Wednesday, July 17

TACO TUESDAY!

soft flour, bruh.
those are the ones.
five?
for sure.
don't mind if i do.
i had the pico on deck-
that's a cup of chopped sweet tomatoes,
a half cup of diced red onion,
a punch of chopped cilantro,
salt, pepper, lime juice, and minced jalapeno.
that's expert.
i had the escabeche, too.
obvi.
cider vinegar covering a batch of chopped carrots, radish, and garlic,
with a spoonful of raw sugar and a splash of pink salt.
that's expert, too.
i fired up an avocado, just because.
i love that greenish thing so much, man.
it's expert.
those soft flour jauns are really what's up.
i love a good soft taco, as you all already know,
but i'm gonna say it again, and again, and again.
i repeat myself...a lot... and i don't even give a single sh!t about it.
ANYway,
this is what's up:

TACOOOOOOOOOOOS!!
that's half a block of tempeh,
a quarter of a red onion,
a half a cup of mixed hot and sweet pepper,
half a can of red beans,
salt, pepper, GPOP, cumin, smoked paprika, cayenne, guajillo, oregano,
fresh cilantro, a couple fo handfuls of baby spinach,
a squeeze of lime, a dash of salt, a shake or three of black pepper,
a shake of ho'sauce, a drizzle of tamari,
and 1/3 cup of water to fuse it all into one fresh batch of chili-ish taco crumble filling.
THAT'S the thing, neighbors.
good ol' blarpity blops of heavy duty manliness....
word up.
i mean, it's good right?
look:

YEP!
allllll the tacos.
too much is the right amount.
maybe even the only amount.
i know i'm not explaining how to make anything,
but i'm pretty sure the four people i know who can cook
already know how to make this stuff....
and everybody else is imaginary, so i'm not sweating that, either.
ha.
it's fine, buddy.
i still ate these tacos to fill up my feelings with something like fullness.
uh-huh.
that's it;
never quiet, never soft.....

SCONE ZONE!

yeah, i'll eat a scone.
i miss 'em when i go to long without 'em....
it's been a minute since i last got into the scone zone,
so it's only natural that i went hard on some tasty tasty jauns.
that's real.
i went all in, and i was not disappointed.
check it out:

SCOOOOOOONES!!
strawberry chocolate chip coconut magic.
you really gotta have 'em.
i mean, f'real.
if you don't chill the dough, you're a jerk.
that's how you make them do the right thing.
i'm serious.
there's plenty of fat in there, and if you let it warm up,
they aren't flaky.
and the flakiness is essential.
i have raw sugar sprankles on top for that exxxtra-exxxtra.
too much is the right amount.
and exxxtra sugar all over the top is wild as hell.
here's all y'gotta do:
-
*
SCONEZ!
-
preheat your oven to 400℉
-
2 1/2 cups flour;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
3 T tapioca;
1/3 cup raw sugar;
1 stick + 2 T vegan butter...ice cold;
2 T vegan cream chee';
cut the fat into the flour, coarsely, then add:
1 1/2 oz freeze dried strawberries, slightly crushed;
1/2 cup mini vegan chocolate chips;
1/3 cup flaky unsweetened coconut;
-
add in 1/2 cup unsweetened coconut yogurt;
1/4 cup vanilla-coconut milk;
1 tsp vanilla...
stir until it gets a little sticky,
then fold, and turn and fold, and turn and fold,
and turn and fold...do that at least sixteen times.
it's heroic.
and that's it.
put it in the fridge, and let it cool out for twenty minutes-
press it down to about 1" thick,
add the sprankles across the top,
and just cut it into triangles, and arrange 'em on a tray, evenly spaced,
and bake them for twenty minutes.
dudes,
that's it.
they're ready.
you win.
the scones are gonna get eaten and your whole life is gonna get better.
simple as that.
all the best textures, all the big flavors,
all the things that you want are all right there.
so good.
*
i want all the treats, but 43 is not a good age to overtreat yourself.
i gotta take it easy, but i definitely don't want to.
so i only had, like six of 'em.
hahaha.
yeah.
moderation is my middle name;
never quiet, never soft.....

