Sunday, January 21

BLUEBERRY BARBARIAN!

i just put all the things in a bowl.
yup.
all the little bits that i want to eat- 
tossed up, and activated with a little melted butter,
and baked into a sort of cookie.
y'know?
i'm talking about some bar-bottoms, man.
for bars.
fudge-topped jauns, with all the flavors using teamwork to make the dream work.
dudes-
i like oats, i like peanut butter, i like coconut-
so what's the worst thing that could happen if you mixed them all up?
nothin'.
there is no worst thing,
because all those things are expert, together or separately.
in fact, 
only good things get invited to the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress test kitchen laboratory.
check the teleport:
BLUEBERRY WHITE CHOCOLATE, MF*ERS!!!
yeaaaaaaaah!!
that vegan white chocolate is the business,
but when you add powdered freeze-dried bloobs to it?
it's luscious in a definite defiantly deviant decadence kind of way.
that's no joke.
here's the step-by-step, 
so that we can all share in the glory of this baked, melted, chilled championship treat.
-
*
WHITE-CHOCO-BLOOB-COCO-PEAN-OAT BARS!!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
in a medium-sized mixin' bowl, whisk together:
2/3 cup quick oatmeal;
2/3 cup oat flour;
1/4 cup medium flake unsweetened coconut;
1/2 cup sugar;
dash of salt;
-
next,
while using a rubber spatula to thoroughly blend everything, add:
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup smooth natural peanut butter;
1/4 cup melted vegan butter (or coconut oil, but only use 3 T of that)
-
make sure it's slightly sticky, sort of gritty, but not too crOmbly, 
and press it evenly into a greased 9x9 square pan, 
where it needs some ovenly attention for eleven minutes.
seriously, what we just did is the hardest part of the whole thing.
-
next, in a small sauce pan, and NOT a microwave (i'm just so super not into those)
melt a cup of vegan white chocolate, with 4 T powdered sugar, and 2 T non-dairy milk,
and 1 tsp vanilla until smooth...
i stirred in 3 T of macaroon-fine unsweetened coconut, too,
because i like to overdo everything i do, man.
yup.
too much is the right amount.
and anyway, MORE is better than average, definitively.
now spread that chocobianco on the cooled oat cookie square.
in the same pot you just used,
combine another 'nother handful of white choco chips,
and a splash of vanilla, and a freshly powdered tablespoon of freeze-dried blueberries,
a.k.a purple faerie dust.
neighbors,
that sh!t is the TRUTH.
the drizzlies of that are what make this already elite treat 
into a triumphant victory march over the skulls of our enemies 
while their elders cry and wring their hands.
y'feel me?
these are so delicious, it's like winning a war.
try them, and you'll see what conquering generals experience all the time.
um, right.
maybe that's a a little teeny tiny baby bit extreme, 
or, 
maybe it's the most accurate description you'll ever read in your life.
make 'em and see for yourself.
wait......what?
oh.
well, i mean, rules is rules,
so OBviously there's gonna be sprankles on top. 
c'mon. 
don't be dumb.
guys,
these are really flippin' good.
they're unlikely to be counted among the healthiest treats i've ever created,
but they are no doubt one of the most satisfying.
real talk.
someday, i may find some sort of permanent balance between good and good for you,
but for now,
i'm happy to climb aboard the blueberry white chocolate bus,
and drive my face to flavoropolis.
believe it.
***********
the good had better outweigh the bad.
otherwise, stop doing what you're doing, because you're not doing it correctly.
that's simple to say,
but borderline brutality in practice.
seriously, though-
good is good, and bad is everything else.
that means that there's a clear line,
albeit a subjective one, 
and relative to each of our custom-tailored individual standards and tolerances,
that defines good versus bad.
so when the bad is the worst, and the best is just ok?
be honest with yourself, toughen up, take a deep breath and make some big decisions, man.
it's all part of that P.M.A., kids.
positivity sometimes means doing hard things with a heavy heart.
crazy, right?
i know!
making positive changes can feel bad at first.
and that's not as oxymoronic as it seems, either.
giving up the easy way is tough.
but, if we consider that the easy way brokers no evolution, 
and garners no increase in quality, nor quantity, of our own true story,
so that it becomes a pretty unremarkable tale with an ordinary and forgettable main character-
well,
that kind of easy sounds pretty hard to me.
the harder way, every day, is the whole point.
because every day you get a bit better, so you can bear a bigger burden,
and get even stronger, for longer,
until those little doo-doo buttery details that'll derail the beer-and-buffalo banality of 
regular-A* easy-doers are like spiderwebs in the path of juggernauts, man.
it's what i've been saying all along-
just be dope of F* right off.
it's all boils down to deciding to be a heart-pumping closed-circuit conduit, 
powered by the pressurized and concentrated distillate of dopeness 
exhaling the evaporated vapid vacillations of F*-offery out into the aether,
so only the loudest, freshest, and hardest remains to oxygenate the furnaces.
i don't know about you,
but that sounds pretty F*ing expert to me;
never quiet, never soft.....

Saturday, January 20

DODGY JAMMERS!

too much coconut oil.
is that:
a.) the right amount.
or
b.) why my thumbprints became crispy splats.
or
c.) both a and b.
ha!
dudes,
i made cookies.
i did.
and as that's a fairly common occurrence, especially on friday,
we can all agree that the cookie idea in and of itself was a good one.
but i wanted thumbprint cookies, those thick blops with the jam dollop in the middle,
and what i got where NOT those.
i mean,
we can see where it started, but they did their own thing in the oven,
and i'm betting it was for sure because of the coconut oil.
check the melty-bloppity-thumbs-up-type teleport:

