Wednesday, April 17

DOUBLE DOPENESS!!

yoooo!!
taco tuesday.
and also,
FALAFELS!!!
yeah!
that's what the eff is going on, neighbors!
how excited can i be about creating and activating two top fives at the same time?
ummm, probably all the way to eleven.
for sure.
check it:

C'MON!!
soft flour tortillas!
rules is rules.
and then, parsley, cilantro, and lettuce, for that salad section.
that's good, guys.
roughage makes 'em smoother.
there's chopped orange and red sweeeeet baby tomatoes, to pretty it up.
pickles?
duh.
that's what's good, forever, on falafels, man.
and pickled jalapenos?
F* yes.
salty, tangy, spice is s'nice.
red onion is tight. and sharp. and really the best raw onion for this sort of thing.
white onion is traditional taco topping, but i don't really mess with that so much.
so red ones are what's poppin'.
i had verrry juicy lemon wedges.
i really like that.
and those pepperoncinis?
word the eff up.
three kinds of pickled jauns for that magic number hottness in every dang bite.
yeah!!!
-
i had tahini paste, thinned up with lemon and a little warm water, GPOP,
sumac, and plenty of black pepper.
creamy dreaminess in a sauce is where the wild things are.
hmmmm?
um, yeah.
that's sumac dust, and two-tone sesame seed sprankles on top.
SO many toppings for a little foldover flap of taco and falafel together.
too much is the right amount.
check it:

DOOOOOOPE.
and just look at those crispy falafel nugs, bruh.
so ferociously flavorful and feisty and amazingly awesome in my mouth.
what's in the nugs?
i thought you'd never ask.
-
*
FALAFZ!
-
in your food processor, mash together:
1/4 cup seared onion;
2 cloves browned garlic cloves;
1 T scallion greens;
2 T fresh parsley;
1 T fresh cilantro;
1/4 cup chick pea flour;
1 1/4 cup drained chick peas;
1 T lemon juice;
2 tsp olive oil;
cumin, ground coriander seed, GPOP, thyme, to taste...
and pink salt, black pepper.
coarsely chopped into a chunky paste, and formed up into little flattened nuggets,
and shallow fried in a sloppy glug or two of vegetable oil to get 'em crissssp on both sides.
damn.
that's expert af.
-
how many does this make? well, how many do you want? and how big?
i had a total of 16 chunky balls, y'all, and i loved each and every one.
that's the truth.
falafel and taco and tahini and all that vegetation.
what else do you even need?
love, probably.
i think that's probably a big help.
*
where is this baby?
she is NOT coming out.
we're coming in hot to a full moon,
and i can feel all my werewolfen warrior poetry preppin' in my blood,
and breezy has that howlin' hottness in her, too-
soooooo what the heck is going on with this little bitty ball of fire in her belly?
is she trying to be a good friday baby?
an easter bunny baby?
a last suppery bumper baby?
a passover blastover?
a rainshower splash?
man, we just don't know-
but we're coming into the full term, and we're coming to terms with the notion
that maybe she just lives in there forever....
it's like a dorm room for daughters, and mama is not havin' it-
so, i know she isn't reading this blog.
nobody is, really, but still:
BABY! WE'RE READY TO SEE YOU!
GETCHYO' A* OUTTA THERE,
AND COME SEE US!!!
ha.
that's not a joke.
*
nothin' is easy.
i know it, you know it,
and we don't need to explore it-
but these hard styles are very tiring and that daily dose of difficulty
really isn't making anybody feel more awake.
i can't imagine carrying a kicking little karate baby in me
while that all really happens.
my lightning-striking viking valkyrie vixen, with her flame-haired face
and her strong heart and powerful, intense emotions,
is doing just that.
so shoutouts to her for being more badass than i am;
and really, let's hope this teeny tiny baby girl is appreciative,
and maybe is sorta kind on her way from inside to outside.
the height of good manners is to know when to leave,
and the mark of true pro is to arrive right on cue;
never quiet, never soft.....

