well, i say, F* all y'all.
too much is the right amount,
MORE pizza is all anybody has ever needed to make a mediocre day more magnificent,
and to magnify a mostly magical day into an even MORE majestic one-
dudes,
i did eight tattoos yesterday. and only five of them were smaller.
that's not an easy sunday of leisure, by any measure-
and in addition,
i somehow double booked two groups of matching tattoos for the same time.
and by somehow, i mean, i just do that like once a month.
uh-huh.
so,
i was busy busy busy- and the albie rock show was loud, fresh, and hard af,
the whole damned day, with pursed-lip percussive pronunciation spitting hot lava
across all the effin' hours of the entire day.
i needed something special.
i needed something heroic.
i needed something expert.
and leave it to dylan to suggest something less weird than usual,
and more awesome than we thought it'd be.
yup.
FALAFEL PIZZA:
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!!!
my two most favoritest things, having a sexxxy-time overlap in the oven.
a from-scratch, homemade, off-the-cuff onslaught of new hottness,
and we had a whole lotta lusciousness prepared in under and hour and a half,
from a cold start at the jump-off.
yeah, it was a lot to undertake after taking on a massive attack of a workday,
but, it was worth every iota of extra effort.
y'all ever had pizza?
it's DOPE.
how about falafel?
uh-huh- also DOPE.
but when your chick peas get spread eag' on the sesame crust of baked flatbread?
man, y'all ain't ready for this much good stuff.
really.
it was a triumph in all the ways.
-
y'gotcher crust, first of all, while the oven was preheating to 480℉.
-
*
FALAFEL PIZZA DOUGH!
-
in your dough-hookery stand up mixer's bowl, knead:
2 1/3 cups a.p. flour;
2 tsp salt;
1 tsp sugar;
3 T vegan sour cream;
1 T two-tone toasted sesame sossamon seeds;
3/4 cup warm water, w/ 2 tsp bread machine yeast, bloomed with a glug of agave, 5 minutes.
knead all of that up for 11 minutes, cover it,
and let it rise while we get all the other other ingredients together-
-
other ingredients:
there's 2 1/2 cups of shredded baby spinach;
7 chopped pepperoncini pickled peppers;
1/3 cup pickled jalapeno slices;
1/2 small red onion, slivered;
1/2 cup sliced baby grape tomatoes;
fried garlic sprankles
(rules is rules, even when you go rogue, you go garlic, bro);
-
and those are just the pre-bake bits.
there's post-bake jauns, as well.
-
but first, you need falafel balls y'all.
mmmhmmmm.
here'show THAT happened:
-
*
FALAFZZZZ!
-
in your food processor, which i know you have;
...and if you don't, you're going out to get, immediately, combine:
1 15 oz can drained chick peas;
1/2 small sweet onion;
3 huge cloves roasted garlic;
1/3 cup scallion greens;
1/2 cup fresh parsley;
1 punch cilantro;
1/3 cup chick pea flour;
black pepper, cumin, ground coriander seed, GPOP, sumac, to taste;
1 T lemon juice;
2 T olive oil.
pulse that all until it's a coarse crumble that sticks together when squeezed.
that's the way to doo-doo it.
now, ball it up into little bitty 1/2" balls, and let 'em hang out for a minute
while you take the next step:
in a tall-walled 8" pan, heat up 1/4" deep vegetable oil,
until it's furiously hot-
and add those falafels to it so that they get good and brown,
while you roll 'em around gently to make sure they're all cooked up.
that's YUM4TUM, y'bum.
truth.
let 'em leach that oil off on a paper towel or two post-fry, too.
we don't need any exxxtra grease on our pizza, pal.
*
NOW,
the dough should be doubled, and as always, i start it on my seasoned steel pan,
with a little olive oil to keep it mobile on the bottom.
stretched out in an oval, with some thiqqqness intact, i dropped all the pre-bake toppings
across the surface, then the falafel balls,
and baked it with like, three turns to brown up that crust,
before dylan used the peel, and finished it directly on the pizza stones
that steady stay hot in my oven at all times.
that's the pro move, neighbors.
-
and once it was out of then oven?
there's even MORE sh!t that goes into this bad b!tch, buddy-
chopped baby dill pickles?
THAT'S THAT SEXXXXY SH!T!!
and sriracha?
c'mon.
don't be a baby- ho'sauce is how the real ones doo-doo falafel properly.
look:
F* YEAH, FALAFEL PIZZA IS MY HERO!
is that homestyle exxxtra lemony tahini?
you bet your A* it is-
drizzles are key.
AND,
there're sumac sprankles on top of THAT too.
too much IS the right amount-
and when both of your favoritest most bestest bits are voltron'd into one thing?
if you aren't happier, you're the worst.
that's a fact.
***********
i worked too hard.
i cooked too hard.
i walked crabtree so much.
it all unfolded for far too long,
and by dark's deep depths, i was destroyed.
then, my phone and internet and subsequently ALL power and service
at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress went missing for a while-
was i abducted?
was there a reset to the program?
did falafel pizza upset the delicate balance of energy in the universe?
is the woodsly goodness even good anymore?
man, i don't know.
but i woke up in the night with a full bellyhole,
and a full blackout of all electrical everything,
and i think that was directly linked to the best sleep i've gotten in a month.
uh-huh.
shoutouts to wipe-out technological failures for letting me hit the REM jaun.
tight.
i'm back on track.
i'm back on the attack.
i'm ready for the next phase of summertime activities.
who'd have guessed one epic pizza and a good night's sleep
could make everything seem so much brighter?
this is it.
today is the day.
i'll be phone-callin' all the handiest manliest mans an' them,
and gettin' this show on the road.
it's ALL really happening the way it's supposed to;
never quiet, never soft.....
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