CRISP, BUTTERY, SOFT-CENTERED, COCONUTTY JAMMIE-DAZZLERS!!
yeah!
neighbors,
there's lemon, and raspberry, and chocolate, and coconut,
and love all added in by the mile.
the thing of it is, i really overdid it,
and they melted, but somehow became something even more awesome.
that's real.
and they've got macaroon-grade unsweetened fine coconut flake sprankles!
that's because rules is rules,
and some of those little glittery goods always make a tasty treat even MORE expert.
word.
ok, ok, ok, OK-
i'm just gonna give you the recipe,
and you can adjust the coconut oil if you really want thumbprints and not flattie-flaps...
here goes:
-
*
FINECOOKIETIMES!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉
-
in a medium mixing bowl,
chop up and cut together:
1 stick butter;
4 T unrefined coconut oil;
1/2 tsp salt;
1/2 cup powdered sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 cup fine unsweetened flaky coconut shreds;
2 T non-dairy milk (drinking-carton coconut if you've got it, obvi)
-
add 1 1/2 cups flour;
1 1/2 tsp coconut extract-
hand-mix util slightly crOmbly, and make little 1 1/2" balls,
with the thumbprints dented into the middle on parchment paper on baking sheets.
...
the filling was SUPER easy to make-
1/2 cup raspberry jam;
a BIG shake of coconut;
a little zest-up of lemon peel;
a spoon for stirring (removed afterwards, man, c'mon)
-
a little blop in each,
and a tour of the oven for 11 minutes.
that's it.
of course, they melted, and got especially crunched-up on the edges...
and then when they're cooled, you gotta drizz all over 'em with chocolate ganache,
and sprank their little butts with that cocoloconut....
tight.
the lemonberry sticky bits are perfect against the smooth coconut in that toasty shell,
but the chocolate adds a whole other 'nother dimension,
and the last little bit of white dusty coconut just makes 'em s'kyoot!
***********
the hard way,
every day.
that's what we need.
i know, i know-
that sounds a bit rough, yeah?
well,
since when did the easy way ever make you any better at anything?
that's my point.
if it doesn't contain difficulty, it does't feel as good.
that might just be me,
or it might not.
all i know is,
i'm choosing the wrench, first to jam the works up,
monkey around, grind a few gears,
and then tighten and loosen as necessary to repair and improve everything else.
i'm talking about my life, kids.
it's all really happening,
and we're righting and wronging and wringing and wroughting all of it right now;
never  quiet, never soft.....

Friday, January 19

THAI THURSDAY!!!

spicy.
crunchy.
crispy.
soft.
tangy.
salty.
ALL of those things, all at one, all in the same place,
all really happening in hot fiery flashes of delectably fresh-to-death delciousness.
that's how dinner is s'posed to be.
and that's how it was presented, with relative quickness,
for my mutha-F*ing face.
yup.
that's right, neighbors.
thai thursday!
yeah!!
....and if you didn't pronounce it tie tursday?
your sh!t is weak, man,
however,
if you pronounced it thigh thursday, we should talk, because i like the way you think.
ANYway,
i had myself some pad sriracha type hot fire,and it did right by my tastebuds for sure.
check the teleport:

SPICY NOODS FOR ALL THE DUDES!!
did i use the fattie-boombattie thiqqq premade udons from out of a sack?
i'm not even ashamed.
those super-ropes hold more flavor than just about anything.
two packs of unflavored noods, some homemade sauce, a little extra soy,
and a dash of water to steam-heat the exteriors into maximum absorption-mode....
noods for the dudes, like i said.
and the custom sauce?
it was expert.
-
*
SRIRACHA HOT FIRE!!
-
in a cup or jar or something, stir together:
3 T rice wine vinegar;
4 T mae ploy sweet chili sauce;
1 tsp asian red chili flakes;
2 T cilantro;
1/2 tsp coriander seed;
1 tsp ground mustard;
33 craxxx of black pepper;
2 T tamari;
1 T cayenne pepper sauce;
2 T sriracha;
2 tsp vegan worcestershire sauce.
heavy on the GPOP;
4 tsp non-GMO organic cornstarch....
whisk it into a slurry, and add it to your stuff.
i put about a 1/3 of it in the noodle pan,
which had already served two terms on this meal.
first as the coconut fried tofu skillet,
and then as the cashew toastin' spot.
yeah.
the other 66% steamed the hell out of all the veggies.
yup.
the vegetable medley was on point like red dot lasers, man.
-
*
VEGGIE MIXXX!
-
in a medium pan, with a tablespoon of oil,
saute 1/4 sweet onion;
1 cup chopped cauliflower;
1/3 chopped poblano pepper;
1/2 minced jalapeno.
start the process with these, and when the onion gets translucent, add:
2 stalks bias cut celery;
1 peeled and sliced orange carrot.
turn the heat down, and gently soften:
1 1/2 cups rainbow sweet bell pepper rings (again, i love the little ones for this stuff)
2 cups chopped broccoli crowns;
after five minutes, turn the heat up to high, and blast it with that SAUCE!!!
word.
it's awesome.
cover it for a few, until the broxxx have that perfect color,
and throw in a handful of fresh chopped cilantro.
yumyumyum.
-
the tofu was seriously just tofu, and unrefined coconut oil,
and four flips to secure a sexxxy sizzle-up on every side.
-
the cashews were browned in the remaining oil.
and then everything got thrown in a bowl,
on top of raw purple cabbage, raw purple carrot, and coolwater cukes,
with a generous helping of mung bean sprouts, some spinach,
and a sprankle of cilantro.
daaaaaaaaamn, kids.
that's that good-good.
quickly.
and with force.
and strength.
and minimal mess.
a.k.a. it won the dinner competition.
sweet.
***********
i also made a little baby bit of art yesterday,
since the shop was a little slow, and there was 'spare' time to utilize.
i also watched the pizza show: rome episode on youtube.
i apologize for and regret nothing.
the little marky-marker and red paint, pen and ink square is kind of neat.
it's a battle-beastly monster, unsurprisingly:
check it:

yup.
we could be doing awesome one of a kind new hottness on you, too.
we do that.
or,
you could keep getting some of those pinterest butthole re-do copycat sh!ts, too.
we also do that.
or,
you could stop in to talk about pizza with us while we work.
we're very multifaceted in that way.
no pressure, or nuthin'-
we're still pretty flippin' proud of the spot, and the vibe.
it's here for you as well as us;
never quiet, never soft.....

Thursday, January 18

SOUL COFF'ING!