BUILDING BLOXXX

hey,
cookies are good for you.
is that real?
i'm not sure.
these cookies are good, though. i know that's true.
look:

YUP!
rock bloxxx are all i ever need to feel okay.
and i needed to feel better, so i baked up a big batch of sweet circular sexxxiness.
f'real.
neighbors, there's no reason not to bake cookies.
they do good stuff to your insides and especially your brain.
that's inside your skull, and that's where the cookie activation hits hardest.
you want some of this hot ferocious sugary medicine for your face?
aight.
here's the recipe:
-
*
COOKIETIME!
-
preheat your oven to 375℉
-
in a mixin' bowl, with a pasty cutter, cream up:
1 stick vegan butter ( 8 T );
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
1/2 cup brown sugar;
1 cup sugar.
add in, and stir up:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce;
2 T agave;
mix well, then add:
2 1/2 cups king arthur flour;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 tsp baking powder;
1 cup mini vegan chocolate chips;
1/3 cup ground unsweetened coconut;
1/2 cup fresh ground oat flour.
yuuuuup.
mash all that together, and roll up some 2" balls
and arrange 'em on a baking tray or two or three.
bake 'em for 13 minutes, and get yourself in the mindset that can fully experience
the crisp-edged soft-centered superfly fresh-to-death dopeness that is a rock block.
word up.
they're just cookies, but they're also so much more.
and there's a lot of 'em, or there were anyway.
we demolished the whole heap.
that's what we do, dudes.
we eat allllll the cookies.
rules is rules.
....cookies, man. all of them.
just make 'em.
then chow down.
it's good for you, probably.
i know they make me happier.
maybe that's universal?
try it.
let's find out;
never quiet, never soft.....

EVERYTHING

work, connecticut, home,
work, sleepover, birthday party, work,
birthdays, work, and now, a bike on a trainer in the living room.
wait.
what now?
i've been busy as heck, and racing around new england
spanning time with so many loved ones.
that's real.
i was in connecticut for maple's graduation party,
i was in concord for embry's trampoline party.
i had a car full of seven year olds,
i had crabtree with me just about all the time,
i worked every other minute in between these journeys.
it's summer.
in summer you do important things all day every day until you fall asleep.
and if you get up early enough, that's a long day every day.
i spent just about twenty hours in the car over the weekend.
i feel it.
plus, AMPERSAND TATTOO has me packed tight with appointments
so when i'm not home, i'm going full steam ahead until dark.
if it's light out, i'm doing something.
for example, after leaving connecticut at 6:30 a.m.
and arriving in new hampshire at 11,
but before my big tattoo appointment at 1pm,
i ate 24 silver dollar pancakes on sunday.
i did.
why?
because i make questionable decisions, neighbors.
twenty four is too many.
which would've been great, except i also had vanilla coconut non-dairy ice cream,
and coconut whipped cream,
and real new hampshire maple syrup.
yup.
too much is the right amount, man.
look:

a stack of 3-4" pannieflappin' jacks.
just mounded mountains of coconut and oats and pat after pat of vegan butter.
yup.
i overloaded my whole face and body with these delicious bad boys,
then went to work,
then took my fiery female companion and alllll those kids out for pizza.
uh-huh.
there's a lot of pressure on food these days.
i dunno.
this is really just a catch-up post.
where've i been?
everywhere and nowhere,
and not nearly asleep enough to wake up refreshed.
but, pancakes help for sure;
never quiet, never soft.....

Friday, July 12

SUMMER PASTA!!

spinach powder?
yuuuuuuup!
that's a thing.
you know what it does?
it makes your pasta green.
and you know what that does?
not a lot, but it's pretty.
dudes, i made a ton of thick pasta ribbons for supper.
too much is the right amount, y'feel me?
and i added all the exxxtra actual spinach hottness to make it even MORE.
yeah.
look:

rainy summer nights aren't gonna stop my bright feelings, neighbors.
i got the big action poppin' right away-
dry-fried charred-up baby bella mushrooms.
pink salted and sizzled with just a little olive oil.
wilted baby spinach.
blistered and blackened baby plumbo tomato magic.
fried sliced garlic.
freshy-fresh garden-plucked basil.
crushed red pepper flakes.
guys-
that's seriously a miracle combo.
with a splash of that exxxtra-virgin oil jauns to lube 'em up.
-
and that pasta?
expert.
how am i doing it these days?
like this:
1 cup king arthur flour;
2/3 cups semolina flour;
1 tsp sea salt;
2 T olive oil;
1/2 tsp wheat gluten;
1/3 cup hot water;
2 tsp spinach powder.
i also added a little black pepper, because i'm a spicy fella, folks.
i kneaded the livin' heck out of that dough ball, rested it for over ten minutes,
and rolled it out and floured it up and then rolled up the rectangle into a tube,
slivered it at quarter inch intervals, and unrolled the strands,
to boil up in a pot of salty water-
it only takes a few minutes to cook up fresh pasta....
and the results are really elite.
*
whatever, man.
pasta is great.
i love carbs. i love mushrooms. i love basil. i love overeating.
i had all the things at once.
i also had a weird day that required eating all my feelings.
so i did.
breezy made a montage of a great number of magic moments,
and it punched me right in the heartpump.
it's great.
it's romantic.
it's sentimental.
it's beautiful.
and the only way to feel that much and survive?
more pasta to soak up the emotions, y'feel me?
yeah.
i have a lotta feelings, and she turns them up to eleven.
there's a lotta people in this world,
but there's only one who is really honed in on my world.
and she rocks my world like tectonic plate abrasion;
never quiet, never soft.....

