Saturday, January 19

MARBLE!

neighbors,
i don't usually mess with marble cakey stuff.
i like it, i just don't ordinarily do it.
so, i done did it.
yeah.
and if i'm being honest?
it was almost expert.
almost.
like, soooo close.
there was just one thing missing,
and i bet i can remedy it next time, for sure.
that's the thing-
i can always improve on everything, so i'm never all the way satisfied-
BUT,
y'all would be a little dissatisfied with these, too.
i'll tell you what went wrong and how to make it right;
but first, check the teleport:

ALL THE MARBLES!
ha.
gluten-free chocolate and vanilla burly bars.
...they look good, for sure.
they needed a scoople of coconut ice cream, though, or the dry-guy texture
was detrimental to full-sized enjoyment.
awwwww, man.
the chocolate drizzles helped a little,
but there just wasn't enough moisture IN the crumb.
i blame myself,
since i didn't use a recipe, and i didn't use nearly enough different flours.
damn me for a fool, y'know?
guys,
whats the number one rule about gluten-free baking?
too much is the right amount.
yup.
for really real.
i was over here doing it wrong.
i won't make the same mistake twice.
i'll give you the recipe, and i'll note where i've amended the mix to make it better.
ok?
ok!
-
*
GF MARBLE BROWNIES!
-
preheat your oven to 375℉
-
grease a 9" x 12" brownie pan
-
in a medium saucepot, over medium-low heat, melt:
1 stick ( 8 T) vegan butter;
1 1/4 cups sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup unsweetened flake coconut;
1 cup + 3 T non-dairy milk.
-
into that warm wet pot, add:
1 cup bob's gf baking blend;
1/2 cup mama's gf almond blend *i didn't do this, and i should've*;
1/2 cup bob's 1:1 gf ap rice flour;
3 T tapioca flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/4 cup non-dairy yogurt * again, it needed this to hold more moisture in*;
-
stir it well, and spoon 2/3 into the greased pan.
add 3 T cocoa to the remainder, and blop it on top in an irregular pattern,
then gently drag a knife or spatula through both batters, to pull one into the other.
do NOT overdo it, or it'll just be a dark beige bummer.
you want distinct stripes of each.
that's key.
-
bake the tray for 30ish minutes,
and let it cool completely before turning it out onto a wire rack with paper underneath it,
to catch all the drips and drops of chocolate from the added awesomeness.
mmmmhmmmm.
i used raw cacao butter, raw cacao, vanilla, powdered sugar,
and non-dairy milk to make my drizz'.
i could've just melted choco-chips like a smarty, but i was determined to make it harder,
and not as good, i guess.
i sure showed myself how to complicate everything at once.
the ganache was good,
but those brownies were D R Y.
i see now what needed to happen, and i'll try again, and make it better,
and doo-doo that sh!t right before too long.
i gotta.
i totally hate not being a huge success.
besides, rules is rules,
and we don't end on a failure, man.
*
it's a snow day weekend.
that's weirdly exciting.
we thought this would be a banner weeked of big action at AMPERSAND TATTOO.
instead, it's bound to be a brutal blizzard.
tight.
i guess even when you imagine you're gonna be great,
in reality nature wins and she's just letting you have what's left over.
yikes.
i'll take what i can, and shovel the rest off of my walkway.
it's wintertime in the woodsly goodness, and that means that weather wants to ruin
everybody's good time.
that's fine.
a little ( or a LOT ) of snow is just what happens in the north.
there are worse things-
like my dangerous driveway,
or the even more dangerous one at the studio,
or the falling snow off of my roof-
but, all of that is outside, and i plan on being cozy in a sweater somewhere indoors,
at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress, or next to the heater at the shop,
but no matter what, i'm gonna enjoy it.
it's happening whether we're happy about it or not,
so pouting only makes it worse.
besides, ANYthing can happen,
and there's something sort of exciting about that no matter what;
never quiet, never soft.....

