Thursday, March 31

tacos, deconstructed.

have you guys got any ideas on how not-sexy a taco looks in a photograph?
that's no joke.
everything awesome is folded away inside,
so whatever's on top is what shows,
and even from a side view, it's mostly shell,
and barely the big action......
unless you build your own,
and allow the ingredients to be showcased BEFORE they get enveloped.
i tried that technique last week,
and the logistics of a hot-vs-cold-vs-tortilla trio of plates
spread all the food out across the whole counter
to the point where,
while it still all tasted all-the-way amazing,
the pictures just didn't do it any kind of justice.
not so this time, neighbors-
because this time,
i broke out the big fiesta platter.
i did.
and it worked wonders for the real-life documentation.
check the teleport:

full-circle flips,
ready for all that coolwater crisp,
and even readier for more of those hot protean protein blops.
word up.
i still prefer flour tortillas.
those crawnchy ones do nada for me,
and as much as i think i'll eventually need a tortilla press,
flour roundies do the job,
and might even be worthy of a promotion while they're at it.
so what are we lookin' at?
shredded spinach, perfectly ripe vine-style tomato, red onion, pea tendrils,
and my continuously improving four-pepper guacamole.
those should all be obvious.
the refrieds are getting pretty heavy-duty these days, too.
exxxtra-buttery, g.p.o.p. activated, nootch blasted, onion upgraded,
and dicey chilis/cilantro/ho' sauce elevated into a filthy, but eloquent hill of beans.
lime jalapeno tofu, with cilantro?
the flavors of that sh!t are preposterous.
lime zest, and lime juice, and g.p.o.p. and just a hint of fresh onion and garlic,
with coriander and peppers keeping it muy real throughout-
there wasn't any trace of even one cube of that 'fu
after the first round of round wraps wrapped up.
what about when there's vegan roast taking up nominal space in the fridge?
and you've got leftover sausages that just seem to be neverending?
and red beans from last time cold chillin' next to 'em?
we put all of that in with all the odds and ends of the peppers and onions and garlic,
and shredded a fresh tomato, and tossed in some green onions,
with cumin, smoked paprika, oregano, cayenne, and black pepper.....
and the chili-style taco filling we ended up with was so good
we kept at it well beyond the limits of a normal stomach,
and deep into the distended and engorged categories of gluttony.
too much is the right amount,
and good can't be all that good if you honestly think that too much of it is possible.
limes for squeezin',
sprankles for everything,
and togetherness for my very small northern family.
if only my kids were here to really close the cipher and complete the circle.
just another 'nother week until the full and ferocious, fresh, flavorful,
furious family togetherness gets underway again.
it's been an overlong lapse in Folk Life & Liberty Fortress peoples party time-
but it's coming,
and i'm counting the days.
it's all really happening,
and it's speeding along.
every day surprises me by showing up early,
and every night seems to get a little shorter, somehow.
time flies, or runs, or races away,
and in between meals,
there's so much work to do,
so many people to miss,
so much that requires attention and participation.
real life ensues, pursues, peruses, but never pauses;
never quiet, never soft.....

Wednesday, March 30

take it deep.

it was time.
i don't always freak it off with some variant hottness,
but when it's time to rock the party,
i come correct,
and i rock a pizza party.
pizza is my favorite food,
pizza is your favorite foo.
pizza is the truth.
i checked my watch, saw that it wasn't there-
and then checked the stove clock,
all to see that early morning inspiration o'clock was where the big and little hands landed.
what's the trick to deep dish dough?
it's almost cakey, it's definitely buttery, and it's flippin' thick.
i'll admit i looked at a few images of the finished product before i rolled up my sleeves,
and started kneading.
pizza is so expert.
regional variants on the traditional apizza pie i grew up with are also expert,
despite my overall unfamiliarity with any of them pre-veganism.
that's real.
pizza is as pizza does,
and that's what's so F*ing cool about it.
you got a baked bread plate with food on it?
well son, then you've probably got yourself some pizza.
friends, neighbors, pizzamen,
check me your teleports:

i fired up a pair of very different double-dough deepnesses,
and i'll tell you about 'em both right...
first up,
that siciliano jauns.