GRILL-UPS!!

yeah!!
i get so righteous with the grill.
like, i'm almost kind of manly when it comes to raw fire and food.
right?
i mean, there's real chopped up wood burning over lump wood charcoal-
my grill is pretty serious, btw.
it's got an adjustable steel tray that raises or lowers to vary the heat and the flame-
i mean, it's not motorized or anything, but it's pretty frickin' dope.
ANYway, grillin' isn't normally a vegan's most favorite-
but vegan grilled pizza is for real the TRUTH.
that's no joke.
y'need that thick dough with that heavy-duty gluten
or else you get a sloppy, floppy burnt bummer.
but when you get it right, and you toast it a little baby bit on BOTH sides
for structure, before you top it with all your stuff...
that's miraculous.
look:

C'MONNNNN!!!!
fresh basil is a must.
and homemade cashew chee' turns it up.
the caramelized onion game around here is so good it almost feels like
having pizza without 'em would just be stoopid.
and we're not stoopid, bro.
nope.
we're hungry.
we got rosemary from the garden on there, and sliced fried garlic sprankles.
look, if you aren't about a simple maxxx-margherite pizza, that's fine-
but you're a diaper baby, and i hope you can live with that.
ha!
maybe you need some grilled broccolini?
i got you, kiddo:

WORD!
s'basically the same pizza, but with those skinny pseudo-brox on top
instead of the herbs.
they're both really dang good.
the dough?
it's got this in it:
2 cups of king arthur flour;
1 cup king arthur bread flour;
2 tsp sea salt;
2 T olive oil;
1 pkg fast actin' yeast;
1 cup warm water;
1 tsp wheat gluten;
1 tsp sugar.
kneaded up and tight af.
i use my mixer with the hook, and i beat it up for 11 minutes.
-
the cashew chee' is expert.
that's the big action.
1 cup of raw cashews;
1 cup of boiling water;
2 T lemon juice;
1/4 tsp sea salt;
3 T tapioca flour;
1/4 tsp GPOP.
i have that superhighpower smoothie blender thingy,
and i give it a minute of magic, and then transfer the mix to a small pot-
stirred on high heat until it's all hella thick.
dudes, that's the stuff...
on grilled pizza???? man, believe it-
even minced daiya can't compete-
the heat doesn't work the same on a grill as in an oven so the melt factor isn't the same-
but soft sexy cashew magic is exxxactly what you need...
*
as far as summer goes, grilled pizza is the 2019 all-star MVP.
that's what's up.
two pizzas in one night-
smoky, crisssspy crust.
crushed tomatoes are really terrific.
y'don't gotta go wild as hell, bruh-
but you DO have to make at least one of these...
you will make more if you do it right;
never quiet, never soft.....

Wednesday, July 10

GIRLS WITH SKULLS!

if you're a girl, and you get a skull tattoo,
you're probably just a little bit cooler than you were a second ago,
or maybe you're a supervillain,
or maybe you wish you were a dude on a motorcycle.
i dunno.
however, when i'm at AMPERSAND TATTOO,
skulls are my favorite and most bestest thing to tattoo.
so i don't really care why you're gettin' those headbones on your skin-
just keep doing it.
this one has a snake on it:

semi-stenciled and totally just made-up scales on that markered-on cobra.
all i'm sayin' is:
get more skulls.
and maybe get me a better camera.
jesus, i haven't accurately documented a tattoo in years.
but you get the idea-
skulls- cool.
snakes- medium cool.
leaves- very cool.
MORE........please;
never quiet, never soft.....

SOFTER!

slightly smaller soft flour tacos?
that means MORE tacos, really,
with less concern about being a grotesque glutton.
not that i'm really concerned about shark gluttony,
but i do like to delude myself into feeling like maybe i'm a responsible adult,
instead of an overreacting, overeating, overreaching greedy-boi,
overdoing all the things all the time.
then again, too much is the right amount,
and i might wanna just embrace the face-stuffing feeding frenzy that comes
from munchin' up another 'nother taco or two.
yeah.
i think that's a good idea.
check the teleport:

SOFTIES FOR LIIIIFFFEEEE!!!
damn, i appreciate these flour flaps so much more after those crap shrapnel crunchy ones.
f'real.
and that carrot escabeche?