Tuesday, April 16

WORDS!

i swept three times yesterday a AMPERSAND TATTOO,
and all three times,
somebody came in and tracked some crumbly, gritty, wet, mudbutt shoe-scuzz
onto the dang floor.
we STILL will let you leave your shoes on,
because i don't want anything to do with those crusty nubbins,
or your grey-bottom socks.
no thanks.
the thing is-
after i swept, i started writing words.
in fact, i wrote 'em on some scrap paper,
then i wrote 'em again, and again, slowly but surely making something
that i actually like.
that's right.
i drew words. i wrote 'em too, but like they were drawings.
and i did it more than once.
i'm not used to that, neighbors.
but, it's necessary.
it's time to open up the merchandising side of AMPERSAND TATTOO.
i mean, i've certainly given it enough of a buffer, bruh
anyway,
i just wrote the same 15 letters, stacked up, to look cool and say somethin':

pretty cool, huh?
i like it.
and really, it's just 10 letters, with several repeats, but you get the idea.
what's the point?
i'm not sure yet,
but i know that we'll be seeing this again in other projects
and now that the base level handstyle is done-
now we've gotta make even MORE.
too much is the right amount.
so get ready, or not, but there's new art coming.
i even started some triceratops, too.
yeah.
and not for nothin', but wipe your feet;
never quiet, never soft.....

RAVIOLI!

YOOOOOOOO!!!!!
hahahaha.
you ever had ravioli?
man, c'mon-
i don't mean those weak store bought jauns.
i don't mean those bummery frozen one, or those canned crapblasters.
no.
i mean, have you ever made the dough, and rolled it, and filled it,
and crimped it, and boiled it, and covered it all in custom sexxxy sauce?
no?
damn, dudes, y'all are effin' UP.
homemade from-scratch raviolis are where it's at.
they're better than almost all the pasta formats out here in these streets.
that's no joke.
i made some. ...and they made my night.
f'real.
check the teleport:

YEAH!
homemade just tastes better, bruh.
i had that majestic sauce from my ziti festival,
that recipe is here.
and then i added another 'nother 1/2 tsp GPOP and a big ol' bunch of torn fresh basil
to the remainder of that sauce, and then i added 15oz of crushed tomatoes-
yeah, i eff around with those tuttarosso jauns-
and a little baby bit of warm water to help it out.
ha!
oooooooooh!!!!
you haven't had anything this good.
...unless you've had some with y'boi over here at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
dudes-
dry fried baby bella mjushrooms-
a little salty, a lotta umami thickness,and zero slime.
that's how you do it.
blackened orange sweet baby tomatoes?
you had better frickin' believe it.
those exxxtra bits on top are how you turn up the full-flavored fresh-to-death dopeness.
don't get me wrong- these were amazing all on their own,
but the stuff that freaks it off is how you turn it up to eleven.
fresh basil? WU-TANG!!!
when you've got three things that aren't even the thing that's already the best thing?

c'mon.
hell yeah.
but, what's IN the ravs???
we got onion, caramelized.
we got crushed garlic, browned.
we got shredded baby spinach, wilted.
we got that daiya mozzarella, MINCED. ...don't F* that up.
plus pink salt and GPOP and nootch.
how much of each?
i have NO idea.
like,
who can even measure spinach?
it reduces to like a spoonful when you have a wheelbarrowful.
so, who knows?
uh-huh.
so, i mean, that's not helpful.
sorry.
-
and the dough?
mmm.
i went too hard on the semolina at first,
and had to hit it with some king arthur all-purpz to help it out.
i had 3 T olive oil, 1 tsp sea salt, 1 cup of semolina, and 1/4 cup regular flour.
i freaked it off with 2/3 cup warm water.
and i kneaded the holy heck out of it in a stand-upright mixer, for 11 minutes.
then i rested it for ten more, just 'cuz.
my favorite part?
rolling the dough thin, and cutting little circles out.
i'm serious-
filling and crimping and all of that is very soothing...
i moisten the edges to seal the two circles, top and bottom,
around that dollop of deliciousness, before i fork those edges up.
-
look, man.
sometimes when you make some expert food often enough to get into a groove,
it's difficult to list all the steps again and again.
here's what i DO know-
homemade does tastes like the TRUTH.
and truth-tellers can never, and should never stop.
***********
don't sell yourself short.
you can do it.
make some pasta from scratch.
you'll see.
it's a whole other 'nother level of hottness.
make something from scratch.
heck, just make something.
it's good for you;
never quiet, never soft.....

