LUNACY!

it's the year of the dog.
although, this and every other morning seems to be all about the dog, anyway.
however,
this time, it's official.
now, every year on the lunar flip-up-and-over
i wanna make some sort of vaguely asian treat for the big day.
and, every year, i do that.
they're getting better, slowly but surely-
it's just that once a yearly practice hardly makes for perfection.
at any rate,
to celebrate the new moon, and lunar new year, i made some cookies,
and a nother 'nother resolution.
mmhmmm
P.M.A. is a great focus to strive for in for 2018.
i mean, c'mon-
a Positive Mental Attitude should, if properly applied,
lift you up out of whatever bummer situation you're in.
right?
it doesn't fix it.
but, proactive affirmative motion is progress,
and progress moves forward,
and as forward momentum builds, those bummers get left behind.
that's why we got that P.M.A. ...ALL DAY.
but it's not enough.
nope.
just to reinforce my mantra:
too much is the right amount,
i'm also adding a whole exxxtra element to my perpetual quest for self-improvement.
yup.
COMPOSURE.
^^^^^^^^
you have any idea how tough it gets trying to keep my composure?
for real.
can i take it to eleven all the time, and not get lost in the sauce?
can i state an informed opinion calmly from start to finish? (probably not)
can i feel things deeply and not let them upend and upset the delicate
and finely-calibrated balance between thoughts and actions?
i don'y knowwwwwwwww.
but, i've got to try to keep my composure.
runaway train was a terrible soul asylum song,
a cliché movie premise,
and an apt description of my emotional acceleration from initial idea
to stormswept cyclone somewhere around the second spoken sentence.
it's not an ideal model for socializing.
composure, man.
in the face of those few things that actually matter,
and in the midst of all the things that actually don't.
i think it's going to be hard, but i also think it'll be worth a lot more than the effort.
*
ANYWAY,
i also made some cookies,
which were such a bummer at first that i had to mess with the recipe a LOT
just to make something any good at the end.
....i hope that's not some kind of a harbinger.
then again, i stuck with it, and made it happen.
shoutouts to that P.M.A. right now, and for the rest of this dog year, too.
y'wanna see 'em?
i wanna show you.
teleport:

YUAN!
we got coin-ish ones,
we got medallions with powdered sugar dog symbols,
and we got iced ingots with sossamon sprankles!
that's what's up, bro.
i'm not even going to get into the recipe-
i effed with it so much that i doubt i could even estimate what's what
or how much of it there was.
there is rice flour, and peanut butter, and tons sesame seeds,
coconut oil, vegan butter, sugar, agave, non-dairy milk, white flour, xantham gum,
salt, and sadness.
dudes!
they tasted fantastic,
but they took forever to finally become something i could work with.
damn.
i hate when that happens,
but i looooved these cookies.
figures the tastiest sesame treats so far are the most mysterious, too.
i s'pose next year, i'll be starting from scratch again.
neat-o.
***********
year of the dog, dudes.
the year of the flippin' dog.
and that's no joke.
i have a sneaky suspicion that crabtree and i
are going to spend even more time together as this year progresses.
he may be a deaf, dumb, self-destructive cannonball shark-bullet battle-beast,
but he's pretty reliable, and dependable,
so long as you're depending on him to be sort of a distraction.
the thing of it is,
he's always a distraction in the exact same ways.
so, that's pretty staid and steady, and predictability isn't a bad trait,
because we can anticipate the likely outcome every time....
that works for people too.
creatures of (bad)habits can be relied on to be unreliable.
only,
i'm completely unimpressed by most people more often than not.

and while he's a whiny little side-eyed instigator,
i'm also pretty sure that that counts as communication, inasmuch as he's interested
and capable of such interpersonal interaction.
he's not sayin' anything i wanna discuss, but he's not NOT telling me what he wants.
stating your needs is kind of in the top five topics for being satisfied in any relationship, right?
so shoutouts to crabtree for being better at hanging out than most of us.
it's the year of the dog, neighbors.
and dogs do what dogs do-
their infinite nature is pretty open and up front.
if he sees or even smells a roadside mud-clot half-eaten sandwich?
he's gonna go for it.
nature wins,
and he can't help himself from helping himself to a helping of hurt.
literally, he is incapable of choosing otherwise.
even though the consequences are considerable, and long-lasting.
he cannot reason, and therefore he cannot be trusted.
sort of like some other folks i know.
ohhhhhhhhhh sh!t!
is that passive aggressive?
maybe.
but, and i'll say it again, this isn't actually a food blog-
it's a real life documentarian dissertation of true stories of woodsly goodness.
moving on,
it's the year of the dog, not the year of the lil b!tch,
and thus i am unsure what to what level the limits of tolerance there should be
for those who are capable of comprehension and still choose to be a real bummer.
i mean, it stands to reason that if we can reason,
then there's no reason for it.
not for doing it,
and there's even less of a reason to accept it.
no?
anybody?
hello?
if you're no better than a dog, but also, like, not any better than a dog,
but also, NOT a dog-
i have to ask?
what. the. F*. is wrong. with. you?
is it a cynic's life you're living?
like, the old-school greek-style jauns?
i doubt that, although that was a tight dog reference, for the two people who get it.
-
it's the year of the dog.
it's an eleven year.
and it's all really happening.
so, where my dogs at?
and what's up with faithful friends?
what's poppin' with loyal companions?
where's the trust?
where's the communication?
and how does it get so tough, so quickly?
i love my people,
and i love my baby bully boy,
but in an instant-
in one decision, one choice, one action,
it flips to something else so HARD i hardly recognize myself.
keeping one's composure starts there, and starts now;
never quiet, never soft.....

DOGYEARS!!