WORDIMUS PRIME!
that's a purple carrot, cider vinegar, raw sugar and pink salt,
bubbled up on the stove to saturate and soften those slices 
so that they slide into a taco and turn it up to eleven.
i mean, a pinch here and there, and you're in business.
i love that stuff a whole lot.
-
and there's avocado, because avocado is expert.
and pickled jalapenos for sharp tangy heat.
and cilantro to freshen it up.
AND red onion sprankles because they're kyoot.
and lettuce? heck yes, lettuce.
dudes, i got that rice on there.
i know, right?
i'm a starchy fella.
cilantro and lime and lime zest and jasmine rice.
i like a tasty rice scenario. i'm good like that.
-
and the main event on these bad babies is veggie crumbles and black beans-
it's like taco "meat" except not dead bodies.
and that's better by a mile.

YUMMMMM!
a cuppa chopped tomatoes,
a quarter cup of chiopped red onions,
3 T cilantro stems and leaves;
1/2 jalapeno;
1/4 cup minced sweet peppers;
1/2 cup black beans;
1/2 cup veggie crumbles;
plus, GPOP, cumin, coriander, smoked paprika, oregano, cayenne,
black pepper and pink salt.....
y'just simmer the heck outta it, and that's so simple
i really don't even think it counts as cooking although it definitely counts as delicious.
i mean,
six tacos, even smallies, isn't nuthin'.
especially when they're full of stuff, which is smart-
if only because they're SO much better when they're FAT.
mmmm.
just eat a lot of vegan tacos and you will absolutely be a better person.
that's a fact although i've got zero documentation of the stats that may prove it.
i've got NO ideas for dinner tonight, though.
i'm all taco'd out.
there's always pizza, but i mean, c'mon.
we get it- pizza is the best.
honestly, by the time i get home i wanna eat right away
and then be done with everything and take it easy.
i'm tired.
i must be getting old.
or possibly too full.
i'm not sure.
i just know that i have no enthusiasm to go shopping or do dishes,
and there's only so much i can make with what i have on hand.
it might be get-creative day at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
ok, ok, EVERY day is already-
but this might apply to dinner specifically;
never quiet, never soft.....

STRAWBERRY TART!

gluten-free vegan strawberry birthday tart!
yeah.
y'gotta have a treat on your birthday.
rules is rules.
you're fully activated with birthday magic when there's a sweet treat,
and candles,
and frosting.
the kids liked it.
i liked it.
we sang the song and breezy made a wish,
and everybody was happy.
we ate it up. we licked our lips. we had a second slice.
that's it.
check the teleport:

STRAWBERRY!!
...and chocolate!
that's a delicious, and some might even say romantic combination.
how do you make something like this?
well, you'll need a tall-sided fluted tart pan, man.
at least, you will if you want the scalloped edges.
and then you just do this:
-

TART'N BERFDAYBERRY TREAT!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
in your food processor, combine:
1 cup bob's all-purpose gf flour;
1/2 tsp salt;
1/4 cup sugar;
2 tsp vanilla;
1 stick vegan butter;
1/3 cup gf oats;
1/4 cup unsweetened coconut flakes;
1/4 cup bob's 1:1 gf flour;
1/2 cup mama's almond blend gf flour.
pulse it up,
and add in 1/4 cup non-dairy milk,
then give it a little choppy-chop until it forms a stickyish crumbly dough-
press it into that tart pan, and bake it for twenty minutes or so.
you get that crisp, thick, handsome crust when you do it right.
-
now,
in a 1 quart saucepot, on low heat, mix together:
16 oz. vegan creamchee';
1 tsp vanilla;
1 1/2 cups chopped frozen strawberries;
3 T tapioca;
1 T cornstarch;
1/4 cup non-dairy milk.
whisk all that up until it's uniform,
and turn the heat UP to set those starches.
neighbors, it gets thick as heck, and that's when you pour it into your crust.
mmmhmmmm.
i added cacao nibs.
i did.
i like 'em.
and when it cooled off? (that takes a bit, i refrigerated it to speed things up a bunch)
chocolate frosting, bruh!
AND powdered sugary sprankles.
that's what's up.
MORE flavors means MORE enjoyment.
tight.
*
i do love a berfday.
i do love a lady.
i do love when we all span a special moment together.
and i love a treat, for sure;
never quiet, never soft.....