you guys ever had fat new york squares?
that's a problem.
get in your car, or a train, or on a plane, and get on that, immediately.
there's something about those dubba-dough rectangles that screams authenticity.
my homeboy, and widely-regarded pizza enthusiast/scholar, the cucch,
suggested i fire up an old-school deep deep in the original post-neapolitano style.
when a pizzaman talks, kids, i listen,
and i'm glad a word to the wise from the wiser was sufficient,
because that sh!t is what's poppin' in the Folk Life & Liberty test kitchen.
real talk.
when that buttery dough, heavy on the semolina, starts rising along the pressed edges,
and the underchee' (OBviously) and the daiya mozz,
laid in below the crushed tomatoes starts to steam itself silly,
and the sauce up top gets hot, so that the custom cashew creamy
fresh-style mozzerella magic blops on top start to firm up,
and those proprietary pepperoni slices all simultaneously showcase
the smoky paprika and liquid smoke and cayenne notes
that freak it off somethin' proper???
that's the moment when you slap the basil on top, and give it five more minutes.
come on, now-
it's like eating lasagna and garlic bread at the same time.
don't believe me?
that's weird, but check the teleport, and be convinced:

i doo-doo that classico.
nootch blasting the top helps, too.
here's the thing-
the top chee' is underchee', elevated.
but really, with the addition of tapioca, and a decent drizzle of soymilk and olive oil,
plus the highest of high speed food processing,
you've got that freshy-fresh ready to go.
i couldn't be much happier,
except for when we munched up the other other one.
check the chi-town windy gusty gutbuster big action teleport:

big ol' burly barbarian food, for worthy warrior poets.
believe it.

a single slice is a solid meal (if you're a semi-solid little baby, i mean)
i used a greased springform pan, for the quick release for a quicker feast.
i did.
and i regret nothing.
that crust is from the future, and as much as it's the same dough,
the circle, with the reverse toppings,
and the extra olive oil took it to eleven in a heartbeat.
what're the details?
sauteed onions, and seitan, and red pepper flakes,
with shredded spinach leaved wilted into the mix,
but, as always, it started with underchee', and a little daiya mozzerella,
and then the big fat, underings?,
and then a double chee' blend of cheddar and mozzerella,
by which time it was looking pretty heavy.
worryingly overfull?
no way.
too much is the right amount!
that's where the hearty chunky veggie marinara really brought the noise.
thick sauce, thick crust, thick toppings-

everything expert,
everything double,
everything dope-
and my pizza goes deep.
so deep.
so deep, it put our A*s to sleep.
i ate too much, because that's my thing,
and i enjoyed every bite a little more than a respectable man might.
that's not a problem, though,
because this is MY house,
and i'll eat as much as i want, however and whenever i want.
y'want my dough recipe?
three cups of flour, and a teaspoonish of salt, plus a third of a cup of semolina flour,
and a package or a tablespoon of super-fast yeast, plus a teaspoon of sugar,
and two tablespoons of very soft butterishness-
to that, i added a cup+ of warm water with a teaspoon of sugar dissolved in it,
and regular yeast activated in there, as well as a tablespoon of flax seeds,
to really give it a binding boost-
and when i combined them,
i also added four or so tablespoons of cooled melted butter replacement-
once it was all kneaded into a ball by my trusty dough-hook-arm on the stand mixer?
holy sh!t!
it rose hard for as long as it took me to walk crabbtree,
and the i refrigerated it all day, until after work,
when i punched it down, cut it up, stretched it out,
and let it puff up again as it reached room temp before baking.
the double yeast is key, more for flavor than anything else,
although it does get fluffy like a champion because of the exxxtra-active participation
from those dying digestive enzymes....
pizza is the best,
and if you don't like pizza,
i wish for minor misfortunes upon your ever day,
like papercuts, or bee stings, or splinters......
i'm pretty encouraged by this pizza exploration.
two very different pies, two distinct regional favorites,
both reppin' the full-bodied Folk Life here in the woodsly goodness.
i may live hard,
and i may behave poorly,
but damn it all, i sure do eat well.
i'm grateful for my fat belly and my full cupboard,
one gets bigger whenever the other gets smaller-
that's called compensation,
and i think that's kind of cool;
never quiet, never soft.....

Tuesday, March 29

face it.

i go out and eat a whole pizza.
i do.
and then,
i realize i haven't been making extravagant meals for a day or two,
and that's when i figure out that i'll be writing about the stuff
that nobody else gets excited about...
i haven't stopped my snapchat mornings.
i mean,
i don't really ever want to do LESS.
i dunno.
but, it's still happening,
and i'm sharing it with all y'all who have better things to do than snap your chats,
but not by much,
since you're here witnessing it en masse.
check the about-face-type teleport:













i don't know if you all are into it,
but i like it,
and that's why i keep it up.





and i get into the holiday spirit, when applicable, too:


good ol' crucifriday.

world star hip-hop.
day after day after day, and so on,
i do what i do.
and when i'm not baking, or cooking,
i'm making something,
because when i'm not making something good,
i'm making myself look bad.
that's the literal truth.
today is the day,
and i'm doing it again.
that's kind of the way it works around here;
never quiet, never soft.....

