HALLOWEENISH COOKIES!!!

fast, and dirty.
that's it.
ready?
ok.
...begin!
i love cookies because they are almost always delicious.
plus, they're very quick and easy to make.
also,
i like that there are usually a lot of them,
which means i can take down a whole tribe of those little F*ers
like i'm a natural disaster in a densely populated social center.
....that's my pleasure, duders.
eating cookies, i mean, while imagining i'm an earthquake enveloping the whole pan,
right into my magma-lined midsection.
mmmmmmmmm.
i made some pretty expert ones recently.
they were snappy-snaps, really...
with chocolate chips,
and lemon,
and coconut,
and oatmeal,
because those are all on my F*ING Wu-TANG flavor list.
check the teleport:

C IS FOR COOKIE!
rolled rounds, iced in true hallowe'en fashion with color-coordinated site-specific style.
yup.
rules is rules,
and good holidays require good-lookin' sweets to adequately activate the proper sentiments.
anything less is smegma sediment.
ew.
ok.
but, back to those amazing little circles of sexxxiness......
here's how you too can have a batch of from-scratch freshness for your face:
-
*
LEMON-OATMEAL-CHOCOLATE-CHIP D-LITES!!
-
preheat your oven to 375℉
-
in a medium mixing bowl, combine:
10 T vegan buttery goodness;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp vanilla;
1 cup sugar;
zest up 1 T lemon peel;
add:
2 cups a.p. flour;
1 tsp baking soda;
1 tsp baking powder
1/3 cup freshly-ground unsweetened dry flake coconut;
1/3 cup fresh-milled oat flour;
(spice/coffee grinders are your friends, bro....get one, or two, today)
1/2 cup mini-baby dark chocolate chips;
2 T agave;
3 T non-dairy milk.
knead it up until it's a soft, pliable, stiff dough-
-
on a well-floured surface, roll it to mini-chocolate-chip height,
and cut out ALLLL the circles.
i had a fancy edge thingie,
but they mostly melted down in the oven rendering it barely useful....
they still tasted bangin' though, so you won't catch me crying too hard about it.
13 minutes, followed by five on the tray, and another fifteen on a rack,
and you've got thin, crispy, sweet, buttery snappy-snaps ready to get iced.
dope.
orange is not the new black around here,
but black and orange ARE the right choice for hallowe'en cookie decorationg, for sure.
.
powdered sugar, gel color, soymilk, and vanilla-
in a sandwich bag with the corner barely removed,
is the only way to go, if you're rushing around trying to do ten things at once.
in fact,
i'm honestly doing eleven,
and taking each to eleven,
for a total of 121 hard styles every effing day.
yup.
too much is the only level i care about.
people who say less is more are unambitious,
and likely unproductive-
which is a whole other 'nother way of saying
that they don't want to turn up the volume on activation.
that's crazy talk.
and it very clearly means that they are NOT invited to my costume party.
happily,
i'm not even having one,
but they STILL can't come.
that's real life, where real recognize real,
and MORE is even better than just bigger and beautiful;
never quiet, never soft.....