Monday, July 8

TACOCERATOPS

crunchy tacos are a F*ing bummer, bro.
fallaparty shards of cornchipped shrapnel crap.
if you like 'em? shame on you.
they're NOT expert.
not at all.
and i'm not sorry for sayin' it, because that's a fact.
i tried again, and i was disappointed, again.
check it out:

everything was SO super-tasty .....except those busted-A* bummery shells.
and who is surprised by that?
look, if you can't eat wheat, eat SOFT corn jauns, man.
please.
these cracked-up crappers just don't rock my world.
i had radishes on there, for crunch.
and crisp pointy-leaf letuuce, because i feel like that's important.
and cilantro because i LOVE it.
and jalapeno rings, to heat things up just a little baby bit.
and red onion sprankles, because that's how you make 'em good, kids.
duh.
don't be dumb.
-
i had my nootch-boosted ho'saucy refried beans up in there.
that's 15 oz of refritas, plus 1 tsp coconut oil,
and 3 T chopped onion,
and 2 T nutritional yeast,
and 1 tsp ea Garlic Powder and Onion Powder,
and 2 T of my homeboy texas pete's ho'sauce.
they're fuego as F*, amigos. that's no joke.
a fattie-boombattie layer of those goes in first.
then the lettuce, then the black bean hash.
wait.
what?
oh, yeah.
i made that.
and it's elite.
-
*
BLACK BEAN HASH!
-
1 cup of black beans,
2 T chopped red onion;
1/2 cup rainbow bell peppers, minced;
1/2 jalapeno, diced;
1/2 cup quartered baby sweet grape tomatoes;
1/3 cup cilantro stems and leaves;
1 tsp coconut oil-
plus, 1/4 tsp black pepper;
1/2 tsp hot smoked paprika and oregano;
1/4 tsp cumin and corianderl
1/2 tsp chipotle pepper powder;
dash of cayenne.
-
^^^^ fry that up over high heat until the onions soften, and you're done.
*
you do the things.
you chop the vegetables.
you stir the pans.
and then just like *that* you've got what you wanted all along:

flavors all a-poppin',
textures mostly all good, too-
i'm sayin'- if these had been in gently toasted soft flour flaps?
they'd have been epic.
instead, inside these frag-grenade oven-crisp corn hazard folders,
they were deliciously less-than-eleven.
i still ate 'em up fast and furiously.
i even tuned-up the leftover bits that didn't fit inside the shells.
of course, three shells broke before i even put anything inside 'em,
so those became chips to scoople up all the exxxtras.
i'm not trying to waste anything over here except time.
and that's slipping past far too quickly.
a dog walk after dinner,
a little italian ice to soothe my sweet tooth,
and i was out cold in a blink.
this sunroom bedroom that breezy decided on is kind of doing the trick.
i'm up earlier, which isn't my favorite,
but four-thirty is a fine time for my first wake-up.
i go back to sleep these days, though.
i must be getting old.
ANYway, use soft tortillas.
that's the takeaway from this experience;
never quiet, never soft.....

BERFDAY!!!

breezy is thirty-three today!!
that's an eleven year, y'know?
and that means that the big action, and the big love,
and the huge heart exxxplosions of good feelings start right now,
and go on all frickin' year.
yup.
that's what that means, man, and rules is rules so we've gotta make it magical.
or else.
luckily, there's a whole year of swirling, unfurling whirlwind romance to be had.
we can pace ourselves.

i'm making a second sweet gluten-free treat for my tasty lady-
i do that.
and it's her berfday, bruh.
y'gotta have a treat on your berfday....or else.
we've had a wild year-
from simple chats with an old friend reconnected with,
to the first kisses,
to *¡surprise!* little baby lilli arriving with the surgical-strike quickness
of cupid's laser-guided arrow.
we've had the back and the forth of a hundred years,
and the lakes and the mountains,
and all the seasons,
and a big ol' blended familytime.
...i mean, daaaaaaaaamn, dudes.
 right?
that's a lot to undertake in such a short time,
but, when you've got an electromagnetic connection to another human being,
that current pulls you towards your superconductin' ironclad heart-partner.
there's no gettin' away from it.
and so, here we are, kids.
a couple of warrior poets celebrating the anniversary of her big debut.
i say happy freakin' berfday, and i mean it.
i'm happy about it.
i'm overjoyed about the person i span time with.
smart, and funny, and (too) strong, and opinionated,
and familiar and new and exciting,
and comforting and aggravating and all the things you'd expect from an
evenly-matched other-half plus all the turbo-mega-hottness that makes my head get dizzy.
i've only had the pleasure of one full year,
which comprises just two birthy days so far,
but i know there's more where that came from.
happy birthday to my favorite fiery raging stormswept pajama mama.
i've got heart eyes about it;
never quiet, never soft.....