Monday, March 28

twenty eight days later.

damn, duders-
i thought march would show a little class,
and be over with already,
i guess we've still got most of a week left
to deal with this leonine liarmouth and lame lambkin ramming
that folks have come to expect, at least in new england,
from the jump-off of spring.
me and my dog are up early.
that's a given,
we've been spending some time snugging up with each other,
without savage wild animal bites and scratches (from either of us)
and that's new.
i'm not saying we've given up our daily sparring matches,
nor am i suggesting that after nine a.m. he's a very obedient little bastard.....
i'm just letting you know that at five-ish, after a fidget-and-whine wakeup,
and a quick hot outdoor deuce drop,
we crash out on the couch, and huddle in close,
like a couple of very burly, manly monsters who could maybe
use just a little extra warmth and comfort..
so that's happening.
i've got some new projects in the works,
and that's exciting.
the only trouble is finding time for them all.
that's real.
the thing is,
i'm busy doing stuff.
in fact,
we're busy doing stuff, and going places, and making moves.
and even though i should keep my eyes on the road,
the occasional real-life catalog update of documented proof
needs a refresher.
like this one:

i'm blurry and yellow, she's pretty and pink,
and that F*ing dog should be in the backseat.
what were we doing?
we were making an easter sunday seltzer run, neighbors.
we run out quick in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress,
and y'can't skip out on seltzies, unless you are a real flippin' jerk.
he and i shared a moment or two in the car.
we doo-doo that boy-and-his-dog sh!t.

he's such a nosy parker.
right in my face, right away, whenever he's not eating,
or trying to eat something,
or trying to eat something that isn't food in any way...
so, intense, supervisory hang outs work well for us.
we get along better when we're both at our busiest.
no time left for making messes and swallowing uncomestibles.
yesterday was my buddy beau's birthday,
and even though i haven't seen him in a while,
i still sent him a special something-

i'm a pretty good berfday card maker,
even when it's just a digital delivery of doo-doo butter bathroom humor.
i can't help it.
there are so few folks who actually do the things they say,
so i feel a strong push to retain our connection whenever we find each other.
my extra day off was spanned in attempted relaxation.
it didn't all-the-way work,
but then again, neither did i.
here's the thing-
i know i need a minute or two to myself, to do something unproductive.
chances are, it might actually do me some good,
and maybe even recharge the juice in my creative batteries,
instead of me draining out under the usual battering.
the same recurring problem arises whenever i start down the path
of just plain F*ing around. does.
because inevitably, i start to focus on myself,
and before you know it,
i'm doing things like this:

i should've maybe been drawing instead.
finding flaws is what i do best when i'm not doing my best
to be better at being myself.
if i'm not regimenting my routine,
i'm just wasting time.
there's no flow i wanna just go with,
because that always goes downhill.
and gravity isn't always awesome,
especially when you're falling down.
let's get back to work;
never quiet, never soft.....

Sunday, March 27


happy day.
or not.
hopefully, though,
it's a happy, hoppy, bunny baby big activation sensation for everybody.
i know that we just crushed our brunchy bellyholes with
a spectacular serving of supreme holiday hotttness...
we did.
and it was wonderful.
food is really what i celebrate.
food is how i really celebrate.
and food is my favorite thing to tell you all about...
c'mon and check this teleport:

we had it ALL, y'all,
and every last bit was expert.
i think big fat glutton-monstrous virtuosity might just be my latent mutant superpower.
at any rate,
i certainly don't detect any vulnerability when it comes to firing down vast quantities of
radical vegan eats.
tempeh bacon strips!
homemade vegan sausage!!
proprietary coconut-oatmeal griddleliscious luscious holiday-shaped hotcakes!!!
...and all of that truly elevated to heavenly heights by the inclusion of real maple syrup.
that's mandatory,
unless you are an A*-hole,
in which case, you can jus use the brown corn-style jemima jauns
to lubricate your b-hole while you shove your whole self directly up therein.
and those spicy hash-type homeboy homefries?
y'gotta make sure and splash them with ho' sauce,
to really get a good baby-burn crisp skin on the undersides.
that's a thing.
those got garnished with scallion sprankles.
i mean, c'mon.
a little more oniony goodness never hurt anybody.
potatoes, boiled and then added to butters and red onions,
with g.p.o.p. and black pepper, and a little baby bit of salt,
and a generous dose of paprika for tradition's sake.
that's the cure for understarched overdoings.
and it works wonders on any feeling of underfulfillment.
for realsies.
all of that is all kinds of well and good,
but when it comes right down to the nittiest of grits, though,
it's that big slice of freshness that steals the show.
frittata be kidding if you can't hang out with that jammie-jam right there.
tofu, grilled onions, sauteed garlic, ground mustard, nootch, turmeric,
salt, pepper, olive oil, g.p.o.p., sage, thyme, tapioca,
a tablespoon or two of flour, and a pat of butter,
blended up into a paste.
that's be damned good on it's own,
but too much is the right amount,
and MORE is always the direction we head in,
so i also threw in red onion, fried bits of vegan roast, braised yellow bell pepper,
and fresh cut parsley,
and then spread it all out in a greased and floured pan.....
just so i could add some more black pepper, more olive oil, more g.p.o.p.,
and also a healthy layer of grilled asparagus, baby sweet tomatoes, more parsley,
and green onions.
fresh baked and firm as F*.
brunching is not for sap-slappin' b!tchbags,
and no level of sin-sacrifice could've saved us from wimping out like weak diaperbabies.
we always take it to eleven when it comes to food,
and even luckier still,
our synergistic synchronicity pulled the whole damned thing together.
i'm grateful for the easter basket my lady surprised me with,
i'm more grateful still for having such a lady in the first place.
this is What Is,
and all of it is really happening.
all expert, all honest, always in all ways expert.
that's the nature of the thing;
never quiet, never soft.....

seasonal propriety, site specificity.

easter time is springtime,
plus chocolate,
and probably tulips.
well, sure,
bunnies and chicks get to hang out, too;
and if you're into organized superstitions,
reanimation features prominently,
along with a sort of page-refresh absolution.
the thing of it is-
for me, and mine, it's mostly about treats.
it always is.
what's better than sweet baked hottness for our faces to munch up on?
don't be dumb.
i'm talking about tangibles, here.
in this case,
i fired up a couple of trays of kyooot little cookies.
and once i started decorating, the high holy holiday spirit took over.
check the teleport:

coconut oatmeal chocolate cookies,
with chocolate chips, and cacao nibs,
for a melty-crawnchy combination,
nestled in among the grits and grains of the oats and coconut.
standard fat, sugar, flour ratios apply.
half a cup of butters,
a cup of sugar,
i used half a cup of applesauce, a few teaspoons of vanilla,
two cups of flour, mixed between oats and wheats,
and half a cup plus a shake or three of flaky coconut.
teaspoons of baking kapowder and that soda jauns,
plus a pinchy pinch of salt,
and you've got cookie dough.
three hundred seventy five fahrenheit degrees of ovenly lovin',
for a dozen minutes or so, will get you where you need to be....
but in order for the to be fully functional,
they need those added in mix-ins-
like the loco cocoa, the cacao pieces, and those chips,
just to really achieve full-bodied flavor and texture magnificence.
the confectioner icing,
with those easter egg huntin' sprankles?
pretty expert.
but really,
it's the little flower stencils poppin' off up top is what takes them to eleven.
i love little clever bits.
i do.
and sometimes, i even make myself smile.
it's rare, but i made it happen,
and i'm enjoying these sweet circles the most.
treats are damned good,
but you know what's even better?
a whole exxxtra-secret we're closed today-off!!!!
w whole other 'nother other day, to myself.
well, me and ampy-d and crabtree are all spanning time together,
and that's just great news for those of us who enjoy that sort of sh!t.
(which we all do)
i'm not gonna waste it.
in fact,
we're going to live it up.
that's us-
a trio of worthy warrior poets, spanning time,
loud fresh and hard;
never quiet, never soft.....

