Thursday, October 5


sandwich week is NOT weak.
in fact,
it's a powerful statement about dedication to over-the-top involvement
in your daily bread, and the determined doings and happenings of
a devoted full-immersion Folk Life.
you can eat a sandwich one time, and then think you're celebrating with us....
that's only one out of a minimum of eight portions,
spread out over eight days,
assuming you're not eating breakfast sandwiches and/or suppertime sandwiches...
damn, dudes, add it up,
that's barely more than 12% of the least active level of participation.
the math on that is indisputable.
and the fractious fractions are even worse,
because the implication is that you AREN'T all about sandwich week.
and that's not cool, bro.
not even one teeny-tiny lil' baby bit.
whereas we're out here in the woodsly goodness,
bringing the flavor and the flair and the savoir faire to each and every day,
and somehow still managing to crush a falafel per day at the fair
after all our other other big business has been conducted.
what does that mean, exactly?
it means that too much is the right amount,
and all y'all out there on some one sandwich bullsh!t aren't taking it seriously enough.
meanwhile, your main man albie rock got up early
and made some of the fluffiest focaccia bread on record,
all so that the day four deluxxe could bring even more noise than ever before.
that's no joke.
check the lofty-bread-type teleport:

HOLY SH!TBALLS, friends!!!
that bread has got it going ON!
and everything stacked in the middle doesn't play around either.
word up.
this one was some next-level voltron jauns.
all alone, each item was already a formidable force for taste and texture-
but together?!
that blazing sword was formed live and direct for my F*ing FACE!!!
here's the rundown, beginning with bread:

in your stand mixer, combine:
3 cups flour;
1 tsp bread machine yeast;
2 tsp salt;
4-5 T olive oil;
4 T vegan butterish;
1 cup warm water, + 1 T active yeast, + 1 T sugar.
beat it up for about five minutes of fury,
and then let that baby rise one hour, covered, until doubled in size.
preheat your oven to 450℉,
and while it heats up,
press your dough down,
and push it to the edges of a 9" x 11" buttered/oiled up baking pan.
squish your fingertips throughout the dough, to make the traditional dents and bumps,
and liberally olive oil the top.
cover it again,
and let it rise until the oven is hot.
hit it with big crystal salty sprankles
(i used himalayan; i don't think that mattered)
bake that baby boo-boo for 20ish minutes, until it;s golden af,
and then freak out about what a terrific baker you've just become.
y'know what just happened?
you got expert.
and that's pretty damned cool, bro.
the 'meat' was definitely on point.
my good buddy nate intimated to me that a sausage on a bun is NOT,
-at least, not in his eyes, anyway-
actually a sandwich.
i noted his observation, and instituted an incontrovertible compromise.
because i'm ON that sandwich maestro mastermind sh!t too damned hard
to be derailed by semantics...
and instead, i made fattie-boombattie sausage patty flatties,
with my custom red lentil seitan mix bringing ALL the boomfire to bear on
the protein portion of the program.
that's no joke.
the thing is, even flat, this sausagey stuff is the TRUTH!
saute one small onion, finely diced,
and a clove of crushed garlic, in oil, in a small pot.
add 1/2 cup red lentils, and sizzle them for a minute or two.
add 1 3/4 cups broth.
2 T soy sauce.
a generous dash of liquid smoke.
simmer on medium heat until all the water is absorbed,
about 15-20 minutes.
allow that to cool for about eleven minutes or so,
while you whisk up, in a medium metal mixin' bowl,
1 cup wheat gluten;
1 punch of nutritional yeast;
22 craxxx of black pepper;
GPOP, smoked paprika, parsely, sage, rosemary, thyme, ground mustard,
crushed red pepper, basil, fire-roasted tomato flakes...
plus 2 tsp sugar...
add the mash to the dry mix, smoosh it into one solid substance,
and divide it as you see fit.
i made four big patties, and five sausages for tomorrow's sandwiches, too.
you'll still need to cook it, tho.
i steamed the sausages for half an hour, individually wrapped in foil.
the patties, however, i braised in broth, before browning them up for the sandwich activation.
they're so hearty and rich and righteous and really flippin' delicious.
on their own, they'd have been amazing,
but eating them all on their own was not a viable option.
never, ever, do we want moderation,
a.k.a. diaperbutt babyishness,
to be considered acceptable-
and especially not during sandwich week, man,.
don't be dumb.
we also have cukes on the bottom of that cloudlike, salty, buttery, lofty, luscious bread.
and parsley over that, for color as much as fresh taste.
then there's crispy french fried onions.
the crawnch is key.
and also, that's very dutch/scandinavian,
which is where these sarnies draw heavy influence from.
next up was that red lentil hottness,
followed by pickled red onions.
yum. yum. YUM.
i quick pickled those babies in cider vinegar,
with mustard seeds and celery seeds, and black peppercorns,
plus salt and sugar, of course.
honestly, brined veggies might be steadily approaching the top tier of my food hierarchy.
they're just too damned good.
and over that??
toasted caraway seeded tomato relish.
that's lengthwise-sliced orange and red sweet grape tomatoes,
with those savory seeds making it even MORE F*ing awesome.
simple, yes, but expert all the same.
that's the honest to goodness word, nerds.
and lastly:
the tie-it-all-together big action,
the ├╝ber-duper activation,
the fiery fuego from the future:
y'all weren't ready for the guap on top of this b!tch.
no. i mean it.
y'got all the goods in one spot,
and they work in concert to take this 'guini into the warpspace between dimension.
i'm serious.
reserve 50% red onion pickle bath;
into the same pot, add:
50% matching malt vinegar;
in a strainer or sachet, add:
coriander seed, fresh dill, fresh thyme, ground mustard, black pepper;
dice up 1/2 turnip;
1 stalk celery;
1 carrot;
1 red radish;
immerse and boil in that bad bath until it's all sort of pinkish.
maybe ten minutes tops.
allow it cool....
then blast it with a few tablespoons of vegenaise,
and a small scoop of spicy mustard,
AND a spoonful of turmeric.
mix it up,
and suddenly you're a DEMIGOD OF SAUCE!!!
holy crapola, guys-
this is IT.
and it turns an already amazing 'guini into a heroic saga-worthy epic
of near-biblical greatness.
try one.
you'll agree.
i'm sure of it.
MORE of all of it?
harder styles?
longer nights?
earlier mornings?
sure thing.
it's all really happening,
and most of it is between slices of amazing fresh-baked loveliness.
i could have it a lot worse,
and i'm grateful for the time i get to do the things that i do.
this my really real life,
and i'm living it as hard as i know how;
never quiet, never soft.....

1 comment:

Beznarf27 said...

And it's recipes like this that have me dancing the happy dance all over my hot little Tasmanian kitchen. You sir ROCK. I would have been drooling over the red lentil sausage but you had to add the focaccia and the rest and now it's gone to a whole new level where I am twitching to make this and I have already had dinner. This recipe is more than the bomb, it's the whole damned explosion! Tucking this sucker away for a soon to be dinner date with gluttony.