TAX TOAST!

i wrote that tax check.
yeah.
that's what happens when you own a business-
sometimes, you gotta write that check.
and i did.
what'd i do to make myself feel better?
i had some avocado toast.
yeah.
sourdough bread helps almost any expense go down smoother,
and smooth avocado helps the rest go easy, too.
mmmm.
check it:

THREE SLICES!
crusty golden goodness, freshly baked, tightly toasted,
and activated from wildly-fermented from-scratch woodsly goodsly culture.
really, avocado is pretty F*ing expert all on it's own.
and when you got it spread over that tasty toast, it's even better.
so if you hit it with an upgrade, and add all that exxxtra stuff?
it just turns the hottness way up, to eleven.
for real.
i got two-tone sesame seed sprankles,
and fresh cracked black pepper and pink salt.
i got sliced tomatoes, mini cukes, and thin radish, for that crawnchy-crawnch,
and a bit of spiciness.
that's great stuff.
of course, that couldn't be all there was to it-
too much is the right amount.
so there's also microgreens, and some lettuce and pea shoots hangin' out.
and then we got that sweet and savory boomfire, bruh.
uh-huh.
sunflower seeds, toasted in a drop of exxxtra-virg' olive oil,
with a spoonful of fresh-tapped real new hamsphire maple syrup,
with a few kernels of crackin' black pepper...
neighbors-
there's cilantro, too.
damn that's tight.
tax toast is the only way to feel better about relinquishing those muh-fuhh'n movie chexxx.

see?
that helps.
F* yes!!
i need MORE of all of that.
so i made MORE of all of that.
what's the secret?
that toast, probably.
good bread makes better people.
***********
i wrote a check or two.
and then i went back to work.
rules is rules,
and movie checks don't come for free.
...do more work.
that's the big idea.
you don't get rich working, but it dos feel pretty freaking good to do what you do best.
for me, there's a few things that i can get into that make me feel very positive-
working on art in any form,
working on food for any meal,
and making that sweet thang do what it do.
sorry to allude to that lovely lovin', but those're my top three.
they don't all always happen in the same day,
and sometimes, y'gotta account for that debit accounting, too.
however,
i know what's happening, and all of it means something.
it's important;
never quiet, never soft.....

Monday, April 15

SMOKEHAWK!

man, it's hard to do light grey tattoos on dark purple stencils
of smoky not-really-outlined fire and smoke-
especially if there's also a hawk made of smoke in there, too.
but i took a picture, which was just as hard.

yup.
smoky firebird business is happening at AMPERSAND TATTOO.
this is what i'd call a painty tattoo.
like, it's way more like a painting that i had to put in an arm
than a tattzappin' bold-lined hawk.
it took a long time to do, too.
and we're gonna have to wait for it to settle in to even be the way it's s'posed to be.
y'like that shine in the center?
yeah.
that always helps make it easier to see what's going on.
dang.
anyway,
let's do more hard tattoos.
i clearly need a new degree of difficulty in my life;
never quiet, never soft.....

HANGING OUT!

what?
you don't think we'll eat pasta and homemade sauce and broccoli rabe
and non-dairy ice ream and italian ice in our sweats?
well, you're wrong about all of that, neighbors.
she'll be unhappy that i'm snappin' shots like this,
but breezy and i had a mid-april pre-baby lazy sunday nighttime kitchen party.
uh-huh.
you don't even know about yellow-light food photos, but you're gonna learn:

i got that ziti, boi!
and for the record, my man natron was right,
one heaped cup of uncooked noodles would've been plenty.
i did double that.
mmhmm.
MORE pasta has gotta be MORE awesome, no?
i'm not exactly sure that's a thing.
the broccoli rabe was blanched for two and a half minutes, to remove the turbo-bitterness.
the pasta was boiled up al dente,
and the lady's was gluten free spaghetti, prepared the same.
the sauce?
man, that stuff was heroic!
it was almost spookily meaty, for being 100% vegan hottness.
yeah.
-
*
MANLY MARINARA!
-
in a 1 quart saucepot, with 1 T olive oil, on high heat, saute:
1/2 cup finely minced sweet onion;
2 huge cloves of crushed garlic;
black pepper;
pink salt.
get the garlic browned, and the onions translucent, then add:
1 tsp ea.oregano, basil, sage, thyme, dried parsley, GPOP, sugar;
1 T ea. nootch, fire-roasted tomato flakes;
1/4 tsp ea. crushed rosemary, crushed red pepper flakes.
stir that around to toast the stuff up a bit,
then add:
2 tsp balsamic vinegar;
1 T tamari;
1 28 oz. can crushed tomatoes;
1/2 cup water.
bring it a hard bubblin' boil,
then drop it like it's hot, and simmer it while you boil the pasta water
and keep it going at a low slow bubb' as you cook that semolina business up.
WORD.
-
good sauce is where the real delights of this world reside.
weak sauce is NOT invited.
however,
dressing up like a jawa from star wars is ok with me.

s'kyooooot!!!!!
NObody likes candid photos, but i don't even care-
this little bitty lady probably would prefer i didn't capture our kitchen moments,
but i love 'em the most and i'm not sorry about it.
that's the thing, man-
we've got electricity in our skin and it's arcing like lightning when we touch and stuff.
wearin' jammies and eatin' pasta and doing regular stuff is definitely always invited.
in fact,
that's my favorite stuff.
i'm easy to please, but had to handle?
is that a thing?
is it even true?
i dunno.
but i'm grateful for the time we span and how we share it.
i don't need or want a super big deal explosion of entertainment and spectacle.
i want and need that interconnected spirit and memory.
that's what's up;
never quiet, never soft.....

STRAWBERRIES!

you know i have the skills to make an expert vegan chee'cake, right?
that's no joke.
i've got that gluten-free dairy-free strawberry magic,
straight from my oven, live and direct to my face!
yup.
look at this thing:

TIERS OF TRIUMPH, TEARS OF JOY!
that's that multi-layer player right there.
a gluten-free vanilla cocon'oat almond crust to hold it tight,
a layer of o.g. vegan chee'cake, a layer of strawberry-laced chee',
and a layer of gooey strawberry jammie-jamboree jauns to keep it at eleven.
no, but, like, f'real though:

i mean, that's pretty sexxxy, right?
that's coconut whipped cream,
and freeze-dried ground strawberry sprankles, as well.
uh-huh.
too much is the right amount.
so that's how it's got to be.
you want somethin' this amazing in you mouth?
i don't blame you.
here's how you can make one of your very own-
-
*
STRAWBERRY STACKS!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉.
-
get yourself a high-walled fluted tart pan. one of those with the slip-out bottom.
9" with the tall sides is what you want.
-
in your food processor, pulverize:
2/3 cup oats;
1/3 cup unsweetened dry coconut;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup sugar;
1/2 cup mama's almond flour blend;
5 T earth balance vegan butter;
2 T agave;
1/4 cup unsweetened coconut/almond blend s'milk. (or whatever kind you like better)
...pulse that up into a crOmbly dough, and evenly spread it out across that tart pan, man.
bake it for 15 or so minutes, and set it aside while you whip up the interior action.
-
in the same food processor,
combine:
1 1/2 tubs tofutti vegan creamchee';
1 tsp vanilla;
1/2 tsp lemon extract;
2 T lemon juice;
1/3 cup powdered sugar;
1/4 cup tapioca flour;
3 T non-GMO organic cornstarch;
1 pressed block of silken tofu.
pulp that into a smooth whipped paste,
and divide it in half.
-
add 2-3 T powdered ground freeze-dried strawberries to the 1/2 still in the food pro',
and whip it reaaaaaally well, so that you've got a luscious pink puree ready to go.
evenly spread it on the crust,
then add the plain white stuff over that, being careful to keep it in distinct layers-
you want it to LOOK dope and taste dope, obvi.
don't eff it up, so your eyes will light up when you cut into it.
for sure.
bake that on a stone, on the middle rack of your oven for 35-40 minutes,
or until it gets those pumpkin-pie cracks that let you know it's done-
let it cool an hour on the counter, and refrigerate it for at LEAST another 'nother hour-
i did mine overnight, just to be sure it was perfect.
-
that's when you hit it with the strawberry hottness from the future of good food, guys.
yup.
2 cups of sliced frozen strawberries;
3 T powdered sugar;
1 T maple syrup;
1 tsp vanilla;
2 T lemon juice;
1/4 tsp lemon extract;
2 T non-GMO organic cornstarch;
2 T powdered freeze-dried strawberries-
all that, whisked together in a small pot, and brought up to thickening boil,
then simmered for a short spell to keep it all cohesive-
that's expert af.
and on top of the 'cake?
it's righteous activation from april's most magnificent midsection.
ha!
-
and MORE powdery berry dust is great to have on hand,
because it upgrades the coconut cream,
and pretties up the plate.
no foolin', it has to look good or i'm not havin' it.
that's the truth.
*
i wasn't gonna make one.
but then again,
i can absolutely repurpose a tradition, right?
right!
just because i'm not sharing it with the old crew of dudes i used to hang around with
doesn't mean i'm not out here with the skills and the know-how
and the elbow grease to create amazing vegan delights
for the new worthwhile and powerful people in my life.
so i did that, and on the day that i'm used to doing that, too.
making treats, celebrating, eating, being excited-
that's what i DO, dudes.
there's no good reason not to.
therefore, i've GOT to.
it's all really happening, and that's the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....