y'ever have one of those mornings where it's basically still yesterday,
as far as your body is concerned?
like,
for the quantity and/or quality of sleep you've gotten,
you may as well still be just living out one long day?
yeah.
it gets a little blurry around the edges,
and that calls for focus, friends.
y'know?
i mean,
we can't just hazily phase in and out of wakefulness,
eschew restful slumber away in favor of attentive attrition and exhaustion,
fixate on the nagging needling knife-edged nihilism 
instead of diving deep into the deliverance of decipherable dreamland, 
and then be expected to be our best selves for the rest of the day...
guys!
the call is for focus,
and you already know how i center myself, don't you?
yup.
i bake the treats that bring it all together.
i do.
creating calls for increasing one's capacity to adapt and invent, man.
and it's hard not to perk up when that's the point of the exercise.
i'm serious.
no matter how groggy and foggy and temporal fugue'd up i get,
cake is there to lift me up.
and lately, 
i've been kinda skimping and skipping out on cakes.
i have.
but my desire NOT to be a great big bellied battle barrel
has been bested by the immediacy of gathering up my wits and sh!ts,
and perking my little brainy-brain back to red-alertness!
what i mean is:
welcome back, cake!
yeah!!!
check the teleport:
RASPBERRY (x2) COCONUT LEMON COFFEE CAKE!
this jauns is good for your soul.
and your mouth and whatever, too.
you want some?
come on by the AMPERSAND TATTOO studio, 
and you can have some.
no?
oh, ok.
in that case,
here's the recipe, so you can still have some, 
without having to leave the comfort of your own home:
-
*
RAZZY COFFEE CAKE!
-
preheat your oven to 365℉
-
in a medium mixing bowl, as always, cream up:
1 stick (8T) vegan earth balance butter;
1 cup plain vegan sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 tsp vanilla.
when that's completely blended, add:
1 cup non-dairy sour cream;
2 1/4 cups a.p. flour;
1 tsp each baking powder and soda;
1 tsp lemon zest;
1 cup non-dairy milk.
spatula flips and flops should blend that completely, but not too aggressively
if you're lookin' to get that real authentic grandma crumb.
spread it into a 9" greased springform pan,
and get yourself some corn-syrup-free raspberry jam.
yup.
that's the stuff.
i scooped out half a jar's worth on top, in sloppy blops, evenly spaced out from the center.
it wasn't pretty, but they were destined to get covered by the crumble topping anway.
i hope you didn't wash your cake bowl already,
because you can use it to make the streusel, bro.
-
*
STREUSEL!
cut in and crush up:
3-4 T vegan butter;
1/2 cup quick oats;
1/4 cup oat flour;
pinch of salt;
1/4 cup finely-ground coconut flakes;
1/3 cup powdered sugar;
cinnamon;
lemon zest.
cut it until it's all clumped up, and spread it all around that ring of cakey batter.
bake it all for 45ish minutes, or until a tester comes out clean from the center.
at this point, while it was still warm, and the top was still pliable,
i tucked in a handful of dried raspberries amongst the crOmbleblumps.
i think that was an expert move.
there's no way i was going to let myself start slipping, man.
nope.
and the best part?
i remained alert for the rest of the day.
i attribute it at least 50% to bakey cake makery,
and maybe the other 50% to obsessive overanalysis of events in my immediate world.
the cake, at least, left a great taste in my mouth.
word.
***********
i will admit to being less-than-capable at diplomacy.
it's true.
i'm not very interested in compromises,
and i'm definitely not a fan of promises, either.
nope.
you're all always going to lose with either of those options.
damn.
see?
not very diplomatic.
what you want and what you need and what you're willing to accept 
are NOT always interchangeable.
what matters more?
hmmmm.
i'd argue that acceptance is the determining factor for setting value. 
if you need X, but you want Y, yet you'll take Z....???
well, then Z is the currency you're trading in.
and the exchange rate is likely going to be prohibitive when considering wants and needs.
does that make sense?
X is the median value;
but, only when regarded relative to the extremes- 
Y being ideal, Z being undesirable.
now, what are you willing to accept?
and what is the cost in the interim?
if you settle for Z, you're not even getting what you need,
and you're that much farther away from what you want.
if you fill the necessity with X, 
can you ever really be happy knowing Y is out there, 
just out of reach, but specifically because of an unwillingness or incapacity to grasp it?
neighbors,
that sort of awareness keeps me up at night,
and i have a feeling that there's likely to be a whole lot more cake needed 
in order to quell the morning's disquiet and motionlessness sickness.
maybe that's the point?
to push the production up to towards grabbing for X,
nailing it,
and then taking it to XI.
sweet.
that's that P.M.A. at play at least for today;
never quiet, never soft.....

Wednesday, January 17

BOWLING!

taco tuesday is tight.
taco bowl tuesday is also tight,
albeit maybe just a little baby bit less so.
i dunno.
could be they have comparable grips on deliciousness.
you tell me:

s'good, or nah?
i mean,
there's a whole bunch of stuff heaped in that bowl,
and everything by itself is F*ing expert,
so i s'pose the sum of the parts is even MORE elite....
i ate the heck out of it,
and the took down a whole other 'nother 'nother bowl, right after.
mmmhmmm.
too much is the right amount, after all.
what's in it?
well, the rice has lime zest and juice in there,
and it's delicately citrusy.
the quick mixed pickles are, as always, the right call.
rules is rules, neighbors-
and it's been established as law that the pickles show up during taco times.
mmmhmmm.
i took an in-progress shot:

...and that's why i don't do it that often.
stay ugly, eat beautiful.
i believe in that;
but, i think that it's reserved for just the finished product,
because that pot is funky af, man.
it's also fragrant in the best way,
and twice as flavorful as it is busted-lookin'.
...sorta like y'boi.
apple cider vinegar, raw sugar, pink salt, red onion, purple carrot, radish, and jalapeno,
boiled up and cooled down.
y'know- the usual.
-
now,
there's the rice on one side,
and a handful of exxxtra-crisp lettuce on the other,
the pickles are hangin' out,
and so is that pico de gallo.
yeah:
-
it's minced red onion,
hybrid brown and regular red sweet tomatoes,
a little baby bit of poblano,
a scoop of scallion and cilantro,
lime juice, salt and pepper.....
-
that's good for you, like eagles' eggs, without harming endangered species, bro.
-
scallion, red onion, jalapeno, and cilantro sprankles all stopped by, too.
after all, if there aren't spranks, y'all bowls ain't for sh!t, dudes.
real talk.
the little spritzles really turn it up to eleven.
that's a thing.
*
the bowl as a whole was great,
but the real boomfire fuego-a-go-go were the chili chickpeas and cauliflower powerbomb!
mmmmhmmmmm.
look a this stuff, friends:

SO HOT!
how do we recreate it at home?
pretty easily, as a matter of fact-
-
*
BURNINGCHICKIEPEEPEE!
-
 in a non-stick pa, on high-ish heat,
toss together
2 cloves of crushed garlic;
1/4 cup minced onion,
and a few cups of chopped cauli-florets,
and let 'em get a little baby bit brown, with maybe a tablespoon of olive oil...
next, spice 'em up halfway-
that means 1 tsp each Garlic Powder and Onion Powder,
plus 2 tsp smoked paprika and 1 tsp hot paprika and 1/4 tsp cayenne,
plus oregano, and 2 T fire-roasted tomato flakes-
sizzle that up for a minute or two,
derglaze the crisp bits with 1 T apple cider vinegar,
then add 12 oz. drained and rinsed chick peas,
salt, pepper, a tsp of sugar and 1 T+ of sriracha!!
yeah!!!
it basically red stuff on beige stuff, until everything gets pretty orange.
you aren't ready for this much taste attacking your buds, bud,
but you won't be able to go back again once you get a little bite
*
and last, but abso-lutely not least,
there's the big action activation,
and showstoppin' jaw-and-panty dropper:
RAINBOW FIESTA GUAC-A-F*ING-MOLE,
WITH RAINBOW FIESTA TORTILLA CHIPS!!!
y'all weren't ready for this much hottness.
i've told you guys about my guac scene before,
but as it's a new year,
and there's so much to be said for how expert this stuff is,
i'll tell you one more mutha-F*ing time:
-
*
RAINBOW FIESTA GUACROCKIN' BEATS!
-
in a big glass bowl, because those look sexxxy, toss together:
1/4 cup tiny minced red, orange, and yellow sweet mini bell peppers
(the small ones DO taste different, dudes, but you can use the regular ones, too obvi);
1/2 minced red onion;
2 T minced poblano;
1/2 minced jalapeno;
one handful chopped cilantro;
2-3 cloves pressed garlic;
2 T scallion a.k.a. green onions a.k.a shoutouts to booker t;
a big shake of GPOP, pink salt, and black pepper,
plus a heavy squeeze of lime AND lemon.
lemon for preservative acid activation,
and lime for the big yums.
word.
toss all that yup,
and mash in 3 avocados, blending everything up nicey-nice,
then stuffing the its back in the pulped-up jumble to stall the brown-out for a bit.
DUDES!
you need this in your life.
the multi-colored chips were a pretty touch, but any chips would've been a boon
to the scoop-up shoveling of this stuff into your face!
that's no joke.
good guac is like good decisions-
most people don't know what the eff that even means-
and the ones who do can't ever really tolerate anything less...
ha.
that's funny because it's true.
***********
determination versus determinism versus termination.
that's heavy stuff to think about.
making and following through on decisions, even when they are hard?
that's determination.
that's awesome, and rare, and one of the traits i prize most highly in others.
the notion that  previous events sequentially stacked, predict inevitable outcomes,
following rational pathways, so that what we think is free will
is just cause and effect, invariably shaped by prior events
influencing future circumstances is what we call determinism,
or at least, how it can be roughly defined.
so can the former overcome the latter?
well, yes, for sure.....if you don't believe in logic.
and then again, the answer is still maybe,
if you believe that organic evolution is a response to environmental necessities.
right?
you adapt to the situation at hand, or you perish.
and termination is just what happens when you choose NOT to continue,
or you fail at it.
damn.
so, which is it that makes the most sense?
and what's it gonna be?
well, for me,
it's always the harder way, every damned day.
determination could be futility or it could be the key to overcoming and breaking
the strings the fates have tied to us....
if that's a thing.
i'm not really sure, to be honest.
however,
i do know this:
if you give up,
you're just admitting that what you've got is what you deserve;
instead of getting up, and trying harder, and earning something greater.
uh-huh.
giving up, and accepting less?
man, that means you're just settling,
....and that's NOT invited.
no?
aren't we better than that?
the plot may be predictable, or it might have a whole lot of twists,
but it's still all really happening,
and that's the whole point.
no matter what, and whatever comes next,
we have to try to be our best selves,
like, don't we, though, for real?
otherwise we're wasting time,
and there's just not enough of that for us to be frivolous with.
the question is-
do we have a choice, or is it all unfolding along undeterrable developmental designs?
i need to think we can steer our course and become what we want to be,
but the truth is:
nature wins.
and there are patterns in all of nature,
so it stands to reason that there are patterns overlapping and influencing everything else, too.
if there is no test to pass, and no function to follow form,
i'm still choosing that hard way.
yup.
to be the MOST me i can be, in the best possible light.
i want to believe it's of my own free will.
if not,
then the secret universal architects provided blueprints to my reality-
but,
it would seem they're instructions on how to build a bomb shelter;
never quiet, never soft.....

Tuesday, January 16

PO'!

truly caring is like being a tetherball.
you get all wrapped up and pummeled.
and there's only so far you can travel when you aren't being beaten back.
damn.
the thing of it is-
NOT caring makes you an A*-hole,
and we all know how uncool that is.
so,
what do we do, dudes?
we sign up for yet another 'nother back-and-forth bash-up,
where we eventually get tied down and lose all our momentum.
jeez. 
i care, even when i don't know why.
and what i worry about, for real, is that i'll be too distracted by that investment
to adequately and adeptly discharge my duty when it comes time to 
represent expert Folk Life & Liberty kitchen hottness, 
and having that turn to sh!t after a long day of giving a sh!t .
hahahaha!
c'mon, dudes!
SIIIIIKE!!!!
i can't be havin' my food effed up by emotional investments, bro.
no way.
i can live without a lot,
but i'm not trying to exist in a world without radical vegan boomfire for my face.
word.
if i didn't care, none of this would even be happening.
unconventional intentional active participation is what i live for.
it's why i'm vegan.
and why i don't F*ing drink.
it's why i don't bother with small talks and pointless pleasantries.
and it's why i put so much effort into all the littlest things-
it's ALL really happening, and there's no time to waste on weak sauce, man.
nope.
i want that really realness, 
and no back-and-forth beat-ups and beat-downs will mute or dilute 
the bass-boosted breakbeats of y'boi's hot fiery furnace, 
nor thin out the high-test ammonia-and-acid piss 'n' vinegar 
of the salty, iron-rich molto-magma pumpin' around inside my veins-
i care a LOT.
and that sometimes makes the whole world into a cruel and ugly place.
and circumstances can add up to a great big cauterized caterwauling cavern
where optimism used to sit... 
on the ones,
the last thing i wanted to do last night was make dinner,
so y'know what i did?
i made DINNER.
yup.
check the teleport:
no lame breaks or excuses, kids,.
in fact, i double-battered my blops!
and i baked my own buns!
there is no good reason not to just be dope.
not one.
and that's the truth. 
and spicy, smoky deep-freid cajun cauliflower po'boys are DOPE.
i'll tell you all about it right now:
-
*
DOUBLE BATTERED CAJUN CAULIFLOWER!
-
in a medium saucepot, heat up 2" of vegetable oil to medium-high heat.
i have no idea what the temperature is, that's not my area, kids.
-
in a pair of big bowls, we have to make a dredge and a flour-
so,
bowl one is the dredge:
1 cup non-dairy milk;
1 T ground flax/chia meal;
1 tsp egg replacer;
3 T ho'sauce.
and bowl two is the breading:
1 1/4 cups flour;
1 tsp ea. Garlic Powder and Onion Powder....
1 T smoked hot paprika;
plus a whole mess of spices-
oregano, cayenne, pink salt, black pepper, basil, sage, thyme, and ground mustard,
whisked in, to taste, as you see fit.
now,
you've gotta cut up about half a head of cauliflower into chunks-
(this made two sandwiches, btw)
dunk 'em deep, coating all the crevices in that thick wetness,
then roll 'em around just as thoroughly in the flour.... 
and then do it again.
yup. 
DOUBLE-battering is the key.
yup.
too much is the right amount....
this stuff is crazy good.
i had to fry it in two batches, for about five minutes apiece, 
but holy sh!t, it was expert af.
and on homemade fresh-baked soft and hearty bread?
F* yeah.
-
*
HOMEMADE BREAD!
-
preheat your oven to 400℉
-
in your ol' reliable stand mixer, combine:
2 cups flour;
2 tsp salt;
3 T vegan butter;
1 pkg yeast;
2 T sesame seeds,
and add 3/4 cup warm water + 1 T sugar, + 1 tsp bread machine yeast, bloomed.
knead it for eight minutes, let it rise, covered for fifteen,
then divide and shape it into 4 long rolls,
and let those proof for another 15-20 minutes, 
before making them for yet another twenty minutes, or until they're golden and luscious.
-
you'll need pickles on your sandwich, because those jauns always make it better.
and shredded salad stuff, or course-
this one is green and purple cabbage, radicchio, scallions, 
parsley and cilantro, with lemon juice.
we got thin-sliced red onion up on it, too.
and there's sririacha to activate that back-end heat......
but it's that dill-mayo-rancho spread that turns it up to eleven.
yeah!
2 T vegenaise, 
a heavy shake of GPOP, fresh parsley, lemon, and dill for the win!!!
yumyumyumyum!!!
*
and then there's potato wedges with MORE rancho-belgiano sauce?!?!
come ON, friends.
and all of this on NO motivation at all,
just the understanding that if you want that P.M.A., you can have that P.M.A....
but you don't get it by being an A*-hole, man.
nope.
you've got to do something.
rules is rules
and when the things you dread become the things that confront you,
what's the right answer?
that's easy: the answer is MORE. 
never ever ever ever giving up,
and then turning up the level of interactive investment,
so that the limits are constantly expanding....
that's warrior poetry, that's what i'm on about,
that's. my. sh!t. bro. 
it's really that simple, and that demanding, and that difficult.
but the only way to get it is to do it;
never quiet, never soft.....