SMALLS!

so, i draw the same sh!t allll the time.
here's the thing-
i like the stuff i draw, and i really do feel like there's always room
for even MORE reimagining of the subject matter.
that's no joke.
so, i might make a million more darumas,
and another 'nother couple dozen mr. punch-back hunchbacks.
the stuff i like is the stuff i'm gonna draw,
from right now right up until somebody starts paying me to draw what they like.
i mean, it's my time, and i'm putting it where i want.
and lately, after or in-between appointments,
that's been to sit at the back drawing table at AMPERSAND TATTOO,
and make MORE art for the place.
seriously, it's a makey, arty, crafty, eclectic eccentric electric space,
and the more supercharged illustrations on the walls,
the more all of the pieces interlink and activate a pervasive persuasive creative aura.
that's a thing.
i'm not making massive murals, i'm making small art.
finished in short time,
in small spaces,
to make every inch of the place more expert.
check the teleport:

the DARUMA of the hot fire and lightning!
that's a 2" x 3" frame, neighbors.
it's not big, it's tiny.
but, i like that hair is wild as hell, and that he's got both eyes filled in.
if y'all don't eff with daruma, y'all are just plain ol' effin' up.
-
and then, because on snow days, ANYthing can happen,
i went backwards in time a bit,
and used the paper-cutout technique i love a LOT to make a mad mr. punch.
check it:

his head is separate from the rest.
i wasn't sure of what i was making until it was done.
then, i was psyched to see his swazzy weiner-chin and crazy eyes.
you can never have too many hunchbacked bushwhackin' jesters.
*
i had a little bit of time between my appointments.
it happens, and i don't mind it when it does.
there's always something to make, or read, or eat-
and you can't do that with bloody gloves on, or you're butt-nasty.
that ain't me, man, and it's not how we do it at the studio.
i'm just some guy who loves to cook food, draw pictures,
and make art wherever i find myself.
making the most of the minutes in front of me isn't easy, but it's necessary.
the official position of AMPERSAND TATTOO for 2019?
make tattooing fun again.
i didn't become a tattooer to be stressed out and sad all the time-
i could've sat in a cubicle, or worked on a road crew,
or done countless other bummery jobs....
but i was made to do tattoos. i'm built for it, i'm designed to live this life,
and a sore hand here or there,
or a slow month in the shoulder season of the woodsly goodness
isn't what's gonna derail the juggernaut of a wild ride i'm on,
and i'm destined to see it through to the finish line.
twenty ears of this sh!t, and i'm not about to poop out now.
it's all really happening, and it's what i DO.
making art, making moves, making the magic happen;
never quiet, never soft.....

Friday, January 18

TRIPLES!

red pears!!!
pecans!!!
blackberry jammie-jam!!!
that's a trio that'll turn heads,
and empower tastebuds with flavorful energy,
and activate your senses with sexxiness.
dudes,
the pastry crust game at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress has long been a
bastion of big action and flaky freshness.
as usual, i lived up to my own expectations, which were high,
and delivered a crust so crisssp i was forced to eat it all.
that's right.
mandatory mass-consumption.
shark-gluttonous feeding frenzy fury from the first bite.
why?
just look at it:

c'mon.
that's why!
two layers of red skin-on ripe pears, (like, two pears, sliced into discs)
with blackberry jam on the bottom, middle and top.
and pecans ready to roast...
and a soft dusting of cinnamon to turn it up!
after twenty minutes at 400℉, i hit it with a snowy show of powdered sugar,
and pout it back in for a few MORE minutes, to really catch that crispiness.
mmmmmm.
neighbors, the crust was incredible-
the pears all softened and stuck together with the candied jam,
and it all became one soft smooth filling, with that pecan activation
pumping up the volume and the glory to eleven.
heck yes.
and the crust?
man, it was exxxactly what i needed.
-
*
PASTRY CRUST!
-
in your food processor, pulse together:
8 T (1 stick vegan butter);
3 T vegan creamchee';
1 2/3 cups flour;
1/4 tsp salt;
3 T sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
2-4 T non-dairy milk, added between pulses,
until the whole mixture combines to a crumbly sticks-together-when-pressed dough.
uh-huh.
y'gotta wrap and rest it, too.
that's a thing.
at least one hour in the fridge, overnight is better.
really, if you think you might want pastry tomorrow, today's the day to make the dough.
planing ahead is hard when you never know what's to eat,
but if you've got the dough, you know it's gonna be baked and buttery and flaky,
and that's a start, for sure.
word.
-
i like braids, and i like little decorations, and i looooooove fruit and jam together,
so really, this was gonna be a hit with me no matter what.
the fact that it looked so pretty was a bonus.
(i'd still have eaten it if it was only mostly beautiful)
that's real.
making a morning somethin' is always the best way to get my day flowing.
i don't always bake a treat, but when i do,
i know that my day is already awesome,
so whatever else happens is just exxxtra-dope.
some people need more,
most people do less,
but i've got a sweet spot centered around my oven.
and my oven needs replacing!!!!!
no joke.
i think that ten years of heavy abuse has taken it's toll.
i said that last year, and it hasn't fixed itself.
i need a stove.
the whole point of what's really happening here at the house is that it's gonna be delicious.
otherwise, what the F* am i even doing?
stove shopping is in my future, it seems.
***********
i've got dude tats all day.
that's cool.
it's friday,
there's a big snowstorm coming at us,
and i could use some straight-ahead dude-zappers to pad my pockets
in the face of weather-related cancellations.
guys,
only pickuptrucktards come out to get patriotic tattoos in the snow.
what says freedom more than rear-wheel drivin' down a cliffsided ice mountain
to get a pack of smokes and a sick tat of a deer outline with a flag inside it?
ummm, yeah.
i don't know what it is about the north country,
and the high-hills people who populate it-
but the ones who love america the most?
mainly by virtue of having seen the least of it,
and none of anywhere else?
they LOVE driving trucks in the snow.
i'll be at work, ready to drop 13 stars on whoever needs 'em, don't get me wrong.
but here's the thing-
why is it so uniformly all the samesies who need that stuff?
military tattoos aside, because most of those are cooler, anyway,
the unincorporated beer-fire 2A workboot militias of the mountains are NOT
the embodiment of america spirit i personally would choose to represent us at the job fair,
y'know?
man, i'm not sayin'....i'm just sayin'.
we've got your america tattoos on every snow day from now until canada invades,
so don't think we aren't gonna be open,
because rules is rules, and tattoos don't stop for weather;
never quiet, never soft.....

SMALL ART...

a couple of pens,
a couple of marky markers,
a couple of tiny frames....
that's all you need, neighbors-
well,
all that, a few minutes, and an idea.
then you're really ready to make a bit of small art.
yup.
small art.
it's not elaborate, it's not super-refined, or very fine-
no matter how tight the pen tips may be.
yeah.
when the day takes you off in a direction you don't expect?
...make some small art!
it's like a warm-up for february.
february always needs a lot of art.
that's a thing.
so, in advance, a bit of makin' is in order.
check it:

a dirty bird!
nice.

a skullworm?!
sure.

a moosebear!!!!
yeah.
y'all don't know my life.
i'm out here at AMPERSAND TATTOO making the minutes matter more, man.
ha!
these are all only a couple of inches.
tight spaces, tiny places, and mini frames are what we have room for in-between
all the bigger art hanging all along the white wall of the studio.
it's pretty flippin' cool.
you might wanna come see;
never quiet, never soft.....

Wednesday, January 16

STIRRED UP!