Saturday, April 13

BITING!

i drew on a tattoo from a very specific reference,
almost certainly originally drawn by a girl tattooer on an ipad-
why do i say that?
because i saw the drawing on the screenshot on the phone
taken from whatever pinterest board it came from,
and that's what it looked like.
i didn't trace it-
i drew it on with a marky-marker,
but i was definitely lookin' at somebody else's hard work while i did it.
here's the thing-
i don't know if i'm an A-hole if i do that.
honestly.
and of course i didn't keep the reference to show you any and all differences-
but, i did take a picture:

BAT!
she even insisted on the moon on the head that was totally on the other one.
i'm not making fun.
not one bit.
this client always brings cool tattoos that other people have already.
and i always draw them up on my own,.
i'm just sayin', twenty years later i'm still doing fancy street shop tats.
y'know why?
because a grand don't come for free, neighbors.
i've noticed that there are a LOT of vegan tattooers
doing their thing in southern new hampshire...
heck, there's three or four doing it in this town up here in the woodsly goodness.
what i'm wondering though is if half of my repeat clients even know i can draw.
hahahaha.
i'm mostly serious.
i mean, they sit there and watch me draw right on them,
but it's usually from a picture of somebody they'll never meet's tattoo.
unless it's those trees on a forearm.
half of the chainsawin' boot-boogers up here want that one.
and that's cool too.
i guess i'm just the dude who doctors-up the recipe
whenever it comes to premade pinterest zips,
and it's left to me to go freestyle in the kitchen only for now....
that's What Is, so that's what's up;
never quiet, never soft.....

BIGNESS

i didn't NEED a big ol' breakfast.
nope. not one bit.
that didn't stop me at ALL, y'all.
i mean,
i was feelin' kind of like maybe i should treat myself to a potato or two.
is that weird?
maybe.
the rest is just window dressing and accessorizing to those red skinned spuds, bud.
check it:

PANNIECAKES just because?
yeah.
i doo-doo that brekkie effectiveness,
and i overdo it always because: too much is the right amount.
the radishes are crawnchy, and that was a nice little exxxtra bite-
-
the tofu scrambo was different this time-
a little onion, GPOP, nootch, turmeric, black salt, pink salt, black pepper,
and then: dried tomato spranks. sesame seeds, and dried shallots-
with olive oil to sear it, and a slow and low cookin' time, to get the edges burnt a bit.
simple, with some fanciness in the form of specks and flecks of veggies and seeds.
if you've never made tofu scramble, i've gotta wonder why not?
it's freakin' great.
half a block of exxxtra-firm tofu, crOmbled-
and then a shake or two of those seasonin's, and that onion and oil,
all sizzled up together.
it's crazy easy, and i don't measure a freakin' thing.
do it, and be delighted, or do somethin' else and lose out.
i'm not the boss of you, so decide what you want, and get going
ha.
-
the pancakes were absolutely straightforward and simple-
2/3 cup flour;
1/4 tsp salt;
2 T sugar;
3 T melted vegan butter;
2 T vegan sour cream;
1 tsp vanilla;
1/4 cup ground dry unsweetened coconut;
1/4 cup oat flour;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 tsp baking powder;
3/4 cup almond milk.
^^^^ stirred, rested, and fried up in my traditional circle forms on a HOT griddle.
i mean, that's not complicated, is it?
they're great, too.
hearty and thick and MANLY-
with fresh-bubbled local real new hampshire maple syrup,
because rules is rules, and that tree-blood from my 'hood is essential.
and it's flippin' sweeeeeeeeeeeet, in a couple of ways.
-
i like breakfast, but i always feel like a bloated blarp-orc afterwards.
therefore, if i'm gonna be a gluttonhog,
i'm gonna go hard, and get crackin' on that potato game like a champ.
word up.
-
in my oven, rising up to 450℉, i had tow wedge-cut red skin-on potatoes,
coated in a little olive oil, with Garlic Powder and Onion Powder and black pepper,
and pink salt, until they're golden and roasty and crisp at the tips.
that's how i like 'em, so that's how i make 'em.
.and y'gotta take 'em to leven immediately, man.
vegan butter, sweet onion, smoked hot paprika, and more of that GPOP and pepper.
mmmmmmm.
when they're coated in all of that,
there's very little that improves my mornings more.
no joke.
i LOVE potatoes.
i've heard some paraphrased old north country mountain idiom about 'em-
i dunno the real quote, but the gist is that they will make you happy forever.
i believe it.
***********
i scheduled only partial days this month.
with this little baby coming in hot at some point that seemed wise-
however, since she's clearly in NO hurry to show up,
i mostly have free time every day to do non-profit studio assessments.
i'm not sayin' i DO that,
i'm just saying that i have time to,
but more importantly, most days i also have time to do another tattoo.
that's real.
heck, i'll even do all the lame ones, too.
i don't care, man.
i'm lookin' for a few exxxxtra movie checks to make some necessary improvements
to all the places i span my time,
and those bam-bam bum-bummers make that possible.
if you know somebody who needs somethin' cool,
definitely send 'em over to AMPERSAND TATTOO.
if you know somebody with a totally generic tattoo idea?
send 'em over to AMPERSAND TATTOO.
creative or otherwise, we do what you want.
and i can fit 'em until this little baby girly makes her big debut.
this is it.
i'm ready for you;
never quiet, never soft.....

PURPOSEFUL

exxxtra pastry dough?
i have no idea when i made it,
or what recipe i used,
or why i didn't use it all up the first time,
but i had enough to make one hell of a crusty rustic galette.
so i did.
i had half a cup of frozen raspberries;
a quarter of a cup of mini chocolate chips;
a splash of vanilla;
3 T powdered sugar;
a handful of bloobs;
and 2 tsp non-GMO organic cornstarch,
all tossed together in a bowl, and tossed some more after that with the aim
of coating everything in itself-
the oven was already running at 450℉,
so after i rolled out a one-foot circle of pastry, and dumped the berry blend in the center,
and crimped up the edges,
and then froze it for fifteen minutes?
i baked it until it was crissssssspy.
yup.
i like it when the pastry is flaky and buttery and snaps off when you bite into it.
check it:

C'MON!!!!
hmmmm?
well, yeah.
then i hit it with a little MORE powdered sugary sprankle magic.
what do you think i am?
dumb?
no way.
too much is the right amount!
and sexxxy sugar dust takes the whole thing to eleven.
what kind of pastry dough do i normally make?
this kind.
is that what this is?
maybe.
i know it's delicious, but that's mostly all i know about it.
mystery pastry? sure.
berries and chocolate? definitely.
using it up and wearing it out and making do?
mmhmmm.
doing without? NO.
that's not invited.
i want ALL the treats, all the eats, all the art, all the magic, all the alchemy of activating
some dubiously-nutritious majectic radical vegan edible hottness all the time.
anything else is just food,
and that's not good enough;
never quiet, never soft.....