Monday, January 15

FALAFEL!!!!

it'd been waaay too long,
and the urge was waaaay too strong,
and if loving chick peas is wrong,
then you know i'm going left af because i don't wanna be right, dudes.
yup.
that's word.
now, what's good?
three syllables:
FA. LA. FEL.
damned straight.
homemade from-scratch all-natural good-good hottness for your face,
fried up and folded snug in a set of sexxxy soft flatbreads.
guys!
falafel is in the top three best ones.
i almost can't believe i haven't made any myself in such a long span of time.
but it's here,
and it's hot,
and it's spicy,
and it's expert,
and sometimes, that's all you need.
check the teleport:

FALALALALALALALAFELLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!
hahaha.
so good.
i started the actual falafel ball batter before work.
uh-huh.
i wanted to make sure it was firm, and set, and ready for suppertime.
you want the recipe?
you got it:
-
*
FALAFEL MIXXX!
-
in a food processor (you wanna do it by hand? here's my advice: don't!)
combine:
1/4 cup chick pea flour;
2 T a.p. flour;
1 1/2 tsp ea Garlic Powder and Onion Powder;
2 large cloves garlic;
1/4 cup shallot;
a loose scoop of parsley;
a loose scoop of cilantro;
1 T crushed red pepper flakes;
2 T lemon juice;
3 T olive oil;
1 15 oz can chick peas;
cumin, coriander seed, thyme, and sumac to taste;
salt and pepper;
1 T egg replacer;
1 T sesame seeds;
1 T ground flax/chia meal...
-
pulverize all of that into a coarse paste,
and pack it away for the day so it can all bind and bond and adhere to itself,
to be rolled into balls, and fried, without falling apart later on.
we made mega-marble-sized jauns, and ended up with over sixty of em.
that's tight,
because MORE balls is what everybody wants, right?
riiiiiiight.
the oil was HOT.
what?
how many degrees?
man, i'm not a thermometer....let's just say there were a LOT of 'em.
and those little jammie-jams got crispy as hell and stayed soft in the centers,
and had 111% of the desired flavor.
basically, they brought the A-game to our mouthpieces,
and for that, we devoured them.
*
but,
while the balls are the star, they wouldn't be sh!t without the supporting cast,
and that's no joke.
those pan-fried flatbreads?
they ARE what's happenin', bro.
here's the recipe:
-

FOLDOVER FLATBREAD!
-
in a medium mixing bowl, sift together:
2 cups a.p. flour;
1 tsp salt;
2 T sesame seeds;
1 T baking powder;
1 tsp baking soda;
3 T vegan sour cream;
3 T olive oil;
1/2 cup warm water.
knead it up, adjust your flour if necessary, knead it some more,
form it into a ball, and rest it.
while you're at it, heat up a large skillet over high flames or electric whatevers,
until it's HOT.
on a floured surface, cut your dough into 6-8 pieces,
depending on your preferred size vs quantity ratio of falafel sandwiches,
and roll each piece out into a thin circle,
and let it puff up in that skillet, with just one flip after a few minutes,
and then an equal little toastin' on the other side.
y'boi nate handled that for me while i prepped all our fixin's.
tight.
*
now, we have balls, and we have bread, so now all that's left to discuss
are all the accessories that turn it up to eleven.
yumyumyum.
so,
there's the salad-
that's a cup of chopped curly parsley;
a cup of chopped cilantro;
a punch of thin-shaved scallion (green onion);
a handful of ribboned radicchio;
salt, and lemon juice.
kaPOW.
it's perfect.
we've got pepperoncinis. (aka those peppaseenuses)
and pickled jalapenos.
and pickles.
plus a heavy schmear of hummus.
but, also, there're paper-thin red onion rings,
and tiny slices of tiny sweet grape tomatoes,.
yeah, neighbors, we rep ALLL the exxxtras.
i mean, you know us:
too much is the right amount.
oh!
and there's sriracha for that slow heat,
and tahini to smootherize the whole damned shootin' match-
i use a lot of GPOP, and almost all lemon juice,
with only a little teeny tiny splash of warm water
to stir up my most excellent tahini sauce.
for realsies-
sesame paste is already so flavorful;
but it's even MORE magical with powerfully flavorful activators.
i need that, so i do that, and we have than, and it's SO good.
lastly,
and really just because rules is rules,
we freaked 'em off with those sumac sprankles!
check it:

how F*ing turned-up and turned on are those falafels?!?!
and with exxxtra lemon,
and exxtra 'roncinis,
AND a few spears of nate's custom lacto-fermented dill picky-picks???
we are basically superheroes of food,
and we're saving the day in great big bites.
***********
everything about dinner was amazing
so why'd it take months to get back in the good graces of the gonzo garbanzo gods?
honestly,
i think it's the hot oil that makes me hesitate.
hmmm?
oh. no, not for any health reasons, or for fear of fire or burns-
c'mon.
that's not me, man.
i just hate the airborne fatty-boombatty splats of liquid lipids
sticking to everything in my kitchen,
and then just hanging out all used and gross in a pot until i figure out how to get rid of it.
i don't like that.
i guess i might just have to fry up some battered cauliflower hot wings,
or somethin' similarly styled for tonight's suppertime 'spolsions.
waste not, want not, use it up, wear it out, make do, or do without.....
it's a trite vermont saying that applies to very few things in my life-
but vegetable oil is on the short list, for sure.
***********
don't be an A*-hole, and don't do A*-hole things.
no joke, i tell myself that every single morning.
and i listen to myself.
and, most importantly,
i adjust, and edit, and amend my behavior,
in order to unearth and excavate my deepest, dopest rare-earth self
from under the trash-heap of humanity it's encased in.
guys,
i'm nothin' special,
but i sure do want to be.
so,
i span my time applying one overarching principle to every frickin' day-
just be dope, or F* right off.
yup.
i say that often, but it never ever doesn't apply.
you want that P.M.A.?
you can have that P.M.A.,
but you've gotta adhere to the plan,
and the plan we're working is super simple-
be dope, dudes.
or else you've gotta F* off.
and F*ing off isn't actually an option,
because it's all really happening all around us,
and nobody gets to control the universe.
but,
we're the only ones in charge of how we act and react
to the unfolding secret universal blueprints
as they present obstacles and opportunities.
so act like you're not an A*-hole, and you won't be one.
it's actually that simple,
and it goes for you, me, and everyone we know.
i know what i'm dong today,
even if i don't have any idea what i'm doing today;
never quiet, never soft.....

Sunday, January 14

BLOBS'N'GLOBS!

i made some cake.
it's probably the last thing i need, if we're being honest,
but it's first and foremost among the reliable constants in my life.
yup.
i think it up, make it happen, bake it off, and chow it down,
all without the input or interference of anybody else.
it's my thing, and it works well, and works out mainly because
i adhere to my dedicated and determined regimen and routine.
that's real.
i'm NOT fun, kids.
it's ok, though.
it's an informed choice.
i don't want to dump any time down the 'fun toilet', because that sh!t is a waste.
y'feel that?
c'mon.
for real, i'm definitely not fun, though.
no way.
instead, i'm just very busy being very busy,
with the added boring chore of being productive throughout my time away from witnesses-
which is to say i'm a noisy tree uprooting myself at timed intervals in a deserted forest-
hence the real-life documentation on this little corner of the electrointerverse,
to record any echoes of those EVP for posterity....
right?
when i'm at work, there's always an object and and objective, 
objectionable gestures, and conjecture-
but,
there's also collaboration and communication and corroboration.
morning bakery time is more like MY own personal time.
thinking, making, creating, all by myself, all out of my own labor, from mind, to hands,
from concept to execution to outcome.
it's all really happening because i'm making it happen.
and cake is not a waste of time, or ingredients,
and it's such a worthy investment, it even expands waists.
word up.
so like i mentioned at the top-
i made a cake.
and here it is:
PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER BLOP-TOPPED HOTTNESS!!
yeah!
no point worrying about fun when you're deeply involved in exxxploding some awesomess
out of your head and into a springform pan, man.
word up.
it's really just an extra-spongy, muffinish cake,
but with the added activation of those dual dollop blops across the surface.
that's how you turn it up to eleven, guys.
for real.
ok.
the cake part is simple:
-
*
CAKE PART!
-
preheat your oven to 360℉
-
in a medium mixing bowl, cream:
1 cup sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
1 stick (8T) vegan butts;
2 tsp vanilla.
-
stir in:
2/3 cup non-dairy vegan yogurt.
-
add:
2 1/4 cups flour;
1 tsp ea. bakin' ka-pow-powder and soda;
and finally stir it all up with;
1 cup non-dairy milk.
like i said, that's simple.
add it to a greased 9" springform pan,
and cover it with the peanuttinesses.
mmmhmmmm.
here's the recipe for those:
-
*
PB GLOBS!
-
in a small saucepan, on low heat, melt up:
3 T peanut butter;
1/2 tsp vanilla;
4 T vegan creamchee';
3 T powdered sugar;
3 T non-dairy milk.
how flippin' simple is that?!?
spoon about half that onto the cake batter,
then, turn it into chocolate peanut butter paste like this:
-
*
CHOCOPEEBLOPS!
-
add a handful of chocolate chips to what's left in the pot.
BOOM.
that's it.
finish spreading it,
and bake that baddie for around 35-45 minutes.
-
that's it.
cake, with HUGE flavor, and moist crumb,
and crisp bits, and fluff, and happiness at every turn.
you can't really come up with a reason (food allergies aside) NOT to make it.
it's good for you,
and it's good for everyone else too.
***********
it seems as if my absolute un-fun-ness may also create a pattern 
which allows for circumnavigation of the safeguards around my sensibilities.
y'know?
like, in a video game- 
when you decipher the rhythm of the lasers or whatever,
so that you can slip past the alarms undetected?
yeah.
i think it's like that...
i've got a LOT of attention focused on making things,
so it might seem like i'm not noticing the glaring gaps in good judgement
that take a few laps around elapsed-timespans.
but that's just the thing, kids.
...i'm watching out.
the EVP of this remotely-monitored unseen effort has a message in it.
i repeat myself.
i repeat myself.
it's all really happening,
and that's up to us to decode;
never quiet, never soft.....

Saturday, January 13

EGGPLANT FRIDAY!

yooooooooooo!!!!!
i had a whole long day full of yelling about stuff.
not angrily, not happily, not even with any particular theme or motivation...
mostly,
it was just loud, fresh, hardness for your face,
all day long.
i had tattoos poppin',
i had people laughin',
i had heads shakin',
i had cake gettin' eaten,
and then,
at the end of my workday i had nothin' left,
and some powerful hunger gnawing at my reserves and my resolve and my reason...
fortunately, i also had a pair of graffiti eggplants in the fridge,
with their thin purple and white striped skins, and dense, soft, unpithy flesh.
dudes!
skins-on is how i doo-doo my eggplant,
and i doo-doo my eggplant in quantity, and quality,
with a dredge, bread, fry, stack, bake process that jus can't be beat.
for realsies.
check the teleport:

kaBOOOOOOOOOM!!
legit, those're staxxx on staxxx on staxxx,
with th'underchee' and daiya and sauce in between each tier.
and the sauce IS homemade.
......obvi.
the eggplant was perfect, and that's no joke.
is there a secret to making succulent, crisp-edged melt-in-your mouth amazingness?
there might be a few, actually,
but i'll happily share what i've learned with you-
-
*
AUBERGINE MELANZANE EGGPLANT!
-
slice your eggplant into discs 1/4" thick or less.
dudes,
you can leave the skins on if you use the smaller, sexier, italianier ones.
those great big seedy, pithy purple d!ck emoji jauns are NOT invited, bro.
those are for baba ganoush and little else in my world.
i hit 'em heavy with the salt, on a wire rack, over the sink,
and let 'em produce that bitter black water that bubbles up and out of their interior-
a quick rinse, and a gentle paper towel pat-dry,
and your circles are ready for breading.
*
you've gotta get your activated eggless batter ready-
you'll need 1 cup of non-dairy milk, 1 T ground chia/flaxmeal blend,
1 T nootch, and 1 T egg replacer, all whisked and allowed to thicken up.