2018 is already an eleven year.
yeah, that's a thing.
2+0+1+8= 11.
y'get it?
c'mon- y'got it.
but,
today is also THE day,
and now, with a new moon blackout keeping the skies dark,
it's also officially the year of the DOG (again)!
so shoutouts to DarkMan X, a.k.a. the dog; also known as earl simmons,
for providing the soundtrack to the workday, for sure.
it's happening.
yup.
the TÊT, bro.
lunar new year.
the new hottness.
and today is when it pops off.
what's good?
i've got a whole mess of sesame seeds toasted up,
and i've got a whole lotta fresh from-scratch seitan ready for red oil,
and i've also, and this one is key here, got a F*ing DOG.
yup.
as far as i'm concerned, today is crabtree appreciation day.
and very proud we all always are of that terrible terrorizing milky boi.
it's the year of the dog, dudes.
rules is rules.
***********
meanwhile, independent of any celestial timekeeping,
i burned an embarrassing mountain of hoarded paper bags last night.
i did.
i looked into a long-forgotten pantry, and discovered a whole world of
weird sh!t i must've stashed in there years ago.
but, the days of stockpiling stupid stuff are over,
and the nights of burning it all to ash have just begun.
i think it might've all the chick peas pumping me full of raw berserker power?
is that something that happens?
i dunno.
it might be.
i was all hopped-up on curry,
and spicy chicky peepee might've pushed me over the edge.
check the teleport:

SO MANY GARBANZOS.
shouts to chana saag, son!
mmm.
what's in it?
i'll tell you: chickpeas (chana) and spinach (saag).
more specifically?
really??
i mean, that's pretty specific, man.
ohhhh,
you wanna know how to make it on your own....
ok.
it's like this:
-
*
CHANA SAAG!
-
in a big ol' pan, warm up 3 T vegan earth balance butter,
and saute, on medium high heat-
1/2 diced onion;
3 cloves garlic;
when the onion gets a little translucent, add:
1/2 cup chopped tomato;
2 tsp minced skin-on organic ginger;
1 tsp turmeric;
1/4 tsp black pepper; cinnamon; hot paprika; cardamon;
1/2 tsp coriander seed; cumin; cayenne; mustard seed;
next, stir in:
1 can 15oz rinsed chick peas;
drizzle in:
2 T hotsauce;
1 habanero;
1 jalapeno;
1/2 cup water.
lid it, and let it absorb all that liquid,
then add a sh!t ton of chopped spinach.
i rep the baby-leaf stuff because it's already bite-sized,
but big-big real spinach is totally just as good.
-
have you ever made rice?
ok. well, do that, too.
but, leave room for some roti-style flatbread, neighbors.
a scoopie scooper of bread is tight at all times,
and i recommend it highly-
-
*
FLATTIEBREAD!
-
1/2 cup flour;
1/4 tsp salt;
1/2 tsp bakey powpow;
2 tsp non-dairy yogurt;
1 tsp melted butterish;
2 T warm water.
knead it, rest it, shape it, and give it a good, thorough pan fry on a HOT skillet, pan, griddle, or whatever.
just be sure to toast both sides.
-
the next step is setting yourself up for suppertime success.
jalapeno, cilantro, lime, scallion sprankles, and coolwater cukes for crunch!!!!
that's expert.
but when you add a dollop of unsweetened cashew yogurt to the mix?
daaaaaaaaaamn.
that's that eleven-year sh!t i mentioned earlier for sure.
-
yeah, i ate a whole heap of it.
yeah, i had seconds.
yeah, i was very happy with the results of my decisions.
too much is the right amount, buddy.
don't forget that.
***********
and now it's the other other new year.
looks like it's time to take a few dumps on my face.
i think that's more than fair.
after all,
i bombarded all y'all with heart-shaped cake for weeks,
and here i am,
all by my lonesome,
ready and willing to dump 'em out,
for freelookfriday,
and there's no damned dirty doggies to dig in with.
except crabtree, but the i'd have to make it gluten/onion/garlic/soy free.
these upscale luxury purebreed dudes come with a lot of complications.
i'm not saying i mind,
i'm saying i don't have a dumpling team assembled for this evening.
i'll live.
after all,
it's still crabtree appreciation day, even if he and i are having separate meals.
TÊT is here, and it's all really happening...
another dark night rises,
and i guess the temperature is set to drop over forty fahrenheit degrees, too.
nature wins, and dogs do what dogs do.
i guess that's the theme for today;
never quiet, never soft.....

TRUE ROMANCE!

maaaaaaaaaan,
i had dennis, dylan, AND ian,
plus my new homie marcus,
a few consultations,
a client with a looong tattoo appointment, and her friends,
all hanging out all day at AMPERSAND TATTOO.
and y'know what?
it was F*ing awesome.
yeah.
like,
the warm-hearted avocado-hued fresh-to-death just-be-dope-imbued hotspot
for competent and capable creation, communication, and cooperation
really seemed to be firing on all cylinders, whatever that means.
it was good.
and i was grateful.
valentine's day with people i care about is a decent silver medal, i s'pose.
although, you still won't catch me giving any sh!ts about the olympics.
that's not my area, kids.
do y'wanna know what IS my boomfire specialty though?
go ahead- guess....
hmm?
did you just say pizza?
damn, dudes, you really DO know me pretty well.
yes.
pizza.
y'heard?
i saiiiiiiiiid: PEE EYE ZEE ZEE AYY!!!
and there ain't no party like a vegan pizza party,
because a vegan pizza party, in a drug-free household,
with only my buddy ian, and crabtree the dog around,
is basically no party,
but rather a heroic, platonic, hetero-shark-gluttonous feeding-frenzy.
but,
i still went hard on the cute sh!t, because valentine's day is good for you.
teleport:

HEART PIZZA IS MY LOVER!
dudes,
that's my semi-semolina standard,
upgraded and activated with half a cup of very active sourdough starter,
and really proofed like the troof from the floor to the roof.
wordimus prime.
it rose like a phoenix in the hot oven, bro.
thickness is key to good sourdough pizza crust.
it gets crackery if it's too thin.
lucky for me,
i enjoy crawnch as much as the next guy,
so that circle pizza was doing just fine.
i'll take an exxxtra pie for my face anytime.
-
guys!
i think you're not fully aware about the exxxcitement that is required right now-
HEART PIZZA!
HEART PIZZA!!
HEART PIZZA!!!