SALTY

man,
it doesn't matter how salty you are as a person-
salty pizza is the way it's s'posed to be.
but, it's not how salty your chee' is,
or even how salty you make the toppings-
because if you forget to put salt in your dough?
that sh!t tastes flat as F*-
i'm not sayin' it's bad, but you never notice it until it isn't there.
that's real.
and guess what i did?
yuuuuuuuup.
i effed it up.
which especially sucks because i made one epic pizza pie,
and blew it in the beginning before i ever really got all the way started,
and didn't notice until it was already in the oven.
damn.
check the teleport:

SAUSAGE AND PEPPERS PIZZA!!!!
i'm so salty about that fancy dough, bro.
f'really real, it was all set up to be somethin' special.
-
i had two kinds of king arthur flour:
a cup of all-puprz and a cuppa bread specific,
autolyzed in 3/4 cup of warm water, with 2 T fire-roasted tomato flakes,
and 1/2 tsp black pepper, and 2 T exxxtra-vigin olive oil....
meanwhile i had 2 T real fresh-sapped maple syrup in 1/4 cup warm water,
bloomin' outta control with 1 pkg fast-actin' yeast-
and i kneaded all of that up in my bread mixer WITHOUT 2 tsp of sea salt.
ugh!
what am i?
an A*-hole?
jeez, i might be.
...
it rose like you wouldn't believe.
and i was as excited as i could be about the prospects of my spongy circle
of puffy perfection as i set it out on my seasoned and oiled steel tray for assembly-time.
mmhmmmm.
i had crushed tomatoes ready.
and chopped baby spinach (that's blue-collar kale, for all you eitists).
minced so delicious brand mozzarella chee'.
always minced, no matter what brand i get, because rules is rules, fools.
if you ain't mincin' your mozz', y'all must not like things to get better in your life!
ha!
anyway, i also had caramelized red onions,
with a clove of garlic in there for exxxtra oh-mommy umami magic.
that's right.
and seared sweet peppers, too, because it isn't sausage and peps without the peps-
OR the sausage for that matter-
i took two sliced links of my custom red-lentil seitan sausages,
and simmered them with a spoonful of fennel seeds in a bath of GPOP, black pepper,
and tamari in half a cup or so of warm water, with a glug of olive oil added in,
until it all absorbed and made 'em plump and luscious.
that's some serious gourmet sh!t right there, buddy.
-
i dusted it with some NOOTCH, too;
and freaked it off with those obligatory fried garlic sprankles
because too much is the right amount.
and whenever it's time to make pizza it had better go to eleven.
i am not even kidding-
homemade pee eye zee ze ayy is a perfect time to go way overboard,
and load up your dough with megatons of dopeness....
i mean, do you see how fresh that F*er looks?
the crust is dark (maple magic caramelization i'd presume)
and fluffed at the edges, with bubbles internally adding lightness to the whole thing.
it was like a focaccia from the future, with a blue-ribbon fair-food exxxplosion on top.
yum.
oh, and parsley at the end, just to turn up the prettiness.
i wanna see it lookin' so sexxxy before i cut it up.
y'eat with your eyes first, neighbors.
good thing too....
because without salt in the dough it was a beautiful-lookin' experience
that fell flat by the last bite of crust in every slice.
awwwww, man.
that's what happens when you're thinking of baby names and baking
and writing and scheduling and doing nine things at once the instant you walk in the door.
i should've taken a minute to collect myself and my thoughts,
but i was racing against the setting sun,
and i STILL lost because my overtaxed oven couldn't keep the pace.
womp womp.
i had mostly-expert pizza.
that's not enough.
it never is, even when it's totally amazing, it could always use a little bit more.
that's a thing.
now i know to be more present in whatever i'm up to.
less than that is too costly to the overall experience.
pizza is a universal totem for life and love.
if you're doing it right, it's always the best thing going-
and if you're doing it wrong, it's still not the worst thing.
there's room for improvement,
and for more salt;
never quiet, never soft.....