Saturday, March 26


the lime is key, kids.
for real.
and when there's already key limes being all tart an' that,
and you put them in with some coconut?
oh, MAN!
that's when things start to happen.
they made a song about it,
so it's got to be a thing.
i made a thing, and it's definitely real.
and really good.
and fairly good-looking as well.
check the teleport:

coconut key lime tart!!
so tart!
literally, two ways in a row.
coconut flakes and coconut milk, tarted up, and citrus'd out,
in a thickened sweetened pastry creme,
whipped together in the blender and the boiling pot in my kitchen.
there's zest, and juice, and vanilla, and a little lemon extract, (just a little),
and so much coconut interspersed through that creamy blarpity center-
it goes great with the coconut oatmeal crust.
coconut oil, and oats, and coconut, and coconut sugar, and more lime zest,
in a shallow tart pan, making a substantial foundation to create upon.
i doo-doo that thematic overlap-type sh!t.
for serious.
could i leave it at that?
don't be dumb.
you know i'm not about to drop off on my activation any time soon.
i HAD to feed my compulsion,
and freak it off with toasted coconut and lime zest sprankles,
and then really get motivated about futuristic new hottness,
and also activate that coconut key lime frosting!
pulverized coconut, pow-powdered sugar, vanilla, lime juice,
coconut milk, butteish, and more lime shavin' zest for life!!!
i took it to eleven, again.
i can't say i'm sorry about it, either
listen, duders-
i rarely need to cut off an extra giant slice for myself,
after the first big 'un i munched,
i carved off a whole other 'nother one,
so i could enjoy it again in the comfortable castle i call home.
the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress goes great with a slice of pie.
even if you call it a tart;
even if it's more of a massive wedge than a slice;
that's the truth.
you want that filling?
i got you-
a cup of sweet key lime juice,
a cup of coconut milk (the carton style, not the can type)
half a cup of coconut flakes.
the zest and juice of half a lime.
half a cup of powdered sugar.
two big tablespoons of flour.
1/3 cup tapioca
two tablespoons arrowroot or cornstarch,
vanilla, and lemon extracts.
all the dry stuff, and the half the lime and coconut wetness go in the blender,
and gets thoroughly mixed;
the other half goes in a pot, heating up exxxtra quick-
when the liquid is all the way hot,
pour half of THAT in the blender, mix it al up,
and pour all of it back in the hot pot,
stirring like a cyclone, to keep it all from blopping up into clumps.
when it starts bubbling, and being generally thick as thieves,
it's done.
don't pour it right away. tho-
it's too hot.
wait a little minute,
and don't refrigerate it until it's cooled a bit,
or else you're just heating up your refrigerator,
and that's countproductive.
so, how 'bout that good friday?
it was more like stoopidhead tricker friday!

awwwwwwwww, man!
cold and wet and icy all over...
today promises warm sunny sweetness,
but i'll be tattvblastin' all dang day,
and i've actually been up alllllllll night;
since 1:30 this morning,
sitting with crabtree,
who has contracted an itchy welt situation
that has his whole entire self,
and therefore my whole entire self,
totally entrenched in total discomfort, unrest,
and unhappy wide-awakeness.
go out and make something great-
you need it;
never quiet, never soft.....

Friday, March 25

what's good?

dudes be out here dying for my sins an' sh!t....
i s'pose that's appreciated,
but i'm much more focused on this cake over here.
no, really.
i'm assuming you follow me on instagram,
because you like food and you're smart.
in that case, you'll notice i'm a day late,
and several dollars short,
and also about to discuss the devilish dopeness
that is totally crucifying it so hard in these streets right now!
check the teleport:

forgiveness in spelt, oats, and wheat.
a liitle heirloom spelty speltness, freakin' it off alongside those nutty oats,
with the more traditional wheat flour for body,
and almond extract and sliced toasted almonds all throughout?
after any last supper,
serving a dessert like this might've made judas change his mind!
coffee cake is always expert, and almonds are pretty rad, too,
but what really finishes it off, like the lance of longinus,
are those cranberries.
the cakey part is packed with elite textures.
the fluff, the nuts, and those chopped dried cranberries,
to activate some hottness heretofore unheard of in the
hallowed halls of   Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
it's good.
really good.
thirty denarii good.
forsaken for the sake of absolving mankinds' sinfulness good.
maybe not that good,
but, so close-
and i attribute it to that cinnamon-almond creamchee' frosting.
i do.
it's so light, and that kiss of cinnamon is how i identified it,
before the almond essence really revealed the truth to me.
there's no denying it, not even once, let alone three times....
good frosting is the make or break.
(we made it)
and naturally, because too much is the right amount,
i had to kick it up to eleven,
and surround the surface with a surfeit of almond and berry sprankles.
wordimus prime.
it's icy outside.
super-slick, scary-slippery glare ice is coating everything
and it's a very unspringlike sheen that the scene is painting in clearwater danger..
i already slid across the hills of the woodsly goodness,
flailing away in a caroming slalom as soon as i stepped outside.
the good thing about getting up so early is there's nobody around to watch me catch wreck.
except crabtree.
and he loves it.
the closer to disaster i come, the harder he pushes me towards the precipice.
....he's like that.
inside and out,
the elements are conspiring to convince me of the not-so-goodness of today.
i refuse to allow that to be the case.
i've got cake,
i've got appointments,
i've got warrior poetry,
and i've got a full head of hot fire, thunder, and lightning-
the old,gods don't give a sh!t about today,
and i guess, in my own wotan-devil-doom kind of way,
i don't either.
it's all still really happening,
and if i don't die on the black ice surrounding me on all sides,
it'll be a good day indeed;
never quiet, never soft.....