is stir-fry lame?
too easy?
it's quick, and that's the truth,.
but is it not fancy enough?
too simplistic? 
i don't think so at all,
but then again,
the way i do it, it's a giant exxxtravaganza of good flavors for everyone.
....really.
hot, tangy, spicy, sweet- all the good things.
and i'll eve only eff with a color palette that coordinates.
i'm like that, and i like that-
check it out:
GINGER-SRIRACHA NOODLE MAGIC!
-
i had coconut oil and sesame seeds toasting up those fat chunks of tofu.
that's tasty, toasty fried 'fu fury for your face.
simultaneously,
i had a skillet with superheated sesame oil searing allllll the veggies.
a bed of shredded cabbage, topped with celery, red onion, 
purple carrot, a LOT of garlic,
a spoonful of fresh skin-on organic ginger slivers,
minced cilantro stems,
and a whole bunch of diced up broccolini stalks and florets.
yeah!
that's all the good stuff.
while that sizzled and sauteed,
i whipped up a SAUCE.
y'gotta have some-
i'm sayin', neighbors-
without sauce, your sh!t is bound to be b!tchsappy and weak.
and that's never invited to my dinner table.
-
*
SAUCE!
-
1 T tamari;
1 T rice vinegar;
2 T mae ploy;
1 T sriracha;
2 tsp lime juice;
6 shredded big basil leaves;
black pepper;
GPOP;
1 tsp crushed cilantro leaves-
uh-huh.
that's the good good stuff.
-
now, i confess, i used thiccc udon noods.
i had 'em, i wanted 'em, i'm NOT sorry for it-
but if i'd needed to go gluten-free, i could've, 
and maybe should've, used rice noodles instead.
no worries, tho-
i had a half a cup of hot water, a bag of ready-to-go fatties,
a scoop of that sauce, and a hard squeeze of exxxtra sriracha, too.
yes.
too much is the right amount, man.
believe it.
i added all the rest of the sauce to the veggies, lidded it, 
and gave it a lil bitty baby minute to activate.
meanwhile,
the water was absorbed into the udons,
and the udons got added to the veggies, and all of it made it's way to my plate-
where pea shoots, AND scallions, AND cilantro, AND jalapeno, AND limes
all turned it up to eleven.
and then i got hella expert 
and slid half an AVO-F*ING-CADO all up on there too.
woooooooooooooord.
y'all ain't ready.
that's molto molto  massively magnificent.
real talk.
all that flavor had my nose a little runny!
that's a sure sign that it's good af.
*
i wasn't even gonna have dinner.
seriously, i overdid it allllll effing day.
i started off by making sure i had a burly BIG brekkie,
then i got surprised, and i had half an all-sauce-only sicilian pizza with dylan.
i dipped out of work a half an hour early, went to the grocery store,
and then i came home ready to relax,
but after only ten minutes, i had three burners going on the stove,
and buried my face in alll the noods.
it's a compulsion, it seems.
i slept like a boulder afterwards, and rested more than i've had in an age.
maybe MORE food is the right answer?
i'll do it again today, and find out;
never quiet, never soft.....

BIG TIME!

the potatoes were BIG.
the tofu was BIG.
the breakfast was BIG.
but the waffles? those were mini.
aww.
dudes, check the teleport:

BREKZ IN EFFECT!
oatmeal waffles are expert.
skin-on homeboi fries are expert.
tofu is F*ing super-expert.
and vegetables are all i even care about, neighbors.
y'boi is out here making sure mornings are nutritious af,
twice as filling,
three times as sexxxy,
and quadruple the hottness that a bowl of cereal ever could be.
that's word.
*
i had sourdough baking at 460℉
so i tossed in some oiled, pink salted and peppered fat red-skin-on wedges of potato
to roast in there with my loaves.
yeah.
wedgies, kids, for breakfast.
golden, but soft inside,
and tossed into a skillet with red onion and smoked hot paprika and GPOP?!
man, that's what you need.
but it ain't the boomfire 'til you activate some ho'sauce and scallion sprankles.
*
that tofu is the TRUTH, too.
fattie boombatie cubes of the stuff,
with red onion, spinach, broccoli, tomatoes, nootch, turmeric, GPOP,
a little paprika, a glug of olive oil, slat and pepper,
and cilantro spranks to keep it lookin' lovely.
dudes,
i toasted the heck out of that tofu.
exxxtra-firm exxxtra-sexxxiness,
with vegetable berserker activation definitely did me right.
too much is the right amount,
and those oversized overloaded scrambloxxx was just that.
*
i loooooooove waffles.
mmhmm.
i do.
and these waffles were especially lovable.
f'real.
-
*
OATMEAL WAFFLES!
-
warm up your waffle iron, big, small, square, round, whatever-
-
in a big bowl, combine:
1 cup flour;
1/4 tsp salt;
2 T sugar;
1/2 cup whole rolled oats;
2 T dried small-flake unsweetened coconut;
1 tsp ea baking powder and soda.
stir that together, and add:
2 T unsweetened coconut yogurt;
3 T melted vegan butter;
1 cup non-dairy milk;
1 tsp vanilla.
stir it up, let it rest, then spoon it in and waffle it out, bro.
yeah!
the waffle iron does all the hardest parts.
-
you'll need real new hampshire maple syrup if you want the best  results.
i mean, i only use it, and it's always dope.
keep your corn syrup to yourself, and if you're IN vermont, i s'pose you can use that stuff,
but if you're anywhere else, don't be lame, and use the true live free or die sap.
-
powdered sugar? sure.
like, why not, right?!
a bit of dusty overloading is possibly good for you.
it won't hurt any, that's for sure.
hmmm?
oh, yeah, those are coconut sprankles on the waffles, too.
i want a big B, buddy, not just an ordinary large breakfast.
***********
starting the day with some active, invested, intentional edible excellence was a good idea.
it helped make the tattoo i had on the schedule much easier to create.
i mean it.
a comfortably full belly,
a sweet and savory combination of textures and tastes-
i was loaded up, and well-rounded and feeling rotund,
and definitely ready to rock some socks.
it's always a huge comfort to me to make good food,
and enjoy the process and the product.
that's my at-home purpose, i think.
i'm a cook, and i cook a LOT.
good food and good feelings and good art and good things for e'rybody.
it's all really happening in the middle of january;
never quiet, never soft.....

Tuesday, January 15

MR.PUNCH!

man, have i got a judy for you!
i had two of these cool frames,
and i had a little minute or two at the end of the day,
so i marky-markered up another 'nother little patron icon
to hang on the big art wall at AMPERSAND TATTOO.
yeah.
mr. punch, possessor of the swazziest voice,
the slappiest stick,
and the hunchiest back:

that's my dude.
if you know, you know.
and i know, neighbors.
i'm a little unimpressed with the photo quality, relative to the delicate nuances
that alcohol markers impart.
this  looks a little washed out on the screen at my house,
but maybe it's comin' in fresh and crisspy over at yours?
i dunno, even though i know, y'know?
uh-huh.
go find out about punch and judy.
they do some things;
never quiet, never soft.....

D'YA LIKE DAGS?

mama was an old b!tch, bro.
uh-huh.
like, literally both of those things,
but she was the most loved, so now she's the most tattooed.
check it:

dog people do dog people things,
and i'm here to help with that.
we have all the dog sympathy, empathy, and enthusiasm at AMPERSAND TATTOO.
that's a thing;
never quiet, never soft.....

Monday, January 14

PIIIIIIIIIIIIZZAAAAAAA!!

sprouted whole wheat pizza?
man, i dunno.
i tried a new thing, and it worked out great.
ok, that's not entirely true.
rather, i had not enough of my regular king arthur all purpose flour,
so i amended my recipe with other stuff to bulk it up.
does the brand loyalty to king arthur really matter?
you bet your A* it does.
if you're a new englander, and you like using good wheat to make better treats?
well, then you have to use the king, kiddo.
rules is rules.
that's a thing.
ANYway,
i wasn't trying to make my dough exxxtra hippied-out,
or especially upgraded in nutrients,
i just didn't wanna open up another 'nother big bag of what i was using,
so i tossed in some semolina, but there wasn't enough of that either;
so i went off course a bit, and veered into powerful whole wheat territory.
now lemme just say it: this sh!t was expert!!
yup.
crispy, crusty, flavorful fresh baked burliness is just what i needed.
check the teleport:

PEE EYE ZEE ZEE AYY!!!!
word up.
that's a triple vegan chee' super-deluxxxurious dopeness disc for sure.
what a crust!
what a cheesy pull it possesses!
what a furiously ferocious freshness it embodies!
hey, yo, on the ones? this is the stuff that reaffirms my belief in
turbo-intense active participation and warrior poetry in practice.
i mean it.
homemade hottness is always gonna make me feel better.
definitely.
so, what's the all-star line-up on this lovely circle of saucy supremacy?
i'll give it you:
fire-roasted crushed tomatoes for the sauce.
that's slightly chunkier than my normal everyday tuttorosso crushies,
but so worth it for the added rich depth that the fire-kisses impart.
for sure.
that's laid out over a bed of baby spinach.
leafy greens are great on pizza, and anybody who says otherwise is an A*-hole.
raw red onions?
don't mind if i do.
they're sharp, but a 480℉ oven, with convection circulation
takes them down a peg, and lets their flavor shine through,
but not so much of their death-breath savagery fumes out
from your facehole after a hot bake, y'feel me?
neighbors,
there are three vegan chee's on there.
-
minced daiya mozz.
that's the only way to do it.
if you don't mmice it, don't even bother, because your usage is flawed
and therefore your end results will be too.
f'realsies.
-
grated miyoko mozz.
that stuff is soooo good, and super melty, and really tasty.
-
and do you see those margherite-style mountains of chee'?
that's my own personal tapioca-tofu greatness in F*ing full effect.
yup.
here's that recipe.
that's the stuff.
*
and how about those smoky chick peas?
mmmm.
GPOP and hot smoked paprika and olive oil and garbanzos,
all fried up together for some meaty magnificence rolling all over the top.
-
and fried garlic sprankles, obviously.
y'can't have a Folk Life & Liberty Fortress pizza without 'em.
it's just not allowed.
-
when it came out of the oven, i had to hit it up with a lil parsley;
just a teentsy tiny little baby bit, to pretty it up,
and then i activated it with level-eleven savory sexxxiness
by tearing a bunch of fresh basil over the top and laying it over the top.
word.
-
but, that crust though.
holy crap, guys.
i was very pleasantly surprised.
-
*
WEIRD-O'DOUGH!
-
in your vital upright stand-mixer, complete with dough hook,
knead all together:
1 pkg fast yeast;
1 pkg regular yeast;
1/3 cup sprouted whole wheat flour;
1 1/2 cups ap flour;
2 tsp sea salt;
2 T olive oil;
1/4 cup semolina flour;
1 cup very warm water.
knead it for eleven minutes on mediumish speed-
add more flour if it's tooooo wet, but you'll want a wetter,. stickier dough for this-
over time, in the fridge, while it proofs, that whole wheat will absorb way more water
than regular flour, and the extra yeast will thank you for the hydration, too.
i gave it 12 hours to get ready, and the oven was hot as hell when i stretched my dough, bro.
uh-huh.
i still use an oiled, seasoned steel baking sheet, from who knows when or where,
to make my pizzas on.
i love it.
i wet my hands to handle the dough, and gave it a really even and thorough stretch,
and baked it with one turn in the oven,
and then another few minutes directly on the stones....
pizza is my numero-uno,
and this one was a trophy piece, no doubt about it.
i love it when i have a good reason to keep my oven on,
and warm up this drafty old expensive, expansive manse, man.
***********
sunday was a little bit of alright.
i had tattoos,
i had pizza,
i had time alone with breezy,
and she came through to AMPERSAND TATTOO
looking goooooooood, too.
that's always invited.
like, if you say you got a tasty mountain mama,
but then she walks in lookin' hella haggard?
that's fine.
c'mon, dudes, don't be shallow-
ladies,
we respect all y'all, and you don't need to paint yourself up to be valuable.
but, when the looks are flowin' fast and free?
man, you already know.
i appreciate it, and it lends credibility to my taste in what's good.
that's f'real.
so i had pizza, and my tired oven took it's damned time getting hot enough,
and she had a gluten-free mixed medley of stuff i had,
but she was already more than hot enough, so that sped things up a lot.
ha!
spanning time, and being together, and enjoying each other-
sometimes, that's what we need;
never quiet, never soft.....

