dirty nuts.

ugh.
hey there.
am i a little bit dumb?
maybe.
i'm snacking on some pretty unsatisfying treats,
and with each bite,
wondering what the F* is not quite right.
...and then trying to crack the case with another bite.
and another,
until i get a squishy squirt of sherlockian solution-
duders,
have y'all ever had a bad walnut?
oh, MAN!
it's like a small wad of old suet, gone rancid,
with dry pencil erasers,
and candle wax,
all at once.
yup.
somebody told me proteins help you sleep.
i may need more data to prove that statement.
preferably some that isn't south of kosher, y'heard?
just sayin', neighbors,
that's pretty flippin' doo-doo buttery.
breaking a slow fast, quickly,
with some nutmeats in my mouth,
but getting some sh!t-salad on my tongue?
uh-huh.
that's the worst pretend snack i've had in a while.
for real.
old, sour, nuts.
y'know the saying....you are what you-
c'mon.
food gone funny is not exactly hilarious.
poisoning myself with seemingly innocuous pantry-filler
is not what i was aiming for when i tried
to force a few ounces of sustenance down my throat.
lame.
but,
maybe that's what fueled last night's batch of
heart-pounding terrors.
trippin' balls nuts on walnuts?
no thank you.
guys,
unless you're a little kid,
or a movie character explaining that what we just saw
wasn't part of actual dramatic events,
but rather a plot device,
nightmares seem like kind of a waste of time.
or,
at least,
kind of a waste of sleeping.
i'm still up before sunup,
and today,
even the temperature is being negative.
awwwwwwww, dang.
it's the weekend for us.
the white mountains,
this woodsly so-so alrightness,
it's all kind of desolate and deserted.
a tuesday in early march,
pre-full moon,
with a batch of brutal late winter weather
reminding all the mutha-uckers that
ma nature don't play around,
but she always wins.
i'm tellin' you, the up-here is repping a hard lonely style.
as in-
was i the only person in the movie theater last night?
you know it, my ninjas.
that's always bleak.
unless it's your own private cinema in the basement
of your massive castle of sovereign supremacy.
(it wasn't)
the only thing worse is bumping into a couple
you know, who are going to see a different movie,
and they ask what you're doing,
and who you're there with.....
i'd rather eat another mouthful of toxic tree nuts.
oh, yeah;
since i knew that i wouldn't be sleeping,
i waited and went to the monday night late show-
which happens to be at 7:20 in the woods, kids.
yuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
you know you like it.
***********
vigilant.
that's the adjective i'm adopting
for my current state of affectedness.
and not the affectation of watchful alertness, either.
no pretense of prepossessing personality,
just a sentinel of sentiment,
watching out,
and keeping on guard.
is there such a thing as an insecurity guard?
and do they get to carry a gun,
or just a whistle?
*
i'd say i'm days away from the transition, though.
y'know:
from vigilant,
to vigilante.
oh, c'mon.
the loony lunar loophole swells up,
and runneth over,
into loupe-garou goodness,
with shapeshifting berserker magnet activation,
and that may take this manner of being to eleven.
from real life documentarian to hard-style
active participant in one silver sliver of shed light.
a baying baskerville battle beast,
getting ready for more on the moors,
and spitting enough hot fire to bring all the busy business
of being a really real truth-telling warrior poet
to a boil in the process.
like, a boil.
a diseased pustule, even.
yuck.
at least then i can lance it,
like a shining-armor type duder.
round tables, ghost circles, smoke rings,
full mutha-flippin' moons.
all that overlapping venn diagram diagnostic sh!t.
i mean,
i've kind of developed a bad taste in my mouth,
and it's been hours since those rotten treats.
something has got to happen.
i mean,
it all really always is,
but for real though.
you know what time it is, friends.
the intimacy of the adverse,
the secrets of the universe,
the middle of a verse-
...i'm talking about collapsing and screaming at the moon.
there's always the before and the after;
never quiet, never soft.....