Thursday, March 24


hey friends,
i got into some things last night.
like, a 450 degree F convection oven,
and a hot stone slab within it,
and some dope-A* dough,
and corn girts for rolling onto and off of and into and outta said hot box.
that's right, neighbors.
what's the best thing in the whole world?
you guessed it-

pee eye zee zee ayy!!!
i LOVE pizza.
it's my favorite.
if you're smart, it's probably your favorite, too.
yesterday, i had my semolina-laced, gluten-enhanced double-yeast-activated,
pinch-of-sugared, slightly-salted olive-oily flour and water freshness
really going hard all up in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
that's a thing.
tossed, rested, and fire the heck up with all the toppings.
that's the big action boomfire for all the boys and girls.
i was just two people,
and five pizzas,
in one evening.
shark-gluttony and overdoing all the options.
that's what the F* i'm all about.
too much is the right amount,
and the way we get it poppin',
the layers are incredible, and the flavors make the layers look bland.
let me holler at y'all about this truth we've found up in the hills-

potatoes, mandoline-sliced, for uniform cooking,
browned in oil, and lightly blanched in leftover seitan broth.
that's smart.
leeks, sauteed in olive oil until soft and brown on one side at least.
well, there's underchee', the cashew rinotta-be-kidding me hottness,
spread down first, and then a spoonful or two of crushed tomatoes,
and some daiya mozz'.
how as it?
it was exactly as amazing as you'd imagine.
and it only got more serious from there:

basil-parsley-almond pesto, with green onion and molto fried garlic, on top of that chee',
and thinly-spread blops of milky cashew cheese, fresh 'n' soft style,
to hold it down whe i added those vegan sausages,
browned up fresh from out of the steam-bath.
i fired a few caramelized red onions on there, just to freak it off,
and they helped, although it would've been elite even without 'em.
MORE is better, though.
rules is rules.
two pizzas might've be enough for some of y'all....
...and that makes me sad.
we kept the party going, and the oven crankin',
assembling at every two-minute warning on the clock.

broccoli and double chee' cheddar blend blops!
i got the cheddar,
despite never really liking it at all twenty years ago when i ate sh!t like that.
because my duder travis seems to freak out about it.
it's pretty good, and paiored with the broccoli, it feels homey, almost.
a few onions,
and a lot of grilled vegan roast, slightly spicy, very hearty, and molto expert.
from there i had to switch to a sourdough, since i'd used up all the quick jauns.
it didn't matter one bit, because pizza is always dope.
check it:

asparagus, seitan cubes, and baby tomatoes!.
i should mention that these babies are FAT...
as in, thick;
as in, stacked;
as in- chee', sauce, toppings, chee', and more toppings.
i like to really feel disgustingly full,
or it's like i've wasted my day making all this stuff.
no joke.
and last, but never least,
our signature pie.
the ampy-D'elight-deluxxxe:

brussels, tempeh bacon, and molto molto red and sweet caramelized onions.
the classic pizza night finale,
because we doo-doo that leafy sh!t.
taking pizza to eleven,
five times in a row;
after hours of plotting, planning, and preparing for the new new hottness,
it's always a good feeling to fill up on some tasty piping hot 'za.
we repped our pizza styles exxxtra-hard,
and we went exxxtra-heavy on the whole scene.
i put myself in a position where i could make everything especially delicious,
sorta like a damned champion.
...and then i did just that.
plan your work,
work your plan,
and be prepared to get exactly what you've worked for.
in this case,
it's a mountain of pizza,
which is just about the best reward there is.
i'm grateful for the time  i had to make it,
i'm grateful for my pizza-eating companion who shared it with me,
and i'm super psyched for the leftover pesto that's gonna get dominated tonight;
never quiet, never soft.....

don't F* with my mise!