...because obviously i heart pizza.
awwwwww.
and even the fresh from-scratch-made sausageronis were cut into hearts.
that's what you DO, if you're a hopeless romantic,
and a mandatory celebrant of sentimentality.
my absentee affectionada, kayla, was sorely missed,
and also, she sorta seems to have missed out.
but then again,
i'm in an icy arctic winterscape,
and she's F*ing around in sunny southern california.
(if you'd had a slice of this, though, i think you'd have agreed
that i actually am doing pretty great, all things considered)
the thing of it is,
i made that heart pretty big.
and the sausages, in order to be cut into hearts, were also pretty big.
so, it was a large pizza.
of course, that's NOT a problem.
too much is the right amount,
which is never more true than when referring to radical expert vegan pizza.
real talk.
there's crushed tomatoes, followed by slow-cooked thin-sliced caramelized onions,
daiya mozzarella chee', baby bella mushroom slices,
and that elite 'roni....
naturally, there are fried garlic sprankles all over it.
i mean. c'mon, kiddo-
rules IS rules.
tell you what-
the dough recipe, which can be found here, when improved with the sourdough starter,
has a depth of flavor i appreciated to my core,
and then enoyed more and more with every slice.
yup.
the mushrooms were subtle, 0% slimy, 100% rich in flavor,
and totally invigorating my nutrient receptors.
that last part is an assumption.
the onions are forever the best. carmies have the pizza essence dialed in,
and anyone who says otherwise is misinformed, and very likely a F*ing sociopath.
avoid them at all costs.
-
i've said it before, but i believe in reinforcement through repetition:
chop up your daiya chee' shreds. i'm not playin'. do it.
you'll be so grateful when the ooey gooey meltiness is increased by mathematical margins.
mmmhmmmmm.
-
the arugula was a good call, y'all.
just sayin', it looks like the sexxxiness, and it tastes like the sexxxiness,
and pizza with the sexxed-up presentation counts for double-points...
*
and then i freaked it off on this classic jaun:

BRUSSIES, CARMIES, SAUSAGIANS!
and also baby sweet tomatoes and arugula and fried garlic spranksies,
plus crushed tomatoes and that mincey little daiya...
all the sausage pieces around the heart cut-outs were crumbled, fried, and spread around this
littler thinny-thin-thin skin of sourdough circularity.
yummmmmm.
the brussels sprouts were braised in broth,
and seared in a skillet, and they always melt in your mouth after a 480℉ convection cycle.
the tomatoes get soft, but not mushy, whereas the onions get almost ethereal in the oven.
i LOVE pizza, and i could eat it every single day.
heck, who knows, i may just call an audible on the field,
and declare sometime soon a pizza week.
don't think for a second that's out of the realm of possibilities.
when it comes to pizza partying: what-what say-what-say-what?
ANYthing could happen.
and that's no joke.
***********
now that valentine's day has come and gone,
the rest of this month is basically bullsh!t.
yuck.
its still cold, and will be for some time.
it's getting lighter, but not enough to do nighttime things that are any good.
school vacations begin tomorrow,
so this whole area is about to get flooded with A*bags and d!ckturds from away,
who'll clog and congest and infest every restaurant gas station coffee shop
and grocery store for the next couple of weeks.
just in time to continue this februarian tradition of hard styles.
i'm doing two and half weeks without my sweetheart,
and i'll do two more with bitter buttfaces taking up all the peace and quiet.
it's a study in extremes,
and i'm extremely unimpressed;
never quiet, never soft.....

BIG B!!!!

i made myself the big B,
just because i love being the chief chopper and show-stopper
in my Folk Life & Liberty Fortress test kitchen laboratory.
mmmhmmm.
i was up early, trying to squeeze every last drop of valentiney goodness
out of the whole damned day.
i had dough whirling on the imbedded hook of
my stooped and bowed brokeback stand mixer.
i had batter resting in the fridge.
i had spices sifted and stirred, awaiting seitanification.
dudes,
i was up and at 'em,
and i was on'n'on'n'ON it with alert alacrity from the moment i opened my eyes.
and with those same good-lookin' amber-colored maple-syrup-tinted orbs,
i spied an opportunity to turn my solo span in my expansive manse into something
a little MORE expert.
mmmhmmmm.
when you see a chance, y'gotta seize it, right?
i said to myself: "self, you deserve a beautiful romantic breakfast.
you're a lover, and a fighter, a writer, a righter, a wright, and usually right.
go for that beautiful big action all by your lonesome.
don't let solitude dictate the day."
and the  i was all like: "damn, man. y'all all kinds of WISE like a guru and sh!t."
and then i made breakfast.
check the teleport:

VALENTINE'S HEART ATTACK!!!!
* chocolate chip oatmeal coconut panniecakes??
with strawberries, AND coconut sprankles???
word up!
this ain't where the weak-sauce watery diaperbaby buttholes wimp out.
this is where the worth-a-sh!t sorcerers of superfancy loud, hard,
fresh-to-deathliness doo-doo that freaky sh!t, holmes.
.......so, like, recognize.
* heart-shaped exxxtra-crispy soft-centered salty hashbrownzzz??
F* yeah!
* fresh homemade spicy seitan brekkie sausages??
c'mon, i'm ON it, kid.
* AVO-F*ING-CADO?
rules is rules, fools,
and y'need the sexxxiness if it's valentine time, right?
...right!
* tofu scramborghini, with blackened baby sweetie tomatoes?
that's exxxactly what those are.
-
ummmm, are those chocolate covered strawberries, too?
c'mon.
what are you?
an A*-hole??!
of COURSE they are.
don't be dumb.
too much is the right amount,
and besides, valentine's day is s'posed to be cute like that, man.
duh.
you want recipes?
do you?
you DO?
neat.
sounds good.
here they come:
-
*
 PANNIECAKES!!!
-
in a mixing bowl,
combine:
1/2 cup flour;
1/4 tsp salt;
1/4 cup fresh-ground unsweetened coconut from flakes into meal;
1/4 cup oatmeal prepared the same way (spice grinders are a must-have, y'feel?);
1 tsp bakey soda & bakey powder;
2 T vegan sour cream OR non-dairy yogurt.
add:
2-3 T melted vegan butterish;
1 cup non-dairy milk;
1 tsp vanilla.
combine gently, and refrigerate at least an hour.
you may need to add a little scoochie droplet more milkiness to thin it,
but i believe in you.
are you adding chocolate chips to yours?
you ARE?! nice. put 'em on the unflipped side, so they don't burn and turn to charred turds.
that's right.
then, the flip will goldenize the surface, and only barely soften your cakes.
a nearly high-heat pan, and some butts or spray,
to keep the sticking at bay, help when you;re using shapes, btw.
that's the way to do it.
*
-
* 
HASBROWNZZZ!
-
in a colander,
salt up:
1 small shredded carrot;
1/4 paper-thin sliced sweet onion;
1 large skin-on sredded red potato.
let that sit for fifteen minutes, and squeeze all that gros starchy water away.
give it eleven MORE mnutes, and do it again.
press all of that firmly into a heart-shaped metal form,
or a circle, of just do it sloppy if you;re lazy and lame.
but fry it in a hot oily pan, until the first side is very crispy,
then flip it and remove the form.
you wouldn't wanna have it fall to pieces, would ya?
no way.
salt and pep it while it cooks to, so it's got that nicey nice.
i ate mine with sliced of that AVOCADO.
i'll tell you, that was the right call.
soft smooth vs crisp crunch and the winner was my face.
yay for victual victories, an' that.
*
-
*
SCRAMBORELLA!
-
a little onion; a little firm or exxxta-firm tofu, undrained;
a little olive oil; a LOT of GPOP; and some nootch;
turmeric and black peps to activate it; pink or better yet, black salt;
all of that, sizzlin' away, will get you what you need, nerds.
i added hemp hearts at the end.
also, i freak mine off with a little pinch of smoked paprika.
you don't need it, but you kinda need it. y'know? mmmmmmhmmmm.
oil-fried tomatoes, barely blackened also seem to be essential.
i'm not telling you what to do, i'm just insinuating that my way is better.
whatever.
*
the sausages were tight and TILTY.
seitan/tofu/onion. garlic jauns,
with allllll the spices and a lot of spiciness, too.
the recipe is on here in a bunch of places.
find it, i guess, if that's your thing.
they were molto dope, tho, for realsies.
-
and of course,
that's real new hampshire maple syrup.
that's non-negotiable.
if you're using that b!tchsap corn sauce,
you're fired.
and then there had to be coconut sprankles.
and some slightly-trimmed-to-be-even-MORE-heartlike slices of strawberry.
AND then those chocolate-dipped romantic blops, too.
awwwwwwww.
s'kyoot.
i don't even pretend i'm not all about that stuff.
if it isn't adorable, it's probably not invited.
*
i can't help myself: i'm sweet even when my girl is gone.
i guess that's my infinite nature-
and since it's the truth that nature wins,
we just have to use the momentum of eternity
to slingshot our finite selves towards a worthy ending, man.
that way, the echoes that rebound and resound throughout time and space
will ricochet with a resonance that reforms into a clearer being next time.
no?
oh, stop.
it's inevitable that we go, bro.
but how we span the time until then is a matter of navigation.
take your worst traits and harness them.
it's all hot fire in between all the cold emptiness of the secret universal plan.
that's what i'm spitting, that's what's coursing in my veins,
that's the spark that keeps burning in the nothingness.
jeez.
where'd you go?
i though ya'll were with me.
oh well.
moving on, what do you do with all that hot fire?
you forge a steely resolve from the raw iron ore of your core.
OBVI.
we're big black smiths, and we're hammering out a bass-boosted backbeat heartbeat,
with that ring and recoil of every minute.
every impact shapes the sword, neighbors.
over time, you're beaten down.
that's true.
but,
beaten into what, though?
submission?
or into a mutha-F*ing +ULFBERH+T?
i'm not saying that a big B on valentine's day gave me this kind of P.M.A.
but,
i'm not saying it didn't contribute.
***********
and then,
this happened:

HOLY SH!!!!!!!!T!!
cherry red enamel for my cherry red heart....
isn't she pretttty????
damn, damn, DAMN!
my stepparents, patti and dennis, came THROUGH big time
with the valentine generosity.
i am so very grateful for my holiday-colored large and in charge new hottness.
i'm about to take my bread game to eleven.
who has the best people?
i think it's me.
and honestly, i'm driven to be worthy of their attentions and affections.
no days off,
no rest,
no time to waste.
there is no down time.
i've got to earn this Folk Life, and be of value the people who populate it;
never quiet, never soft.....

CORAZON!

yup.
so,
it was valentine's day.
and it was not the worst one i've ever had.
somewhat surprisingly,
even without the close quarters company of a certain special someone,
and without the only-slightly-less close-quarters
constant communication with my coworker,
i STILL managed to be surrounded by positive people,
with positive vibes,
and that Positive Mental Attitude.
mmmhmmm.
lucky lucky.
i think it must've been the cake, honestly.
everybody who is any good likes cake.
i wish it was because i was well-dressed for success,
but i'm convinced it was all the cake's doing, and not the fresh threads.
aww.
i was decked out from head to toe in a seasonally-appropriate situationally-suited
site-specific red, white, and pink fit of valentine finery,
complete with bow tie, OBVI,
because i am both romantic and dapper, and also NOT an A*-hole.
rules is rules.
you dress nice on valentine's day, duders.
show a little sentimental softness for one day.
jeez.
anyway,
i had a chocolate brownie doing it's best impersonation of a cake,
and it was covered in chocolate ganache,
and it had sprankles all over it.
yup.
you know what i'm about,
and now i know what brings all of y'all to the studio.
(nobody was getting tattooed, just spanning time and eating cake, but still....)
check it:

HEARTS ON HEARTS ON HEARTS!!!
neighbors,
i just loooooove to celebrate stuff.
and i love love.
and i love cake.
so this is pretty much a convergence of the expert elements.
y'see that frosting?
yeah.
that's the messy whirlwind of wand mixer prepared swirls.
whatever, man. it worked, barely, and it looks good, so that must mean it IS good.
is that how that works?
i think that's a thing.
ANYway,
you guys want to know how to make some of this for yourselves?
well, i'm just gonna list the process for you,
and if you wanna, you can follow along at home-
-
*
BROWNIE HEART CAKE!!
-
in a small saucepot,
warm  up, all together:
1 stick vegan butter equivalent(i think the earth balance stuff is numero uno for this);
1 cup dark brown sugar;
1/2 cup chocolate chips;
1 cup non-dairy milk;
1 tsp vanilla.
while that's melting, slowly, over low heat,
fire your oven right on up to 375℉.
grease and flour a cake pan, more specifically a heart one, bro.
in a medium mixing bowl,
toss together:
1/4 cup tapioca flour/starch/whatever you call it;
1/3 cup cocoa;
2 cups flour;
1 tsp ea. bakey powpow and soda;
1/2 tsp salt;
-
add the wet to the dry, and pour it into the pan and put the pan into the oven.
c'mon.
that's where you're going to bake it for 35-45 minutes,
and then, y'gotta let it cool out of it's pan for long enough
to keep the ganache from getting too runny and slipping off.
that's a thing.
and the ganache?
damn, duders. that's actually too easy:
-
1/2 cup chocolate chips;
3 T non-dairy milk;
3 T powdered sugar;
2 tsp vanilla;
1 non-stick pan on low heat, and lots of stirring.
boom.
instant supersexxxy luscious frosty boomfire.
y'like those valentiney dots on dots, a.k.a. spranks?
you dooooo?
tight. i do too.
and of course, when it was actually cooled enough to manhandle,
that double frosty frosting flavor was mandatory:
too much is the right amount;
and besides understating things is a great way to be misunderstood.
i repeat myself a lot.
i want to make sure you know what i mean, man.
***********
not everybody is terrible.
that's something it took me years to discover,
and i'm glad i finally stopped being completely closed-off long enough
to let a few people in.
my valentine's crew was a surprising set of folks who are all really frickin' good ones.
i know i'm lucky.
yeah.
not everybody is terrible.
however,
everybody is when they're drinking alcohol.
unpopular that opinion may be, but it's not any less true.
even just a little bit diminishes your ability to uncover your best self.
that's real.
and while i guess i get why it happens-
not everyone thinks they can be accepted for their inner infinite nature-
which is true, but also pretty much totally fine.
i mean it.
not everybody has to like you.
and not everyone can find a path towards resolution of their problems,
so they seek escape 'em rather than repair or reroute or reflect.
i don't remember...does that solve anything?
oh, right.....it doesn't.
...
personally, i believe we get a choice.
and the choice is between what is easy, and what is dope.
the harder way, every day, kids, is the path to strong bodies and minds.
i choose to be the person i want to be.
or, at the barest minimum, to clear-headedly soul-searchingly strive
to become that worthy warrior poetic ideal.
why the F* would i want anything less?
i know, i repeat myself a lot.
i know, most of you could give a sh!t.
i know i'm not changing many minds.
i know, it has nothing to do with cake.
but, well,
it's MY blog, brothers and sisters,
and this is what i had on my mind.
truth tellers can never stop,
and moreover, they mustn't.
it's ALL really happening,
and i'm pursuing that hard-headed open-minded heavy-handed strongarm
sojourn for true stories told truly.
this is it;
never quiet, never soft.....

