Wednesday, February 7


i can't get enough of those dried berries.
i mean it.
i want to eat all of them, all the time,
and the only thing stopping me is the desire to constantly create new things
which may require restraint in the munchin' up of those berries,
as they DO go so well with all of this month's first half heart theme.
i made a cake.
no surprise there.
but, this one had red heart sugar cookies on top,
AND coconut AND dried strawberries inside of it.
and even better,
it was a decadently and richly crumbed concoction that begged to be eaten in huge slices.
which is exxxactly what i did, too.
check the teleport:

isn't she pretty??!
cute is where i'm headed,
adorable is what i'm after,
sweet is who i am, man.
that's IT.
what's so good about it?
oh, y'know- EVERYthing.

before i spread the wealth with a recipe for this one,
i have a little bit of bad news, too-
my stand mixer totally is totally shredded.

like, the mixing components are twisted metal,
imbedded into the dough hook with shrapnel and everything-
due, no doubt,
to the ridiculously large number of loaves and pizzas i've kneaded
over and over and over, especially during these last few years.
to be fair, it is 14 years old, and it did serve me well.
it needs all new guts, guys, and that's an operation i won't be performing.
you want surgically sexxxy frosting?
i'm your dude.
but, if it's fixing things you're after?
well, i break things, and i make things, but i don't repair nuthin'.
so while i wait for my newer, bigger, burlier model,
i'm gonna be whisking by hand,
so my frosting situation may be lacking for a week or so.
so, here's how to make the magic in cake form:'-
preheat the oven to 365℉
in a medium mixing bowl, using a pastry cutter, cream together:
1/2 cup brown sugar;
1/4 cup powdered sugar;
1 tsp vanilla;
1 tsp coconut extract;
1/2 tsp salt;
1/2 cup unsweetened medium flake coconut;
1 stick vegan butter.
with a fat spatula, stir in:
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce.
next, add:
2 cups a.p. flour.
1/3 cup crushed freeze dried strawberries;
1 tsp ea. baking powpow and soda.
stir in:
3/4 cup non-dairy milk (carton coconut, ideally, or soy or almond work, too)
spread it into a 9" greased springform, and bake for 35ish minutes.
what you get is a knobbly, chunky, moist, rich, sweet, amazing crumble cake.
when it's cool,
decorate it however you'd like,
but i opted to activate some snappy red heart sugar cookies.
that's because too much is the right amount,
and extra cookie balking is good for you.
in a bowl, cut together:
1/2 cup brown sugar;
1/2 tsp vanilla;
1 cup flour;
6 T vegan butter, depending on how crumbly your dough gets.
red food coloring. you need a LOT of the vegan stuff, be warned.
pinch of salt;
* optionally, you can add 2 T agave, if it IS dry af.
roll it all around until it's completely combined into a pink greasy ball,.
and roll it out on a floured surface to 1/4" thickness.
you can see i used two different heart cutters,
because i prefer for there to be MORE awesomeness rather than less.
from there. you just bake 'em on a tray, evenly spaced, for like, ten minutes.
then you'll have crispy, buttery, sugary lil hearts for crunchin' on.
i still have dough, too, so i can fire up some more as the mood takes me.
and i suspect it will sooner than later.
luckily, i still had some strawberry frosting hanging out to glue those hearts in place.
that's why i overdo everything.
y'never know when you'll need MORE.
i just presume to always be in need of exxtra, and see where that takes me.
in this case, i went straight to the office of mayor of best caketown
...maybe that's not a thing, but it felt like it.
.....and yes, i did dust up on some powdered sugar sprankles,
because rules is rules after all,
and it is those little somethin' exxxtras that make these treats so special.
that's real.
i hope you like it.
i know i do.
i ate a whole lot of it already, and i'm excited to go to work,
if only so i can scoop up another 'nother slice.
it's supposedly a snow day.
i suspect it is going to be a snow half-day, as it hasn't started yet.
crabtree, in his perpetually helpful disposition,
somehow tangled his leash under the rear brake light housing on my car,
and broke the pins that hold it in place right the F* OFF.
ummmmm, yeah.
i'm SURE that's not inexpensive.
and driving with tape on your car to hold pieces in place?
that's what poor people do.
and that's just not acceptable, neighbors.
i am nonplussed at the circumstantial trials that slip into my daily life.
like, HOW does that happen?
happily, i've got some maintenance scheduled for tomorrow morning,
and with any luck, they can fix it up all nicey-nice.....
for what i'm sure will be a wholly unreasonable price.
thanks, dog.
you're very helpful.
it's ALL really happening,
and if it was all always easy,
i bet nobody would appreciate the little glimmers and glimpses of goodness
that get scattered into every stretch of cold, dark, sh!tty-A* wintertime.
i guess this P.M.A. is destined to get tested at every turn.
another expense?
a broken mixer?
bitter, brutal, butt-numbing cold?
bring it on.
no lovely, funny, tasty girlyfriend to keep me warm?
if there's ever been a Positive Mental Attitude adjustment working for me,
now is when it gets put to the test.
and again and again.
resolve is designed to be stressed and second-guessed.
otherwise, is it even resolve, or something else?
this is it, and it just be's like that;
never quiet, never soft.....

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