OCTOBERIST!!

dudes,
it's NOT banana bread.
also, it's not carrot cake.
it IS pumpkin chai cake, however,
which nobody guessed at all.
maybe i did it wrong?
that's possible,
but it tasted SO right, i don't think i could be sorry about it at all.
teleport:

isn't she PRETTY?!
SO PRETTY!
...and dudes,
i did a thing.
yup.
a tricky thing.
that's the same frosting,
in two colors,
neither of which is pumpkin.
haha.
i'm tricky!!
check it out-
i totally used herbal tea to flavor everything.
i did.
and you can too.
it's as simple as obtaining some herbal tea,
and making it do as it's told.
would you like instructions on how to coax the maxxximum hottness
without the traditional hot water activation?
ok!
so,
in order to have a great big tasty cake like this, here's what you're going to want to do:
-
*
PUMPKIN CHAI 1-LAYER-PLAYER!!
-
preheat your oven to 350℉, convection-style if you're cool.
-
in your trusty stand mixer,
combine:
3/4 cup sugar;
1/4 cup big crystal raw sugar;
1/2 tsp salt;
2 tsp salt;
3 teabags of bengal spice herbal chai!
cream it up,
then add:
1 cup pumpkin;
1/2 cup non-dairy yogurt;
1/4 cup non-dairy milk;
2 cups flour;
3 T tapioca;
2 tsp ground ginger;
1/2 tsp exxxtra cinnamon;
1 tsp baking soda;
2 tsp baking powder;
-
kaboom!
how straightforward is that?
linear, luscious, and totally awesome.
i LOVE a springform pan for all my single layer cake needs,
and a greased 9-incher was key to the development of this tasty business.
oooof.
oh, c'mon!
25 minutes had a really great, really moist, extra-fluffy carrotcakey banana bread on deck,
sans carrots and bananas, still.
yeah.
-
and the frosting?
a F*ING TRIUMPH, bro.
ha!!
that's real.
trader joe's harvest blend tea?
who knew it was the apple-spiciest new hottness for frosting???
actually, it was me, obvi.
neighbors,
you need this in your lives.
i mean it. nothing will be the same ever again once it hits your lips.
-
*
APPLESPICE FROSTING!!
-
in the rinsed and dried stand mixer,
for swirling onto your cooled cake,
combine:
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar;
1/2 stick (4T) vegan butts;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 dumped out sachet of harvest tea;
3+ T non-dairy milk;
whip whip whip whip whip it up.
huh?
well, yes, i added orange color gel to sexxx it up,
but only because i like october so much,
i'd be a effin' real A*-hole if i didn't activate the seasonal cuteness, y'know?
seriously.
nobody would know it's not pumpkin frosting-
until that sweet magical cinnamon apple sorcery
blew their tastebuds out the back of their brains!!!
it's expert as heck, and you're going to have to make more.
in fact,
maybe double the recipe.
you'll be devastated if you run out.
***********
tattoos.
i do those.
you guys want some cool ones?
i prefer to do those.
no?
ah, you just want some regular-A* ones?
oh, okay.
i do those, too.
it's alright.
i'm a working worker,
and i do work.
there are no lousy jobs, after all.
just lousy people who think they're too good to have to do 'em.
i'll bring the sexxxy cake and you bring your baked-potato ideas,
and somewhere in the middle,
we'll exchange some goods and services.
...who knows,
maybe there's a chance we're gonna have a good time?
i s'pose we'll find out,
because it's all really gonna happen, one way or another;
never quiet, never soft.....