RED, BLACK, GREEN!

sooooo,
to answer the pressing question burning the brains of everybody here-
q. IS black bean spaghetti delicious?
a. not especially.
sure, it's not THAT disgusting.
in fact, it's pretty flippin' bland.
but, it's got that gluten-free bummer texture.
sorta gritty, kinda plastic, kinda not as dope as wheat.
yeah, yeah, it's healthy, maybe.
that's cool.
i'm not sayin' i didn't eat a ton of it,
i'm just sayin' it looks a lot cooler than it is.
sorta like the opposite of me.
no. wait. i look as uncool as i am.
....neat.
the pasta bowl, though, that punctuated my evening was tiiiiiiight.
dudes,
nate and i did name tattoos on some in-love lovelies.
yup.
i know what you're thinking- big deal.
people do that all the time and it is almos always ill-advised.
to that i say:
'maaaaaaaaaan, don't ruin it'.
theyare in love probably, and that was nice to see.
the gesture, in the moment is always so optimistic,
and that's the sort of P.M.A. i wish i had.
the guy makes italian food.
and you KNOW i like to talk about food.
so, we did, and i got psyched.
so much so that instead of skipping dinner,
i went RBG and molto italiano at the same time.
check the teleport:

RABE RAPINI ROBERTO!!
what's the secret to good broccoli rabe?
boil it for exxxactly two minutes in salted water!
when i learned that, it changed my actual life.
until that point, i'd bee resigned to hating the stuff, because it was so flippin' bitter,
it made even ME seem sugary sweet by comparison.
vegan sausages are good, because sausages taste good.
when they aren't made of d!cks stuffed into A*-holes made to look like d!cks,
and instead are just vaguely phallic veggie blops, they're actualy much much better.
just sayin'.
i got some from-the-store ones, and i'm not even ashamed about it at all.
fried garlic, and shallots, and blackened burst baby tomatoes all added a lot to the composition.
i cooked those dumb noodles like it said to, and that was alright.
no big deal.
but, to freak it off, turn it up,
and bring the entire flavor profile up to eleven,
i toasted and crushed some almond slices, neighbors.
yup.
expert activation ensued.
simple, but sexxxy.
sort of the opposite of y'boi.
i'm a convoluted and complicated head-on attacker,
but i am NOT the sexxxy sexbob-omb, broski.
maybe if i eat enough of this stuff, it'll infuse my body with that tasty man-peach karate?
i have my doubts,
but i had one heck of a satisfying supper.
word up.
***********
sunovab!tch-
i need a new bathroom.
actually, i need something of a new portion, or a repair, or a patch, or a problem solved
in ALL the bathrooms in my house.
that's real.
it would seem that i'm in the market for a builder-type, who does that sort of thing.
do you know a guy?
because i need one.
just sayin';
never quiet, never soft.....

TART ATTACK!!!

strawberry pastry creme.
you know about it?
well, you're going to.
yup.
i'm going to give you the recipe,
so that you can make something neat-o with it.
or, you can alternately ignore it,
and do nothing.
that's cool with me, because i have a strawberry pastry creme tart already,
so i'm not sweating it, neighbors.
in fact,
i went all-in and over-the-top with the little cookies,
and the big action.
wanna see?
check the teleport:

S'TAAAAAAAAAAAAART today!!
yeah!
now,
i have detailed at length the steps to make graham crackery cookie crumble crusts
over and over and over in the years and years of writing this diary of dwindling returns.
so, here's what i'm gonna do.
i'll skip all the cookie details,
after i mention this: you CANNOT overdo it.
too much is the right amount.
that's a fact, and that's how i'm livin'.
nothing else interests me.
not at all.
so go for it, and go hard, and then go farther, further, more ferociously,
and freak it off with frosting or sprankles or what-the-F*-ever...
but,
make sure your pastry creme is TIGHT AF first.
real talk- without a solid base to build on,
you're just messin' about, and this is serious sh!t, son.
mmhmmm.
so,
here's the secret to the thing-
-
*
STRAWBERRY PASTRY CREME!!
-
you'll need a saucepot, and a blender to make this happen.
-
over high heat, warm up 1 cup non-dairy milk and 1 tsp vanilla;
-
in a blender, combine:
1 cup non-dairy milk;
3 T flour;
3 T powdered sugar;
2 T cornstarch;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 tsp lemon extract;
3 T powdered freeze dried strawberries;
1 T seedless strawberry jam.
-
pulse the blender to slurry all the stuff,
and pour it into the hot pot with the other cuppa wetness-
then,
still on high heat,
stir it like you'll die if you stop.
it's gonna thicken quickly into a bubbling pudding.
stop stirring, remove it from the heat,
and pour it into your choice of receptacle.
mine was that crumb tart shell;
you do what you do, dude.
it's going to set quickly,
so have your add-ons ready already, or you'll eff it up in the home stretch.
*
guys,
i used a wand mixer to make frosting.
uh-huh.
it was:
tedious.
messy.
frustrating.
ill-suited to the task.
inefficient.
........but it got the job done, eventually.
and that's good news for people who like that sort of thing.
it made me sad about my poor poor standy man, y'know?
the kitchen-aid stand-up is down to his single-purpose dough-hook derailment,
and it doesn't look good for any sort of recovery.
i get attached to things.
hell, you should see me with people.
ugh.
anyway,
wand mixer whisks are NOT what i'd recommend as a substitute,
unless you're lookin' to make the immediate area a sticky mess in a hurry.
ummmmm, yea.
that's what happens, but that's not cool.
***********
tomorrow is the big day.
one of the best.
definitely in the big three.
and i'm ready, if lonely, for a celebration.
i've got tattoos to do,
i've got treats to eat,
and i've got a hot, steamy date, too, kids.
yup.
i'm about to make out and go down on a real saucy piece.
what?
oh, c'mon.
don't be dumb.
it's valentine's day, bro.
i'm not about to miss out on romantic hottness just because i'm going solo.
no way.
it's a predestined full-on grope-session with one exxxxtra-large pizza pie.
mmmhmmm.
nobody ever accused me of not knowing how to get freaky-diki,
and i'm gonna stuff that crust full of love.
or daiya vegan chee'.
whichever is on hand.
(just sayin', i made sure to get the chee')
it's all happening.
unexpected but predictable turns of events,
and turns of phrase,
and turns of coats.
the days progress, and time marches forward,
while i do the same sh!t throughout all of it.
i've got a job to do, and this is IT;
never quiet, never soft.....

LITTLE NEWLIES!

y'all remember the adventures of pete and pete?
i do.
i was a little old to be watching it;
except, it was a F*ing awesome show,
and avoiding experiences because i'm too old for them is NOT really my thing.
i'm going to remain young at heart, young at work, young til i die, etc etc.....
but, getting back to those two petes-
i have always remembered one episode,where pink eye eats fig newlies.
most (some) of us have had fig newtons,
but the casual mention, with no preamble, of fig newlies,
always struck me as genius.
i have been saying it for literal decades since.
yesterday, whilst cleaning up a bit,
i found a bag of sun-dried figs,
and voila!
fig newlies were being broadcast from my brain immediately.
i rolled some pastry dough,
i rolled some cocoa into some of it,
some dried strawberry into some more of it,
and i popped open a small jar of vanilla chestnut cream.
mmmmhmmmm.
pureed cooked chestnut paste, with vanilla bean.
what was the result?
one really rockin'-good galette,
or,
as it will be rememered hereabouts-
the GREAT BIG FIG NEWLIE!
teleport:

so simple, but so good.
the oven was already super-hot from fresh bread baking.
therefore, it was just a matter of assembly.
i had plenty of pastry dough,
and the other bits were basically already ready.
chestnut cream on the bottom,
sliced fried figs on top,
and twenty something minutes in the oven at 410℉.
that's no joke all it took.
and it tastes fabulous.
for realsies.
it was a giant confidence builder, honestly.
like, there's so little going on, for something that wholly has got it going on-
and even though it's looking sexxxy as hell,
if we're telling the truth,
there's just a bunch of brown blops inside of it.
ha!
***********
the days are flying by, despite being packed ot the brim with activity.
that's good news.
the nights, tho.
those jauns are dragginnnnnnnng.
it turns out, while i'm not a social creature by design,
i need the comfort and companionship of a capable communicator by my side.
soon enough, but not soon enough,
the woodsly goodness will have the woman i like most
back in the wintry embrace of this mountainous vale.
until then,
it's tarts instead of tarts,
and noods instead of nudes.
i'll take all i can until i get what i want.
that's the only option i can live with,
so i'm living without, until we're reunited.
another 'nother night will pass, and another, and so on,
until eventually,
the preferable routine is set aright.
it's happening, slowly,
but times is moving forward regardless;
never quiet, never soft.....

RADISH HEARTS!

the center of a radish is probably called it's heart, right?
i mean, grocery stores sell palm hearts, artichoke hearts, celery hearts-
radishes must have 'em, too.
maybe not.
i don't actually think that matters, if i'm being completely honest,
especially if you're making hearts out of radishes.
any radish part should work, i'm thinking.
the watermelon radish i used got pinker and better, albeit much spicier,
as i sliced up towards the top half,
and it was just perfect for my dinner plans.
i am into that sort of thing.
yeah, i am.
i like all that february lovey-dovin' heart-attack sh!t,
even if it's just a cutesy accent to my hot hot hot fire noodle soup bowl..
uh-huh.
...and while i'm talking about that-
i also happen to really love noodles.
i don't know about you,
but for as much i'm into pasta pretty hard, and i am into pasta pretty flippin' hard-
i still seem to steer towards asian-inspired noodles far more often.
maybe it's because i like a combination of fresh veg crunch,
and sharp vinegar,
and sweet and salty and that ooooh-mommy umami for my face?
i dunno why exactly, i just know for sure that i got fresh as F*
on some mushroom mirchi broth, with dried red chilis,
and charred cabbage, carrot, celery, and onion,
plus a whole buttload of fresh minced ginger and garlic!
THAT'S what's poppin',
but that's only half of it.
some sam raimi noodles, some homemade seitan strips,
crisp veggies and sprouts, sprankles,
and totally rad radish hearts.
yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
check the teleport:

