get with it,
or get the F*outta here.
that's a decree, duders.
grandma-style pan pizza is expert.
it's thick, luscious, hearty....
it's on some sort of focacciaesque tip, if you will.
i know i will, that's for sure.
when you're positively in dire need of magnificent sustenance,
and you're definitively looking to make a mess
using the minimum number of implements,
a fattie-boomboom-battie pan of pizza is absolutely the right call.
i am a pizza freak.
i admit it.
i never get tired of it,
i'm always excited to eat it,
i fantasize about a good crust,
i drool over a saucy edge;
i LOVE pizza.
so,
when i got home last night,
in the muggy warm rainy dark of a late october seasonal weather mix-up mishap,
the answer to what's for dinner was as clear as crystal.
one hot, thiccc, sicilian was all there was in my mind's eye.
guys,
check the teleport:
THAT LOOKS LIKE FAMILY, KID!
red onions, as is!
lengthwise-sliced long baby tomatoes, fresh as fresh can be!
barely braised broccoli,. because raw broccoli is tasty, but it's NOT for pizza.
crushed tomatoes, ready to rock, straight out of the tuttoroso can.
huh?
am i serious?
is that really all i use for sauce?
ummmmm, yeah.
you don't?!?!
jeez.
what are you?
some kind of a sh!theaded piping-hot mess?
a good pie only needs a simple sauce.
salt, sugar, basil.....it's already IN there, friends.
don't try to dress up some ketchup and call it pizza sauce.
that's a rookie move,
and it really only reflects your own limited pizza knowledge.
now, as a professional appreciator, as well as a connoisseur of a good apizza,
i represent on the tuttorosso jauns because they're tip-top notch.
that's my word, and you can try 'em for yourself, by all means.
you can thank me after.
-
ANYway,
a little pink salt, some cracked black pepper, fried garlic sprankles,
because rules is rules,
a little GPOP, and a blast of nootch to complete the look.
oh, and daiya mozzarella, of course,
minced up for superior meltability.
trust me.
i LOVE pizza way more than i love you,
and we've developed an understanding, that pie and i.
*
the crust was a quick one, but a damned good one.
you want the recipe?
i GOT that for ya:
-
*
SICILIANO, EXPEDITIOUSLY!
-
in your stand mixer, combine:
2 cups flour;
2 tsp salt;
2 T sugar;
2 T olive oil;
2 T vegan butterish;
1 tsp wheat gluten;
1 pkg exxxtra-fast-actin' yeast;
1/3 cup semolina flour;l
-
in a measuring cup, stir up:
3/4 cup warm water;
1 tsp bread machine yeast;
1 squirt agave.
allow that to bloom, and add it to the mixin' bowl-
beat it until it pulls away from the sides and slaps around like a sticky wet ball,
cover it, and let it rise while you're preheating your oven to 450℉,
hopefully in a well-blown circulating convection oven.
spread the dough, after about fifteen minutes, to the edges of a brownie pan,
for maxxximum lofty crust, add a spoonful of olive oil to the top,
and let it hang out until the oven is hot enough,.
then it's toppings and seasonings and baking,
until the oily edges are golden, and the chee' is all melted up.
it really can't get easier,
and it really doesn't get much better.
***********
i've been huffing barge toluene-activated contact cement for days.
my head is swimming in sleepiness,
and muddled by vapors.
thank heavens for pizza or i'd be lost at sea.
hallowe'en is my favorite-
but every year,
the making of these essentially superfluous costumes
takes a huge bite out of my constitution....
and it all happens at considerable expense, and at the expense of my well-being,
just so i can flex a little on the lazies and crazies who perpetrate and profess their love
for the holiday without ever actually bringing any kind of noise,
or candy,
to the party.
this one's for the active participants,
the pizza-and-costume makers who know that actually producing things
is specifically how achieving expertism happens.
everything else is just a diversion.
yep.
and also, yes-
that's another decree;
never quiet, never soft.....
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