandwich:

YOOOOOOO!!!
that's a BAM BANH MI LAM!!
get it?
no?
a jamaican-style  banh mi, bruh,
jerk tofu!
mango-habanero salsa!!
smoky-lime-sriracha mayo!!
cucumber and avocado and cilantro and little green sprankles.
sandwich week is for the people, give praise and thanks.
lemme tell you about that salsa:
-
*
MHS!
-
marinate the following all together for at least an hour:
1 fresh squeezed lime's juice;
dash of salt;
2 T finely minced red onion;
2 tsp coconut sugar;
1 diced ripe juicy mango;
1 mincey-minced up red hot habanero;
1/2 lime zest.
and DAS IT!
BAM BAM!! (it's pronounced bomb bomb, neighbors, what'agwan?)
*
the bread was specialty jauns, just for this occasion.
-
*
BANH!
-
knead up:
2 cups king arthur bread flour;
1 T unsweetened coconut yogurt;
2 T melted vegan butter;
2 tsp sea salt;
1 tsp coconut sugar;
1 pkg active yeast;
1 tsp bread machine fast-actin' yeast;
1 cup warm water.
i didn't even bloom the yeast first-
i just ran it like a champ, with a dough hook on my stand mixer,
and beat it up on low for 11 minutes,
then let it double in size.
while it was rising i preheated my oven to 400℉.
-
you're gonna wanna punch down your dough, divide it in 4,
and stretch out long loaves, arranged on parchment on a baking tray,
an inch apart.
they'll rise up and get together and that's a good thing.
-
i oiled the tops, slit 'em, and let 'em rise another half an hour.
and when i baked 'em?
i hit the oven with a few tablespoons of boiling water 2x.
like, once after the first five minutes, then again at twenty minutes,
and at 25 minutes, they were golden and great.
-
did i toast the loaves whole in the oven later to warm 'em up?
i did.
did i then split 'em, and pan-toast the interiors in HOT coconut oil?
yup.
that's expert, kids.
like, crusty and soft, and ready for a slather of smoky sriracha-lime-mayo!
yes.
that's 1/4 tsp smoked paprika;
a dash of cayenne;
a dash of Garlic Powder;
a teaspoon of sriracha;
2 T of vegan mayo;
a dash of lime zest;
and a teaspoon of lime juice.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
it's wet, but it's DOPE.
i drizzled some on the bread, and some on the veg, and i am pretty psyched about it.
-
....and how about that jerk tofu?
crispy-edged, spicy, aromatic, savory, and sweet.
just like you want it to be.
what's the deal?
it's like this:
-
* 
JERK TOFU!!
-
first, toast up the following spices:
1/4 tsp ea:
cumin, coriander, nutmeg, ginger, smoked paprika, dried chili pepper powder;
1/2 tsp ea: thyme, dried parsley; paprika, crushed red pepper, cayenne, black pepper;
1 tsp Garlic Powder;
a dash of cinnamon...
add that to some some brown sugar (like 1 1/2 T),
and add salt to taste.
i took half of this blend, added it to 2 T organic non-GMO cornstarch,
and dredged 4 fat slabs of exxxtra-firm tofu in it to coat 'em all the way up.
they look SO good with those spices on 'em.
fried on a HOT pan, with raw coconut oil ready to sizzle up,
you'll get a crispy-crusted great-smellin' set of rectangles in no time-
did i also hit 'em with a little lime juice and extra paprika?
yup.
i like it like that.
one flip, when the spices are browned af but not burnt,
and the interiors won't get too dry-
that's expert.
-

and with cucumber, and AVO-F*ING-CADO,
and pea shoots, and little spranks, and that SAUCE, and that SALSA,
and a whole lotta cilantro??
daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.
that's how you make 'em know they belly full, but them no hungry no more.
big ups, massive.
-
i made too many sandwiches already,
but today's the grande finale,
so i'm relieved af and excited, too.
what's for dinner tomorrow?
prolly a sandwich.
i still have at least four more BANGERS on deck.
ha.
too much is the right amount, and there's no escaping it, kids;
never quiet, never soft.....