Y'BOI!!
there's serious excavation work to be performed
when you're munching up a big bowl of hottness like this.
i'm tellin' you.
AVO-F*ING-CADO with black pepper?
that's tight.
pea shoots and cilantro purple cabbage and purple carrots and mung sprouts?
woooooooooord up. that's crawnchy!
and those grilled brussies?
c'mon, bro. we call that expert around here.
the seitan was a good call. i had some left, and i seared it with GPOP,
and splashed it with soy, and called it ready.
it's an exxxtra step towards being awesome, and i loooooved it.
ramens are pretty straighhtforward.
y'boil 'em for three minutes. DAS IT.
the broth, though, was straight-up fire, and it had liquid lava and molten magma
ready to rock my socks right off.
-
*
MUSHROOM MIRCHI SOUP!
-
in a larger small saucepot (y'know the one), heat a tablespoon of sesame oil,
and toss in:
1 cup chopped cabbage;
1/2 diced small onion;
1 cut-up carrot;
2 stalks minced celery;
-
now, you could first cook a whole mess of mushrooms in the oil,
before you add the cabbage an' that,
but, then they get kinda bummery and gross, and that's not cool.
bite the bullet and dirty another pan
(i also grilled the brussies and seared the seitan in the same second pan)
and thoroughly brown a cup of quartered mushrooms.
i don't care what kind, you shouldn't either;
-
add those well-done caps, and a teaspoon of mirchi powder-
or make your own, it's a combo of all of this:
paprika, all the crushed dried chilis you've got around,
cumin, cardamom, anise, black peps, cinnamon, Garlic Powder Onion Powder,
dried ginger, and crushed red pepper.
damn.
or you could go get some- it doesn't make you a bad person, i'll allow it this once.
ha!
anyway,
2 cloves of sliced garlic, a tablespoon of skin-on organic ginger, macerated,
that mirchi, a dash of ground mustard, pink salt,
2 tablespoons of rice wine vinegar;
2 tablespoons of soy sauce;
and 1 1/2 cups warm water.
boil it, reduce the heat, simmer it until it looks murky and smells magical,
and then get ready to exxxplode with flavors, dudes.
-
serve it up however you'd like.
i go for prettiness every time, but that's just me.
the cookie-cut radish hearts were actually not the mos delicious thing about this meal,
but they were far and away the most adorable.
that's a fair trade.
*
ANYway,
dinner tastes great, but it feels like a bummer when you're eating all alone.
it's funny in a not-ha-ha way that a year of almost always munching my meals by my lonesome
was no big deal,
but a week of going solo after months of good company and conversation seems like
an actual age of man has passed.
like, we're using bronze, and not hunting mammoths with flint spears anymore.
jeez.
valentine's day is coming right up.
i still love it so much,
even if this one wants to be a real mutherF* of a bummer.
i won't let it get me down, though.
nope.
i'll be wearing red,
and buying flowers,
and eating chocolates,
and i might even get crabtree a lil cupid arrow,
and shoot him right in his dumb face with it.
awwwwwwwww.
the times are tough around here this month,
the nights are implausibly long and the days re impossibly packed.
it's ALL really happening,
and it's starting to catch up with me.
that will NOT stop me from rocking out on the big day,
or doing little bits beforehand to get ready, either.
i'm choosing to keep a Positive Mental Attitude.
if i could get through the drunken garter tattoo i did yesterday,
i can mos likely get through almost anything.
damn.
hours of movie-check grinding had to happen,
and now,
movie-check spending can commence.
it's a trade. somewhat unfair, but the only free-market i'm welcome in.
time for time for dollars for sense, cents, and scents.
this is it,
and it's all leading up to cupcakes and lace and sh!t;
never quiet, never soft.....

HEART TART!

two kinds of dough, four kinds of berries, one mission-
to be adorable.
hello there, neighbors!
i dropped a whole mess of time into my morning treat-making yesterday,
but it was SO worth it,
i almost didn't mind that i F*ing missed out on national pizza day.
can you believe it?
like,
that's bush-league amateur-hour laughable bullsh!t.
this tart had better be some sort of wonderful to soothe and sweeten my sour grapes.
awwwwww.
haha.
guys,
i actually chose to go pizza-less.
i did.
after half of my fresh-baked tart,
and half a big bag of swedish-style miniature candy fish,
i figured my penance for such poor decision-making was to forego pizza,
and replace it with penitence.
i know what you're thinking-
too much is the right amount.
you're right.
and i had already had much too much of everything.
besides,
a tart like this is not for every day making,
but pizza certainly can be.
don't believe me?
that's fine. see for yourself:

BLACK AND BLUE AND STRAW AND RASPBERRIES!!!!
c'mon, dudes.
with that pink sugar cookie dough, AND my custom big-crystal sweet pastry jauns, too?
hell yeah!
you want all the makery details, don't you?
ah, i see.
well then, here you go:
-
*
PASTRY DOUGH!
-
in a food processor,
combine:
3 T demerara sugar;
1/4 tsp salt;
2 1/4 cups a.p. flour;
11 T nearly-frozen vegan butterish;
3 T vegan creamchee';
1 tsp vanilla-
pulse your processor,
and add in very cold non-dairy milk, 1 T at a time,
until the dough clumps together, barely, when squeezed.
wrap it in plastic, and chill it for at least an hour (more is better, obvi).
-
ok......moving on,
when you're ready to get serious about tartin' around-
preheat your oven to 410℉, and use the convection if you're fancy like that.
here's the recipe for the pink dough.
now, you're gonna need that filling:
-
*
BERRY THEM ALIVE!
-
i got myself a frozen pound of mixed whole berries.
how easy was that?
i like the frozen ones for these applications, because their little bodies
have all been transformed by exploding their wet cells in those icy temps.
that helps them become a pectin puddle as they defrost.
i think. i mean, i'm not a scientist.
anyway,
in a biggish small saucepot, on low heat,
combine those with-
1 tsp vanilla;
1 tsp lemon extract;
1 tsp lemon zest;
1/4 cup powdered sugar;
3 T vega creamchee'.
once that's been stirred and slurried,
remove a tablespoon or two of the juice,
and add 1 T organic non-GMO cornstarch, stir it well,
add it back in,
and turn up the heat until it thickens,
which happens quickly, so pay attention.
let that cool off, so it doesn't melt your pastry.
...i put mine whole pot on a snowbank outside in the frigid sub-freezing temperature,
and it was cooled pretty flippin' quickly. no surprise there.
-
ok.
roll out your double-dose of dough on a floured surface,
and put 'em in the pan of your choice.
i used a tart pan because i HAVE a tart pan.
makes sense to me, no?
yeah.
i got medium-level fancy with the decorations because i prefer kyoot treats.
time was tight, and work was waiting,
and i STILL had my damned dumb dirty dog, crabtree,
to walk through the feet of driven snow in the woods,
which he is recalcitrant about on the best days (this was not one of those)
friends,
i am a very emotionally in-touch and sensitive man;
i make tarts with two kinds of dough.
i drag my bullish bull-headed shark-bullet bull terrier all across
this arctic winterscape because he needs exercise, whether he wants it or not,
and i am not ashamed to say i enjoy the holy livin' ever-lovin' heck out of a pretty little pie.
that's real.
i baked this little bad baby b!tch for about half an hour...
i don;t know exxxactly how long because i was doing twenty-hundred things at once,
and forgot to set the timer on the oven.
it's at least twenty minutes, though, for sure.
if it looks good, it's good.
you'll figure it out.
i believe in you.
a little powdered sugar,
and no self-control.
those were the final touches,
to be rectified later by abstaining from a pizza pig-out.
***********
is it a snow day, again?
bro, it might be.
i've got two loaves' worth of sourdough on a preliminary bulk rise on the counter.
i've got a second cup of hot tea steeping on the table.
i've got about thirty minutes of organizing to do before my day really gets started.
saturdays aren't any different than any other day when you work all seven.
that's the truth.
so, today is the day, just like every day,
and i'm making decisions that should lead to positive outcomes.
thoughtful, introspective, considerate, calculated cause-and-effective
intentional direct active participation.
that's what i've got.
y'know what else i've got?
that P.M.A.
yup,
and it's a bad brains kind of day,
so it could be an ital kind of night.
it's ALL really happening,
and that's the whole point;
never quiet, never soft.....