and you're gonna wanna have a superflavorful herb-crusty dredgeable flour-power, next:
it's 1 cup crushed cornflakes, 3 T flour, 3 T cornstarch,
plus GPOP, oregano, thyme, basil, salt, black pepper, nootch, and crushed red pepper...
you put it in the wet, then dump it on both sides in the dry,
and fry it up in HOT vegetable oil in a big ol' skillet.
they get good and crispy, and especially soft and succulent at the same time.
expert.
this recipe made two pretty big towers of delicious,
so be prepared for multiple panfuls of frying...
ANYway,
there's also the matter of the SAUCE.
and the SAUCE is the unifying force that bonds it all together.
that's real.
-
*
SAUCE!
-
in a big-little saucepot,
saute 1/2 an onion, minced;
2 cloves of sliced garlic;
one small peeled, minced carrot;
GPOP, salt, pepper;
a tablespoon of red wine vinegar;
a tablespoon of soy sauce;
1 cup chopped tomato;
a punch of nutritional yeast;
1 1/2 cup crushed tomatoes-
seriously, i didn't even add any extra herbs!
and it was STILL amazing.
i had it bubbling while my oven preheated to 380℉,
and i laid it down heavy on the bottom of a baking pan.
then i dropped eggplant, thinned and garlicky th'underchee',
minced daiya mozzarella, and MORE sauce,
then eggplant, again, and all the other stuff, again,
and then another, and another 'nother layer, and finally some MORE SAUCE!!!
i baked 'em while the water boiled for spaghetti,
and i took out the eggplant and drained the pasta,
and plated it all up with a scoop of sauce in between,
and a little arugula,
and some parsley sprankles, because rules is rules,
and spranks are awesome.
word up.
that's a LOT of carbs, but we don't keep count around here.
nope.
in fact,
i added that slice of homemade sourdough to soak up any stray sauce,
because too much is the right amount,
and taking it easy is for chumps.
***********
also,
it was realllllly freakin' good.
however,
it IS time consuming, which is not my favorite part-
but, then again, my friday nights are not the drama-and adventure-filled debacles
of ordinary 9-5 weekenders enjoying time away from work.
nope.
that's for young people and unimaginative adults who need
to escape their ordinary lives for forty eight hours of irresponsible idiocy.
yuck.
that ain't me, dude.
i've got sh!t to DO.
so instead of effing around,
i'm on the every-damned-day grind,
even at nighttime as dinnertime turns into a F*ing project.
i'm busy being a person who creates things.
and i'm reppin' the always-o'clock-shift,
which never ever really stops and never really ever sleeps.
fridays, i'm in LOVE, bro...
with making the minutes count for something.
my mornings are glorious,
my days are full,
my nights are delights,
and it's ALL really happening,
for which i count myself among those worthies of warrior poets.
real life documentarianism as a firsthand narrative is my saga,
and it's getting, longer, louder, fresher, and harder than ever before;
never quiet, never soft.....

Friday, January 12

DEVILISH!

dark chocolate.
like a double-fudge brownie.
have i got your attention?
i hope so.
dudes!
i made a cake.
hmmm?
well, yes, you're right- that's not in and of itself impressive.
i do make a LOT of cake.
but, this cake was different.
i mean it.
it's rich, it's thick, it's deep, it's dark, and it's got ALLL the chocolate hottness,
and three times the raspberry activation of those that've come before it.
yup.
i made some mutha-F*ing expert chocolate sexxxy-sexxx,
and i need you to just look at it:

C'MON!!!!
so much chocolate.
and so much good-lookin' luxurious extra-sexxxiness.
i don't always get the feels when i have a slice of cake,
but i sure as sh!t got some exxxtra-large emotions over this one.
real talk.
the edges got crisp like a brownie.
the interior was deep moist decadent devilish-style darkness.
the top is pure melted berry-infused ganache boomfire,
with cacao nibs,
AND shaved dark chocolate,
AND three kinds of frosting,
AND freeze-dried raspberries.
too much is the right amount.
so, do i practice what i preach, bro?
you tell me.
i can't adequately detail how dope this one is.
but i can accurately detail how you might make it at home.
so, let's start with that:
-
*
DEVIL'S BLACK HEART CAKE!
-
preheat your oven to 365℉
-
in a medium mixing bowl, cream together:
1 stick (8T) vegan butter;
1 overpack'd cup dark brown sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
-
next, fold in:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce.
mix well,
and sift in:
1/2 cup cocoa mixed in with 2 cups flour;
and 1 tsp ea. bakin' powder and soda.
now,
add 1 cup non-dairy milk,
and stir well until it's all combined, and battered-up.
pour that thickness into a 9" greased springform pan,
and bake it for 30-40 minutes, or until cracks form across the top and center.
it's ok, and actually even preferred, if it's just this side of finished-
so that it's got that fudgy brownie middle that makes all the ladies swoon,
and the gentlemen twirl their moustaches.
mmmmhmmmm.
-
when i'm letting 'em cool, i pop the spring on the form immediately,
so it can air out more,
before i flip it onto a rack and let it decrease in temperature even further.
then it's time to decorate, and i LOVE that part.
-
vegan ganache is basically melted dark chocolate and a non-dairy milk emulsifier.
you can fancy it up with vanilla,
and activate some powdered sugar, too, to create a smoother, firmer finish.
i do those things.
i also added 1 T powdered freeze-fried raspberry dust to 3/4 cup dark chocolate chips,
and 2 T soymilk, with 1 tsp vanilla,
and melted it all over low heat before adding 1/2 cup thawed frozen raspberries,
and crushing those into that hot melted black lava.
........yum.
that's what's all over the top, and it's over the top, but nowhere near far enough-
cacao nibs added crunch.
the shaved chocolate just looks tight af.
i had that light chocolate frosting, and that betterthanevercreme form my berfday cake,
but i whipped up some no-measurement chocolate raspberry jauns that blew my mind
right out of the top of my head.
that's no joke.
my consciousness was floating above me while my body
continued to shave chocolate into the mixer....
ha!
dried raspberry powder, a tablespoon of grated choxxx,
a dash of vanilla, a fat pat of vegan butts,
and powdered sugar by the approximated cupful, whisked to high heaven-
and the very next thing you know,
you've got mauve magic making every single part of your life a little better.
wordimus prime.
you like how i added those dried raspberries to freak it off?
me too.
it's the exxxtras that make it expert, man.
rules is rules.
***********
i'm pressed for time.
i'm stressed for time.
i can't stress enough that time is the most valuable commodity we've got.
and time is money.
and money is time.
and the way we spend both had better be improving our circumstances,
or we're misspending both.
my good buddy beau hit me with something like that,
and it's stuck with me since-
you'd think that barely sleeping would help, and it does,
but only inasmuch as what i get done in those moments i'm awake.
there's more to do, more to make, more to eat, more to say, more to see,
more to be, and i don't know where i can fit any more into each day.
here's the catch-
i have to be in specific places, for specific durations, and when i'm there,
there's a limit to what can happen in those exact locations.
and until i ca be in two places at once, or three, or four,
i'm unlikely to be satisfied with what i accomplish in one span of dark-light-dark-again.
i'm not stopping,
i'm not relaxing,
i'm definitely not vacationing;
i'm making a hell of a go of it,
and until there's nothing left to do,
i'm just going to keep grinding myself down to dust.
every minute counts,
and i'm counting every minute;
never quiet, never soft.....