mise en place, neighbors.
that's that sexy t.v. kitchen jauns.
you never see chefs cutting their own sh!t.
it's all chopped up and waiting for them.
all those little bowls, awaiting their pleasure-
because big timers don't prep.
that's for their lessers to facilitate.
but, for real though.
the thing is, i like chopping stuff up,
and i really like making stuff to eventually chop up,
and i really really like making all the stuff from scratch.
check the mise-en-place-type teleport:

and then, C'MON again!!
go ahead and try to tell me that a spread like that is't expert.
yeah, right.
if you can't hang out with the assembly line looking heck-xtra luscious,
you are an A*-hole, and you can't come over for dinner.
i got all my top-notch tippity toppings all in a row,
all seasoned and sauteed and steamed and everything.
i like when it's all ready already.
and honestly, when there's big action afoot,
it helps a whole lot to be right on it,
instead of just F*ing around like a freaking amateur.
that's no joke.
i'm about it,
and i'm not just 'bout it 'bout it,
i also enact all the pre-prep preparations, too.
seitan, vegan roast, vegan sausages, pesto, underchee', & secret chee'
were all created on the spot, in advance, but at the same time,
as i got my game face on, and my good stuff poppin'.
that, my friends, is how really really real food heads amp it up.
because too much is the right amount, always.
seriously, though,
take a look at some of what i had happening yesterday:

that's vegan roast.
fat red kidney beans, a quarter of a block of tofu, sage, thyme, smoked sea salt,
sweet paprika, black pepper, nootch, g.p.o.p., tapioca, bouillon, olive oil,
garbanzo flour, oatmeal, sauteed onions, whole cloves of fried garlic,
and all of that tied together with a cup of wheat gluten.
it's good.
it took longer than usual to bake, because it's fatter and wetter than average.
i dunno!
i just adapted to the circumstances as they reared up.
i do that.
and how about this wheat meat?

i sure love seitan!
there are some especially gross photos of this stuff,
and i can't help but wonder why folks'd take a snappy
of something that looked so terrible,
and more than that,
i wonder why wouldn't they take a shot
at making it look just a little less sh!tty in the first place?
i dunno.
i think mine looks like wet bread chicken breasts,
which, while not all that sexy, does't look like heaps of animal poop.
real talk.
and since we're already talking about poops,
these are the shape of sh!ts,
but i sincerely hope you'd never mistake them for it:

steamed wheat gluten and tofu and bean flour and tapioca;
a similar base to the initial roast, which is really just a fluffier, wetter seitan at heart-
these jammers have ALL the spices, (but for serious, they have all the spices)
and liquid smoke,
and parsley, and onions, and more onions,
and a ton of garlic,
and after rolling, foiling, and hot air activating,
they taste pretty damned amazing.
i whipped up that cashew, nootch, g.p.o.p., garlic olive oily tofu underchee',
and i thinned out a smaller portion with soymilk, and tapioca,
for a closer-to-melted-mozzerella dolloping chee'.
my food processor was working triple-double-exxxtra-duty overtime yesterday.
all so i could have a fresh-to-death spread laid out for my favorite night of the week!
not exactly.
my favorite night isn't anchored to a specific point on the calendar.
it's pizza night!!
a.k.a. the best night.
i eat a lot of pizza, and i make a lot of ingredients for it.
it's all really happening,
i'm always ready for it,
and that's all there is to it-
don't snack off my line, though, bro.
my mise isn't here for F*ing with;
never quiet, never soft....

Wednesday, March 23

wolves in the moonlight.

nighttimes are tough when the moon is full.
i'll toss and turn in the brightness until i'm up,
and crabtree will do the same, at all the alternating in between times,
until we're both up and at 'em in the woodsly goodness,
absorbing the silver-bulletin blue light beams that are bathing
every last inch of these mountains with lunatic rays,
and magnetizing our animal minds with blood iron and ancestral resurfacings.
i'm just sayin', we don't sleep much,
and when we do, it's fitful, fretful, and fraught with furious dreams-
what can i tell you, neighbors?
we're werewolfen at heart.
it helps that we at least get ourselves motivated to make moves throughout the evening,
so that the latest hours aren't without fuel for the midnight furnaces.
last night,
we made veggie burgers, amber and i,
while crabby turned himself inside out with primal angst.
we made 'em, and we ate 'em,
and i'll tell you what's more-
they were expert.
check the teleport:

scarlet runner beans, soaked, saturated,
and smooshed up with oats and garbanzo flour, flax seeds,
sauteed onions and garlic,
g.p.o.p., cayenne, smoked paprika, cilantro, parsley, sea salt, black pepper, and thyme.
that's what's UP.
and the fatty patties were perfectly firm,
and the edges got crispy while the inside stayed soft,
and that was just one of the big sexy elements that really activated our meal.
sandwiches are no joke around here.
we don't kid around when it's time to put delights between bread.
in fact,
lately, it's been homemade buns we're building off of.
word up.
semolina-enriched and high-gluten-activated double-yeasty buns, bro.
that's our thing.
it's one heck of a good thing, too.
i s'pose it's good that our triple-risen bun game is so tight,
because we definitely used cheater bacon in there instead of anything more complicated.
we did bake a few flats of underchee' for these 'guinis,
the firmness,
the bakey hottness,
the chee'-style cashew-tofu thick'uns!
because even bad bacon is better with a little chee'chee' lovin'.
that's a thing.
pickles made an appearance,
and then some slaw.
cabbage, watercress, scallions, and vegenaise, with a LOT of black pepper.
throw down some caramelized onions,
and that's what i'd call a 'guini deluxe.
i browned up some brussels on the side,
because i don't condone terrorism,
but i do sanction extreme ingestion at all times.
there may not be any sleep in these hills,
but there is a lot of productivity in it's absence.
today is sure to be much like every other day in that regard,
too much to do, not enough time to get much of it finished.
it's all really happening,
and it's all too much,
and that's just right;
never quiet, never soft.....

Tuesday, March 22

mexican monday

i mean,
because tacos are pretty mutha-flippin' expert,
and moreover,
the way we doo-doo 'em,
they give you options.
build your own, any way you like-
of course,
rules is rules,
so if you don't put every damned thing in there,
you might be an A*-hole;
at the very least,
you're kind of a mincey diaperbaby.
well, how could that be otherwise,
when too much is the right amount?!
...that's never less of anything, is it?
word up.
check the taco-type-teleport:

warm and bendy soft four tortillas,
a.k.a. the best ones,
ready and waiting for all those fillings to fire up some serious hottness
in our collective faces.
you like how i got the hot plate/cold plate jauns in effect?
i thought that was nice.
i don't dig on basic lettuce when there's upgrades around,
so we went with that peppery watercress mess;
i love that stuff. it's hearty and crawnchy and dope-
and scallion sprankled sweetie-sweet cherry tomatoes;
and red onions, diced up from what got left behind,
after the other other items all absorbed it's essence;
limes, for maxxximum juicy activation;
a necessary squirt of citrus to activate everything to eleven.
and my custom guacamole,
which honestly, keeps getting better and better.
that four pepper blending, and the double onion douse,
with twin citrus lemon/lime acid bathing betterments!!!
guac' rockin' beats are what we're bangin' out up here, kids.
real talk.
and on the hot side,
i have my buttery blarpity refried beans,
elevated with nootch, and g.p.o.p. and ho' sauce,
after an oniony saute, a chili pep talk, and finished with a punch of cilantro.
muy experte.
and then that rice?
the rice is kind of the best.
no, i mean it, for serious.
i got that really real new new in full effect last night-
coconut and red beans and onions, fried up in a generous dollop of coconut oil
and then kicked out like a jam or two with crushed garlic and minced red chilis,
to which water and lime zest infusion action were added ,
and after the absorption was completed,
i zested the sh!t out of it to the limits of lime-lit lusciousness,
and that's when i fired in a whole mess of cilantro to really spice it up!!!!!
you gotta believe i had it all going on at once.
and just when you might've imagined that there was
more than enough beans and garlic to go around?
i tuned up a triumph of tofu and even bigger greener onions an' that.
garlic and leeks, browned on one side, first,
to which small cubes of superduperfirm tofu were thrown into.
when that got it's sizzle sounding loud and hard,
we seasoned the pan with some serious flavors-
oregano, g.p.o.p., black pepper, toasted cumin, smoked paprika, smoked sea salt,
and turmeric to freak off a little color-change arrangement on the serving plates.
sound good?
it WAS!
did i fire up five folded flour jauns,
full to bursting with every single thing i just described?
i sure did.
i know what's up.
in fact,
as i was sitting with the pot of rice in front of me,
scoopling spatulas of sultry coconuttiness down my throat,.
i realized my great joyousness every day is through a gentle application of gluttony.
i just LOVE food.
i also love that ampy d doesn't F* around when it's taco time, either,
and she was doing her best to keep up.
she's kind of  a refried fiend, so that kept her occupied while i got grotesque
on the rest of it,
but still and all,
we took down a truckload of taco time triumphs,
and i'm very satisfied with our decision.
i'm grateful for good food,
better people,
tremendous quantities of the former,
the tremendous participation of the latter,
and the tremendous quality of both;
never quiet, never soft.....