MENTAL FRUIT!

lentil soup is what you need in your face right now!
mmmmm.
dudes,
i sure do love to slurp and sip and sup on some superior soup.
that's no joke.
i go hard with my soup game, too.
i mean,
i sorta have to-
otherwise it's just veggies taking a hot bath for a long time,
and that can be some insipid and tepid weak sauce,
especially when it's made without the right attitude.
do you even know what i'm sayin'?
no?
ok, hold on-
i'm sayin': too much is the right amount.
and THAT'S how you make soup into something expert, man.
lentil soup is great.
especially if you use more than one kind of lentil.
see?
MORE is better, bro.
i had some snowy-and-cold-outside-but-hot-af-inside-style goodness;
and even better, i whipped it up in no time flat.
check out what i made:

SOUPA-DUPA FLYYYYY!!!!
holy sh!t, a good soup is surely something to celebrate.
this one has some big body to it,
and that's a good thing when you're shivering form snow shoveling.
seriously.
plus,
there's that toast for dippin', and that's F*ing great news.
for realsies-
good bread makes better people,
and from-scratch fresh-baked burly bread only elevates, activates,
and upgrades a hearty bowl of hottness.
-
do you see those sweet potato hunks?
yeah.
they're delicious.
how about those blackened sweet baby tomatoes?
yup.
also delicious.
arugula?
c'mon, man- you get it by now-
MORE textures, flavors, and colors is forever the better choice.
parsley and scallion sprankles make sure we adhere to the plan.
uh-huh.
rules is rules, buddy, and little spritzies like that are mandatory.
okay, kids,
that's all there is to prettifying the surface-
but what about the whole potful of simmered sustenance?
oh, don't fret.
i'm gonna hit you with the play-by-play right about now-
-
*
DOUBLE LENTIL TOMATO SOUP!!
-
do you have a big pot?
go get it,
and add 4 tablespoons of olive oil to it,
and set it up on high heat.
next, mince a sweet onion, and toss it in there;
add an orange carrot and a yellow carrot, for exxxtra prettiness, each bias cut and halved;
a cup and a half of chopped cabbage, tossed in, and tossed around to char a bit in the oil;
let those brown a little, then add:
2 stalks diced celery;
2 cloves sliced garlic;
shake it up, and saute it all for five more minutes,
then add:
3 T red wine vinegar;
1 1/2 tsp ea. thyme, sage, dried parsley;
1 tsp ground mustard;
1/2 tsp crushed rosemary;
1 T ea GPOP (1 T both Garlic and Onion Powders) and 1 T crushed red pepper flakes;
a punch of nootch;
33 full craxxx of black pepper,
1/2 tsp pink salt;
1/4 chopped skin-on sweet potato.
turn the heat down to medium, and let that all steam and sizzle,
then stir in:
1/2 cup red lentils, and saute for five minutes,
then pour in:
1 15oz can rinsed drained green lentils, or 1 cup uncooked green lentils;
2 cups crushed tomatoes;
8 cups water;
2 tsp better-than-bouillon soup base;
2 T soy sauce;
4 shakes of liquid smoke.
-
bring it back up to a boil, turn the heat down to low,
and go F* off somewhere else for a bit.
you'll know when it's ready when your whole house smells incredible,
or if you used dry jauns? when they're soft, obvi.
could that be simpler?
yeah.
but would it be as good?
unlikely.
guys, i really well and truly love a big, fancy, complete pot of one-shot nutrition.
and that's exxxactly what this is.
-
the bread, freshly-baked in the morning and toasted up in the evening
was just what this meal called for.
and the call was answered by some dense oatmeal sourdough.
i'm a fan of homemade goodness, which, by now, if you've been reading along,
you'll have had hammered against your head over and over.
i repeat myself.
that's sort of my thing.
i'll be repeating this meal, to some extent, again, as well.
neighbors,
never-the-same-way-twice-soup is how you're supposed to do it.
in fact,
if you followed this to the letter, i'd almost be disappointed in you.
on the ones,
y'all should know by now that i'm not the authority on how to do anything.
i do a lot of everything,
but i'm basically making it up as i go.
and if i can do that, anybody can do that.
i'm not special, i'm just determined not to eat ugly food.
that's a subclause in my mission statement.
yup.
just be dope, or F* right off.
that's the simplest format.
try hard, (then try even harder);
pay attention, (then look even closer to the details);
and know stuff, (because it's all got some value in it somewhere,
and nobody but a stoopidhead ever thinks it's okay to remain ignorant).
...those are the components.
then,
playing to my strengths as a means of mitigating my weaknesses,
there's this old saw:
stay ugly, stay dope.
one is nature, (and nature wins),
the other is choice (which can sometimes tie).
we get what get, but we do what we do,
and logically, what we do becomes who we are.
nobody is as ugly as a handsome purposeless piece of sh!t.
real talk.
lastly,
the trickle-down dinnertime mantra goes thusly:
stay ugly, eat beautiful.
we are what we eat,
and i'm planning on being an absolutely gorgeous glowing god's eye from within.
any day now, i'm sure that'll take root, and bloom through my essence.
suuuuuuuure
in the meantime, i'm eating with my eyes first.
but then i'm eating like a raging savage starved stormswept fenrir,
and i'll devour every last morsel,
especially if it's radical magical nutritive vegan boomfire hottness fresh
from the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress test kitchen laboratory.
anything less is a misappropriated resource;
never quiet, never soft.....