COMPULSORY!

yoooooo!!!!
pizza is too damned good.
no, you don't understand-
i'm sayin' that pizza is better than everything else.
...and i'm not kidding.
we want pizza.
we get pizza.
it's the actual practical best part of being an unbeholden adult with a kitchen full of supplies.
think i'm joking?
think again, neighbors.
i got home from an underimpressive workday,
and i more than made up for it with some fast-actin' breadstick-style dough
which i transformed into a fat rectangle of fresh veggies, crushed tomatoes,
with two kinds of non-dairy chee'!
yeah, man.
i needed somethin' to turn up the volume on the day
and bestow some big, hot, crispy, high-intensity positivity
onto the remaining hours back home at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
so,
i made somethin' that always brightens the horizon, and blasts my bellyhole with satisfying benevolence.
if you only like one kind of pizza, i think your face is a real dumb one,
and i don't like you anymore.
real talk.
we made a two-for-one on a wrecked rectangle of stretched semi-semolina high-gluten goodness,
and it was F*ing awesome.
check the teleport:

PEE EYE ZEE ZEE AYY!!!!
gimme pizza!!
guys,
no day with pizza in it is a bad one, because there was hope and crust and sauce ready
to encourage a little more optimism no matter what.
mmmmmm.
brussels, seitan bacon, and onion?!
WORD.
y'got your braised brussies, glazed at the last with a splash of soy;
y'got that slightly-seared seitan bacon-
dudes, that sh!t was storebought.
uh-huh.
i'd never experienced upton's bacon game before,
and i'm glad i did.
in fact, i prefer their bacon over their standard seitan,
and i would get it again.
...just in case you wondered where i stand on that;
but, getting back to delicious expert vegan pizza:
caramelized vidalia onions;
crushed tomatoes OVER daiya mozzarella, with MORE daiya mozz' on top,
and then custom cashew-garlic tofu th'underchee' drizzled across the whole entire surface,
for maxxxium exxxplosive over-the-top flavor bursting from edge to edge and back again!!
yup.
too much is the right amount, kids.
that's real.
radicchio ribbons, for bite and color,
and fried garlic sprankles, because rules is rules,
and up here, if it there aren't any f.g.s. then it's just not right.
-
anybody can make a decent pizza if they've got the time and the ingredients.
the big power-points?
* good dough.
* a hot oven.
* a baking stone.
^^
really, though, that's where it starts.
get your oven up to a HOT temperature.
i rep 480℉+ in a circulatory convection home oven,
and i'd go hotter still in a wood-fired manlier one.
what's that now? does the saturated stone really matter?
man, c'mon.
it's in the top three powerpoints.
of course it matters.
heat distribution and a consistent transfer to the bottom of the dough
is as vital as the circulating air that's crispin' up the tops of those brussies, bro.
it's a thing, and it matters, so get one, and use it, and see for yourself.
the dough can vary greatly from pizza to pizza, traditional, to sicilian,
grandma to deep dish-
fast bulk, slow proof, vice-versa, and everything in-between.
the main thing is to use the right dough for the right pizza.
this one was a fast-and-dirty no-proof direct-fire breadstick-style grannie jaun,
and it was also a F*ing delight to bite into.
here's the recipe:
-
*
QUICKIEDOUGH!
-
in your stand mixer, which you hopefully have because they're the best thing ever, combine:
2 cups flour;
1 cup semolina flour;
1 tsp wheat gluten;
2 1/2 tsp salt;
1 pkg fast-action rapid-rise yeast;
2 tsp sugar;
3 T olive oil;
add 2/3 cup hot water, with 1/3 cup non-dairy milk, + 2 tsp bread machine yeast,
with 1 tsp agave stirred all together and bloomed to where the yeast begins to bubble...
knead on setting 2, with a dough hook attached,
for seven or eight minutes, spread a little bitty baby bit of olive oil ever so lightly,
and cover with plastic on top of your preheating oven for ten minutes.
pull it, press it to the edges of a gently greased square pan,
and let it rise while the oven warms up, and your brussies brown...
friends-
the milky emulsifier makes this sh!t fluff the F* up, like a perfect breadstick,
only flat and wide and better.
i don't even time 'em anymore.
you'll know when it's ready,
because you're gonna wanna risk burning your face off
in a hot and heavy makeout session with that golden-kissed kissable crust
*
and there's still a whole other other 'nother second half of this pizza to talk about!!!
YEAH.
that homemade pesto was every bit as awesome the next day.
thinned just a tough, and spread thickly and evenly on side two of our doubleheader.
tight.
with caramelized onions, a little bitty bit of daiya,
and a whole bunch of halved sweet baby grape tomatoes, this one was molto flavorful.
the th'underchee really turned it up to eleven against that basil-almond burliness,
and a dash of that smashing seitan bacon brought in a whole no-jokes
smokily adult element of sophistication that gave me some emotions in some places....
when the radicchio and the kale floated down post bake, i knew i was falling in love.
so i did what i always do, dudes.
i devoured and destroyed it.
awwwwwwwwwwww.
that's how it goes.
what?
yes, of course the fried garlic sprankles were on that side, too.
OBviously.
what do you think i am?
an A-hole?
nope.
i'm a passionate and compassionate pizza producer,
and i don't eff around with that weak sauce.
not once, and not ever.
***********
it's warmed up almost sixty degrees of fahrenheit heat,
but, while it's above freezing,
it's not warm,
and it is for sure not dry.
womp-womp...
and what do we get when snow gets soft,
and then soaked and compressed?
that's riiiiight-
deathtrap destruction ice!
woooohoooo!
everything is slick and slippery,
and all of it is getting diamond-hard under the weight of itself.
if we're really lucky, a quick overnight drop in temperature
should have the entirety of the woodsly goodness careening of the beaten paths,
and sliding downhill with even the slightest of declines becoming
the most treacherous of downward spirals.
how's THAT for being more optimistic in 2018?
we're headed towards the bottom of the barrel,
but only because of gravity, and the elements.
who knows what sunken treasures may lie in wait for us down there?
not me,
but i think we're about to find out;
never quiet, never soft.....