Sunday, January 13

WARM UP!

man, i'm gettin' pretty good at flavorful, soulful, sexy soups-
and without gluten, which means no shortcuts,
and weirder 'ronis,
and more vegetables to turn the flavor up to eleven.
yeah.
i will be an expert vegan gluten-free personal chef to my people.
i'm not saying that i'm gonna start turning people to a new way of life,
but on my watch, they'll be eating better than any other time in their lives.
that's my homecooked fresh-baked purpose.
to nourish so we flourish.
at least, in the kitchen. and maybe the bedroom.
hey, now!!  take it easy, i'm just sayin'.
ANYway,
i got home, dead on my feet, barely capable of keeping my eyes open,
and unsure if i was gonna have dinner companions-
( i did not, but it's good to play it safe,
and be a gracious host if circumstances demand it)
so i made an elite semi-minestrone italian warm-up soup.
yes i did, and it's 100% vegan, as always, and 100% gluten-free by design.
those're my moves, man.
check the teleport:

badaBOOM!
rice pasta? it's good if you overcook it.
haha.
f'really realsies tho, otherwise it's a bit gritty.
but, separately soaked and added to the soup postscript?
tight af, neighbors.
yep.
the soup itself was sorta simple-
-
*
MINI-STRONES!
-
in a small pan, caramelize half of one chopped sweet onion;
that's a pinch of pink salt, a dollop of oil, highish heat, and time.
when the onions brown a bit, add a can of drained stewed tomatoes,
and let those cook right up for ten minutes.
mash 'em up so they aren't big chunks.
it'll be better later in the soup if there's more in each bite, y'feel me?
word.
also, reserve the liquid for your soup, bruh.
don't go wastin' tasty juice, that's lame.
-
in a two-quart pot, with a drop of olive oil and a pat of vegan butter,
saute:
1 cup chopped cabbage;
1/2 small sweet onion;
1 carrot, sliced;
1 stalk of celery, sliced;
2 cloves chopped garlic;
1 red skin-on cubed potato;
1 cup baby grape tomatoes;
pink salt, black pepper;
heavy shakes of GPOP;
a punch of nootch.
sizzle that until it gets sorta soft, and the edges get a lil brown-
add the tomato liquid;
1 T red wine vinegar;
1 T tamari;
3 cups warm water;
1 cup drained and rinsed chick peas;
dried basil , oregano, and thyme to taste-
add more salt, if necessary (don't make it bland, buddy, you'll only disappoint yourself)
-
get it up to a hard boil, keep it there for two minutes, turn it down to medium-low,
and add the carmies and 'matoes.
y'ever seen soup?
it should look like that-
y'know?
thicker, richer, colorful, etc.
i added two cups of baby spinach,
and three big hand-torn leaves of basil,
and stirred them until they were bright af, but soft, too.
mmmmmmmmmmmmm.
-
you see the boomfore hottness that i ended up with.
it's F*ing great.
and filling.
and WARM.
and that helped with the arctic awfulness of a dark, dim, forlorn and forsaken evening.
i like that.
a LOT.
hearty stuff is where it's at when there aren't any degrees being recorded
as the temperature.
i had three bowls.
i didn't notice the absence of gluten.
i did notice that i was comfortably full.
that's a victory, for sure.
***********
crabtree haaaaates walking in the very very cold weather.
however,
he also hates being calm and collected without a vent for all his hyperactive energy.
and i'm not trying to endure a doo-doo buttery ball of fireball fury,
running and chewing and generally making a nuisance of himself,
all because his paws are cold outside, and he'd rather stay indoors.
sorry, buddy, but we're trekking through air so cold it hurts to inhale.
he's got a little coat, and it matches mine, and that's cute for sure.
so we look good while we suffer,
and sometimes, that's the best you're gonna get;
never quiet, never soft.....

