mousetraps.

worst vegan ever?
not quite.
i don't use glue traps, at least,
even when i beez in the trap-
instead,
i've got those never-built-better snip-snapping vermin snap-attackers set up to
get those head nods that make you break your neck.
woo-HA, my ninjas.
i've got ALL the mice in check.
i'm giving the bastards what i'm lacking:
a short, sharp, painfully brutal ending.
-
peanut butter and corn kernels are the bait,
and the wait is never long up inside the pantries and cabinets of this infested Fortress
before the singsong melody of sprung latches leads to spring-loaded levers and broken bodies.
the successive success of these effective executions has got me impressed
with this previous-level last-generation technology.
if it isn't broken, don't fix it,
and if it is broken?
yuuuuuuup. it's probably a rodent's spine.
ugh.
actually, it's pretty flippin' gross, neighbors,
not to mention the opposite of empathetic.
however,
chocolate doo-doo butter sh!t-sprankles and nibbled notches in all my nutrients?
come on,
what are you?
an A*hole?
no way, not once, not never-
i will kill every single solitary last one of those mutha-F*ers.
i feel no kinship or fellowship with them,
only a matter-of-fact decisive, derisive disdain for freeloaders.
maybe it's the portly portent of things to come-
the sang froid murdering of these little furry fat jerks who just want to be warm, and fed,
and comforted while they span the winter inside of this expansive, expensive,
massive Folk Life mansion.
i mean,
i want all the exact same things,
but i'm not the type to share what i'm not getting anywhere near enough of
with the self-entitled and undeserving invaders and pervaders and purveyors of pestilence
that have penetrated the inner sanctum of my sad, selfish suckiness.
no free rides, ninjas.
everything costs something,
and i'm dealing with looters like John F*ing Galt,
only i'm not just on strike,
i'm striking back.
real talk.
huh?
oh, well, yeah-
i probably could use a have-a-heart.
i mean, i DO have a heart;
...but it's broken.
(i think the cage still works, though. awwwwwww, c'mon.)
so i'm sh!t-sure not setting up any sanctuary within or without,
whilst i do without from within.
the lines have been drawn, the rules of engagement established,
and neither quarter nor hostages will be tolerated.
merciless mouse murder is where we're headed.
hell, it's where we're already at.
hard styles, kids.
i'm on it.
it's all really happening.
get 'em in your sights,
and take 'em down;
never quiet, never soft.....