ALWAYS CAKE...

i'm a cake guy, it seems.
i mean, 
i NEVER think about cake at a bakery 
(i also almost never go to bakeries)
and i NEVER order cake at a restaurant for dessert 
(vegan hottness is rare in these parts)
but i sure do love to eat some cake when i'm home,
or at work,
and to do that, i've gotta make it, and when i'm making it these days,
i'm trying to create some expert gluten-free freshness for my face.
yeah.
yesterday, 
in anticipation of some more time with my celiac maniac,
i fired up a lil cakey goodness, in a ring  ...or halo, even, of wheatless wonder.
mmmm.
check the teleport:
YEAH!
it's regular crumb vegan cake,
but with TWO kinds of drizzle decadence on top.
one's double dark chocolate,
and the other is COFFEE!!!
that makes mocha, neighbors, and mocha is F*ing delicious.
i couldn't decide if the picture was overly buttholey,
so i also took a chunk out, (to eat) and maybe make it a little less like a crinkler.
teleport:
right? that's less bum-bum, and more sweetness.
i have a few bundt pans, and i use them occasionally, as a treat for my treats-
i admit i'm kind of a boring purist about cake shape, 
and circles are my favorite forever.
so, a no-middle circle counts, kinda, 
even with the bundty bumps that make it more suitable for drizzly decoration.
and the drizzle really is what activated the excellence in this one, friends.
f'real.
the cake itself is good.
like, surprisingly so, given my initial failures last summer using similar techniques.
turns out, if you use just one flour, or prepacked blend of flour,
you are fully F*ing up.
uh-huh.
the best thing about gluten free baking?
too much is always the only right amount.
and that's no joke.
i had four different packages opened in order to make this work,
and it worked, and it's great, and i had three slices before the day was done.
what can you do?
you can follow the recipe and make one for yourself!
-
*
GF BUNDT!
-
preheat your oven to 360℉
-
grease up your non-stick bundt pan 
-
in a medium-sized mixing bowl, cream together:
8 T (1 stick) vegan butter;
2 tsp vanilla;
1 cup organic sugar.
stir in:
1/2 cup vanilla non-dairy yogurt.
mix well, then add:
1 cup bob's gf ap baking blend (bean-based) flour;
1 cup bob's gf 1:1 rice-based flour;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
1/3 cup gf oat flour;
1/4 cup tapioca starch;
1 1/4 cup non-dairy milk.
stir well, and thoroughly, and spoon the batter evenly into the ring pan, man.
bake it for 35 minutes, or until the center is solid and a cake tester comes out clean-
let it cool five minutes, then turn it over and out onto a wire rack to finish chilling out.
-
transfer your cake to wax paper (or put your wire rack over the sink?)
and hit it with the double drizzle-
i had leftover chocolate ganache, which i re-melted, 
and dripped over the golden exterior of this bad baby 
in strips and stripes and stripes and strips,
and then i whipped up some coffe-style icing to activate the exxxtra expertism.
yeah.
3/4 cup powdered sugar;
4 tsp powdered instant decaf coffee;
1/2 tsp vanilla;
1-2 tsp non-dairy milk to liquefy the sugar-
y'all dunno how dope this is until you do it, so do it, and bask in the mocha majesty.
that's real.
***********
it's so cold nobody is outside.
it's so cold the whole town is basically hibernating.
it's so cold that my ears want to snap off.
it's so cold that indoors, too close to a window, i'm still so cold, 
even with the heat way up.
i'm gonna need more cake to bulk up and bear this brutality, bro.
it's all week long, according to the current weather reports,
and that's a lot of subzero stinging to suffer through.
the woodsly goodness does this every year, so that's not a surprise-
but, that doesn't mean it's a welcome circumstance, regardless.
i've got on all the layers, and i'm dreaming of wearing a mountain of blankets while i tattoo.
instead, we're all gonna be chilly, and that's just what we're gonna do.
it's all really happening, and while the cake helps, when there isn't one baking, 
the house is still that much colder, and my purple-tinged fingers aren't having it;
frosty icicles for digits?
it's not ideal for typing. i am finding that out right now;
never quiet, never soft.....